Conchata Ferrell credited as playing...
Aunt Dorothy
- Aunt Dorothy: So what kind of godforsaken concoction are you whipping up now? You know how this fancy food clogs my pipes.
- Sarah Engel: Well how about we go to your trailer for Christmas next year, hm? And after you spending weeks decorating and cooking and cleaning, I might just waddle in and start bitching and moaning about everything you worked so hard on!
- Aunt Dorothy: Oh Sarah, you know I...
- Sarah Engel: No, Aunt Dorothy, please! For your sake, just... stay the hell out of my kitchen!
- Jordan: We know you still believe in the big fat creeper!
- Max: I don't know what you're talking about!
- Stevie: [pulls up Max's letter to Santa] Are you sure about that?
- Beth Engel: [Max tries to get his letter back; Beth stops him] Stop!
- Stevie: [reading] "Dear Santa, I know I haven't been great this year and I'm sorry for that, but I was really hoping you can help out me and my family this Christmas. We need you!" Oh, Maxi Pad. That is so s...
- Beth Engel: [stops him from getting his letter back] Stop, Max!
- Stevie: Blah blah blah. Bullshit, bullshit. Ah, here we go, Maxi's wish list!
- Beth Engel: Stevie, stop! That's enough!
- Stevie: Wait, you're up first, Beth!
- [reading]
- Stevie: "I wish me and Beth could hang out like we used to."
- [Beth turns her head to Max]
- Stevie: "Might've noticed that I don't have tons of friends."
- [she pretends to feel sorry for him and Jordan mockingly smiles]
- Stevie: Oh, no, really Max?
- [Jordan laughs and she continues reading]
- Stevie: "I wish my Mom and Dad could fall in love again."
- [Tom and Howard look at each other]
- Stevie: "I know they get upset a lot with Dad away from home so much. I think they really just miss each other."
- [Linda enters]
- Stevie: "Also, I wish things weren't so hard for Uncle Howard and Aunt Linda."
- [Stevie and Linda look at each other]
- Stevie: "So, maybe you can lend them a hand for the rest of the year."
- [turns letter around as Howard and Linda look at each other]
- Stevie: "And... and that..."
- [angrily]
- Stevie: Screw you, Dad does not wish we were boys!
- Sarah Engel: [smilingly enters with carambola] Who wants carambola?
- [Beth turns her head to Sarah and Sarah stops smiling on realizing the situation]
- Max: [angrily gets off his chair to get his letter back] Give me the letter!
- Tom: Hey! Max?
- [Max fights with Stevie and Jordan with the adults talking in the background]
- Howard: [pulls Stevie and Jordan back] All right, that's enough!
- Tom: You okay? Honey!
- Max: I just wanted Christmas to be like it used to be, but forget it! I hate Christmas! I hate all of you!
- [angrily and tearfully runs up to his room]
- Sarah Engel: Max? Max!
- Aunt Dorothy: Oh, lay off of him!
- [Max slams his bedroom door]
- Aunt Dorothy: Kid deserves a prize for telling the truth!