The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (2015– )
Jon Stewart: Self, Self - Guest, Self - Balanced Host and Commentator, Self - Central Park Umpire
Quotes
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Jon Stewart : [after Stephen tells him who the 2016 Republican presidential candidate is] The guy from "The Apprentice"?
Stephen Colbert : Yep.
Jon Stewart : The guy who did a McDonald's commercial with the Grimace.
Stephen Colbert : Same guy.
Jon Stewart : The guy who filed for bankruptcy in 1991.
Stephen Colbert : And '92.
Jon Stewart : And 2004.
Stephen Colbert : And 2009.
Jon Stewart : THAT guy.
Stephen Colbert : Yes.
Jon Stewart : Mike Tyson's business advisor. That guy.
Stephen Colbert : Indeed. Same guy.
Jon Stewart : The guy whose eyes look like tiny versions of his mouth.
Stephen Colbert : Yes. The guy who looks like an angry Creamsicle.
Jon Stewart : Decomposing jack-o'-lantern.
Stephen Colbert : Human-toupee hybrid.
Jon Stewart : That guy.
Stephen Colbert : Yes.
Jon Stewart : A guy who looks like he's actually wearing a Donald Trump costume. That guy.
Stephen Colbert : Yes. A loose-fitting one, at that.
Jon Stewart : The guy who wrote, and I quote, "oftentimes, when I was sleeping with one of the top women in the world, I would say to myself, can you believe what I am getting?" That guy.
Stephen Colbert : Yes. The same guy who said, and I quote, "I have black guys counting my money. I hate it. The only guys I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes all day."
Jon Stewart : That guy.
Stephen Colbert : Yes, that guy.
Jon Stewart : By the way, we wear them all night, too.
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Jon Stewart : The old Jon Stewart talked about politics and things like that. Me, I don't... Jeb Bush will be a great nominee. Everything will be fine.
Stephen Colbert : Jon, it's not Jeb. I'm gonna tell you who the candidate is.
Jon Stewart : Before you tell me, though, I'm a little parched. If I may.
Stephen Colbert : Oh, you want to take a little tea in your mouth?
Jon Stewart : Just a little something, just to wet the whistle before you tell me the nominee. So, before you say the name, if you don't mind, I wouldn't mind bringing liquid into my...
Stephen Colbert : Because you presently don't know who it is.
Jon Stewart : And I don't have any liquid in my facehole. So I'd just like to, if I may.
Stephen Colbert : Yeah, sure.
Jon Stewart : OK.
[drinks from cup]
Stephen Colbert : It's Donald Trump.
Jon Stewart : [spit-takes all over Stephen] WHAT?
