Brandi Love: Cersei Lannister

Quotes 

• Cersei Lannister : Varys, I need to get fucked.

  Varys : [exposing his penis]  Well, why didn't you say so?

  Cersei Lannister : [taken aback by his size]  I thought you were a eunuch.

  Varys : Well, if I didn't keep this a secret, I wouldn't get any work done.

• Varys : My queen. To what do I owe the honor of this visit?

  Cersei Lannister : My husband is thankfully dead, my brother captured by some sort of mute half-man/half-woman beast. And my son... my son needs to be kicked in the balls at least a dozen times.

  Varys : Well, surely it can't be as bad as all that.

  Cersei Lannister : Now the people are uprising because Stark is dead and Arya, that asexual cunt, is missing. And, of course, there's that dragon bitch in Tarth. Dragons? Really?

  Varys : Well, dragons are the "in" thing these days.

  Cersei Lannister : And I can't remember half of the characters because all of their names sound the same.

  Varys : Not mine.

  Cersei Lannister : And we keep hearing "winter is coming." Can these people say anything else, ever?

• Cersei Lannister : And my midget brother just married Sansa Stark. Sansa? Even I can't stand her, and now she's part of the family? Can you imagine all those Christmas dinners? What were we thinking?

  Varys : What the fuck is Christmas?