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  • Ladies, this one is for you. Some of you may have suspected it all along, but this film confirms God is a chauvinist pig (well, the clues were all there, come to think of it). Luckily - but unbeknownst to most - God also has a daughter, and she's had enough of her mean-spirited, bad-tempered Father and is about to teach Him a lesson.

    With the help of her brother (yes, THAT brother) and a somewhat unorthodox band of newly appointed disciples, she's determined to make her own mark on the universe. Needless to say, God's having none of it and tries to do everything in His - considerable - power to stop His rebellious daughter from undoing everything He's worked so hard for.

    This hilarious satire is a firework of inspired ideas and just a blast from start to finish. I highly recommend it to anyone who loves intelligent, absurdist comedy in the vein of 'Life of Brian' or 'South Park' and doesn't get easily offended. 8 stars out of 10.

    In case you're interested in more underrated masterpieces, here's a list with some of my favorites:

    imdb.com/list/ls070242495
  • Warning: Spoilers
    Jaco Van Dormael started his career as circus clown. This has given him a good feel for timing and bringing out the humour in every day life. As is traditional with clowns not everything is nice and jolly - there are also dark moments and sadness. These moments have been present in his past movies, so it comes as no surprise that this movie has some very dark moments, moments were you ask yourself, if you should really laugh at what you see, where you can feel offended. This is where the spoiler comes in form of a warning:

    Start Spoiler. If you are offended by someone making fun of topics like child abuse, bestiality, voyeurism and religion avoid this movie. If you think that religion is a hoot and should be ridiculed and can laugh at how bizarre life can get - you will be entertained. End Spoiler.

    Some motives in this movie will make the laughter get stuck in your throat. At other times you will just laugh at how ridiculous some of the scenes are. This is where the strength of the movie lies: It takes everything as it is, makes fun of it, but is in general respectful of the life choices of its characters (the exception being where the villain of the movie is concerned). Is this a meaningful movie? Well it is a satire and in the business of poking fun, don't expect too much. The main purpose of a clown show is to entertain not to make you think overly much, the same goes for the movie. The basic message of the movie is one of tolerance and acceptance and is pretty much in plain sight throughout.

    The acting is great even in the very silly moments, of which there are plenty. The music is mainly classics but suits the movie well. The settings, costumes and effects work - especially in the bits that are deliberately badly made, it adds to the humour.

    So overall, just relax & try to not get offended, laugh along and you will have a good time.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    It's a question we've all asked ourselves at one stage or another: what if God were Belgian?

    On the first day, He created Brussels. Shortly after, He created a geeky-looking Adam and a voluptuous Eve (it is noticeable that whereas all the men in this film are homely sorts, many of the women are very attractive). One thing led to another, and Adam and Eve duly begat humanity. After that God retired to a flat with his wife (a goddess in her own right but now more interested in her baseball card collection) and their daughter Ea. But He is a vengeful god and after one parental beating too many Ea downloads from His computer to people's mobile telephones the exact duration of their remaining life. She then runs away (to Brussels, naturally) with the intention of creating her own Testament, for which she'll need some Apostles. The film features God's hapless efforts in Brussels to find Ea (without identity papers, He is suspected of being an illegal immigrant), as well as the various stories of Ea's Apostles (she chooses a sex addict, a beautiful yet lonely woman, a killer, a lonely man, a dissatisfied wife who finds love with a gorilla, and a young boy whose mother's over-protectiveness results in him having the least time of them all to live - just fifty days).

    As God, Benoît Poelvoorde provides a masterclass of comic timing (not to mention gurning) as he gets maced by an old woman, beaten up by a priest and fails to walk on water. Young Pili Groyne, as Ea, is streets ahead of most child actresses, giving a believable performance of an unbelievable character. In fact, there's good acting throughout - even Catherine Deneuve expands her range beyond the standard 'slightly harassed' facial expression with which she coasts through many of her films.

    While I didn't find this film as laugh-out-loud as many of those in the cinema did, there's no denying it is funny - and shows the Belgians as having an almost British-like sense of self-mockery. I can't give higher praise than that!
  • Warning: Spoilers
    Suppose God was not good, but evil. Suppose he spent his days inventing laws to make our lives difficult and miserable. Laws like: 'The queue next to yours will always go faster'. Or: 'A slice of bread will always fall to the floor with the buttered side down'. Suppose he lived in a filthy apartment, drank lots of beer and snorted during his sleep.   This is the blasphemous assumption 'Le tout nouveau testament' is based on. This extremely imaginative film turns the Bible inside out and puts it upside down. God is married to a dim-witted goddess, and has a young daughter who decides to expand the number of apostles from twelve to eighteen, because that is the number of players in a baseball game.

    During the film, she finds six extra apostles, each of whom has some peculiarity. One is extremely beautiful but has only one arm, another one is sex obsessed since his early childhood, and one (played by Catherine Deneuve) is trading in her husband for a gorilla from the zoo. There are clearly no taboos for director Jaco Van Dormael.

    His style of film making is related to that of Wes Anderson or Jean-Pierre Jeunet. Van Dormael is not concerned about reality, but creates a sort of magical world where anything is possible. He fills this world to the rim with visual gags and cinematographic pleasantries.

    The problem I had with the film is that the fun and the jokes, as imaginative and creative as they are, become a bit tiresome after you realize the story behind it all is really very thin. In Wes Anderson's films, every funny element has a purpose and is part of a bigger picture. In Van Dormael's films, the point of the jokes is frequently lost. Just like in his other film 'Mr Nobody', this movie suffers from a multitude of ideas and a lack of focus. Some ideas are wonderfully poetic (being able to change the colour and pattern of the sky like a computer screen), but some are just easy slapstick (God falling into a canal because he's not able to walk on water like his daughter).

    The lack of a good story becomes clear at the ending. It seems as if Van Dormael didn't know what to do after the six extra apostles have been found. The result is a bizarre scene, which is contrary to some earlier developments.

    My assessment of this film is mixed: it contains some highly creative film making, which is a joy to watch, but too frequently the creativity spins out of control.
  • mvd-18 November 2015
    This movie evokes the mythological dream-state that movies like Amélie, Big Fish and the Fifth Element represent as well. It has many layers of meaning and holds a great tension between desperation and hope, comedy and drama. It quotes other masterpieces and in doing so, adds value. It is a typical European movie, like Amélie and the Fifth Element are. It is intellectual, cynical and absurdest in a way that can easily be understood as blasphemy, irrationality or confrontational. In Amsterdam the audience applauded after the screening and I will see this movie many times, just to be able to switch between awe and analysis. The actors are well casted. Benoît Poelvoorde has a field day as the narrow- minded, unhappy patriarchal god, the revolting daughter by Pili Groyne is of heart warming simplicity and Catherine Deneuve gives a powerful and naughty rendition of Belle and the Beast. Highly recommended if you are willing to suspend your disbelief and be an enchanted child again..
  • Denoument3 September 2015
    I've just seen the film at the "avant-première" here in Paris. I really wanted to like it as I have great respect for everybody involved and I really loved the premise. First off, the actors are great, hats off to the younger cast. They held their ground until the last scene, but that loss of believability has much more to do with the script and directing as the ending felt artificial and rushed. Now, the beginning is good but what follows, not so much. The main character is underdeveloped, thus her journey at some point becomes repetitive and even though it is visually interesting, story-wise it is boring-ish. Speaking of visuals, the fact that it reminded me of Jean-Pierre Jeunet's Amelié actually bothered me because it made everything sound out of tune - it was both too similar to be original and too different to be a good copy. There are some great ideas and good laughs, but all in all it could have been much much better. What's worse, it deserved to be.
  • This is a fantasy, black comedy. Jesus Christ's kid sister Ea is living with their dad, God, and their mum, Goddess, in a city apartment in Brussels in the present day. She is sick of God's cruel and violent ways and at age 10, puts an end to it by freezing his computer and fleeing the apartment into the city.

    Her last act before sabotaging her evil Dad is to text everyone with their date of death as her father, God, has fated it. This causes first a media storm, then great changes in the world and for individuals now certain of the imminence or otherwise of their mortality.

    It is a wild romp as young Ea sets out with a homeless man as a scribe to find another half dozen disciples to add to her big brother's twelve, and write The Brand New Testament based on details of ordinary people's lives.

    It is more whimsical and generous than blasphemous, but still, atheists will be as thrilled as believers will be enchanted, by the new apostles.

    The storytelling is exquisite; Amelie-esque might be the best description of the style. Elaborately constructed frames of short bursts of gorgeous, surreal elements pepper the action to ensure that this movie is a very rare delight.

    Gloriously inventive, coherent, hilarious, metaphysical, philosophical, big-hearted, and satisfying. This is 5 star entertainment for 15 and up.

    Andrew Bunney, Let's Go To The Pictures, Three D Radio, Adelaide
  • Warning: Spoilers
    To many, this movie will seem blasphemous, but I think God has a sense of humor. After all, he appeared as a George Burns impersonator in that movie about himself back in 1977, a wonderful story actually that everyone should take a look at.

    I thought this picture had pretty good potential starting out, particularly with those Laws of Universal Annoyance that the script writers came up with. Like #2129, the phone will ring whenever you get in the bathtub. But then, and perhaps because this was a European picture where they take religion even less seriously than we do here, the film starts hitting on all the liberal points of view as they regard one's personal view of God and relationship with the Almighty.

    For one, the God (Benoit Poelvoorde) in this picture is a reprobate, swilling beer and generally making a nuisance of himself to his family and the rest of the world with those annoying laws of his. The apostles God's daughter Ea (Pili Groyne) selects are an assortment of random misfits, which include a killer, a sex maniac, a woman (Catherine Deneuve) who established a bestial relationship with a gorilla, and a ten year old boy who wants to be a girl. Yup, just the sort of role models one would seek out if attempting to save one's soul from the hell fires of damnation.

    The one concept the story did a fairly decent job with had to do with Ea's release of the dates God had on file for when everyone in the world was going to die. In a less than absurdist film, this idea could have really been explored without the farcical elements like that guy Kevin (Gaspard Pauwels), who apparently didn't get the download that all bets were off after Mrs. God inadvertently rebooted the computer. That everyone's life would undergo some significant change if one's death could truly be known is a given, so I would have appreciated a less cynical approach. Personally, I'd like to think I was going to live forever, and in the meantime, so far, so good.
  • God exists. He lives in Brussels with his wife and daughter. God is a self-centered sadistic bully who, out of sheer boredom, created people to torture them. Most of his time he spends creating (Murphy's) laws by which the world will function, with the sole purpose to annoy, frustrate and harass humanity as much as possible, and the rest of the time he causes wars, accidents, and natural disasters. When his son tried to stop this terror and change the world for the better he ended up crucified. And now his ten-year-old daughter has had enough and she takes matters into her own hands. She runs away, appoints six apostles and writes "The Brand New Testament."

    Ea: How do you choose apostles? Jesus: Pretend like you know, no one will question you.

    This surreal and absurdist black-humorous drama deals with eternal questions of the meaning of life, death, and love. Some accuse it of trying to impress by the quasi-philosophical depth, but I disagree with that. I would not say that this film fakes anything in any way. I have the impression that Jaco Van Dormael has come up with a good idea and simply let it grow and take its course, without restrictions and censorship.

    The cast is excellent, and particularly prominent are Benoit Poelvoorde, in the role of crazed God, and young and cute Pili Groyne, who carries almost the entire movie, uniting the child's innocence and naivety with the wisdom and determination of the new messiah. Directing, cinematography and music are simply magical, and although the film has some technical shortcomings, it didn't bother me at all. I would say that some scenes pay homage to other films. I think I recognized "The Eighth Day", which also was written and directed by Jaco Van Dormael, then Kubrick's "The Shining" and Darabont's "The Shawshank Redemption", as well as several others for which I am not so sure.

    This is the official Belgian submission for the 2016 Academy Awards. Competition must have been really strong when it did not pass. If this and my recommendation are not enough for you to watch it, the fact that it was created by the same man who was responsible for "The Eighth Day" and "Mr. Nobody" should prevail.

    8,5/10
  • This takes many things that people question about reality and turn them into comedy (bread falling always on the side that has something on it instead of the other side amongst other things). The beginning really has some drive to it and it is overall a fun movie to watch. It does take its time though, especially when it comes to "choosing" people and giving us their back-story.

    The acting is good, though some of the themes will rather annoy than offend people. Whether they are atheist or religious won't matter, if you don't think it's funny. And while it's provocative, it's also sort of "respectful" in a way. Still the basic idea alone almost warrants the running time and the viewing itself.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    If director Jaco van Dormael is to be believed, God is not some incorporeal being floating in the clouds, but a sadistic man living in an apartment in Brussels with his weak-willed wife and 10-year-old daughter Ea. Even worse, it's The Old Testament God full of fire and brimstone who spends his days creating new universal laws intended to annoy people. Ea is fed up, releases everyone's dates of death and flees to the real world to find new apostles and write her own brand new testament. Yet the film contains more than just a few laughs and ends up being quite profound in a delightfully non-patronizing way.

    The film is basically split into several segments, each one devoted to one of the six new apostles Ea finds. Finding them seems to be the story's main drive, but in the end it becomes about each of their stories. They all represent certain recognizable facets of human behavior: there's the businessman who, after discovering when he'll die, realizes he's been living a lie.

    The film's filled to the brim with visual flair: when Man is created and wandering the Earth, his groin is censored. The man notices this and tries to get rid of this black bar covering his manhood, but to no avail. There's also a beautiful scene involving a severed hand dancing on a table as one of the apostles, a woman with a prosthetic arm watches (trust me, it works).

    There's great comedy strewn about this film, but some of the funniest bits involve God having trouble getting used to life on Earth. After spending so long creating sadistic rules, it's hilarious to see him get a taste of his own medicine. Funnier still is when he protests, stating that he's God which everyone dismisses as the ranting of a raving lunatic. When he's being manhandled, he hilariously says threatens that he'll give his attackers psoriasis, warts or inflict them with a permanent case of premature ejaculation.

    Not every skit holds up: the ones involving a guy tempting fate by falling off of great heights to see if he'll survive or a romance involving a gorilla wear out their welcome, but hey, when you've got a beautiful shot of someone literally embracing his own reflection, I can easily forgive. In the end, it's the film's ability to subtly convey its poetic undertones that separate it from the pack.
  • Belgian director Jaco Van Dormael enjoys instant fame from his director debut TOTO THE HERO back in 1991, THE BRAND NEW TESTAMENT is technically his fifth feature-length film if one includes his hands-only experimental work KISS & CRY (2011), which also finds a niche in the movie, but for a more mainstream audience, it is the long-waited follow up to his cult fantasy MR. NOBODY 2009.

    Judging by its name, this fantastic comedy blatantly satires the existence of God, who is played by Poelvoode in his crankiest temperament, a middle-aged man living in an apartment in Brussels, with his humble wife (Moreau), their daughter Ea (Groyne) and the absence of their son Jesus Christ (Murgia). God is testy, abusive to his wife and daughter, plays tricks to human beings through his omnipotent computer simply out of boredom. One day Ea is punished for sneaking into his office and realises what her father is doing in his office hour, she decides to play tit-for-tat, at first, she clandestinely sends the death countdown of everyone in Brussels from God's computer to everyone's cellphones, then crawls from the washing machine of their apartment to the real world for the first time and resolves to find 6 disciples (thanks to the instruction of J.C.), to write down a new testament, in order to save the world from being a plaything of the abominable God.

    Can you buy this context? It is archetype of some less intelligent lifeforms try to envision a much profound scenario (which is in every respect out of their comprehension) with their own rather narrow knowledges, to entertain themselves, so its innate drawback is the bitter taste of self- consciousness with this paradoxical situations: in one hand, it is massively pleasing to dethrone our creator from his reverential pedal, and put him in our shoes and being ridiculed to the hilt (he is actually beaten by a priest at one time), but in the other hand, one tends to be disillusioned by this self-pleasing approach, even in our widest imagination, God is so earth-bound with human-friendly technology, and living conditions, too blasé to feel thrilled.

    From the hardware department, this CGI-heavy picture looks pristine but artificial, but one cannot help but flashing a smile when sees Denueve's apostle Martine cuddling with a not-so-convincing gorilla, a knowing nod to Nagisa Oshima's MAX MON AMOUR (1986). And a revamped appendix where a Goddess to take over the power is self-pleasing to contradict the patriarchal system, but a female-friendly sky pattern or a walking with your pet fish under the sea, or swapping the gestation to male, only means something novel to experience, with no say to contend it is a better world. Still, it is a venturing project to tackle with those larger-than-life if not entirely zany propositions, most amusingly is the exposure of everyone's remaining time, turns out to be a goldmine to ridicule the vagaries of human behaviour.

    The design of Ea's six disciples is to encourage ourselves to be more communicative, to open up instead of indulging in one's own propensities, and to pursue what our hearts really crave for (a repetitive troupe of a theme song for every soul). Newcomer Pili Groyne impresses with her cherubic and precocious attributes (but how come God has a daughter only ten years old? This is a minefield Dormael refuses to elucidate); supporting players are all bigger names in French- speaking cinema, but none of them is required to perform other than their characters' formulated quirks.

    All in all, the intention behind Dormael's comedy is genial and it aims for distraction rather than religion-defiance, it is not a divine eye-opener like it advertises, but neither is a disappointing pap, it sits somewhere in between, quite comfortably.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    God exists. He lives in Brussels, and he's kind of an a*shole. He spends his days in his office, inventing laws that will spoil people's lives. Until one day, his daughter Ea releases the decease dates to everyone and escapes their flat to join the real world. The first act of this movie shows great premise. Van Dormael's surrealist style gives you the joy to watch giraffes in the streets of Brussels and chickens watching movies. All of it works. Benoit Poelvorde is hilarious as a bitter, mean old man. Then Ea escapes the apartment and everything goes wrong. After releasing the decease dates, Ea is out to write a 'Brand New Testament' and has to find six apostles for some reasons. The story goes nowhere. Ea just picks six random people to be her apostles, and meets each one of them, one after another, telling them the same story about her mean dad and her brand new testament. It gets redundant after three apostles, tiring after four, and insufferable after six. The movie has countless whimsical, beautiful scenes, but they're empty. Each characters feels like an excuse for Van Dormael to shoehorn a couple quotes and more surrealist images. None of those characters feels real for a second. It's slow and dreadfully paced. You just spend the second act begging Benoit Poelvoord to come back until he finally hears your plea shortly before the end of the movie.
  • I was looking forward for this since it was from one of my favourite directors who is a very unique storyteller. This is a fantasy and a black comedy from Belgium that was chosen to represent the country in the last Oscars. This is where the critics overtake the film fanatic to like it more. It is a theme that revolves on what would you do if you get a power to write the laws of the nature. A complicated topic, because loopholes are inevitable, but the writer and director did not care much about that and narrated the tale what they just wanted to tell.

    The story centres on an arrogant and abusive father who is also the creator the universe, especially the designer of the lives on the earth and this tale takes place in the Belgian capital, Brussels. When his bored and concerned daughter Ea, runs away from home to re-edit his creation as advised by her brother JC, he goes after her to ensure everything stay as he had planned. In an unexpected confrontation between father and daughter, in the end who is going to be victorious is the rest of the narration. Remember, there is a post credit scene, which opens the door for a possible sequel, but I don't think that'll happen.

    "Giving men knowledge of their own death... Crazy!"

    It was a beautiful concept, but I don't think I liked the entire narration, though some of the parts were very interesting. Since it was a fantasy, logics are not required, but the lack of the basic explanation was the setback if you're a broad minded. This film is for the simple minds, especially after knowing the theme you should not anticipate a genuine tale with great adventure and stunts, particularly not visual extravaganza. It was kind of a drama-adventure, something like entering the world that created by you and experiencing all by yourself the positives and negatives of it.

    Somewhat it was a fun, so definitely not a bad film, but I felt it should have been a lot more than that. Kind of a missed opportunity and falls into a simplicity. All the actors were good, especially the little girl. But I think it's not suitable for the children on the ground of a film character who is associated with sex related stuff, hence it got a few brief nudes.

    The God character was awesome, even though his acts are predictable I enjoyed the comedies delivered by him. The Ea's undertaking was more a serious and which tries to relate with the Chritianity, especially 'The Last Supper' after her decision to help a few selected people down in the earth over billions. All the above it was barely a magical film, so that's where you've to compromise than to expect crazy stuffs out of it. So in my opinion, it was not delightful as it looks nor the best work of this talented director, but a decent 2 hour long film.

    6/10
  • This is an amazing film. On the one hand, this is one of the most funny - and fun - movies I've seen, in years, with some great, memorable scenes and lines, superb acting - and very touching. In fact, this is one of a handful of movies that really, literally, made me cry (a bit, just out of emotions, it is a fun movie, not a tragic one!). My shedding few tears is actually funny also as it is related to one of the nice things in the movie - but I'll rather not spoil...

    On the other hand: the movie is very thought-provoking (and in some aspects, simply provocative, but IMHO in a good way). It brings a very fresh viewpoint on many issues, esp. domestic abuse and esp. the horrific damages that bad parenthood may cause; but there are several more serious themes (even hactivism!) - all presented in this most joyous film.

    And... acting is superb, really by all (although I think Catherine Deneuve was esp. amazing). and the film makes tribute to several classic movies... e.g. to The Truman show ...

    Don't miss it!!!!
  • Warning: Spoilers
    ... is as good a way as any to summarize this bizarre Belgian entry. It's from the same stable as Le Huitieme jour, which I enjoyed. Whilst the eighth day was more or less straightforward however the brand new testament is completely off the wall. The basic premise is that God is alive and well and living in Brussels and if it had been funded by the Brexit factor it couldn't have done a better job of encouraging England to get the hell out of Europe come the referendum. For reasons best known to himself God is a triple-distilled son of a bitch who takes a perverse delight in making people miserable. Mrs. God - the superb Yolande Moreau who is allotted far too little screen time - is a great hand at collecting baseball cards and is convinced that what the word needs now is 18 (two baseball teams) Apostles rather than the twelve with which our Lord made do so when God's daughter hacks into his computer the first thing she does is to appoint another six. And there you have it. This is one of those all-or-nothing movies, if you like it you'll love it, if you don't like it you'll loathe it. The choice is yours.
  • Le tout nouveau testament (LTNT) is Jaco Van Dormael's first new big film since the brilliant Mr. Nobody. For this he returns to his Belgian roots and makes a film about God, a grumpy, abusive middle-aged guy who lives in Brussels with his daughter and submissive wife. His daughter gets fed up and escapes to the real world. LTNT mixes self-depricating humor with drama in a visually pleasing film. The shots composition sometimes reminded me a bit of Wes Anderson's films (the dead-on shots with the character in the middle). The film is rather uplifting and lighthearted and does try to be entertainment mostly but it's not as deep or dramatic as aforementioned Mr. Nobody. Still a very good watch with great acting that should please almost anybody.
  • "The Brand New Testament" is a Comedy - Fantasy movie in which we watch God living as a human in Brussels, Belgium with his wife and daughter. His daughter does not agree with his actions believing he is doing a terrible job until she decides to change the world.

    I enjoyed this movie very much since it had a clever plot and contained plenty of funny and humorous scenes. The interpretations of Pili Groyne who played as Ea, Benoît Poelvoorde who played as Dieu and Catherine Deneuve who played as Martine were the ones that made the difference. The direction which was made by Jaco Van Dormael was very good and he connected very well his main characters while he succeeded on making the audience easily follow the story and focus on his characters. Finally, I have to say that "The Brand New Testament" is a nice movie and I highly recommend everyone to watch it.
  • The Brand new Testament (Le tout nouveau testament). Making "The Best of Fest" list, this Belgium film (French with English subtitles) breaks all the movie making rules with flying colors! When God's daughter (one rarely hears her side of the story) Ea (Pili Groyne) learns her dad is ruining the world, she speaks with her brother JC (David Murgia) about leaving her weak mom (Yolande Moreau) and running away from home like he did. With instructions on how to use the washing machine to escape, and her need to find six apostles in her travel, she rights her fathers wrongs and heads out on her own. Along her travels she comes across six individuals who know their date of death, each reacting to the news in interesting and unique ways, all the while Ea's ghost writer takes notes for "The Brand New Testament". Not since "The Truman Story" has a director (Jaco Van Dormael) been able to place the actors and audience in such an all inspiring state of misplaced reality. Along with writer Thomas Gunzig, the films intriguing twists and turns keep the audience engaged and smiling, and Catherine Deneuve appearance is a hoot.
  • God lives in an apartment in Belgium with his wife and his 10-year-old daughter Ea. God spends most of his time in ruining people's life by making weird rules. His daughter has also power and she wants to create a brand new testament. Ea sneaks inside Gods locked office and sends text messages to everyone in the world informing their scheduled dates of death. It's a film that has full of imagination and also has a dark comedy side. The concept of the movie was catchy and visually it's a wonderful film. Van Dormael does not lack the skill to pull of beautiful moments from this fantasy movie. Cinematographer, Christophe Beaucarne captures the craziness of God character superbly. Overall, I highly recommend this film to anyone who likes fantasy movies.
  • If you have a taste for strange, different kind of humor, then The Brand New Testament (Le tout nouveau testament) is for you. God lives in Brussels with his wife and 10 years old daughter, in an apartment without windows or doors. He is a bad husband and father, and spend his time having fun with his human and nature creations, creating laws and disasters. One day his daughter has access to his computer...

    It is a comedy where you have dense characters, and no one laughs, only you. You will find connection between all little elements and actions of the movie, and that is geniously amazing!

    Just go and see it!
  • God is alive and is a self obsessed bully living a slob existence in modern day Brussels. Now if that floats your boat then this may be for you. His daughter is tired of his nasty ways and decides to escape the prison her home has become and write a brand New Testament – but she will need some help.

    Now this started off being a bit dumbed down and then it got better in that it brought in some interesting ideas that could be seen as ecumenical or even existential and sets them in a quasi comic role. It also is bound to upset certain religious types in its depiction of one, white, male god who is clearly a Christian.

    Under the skin of this film though I felt that the real message was one of love being the strength of the human spirit and that is what pulled it back for me. There are some good performances but most of the comedy was of the schadenfreude ilk, and this should in no way be compared to 'The Life of Bryan' in case this has any seeming parallels. It is in French with good to OK sub titles, so if you fancy a light heated poke at deities then this may be for you
  • Warning: Spoilers
    God, a self-hating alcoholic who treats His wife with contempt, spends his time programming new rules for existence to annoy, torture and frustrate His creation - humanity.

    While His son (J.C) attempted to change to his cruel reign he failed. It is now the turn of God's daughter Ea to end Humanity's suffering - which she does by informing the world of the exact amount of time they have left to live and then returning to Earth to find 6 more Apostles and to write an all new Testament.

    Sadly, however while the premise is full of promise, the cast generally good and the cinematography OK, it is just not that funny, clever or satisfying.

    The film has energy, ideas and a certain charm but just cannot make it work it ends up a bit of a mess to be honest.

    This film has three obvious problems;

    1) Major identity problems: The film starts off in a Jean-Claude Jeunet style (think Amélie), but just not quite as clever, lacks pace and is frankly only mildly amusing.

    Sadly, the comedy becomes more infrequent and the tone switches to serious drama for certain elements, then back to comedy, some philosophical musing, a ton of sex but then decides to drown itself in the surreal. So surreal in fact that the film loses its audience (the Gorilla scenes) as the pacing gets worse and the script is thrown in the bin.

    The schizoid nature of the film ruins it - the strong narrative set up in the first 20-30 minutes of the film is thrown out of the window along with the humour.

    This film could have been a great comedy about God, existence etc, instead it just becomes an undefinable mess, not really funny, not really thought provoking and not really very entertaining.

    It ends bewilderingly with a scene that does not make any sense even within the loose rules for narrative that the film sets itself.

    2) A very hit and miss script:

    Simply put if you do not like surrealist humour then you will hate this film.

    Reflections about God, life, existence and death are treated super seriously or joked about - it has some funny observations but these are exhausted half way in and later jokes are not very amusing aside from maybe 1 or 2.

    The script is at times cringe-makingly preachy - full of pseudo intellectual/philosophical musings that go nowhere and sometimes feel like a first-year university student's drunken ramblings, for example the All New Testament scene on the beach makes light of the whole premise of the film as the Apostles laugh at their quotes - not really very funny.

    It then just becomes embarrassing (poor Deneuve and the Gorilla). The script just does not hit any nails on the head and in my opinion because the film does not know what it wants to be half of the time.

    3) An obviously limited budget: This is least of the films problems but the digital effects which are used sparingly throughout are at times awful (the starling scene for example) The end scene effects are even worse.

    Conclusion

    Overall a very disappointing, pseudo-philosophical mess of a film - not really thought-provoking or leaving the cinema-goer with any kind of message. It fails because it does have not enough budget for Jean Claude Jeunet style visuals, is not nearly as funny as say Monty's Pythons Meaning of Life or Life of Brian, nor is it surreal enough to be truly memorable. Watch on TV on a rainy day if you have nothing better to do.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    You can hardly get a better set of premises for a film than the ones of Le tout nouveau testament or The Brand New Testament by Belge director Jaco Van Dormael. Bored being, one day, God created Bruxelles (quite a fun city actually, but this is a tourist perspective, not the one of the inhabitants and certainly not the one of God). Then he moved together with his wife and daughter (his Son JC died about 2000 years ago, as we all know) in a secluded apartment, from where he controls the world by means of a PC and an Internet connection. He is quite a nasty guy, making happen to people on Earth all the unpleasant things we know about, and an abusive father, who does not allow any TV but sports in the apartment. Until the day when his pre-teen daughter decides to take revenge and run away, not before using her Father's computer to let all people on Earth know the date and time of their death. When arrived on Earth, she needs to find six extra-apostles chosen randomly from the population of the planet (or of Belgium better said). Why 6? Because 12 + 6 = 18 - the number of players in baseball, the preferred sport of Mother.

    Before you get angry on me, these are only the first 5 or 10 minutes of the story. The rest is about how these wonderful premises are being used. Director Van Dormael seems to have had two models in his mind. The first is of course the eternal masterpiece of historical satire Life of Brian. Because of the subject. The second is the eternal masterpiece of sweet feel-good movies Amelie. Because of the kid-actress Pili Groyne who is in control of all the action and all good or at least well-intentioned things that happen on screen. The result is also middle-of-the-road. Too middle-of-the-road. Because Van Dormael does not have (yet?) the daring insanity of Monty Python and because Pili Groyne is not (yet?) Audrey Tautou.

    Much of the film is spent with telling the stories of six brand new apostles, what they chose to do with the rest of their lives now that they know precisely how long it will last, and how the Brand New Testament and the team of 18 are performing better than the previous editions. As one may expect, the ending is kind of DEUS EX MACHINA.

    This sweet merry Reformation on screen is fun to follow for most of the time. Just the pleasure of seeing Catherine Deneuve in a new role (one of the apostles, no more or less) is enough reason to go and see it and there are other. Yet, director Jaco Van Dormael took a bet and partly lost it in starting from such bright ideas and producing just a nice film.
  • Warning: Spoilers
    I enjoyed every minute of this movie. I was ready to give it a 10 (which I very rarely give, my avg rating on IMDb is just around 4.0) after about 15 minutes watching, and the movie kept being excellent and hilarious right to the final credits. This movie has enough innovation inside for a dozen of movies. Literally, every minute you would see a joke or a scene which you never saw anywhere before. Like, a holographic half-eaten fish which flies above the head of the boy who started eating it - and this fish wants to go back to the sea where it came from. It goes without saying that this French movie never falls to the level of toilet jokes or anywhere near that, which plagues American movies.

    There is a lot of witty social satire. As an atheist hating religion I applaud to the bravery of the authors in their portrayal of the "evil" God, and their take on "J.C."'s role (they mean "Jesus Christ" but one of the characters, the "writer of the brand new testament", mistakenly thinks it's Jean-Claude Van Damme; btw I thought it's "J.C. Denton" from the Deus Ex computer game).

    With all the "idiocracy" going on in the world in the last decade(s) I even wonder how this movie was made at all and how they could secure funding, because it obviously would fail to monetize and could cause a PR nightmare for the authors with all that harsh satire (even outright "blasphemy") they have there.

    I love French (and Italian) movies, and this movie reinforces my respect of French cinema, and art/culture in general.

    Btw, the last scene - when the goddess takes control of the world. This seems like a happy ending but notice how she picks the flowered background for the sky from a selection. Not creating the sky, like the previous god did, but simply selecting one of the options. This is exactly how the modern world of Instagram and other similar consumer trash works: simply selecting stuff, never creating or thinking up anything by themselves. I recall an argument with a colleague back in 2010 that Instagram would never pick up because similar photo effects could easily be done in Photophop, Gimp or other editors, and with much more variety, but he argued that the fact that you can apply professionally-looking editing to any photo with 1 click would attract a lot of people because that would make them feel competent, and he turned out to be right.

    Well, that's just one of the hundreds of things I noticed in the movie. But the movie is full of other stuff, on other topics. Do yourself a favor and watch it.
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