Squirrel: Are we ever going to be better than this?
James: You're not a real man until you're 27.
Sophie: Hey, you know, this party is looking a little stiff, Cole.
Cole: So what are you saying? I need to amp it up?
Sophie: You can try, but this crowd doesn't dance before Midnight.
Cole: Okay. Rocking a party, step one. So it's the DJ's job to get the crowd out of their heads, and into their bodies. So in order to do that, you need, at the very least a caveman's sense of rhythm, a cursory knowledge of mathematics, and the broad strokes of ninth grade biology. For example, the baseline controls this region of the body right here.
[Buttocks, thighs, and navel region shown]
Cole: The most important region.
[Sophie rolls her eyes]
Cole: There is always going to be resistance so you gotta be patient. Look for that one person who's not afraid to just go for it.
[Sophie backs rhythmically into the the dance floor area of resistance]
Cole: Next you want to zero in on their heartbeats. I like to start'em off at about 120 beats per minute. That's equivalent to the heartbeat of a long-distant runner. You see BPM is the name of the game. It governs how your body moves. For example, reggae is slow, about 60 BPM. Dubstep is actually 140 BPM cut to half speed. It ends up being about 70 BPM. House is around 110 to 130 BPM. Then there is hardcore. Not sure how you dance to that. Once you've locked on to their heart rate, you start bringing them up song by song. There's a popular myth that 128 beats per minute is the rate that synergizes most with your heartbeat. That's the magic number. Once you've gotten your crowd there, you're controlling their entire circulatory system.
Cole: So when you guys jerk each other off, do you take turns or is it a simultaneous thing?
James: Oh, I'm a loser? Says the guy with drug dealer friends and no car.
Cole: [narration, last lines] These days, you can invent an app, start a blog, sell shit online. But if you're a DJ, you're gonna need to star with one track. And if it's real enough... and honest enough... And if it's made of everything that's made you... where you come from... who you knew... your history... then you may have a chance a connecting with everyone else. And maybe that's your ticket. To everything. Don't fuck with me, I'm in a good mood. I'm here to inquire about a free piece of pie that was advertised. Oh, well, I believe that offer's only on Thursdays? But I mean... I could make an exception, I guess. This is the best part. The best part of anything really. It's the moment before it starts.
James: You sound like an asshole, all that was missing was a hashtag.