Tim: [about "Blackbird"] That's my special song! My parents wrote it just for me.

Boss Baby: Your parents are Lennon and McCartney?

Tim: No, Ted and Janice! You don't even know their names!

[from trailer]

[at a conference with other babies]

Boss Baby: Put... that... cookie... down! Cookies are for closers!

Tim: The people of Long Island do not know how to make an iced tea.

Tim: Can't we just share?

Boss Baby: You really didn't go to business school, did you?

Tim: [regarding Baby Corp] So this whole place is run by babies?

Boss Baby: Yep.

Tim: My dad says "Those who can, do. And those who can't, supervise."

Boss Baby: Your father is a hippie.

Tim: You can talk!

Boss Baby: Uh, goo goo ga ga.

Tim: No, you can really talk!

Boss Baby: Fine! I can talk. Now let's see if you can listen. Give me a double espresso and find a place around here with decent sushi, I'd KILL for a spicy tuna roll right about now.

[gives Tim some money]

Boss Baby: Get yourself a little somethin'.

Tim: Who ARE you?

Boss Baby: I'm the *boss*.

Boss Baby: I can't do this without you, Tim. I need you.

Tim: I guess we DO make a pretty good team.

Boss Baby: No literally... I can't reach the doorknobs.

Tim: [from trailer]

[about the baby]

Tim: Look at him! He wears a suit...

Mother: He's like a little man!

Tim: He carries a briefcase! Does no one else think that's, oh, I don't know, a little freaky?

[repeated line]

Boss Baby: Fart! Poop! Doody!

Boss Baby: [in puppy costume] I've never been so humiliated in all my LIFE.

[dog sniffs costume's bottom part]

Boss Baby: Ugh!

Dad: Look, they have a puppy pool and everything!

Mother: [sarcastically] Isn't that sanitary?

Tim: Even though I never went to business school I did learn to share in kindergarten. And if there isn't enough love for the two of us then I wanna give you all of mine.

[after the end credits; the alarm clock goes off]

Wizzie: Wake up, little halflings. It's time to leave. Go and live your peasant lives.

[the background music goes higher]

Wizzie: [flailing his arms up and down] Be gone with you!

[fade to black]

Boss Baby: Tim, I may look like a baby, but I was born all grown up.

Tim: I can't even imagine not being a kid. You missed out on your whole childhood? You never had someone to love you?

Boss Baby: [yawning] Well, you can't miss what you never had.

Tim: You can't be fired from your own family. Can you?

DadMother: [singing "Blackbird"] Blackbird singing in the dead of night / Take these broken wings and learn to fly / All your life / You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Tim: [to Boss Baby] What if you go baby again?

Boss Baby: Don't worry. I'll be fine.

[Goes into normal baby mode]

Boss Baby: Fine, fine, fine...

[Slaps]

Boss Baby: ... fine!

Dad: Meet your new baby

[in slow motion]

Dad: brother.

Adult Tim: [Opening lines]

[Narrates]

Adult Tim: [Young Tim rustles through leaves in an imaginary jungle scene] Survival of the fittest. It's the law of the jungle. There's always someone trying to take what's yours.

[a comical blue gorilla sniffs a lantern and throws it, followed by a growl]

Adult Tim: And how do I know?

[Jumps down onto the jungle floor and screen freezes when Tim gets up]

Adult Tim: It almost happened to me.

Captain Ross: [Making an announcement] Ladies and gentlemen, and those in coach, please fasten your seat belts. We're about to take off.