Massacre on Aisle 12 (2016) User Reviews (15)

Hilarity Abounds on Aisle 12

[dcarsonhagy · 6/10 · 29 January 2017]

Well, guys, I guess I've finally crossed over into the void. Anyone who reads my reviews knows that I am very hard on movies such as these. They are usually misrepresented by their titles or the synopsis given is better than the actual movie. Such is NOT the case here. You kind of know, given its title, this probably isn't going to be a high productions value kinda movie.

"Massacre" tells a story of a guy (Dave) who shows up at a local store on Christmas Eve to start a job. He first meets the drug- crazed girl who has absolutely no interest in having a job. She's just there for the drugs! After that he runs into the assistant manager, Jack, who is an absolute scream. One by one he meets his fellow employees and all seems to be bright until a dead body is discovered laying on top of a whole lot of money. That is when all the fun starts.

Although this movie was certainly low on budget, it was not low on laughs. The constant feud between Jack and "Black Jack," another coworker is wonderful. Black Jack gives back just as much verbal abuse as he is given--and then some. In actuality, the acting by everyone was not that bad. One of the best lines ever delivered has to be by Jack when he is impaled. His screaming "did it leave a mark" had me in stitches. The actor who portrayed Dave has one of the best girly-man screams ever!

"Massacre on Aisle 12" was just a whole lot of fun for me. It's all in there fellas: major boobage, drug use, violence, and simulated sex. And there is also a whole lot of fun! The movie was not rated but does contain the elements mentioned above. Enjoy!

This is fun..

[aarminaj · 6/10 · 25 January 2017]

Wow, talk about some good ol popcorn time fun movie. This is hilarious, now I am not saying its a great movie, but its fun to watch. The casting is good, the actors who play their parts certainly did their jobs well without been over the top or camera conscious. The writing and the some of the dialogues make you laugh, its got a fair bit of blood and gore , oh ya did I forget to mention a nice under current tribute to a slasher from the past , Intruder (1989). Personally I enjoyed this one , I don't know if someone who is a fan of so called A grade Oscar movies will enjoy this but who cares, people like me who enjoy watching all kinds of horror, slashers, blood and gore movies do enjoy some cheesy fun from time to time. But if you still don't watch it your choice. But this review comes from a guy who is in no way associated with this movie, so hell ya I am not promoting this movie.I does slack a bit in between , but the start and the cheesy climax and ya the end credits are fun to watch.. I just enjoyed it, and when you watch it you will realize that the people who made this movie , tried something different to make you laugh.. Thumbs up to this one :)

Like a bad 80s slapstick comedy

[eve_dolluk · 4/10 · 28 January 2017]

No idea why I ended up watching this, I saw it online and clicked play as it had a high rating.

Basically a guy starts a new job at this shopping mall ( we never really see the Mall and at first I thought he was at a small convenience shop )

It's Xmas Eve they tell you this at the start and there is a seedy Santa and a big boobed trashy blonde elf to keep up the Xmas spirit.

We have some flashback sequences of all the stores workers interviews, This sets up everyone's one dimensional stereotype, nice !!!

From there they discover a dead body and bag of money and they all argue/fight over what to do and who is the killer.

This a low budget film, possibly a homage to bad 80s films or just a bad film, who knows ???

It's pure corny slapstick with over exaggerated facial expressions and hammy dialogue.

It is shot and lighted well etc, and kind of passes all the basic filmmaking rules.

No soundtrack/music which was strange!!!

At times I was expecting to hear some Tom and Jerry cartoon type sounds or music, but nope.

I gave it a 4/10 being generous as it reminded me of 80s slapstick comedies and a few times I chuckled.

If your a bit bored and nothing else to watch and you like slapstick then try it. If not then I'd avoid it.

An average corny 4/10.

Hardly an outstanding or memorable movie...

[paul_haakonsen · 4/10 · 9 May 2017]

"Massacre on Aisle 12" certainly had every potential to be something great and truly unique, unfortunately the movie just never managed to reach that point at the hands of directors Jim Klock and William Mark McCullough.

The story had everything lined up for potential, as it was about a corpse and a duffel bag full of cash being discovered on-site by workers at a local hardware store. And as tension rise and people start distrusting and accusing one another, who can you trust and who will make it through the night?

It was the character gallery in the movie that really stuck out like a sore thumb, because they were just too generic, aside from the store manager. And as such, then it was difficult to relate to the characters and look beyond how one-dimensional, generic and mundane they really were.

I will say, though, that they had some good enough talented actors and actresses on the cast list to portray the characters and roles in the movie. However, they were just struggling with having card-board characters to portray, essentially.

The movie did also suffer from being rather predictable. And that was a shame, because the storyline was good, but it could have been so much better if it wasn't so predictable.

For a horror comedy then "Massacre on Aisle 12" wasn't particularly outstanding or memorable. As such then it ended up as being a less than mediocre movie experience. My rating is 4 out of 10 stars.

Slapstick and cringe comedy

[Floated2 · 3/10 · 25 December 2022]

Labeled as a horror comedy or a dark comedy. Massacre on Aisle 12 is a lower budget independent film about a new employee whose first day working at a retail store discovers a dead body and a duffle bag of cash inside a large cabinet.

The comedy here is entirely forced, with its one liners and back and forth style babbling with crude remarks and such.

The lead character of Dave is about the only likeable character. Black Jack would be a close second. Otherwise, just about every other character is obnoxious, crude, bizarre and tries too hard. Filled with constant stereotypical characters and racist dialogue.

The film is relatively short in runtime which is beneficial. The ending revealing how the dead body and cash were found in the cabinet was slightly disappointing yet perhaps the most obvious outcome.

The film is definitely gory and has some solid gruesome kills which helps it's dark/black comedy aspect.

Overall, Aisle 12 isn't anything memorable or special. Some of these high rated reviews are massively overrating the film and do not understand how many found the film to be "really hilarious".

Tried really hard...

[macgruder · 4/10 · 25 February 2020]

...but failed.

This movie has it all.

Low budget Bad acting Terrible lighting One crappy location Bad jokes Terrible fight choreography Lots of very racist dialogue

I found myself cringing almost once a minute.

Allright flick:)

[puzzle-16705 · 4/10 · 4 January 2018]

This movie is "ok" Not anything is supercool.

No transformers.

It was allright:)

A Little Something To Offend Everyone.

[meddlecore · 2/10 · 24 December 2022]

Slut-shaming, Racism, Homophobia and Islamophobia (alongside characters to mess with those who can't handle people who aren't like them)...Murder On Aisle 12 has a little something to offend everyone.

Sure, it's meant to be ultra-absurd and ultra-offensive...but for a horror-comedy...it's really quite weak on the comedy front.

Mostly, it's just offensive.

The story focuses on a group of hardware store employees who find a dead body and bag of money in a locked toolchest on Christmas Eve.

With insanity ensuing when they start to fight over who is responsible for killing the guy, and who gets the money.

And, of course, this results with them starting to kill (themselves, and) each other off one-by-one.

For a low budget film, it's actually shot half decently...and has some clever kills (albeit executed mediocrely).

But the writing is horrible.

And for that reason, I'd have to say that this is one holiday horror worth passing up.

2.5 out 10.

A Good n' Funny Good Time

[patgordon-55396 · 8/10 · 26 January 2017]

So we watched this tonight and enjoyed it. First things-- we didn't see a movie rating on this anywhere but it is definitely an R rated film. If you have kids this probably isn't the movie you want to be taking them to see because it's not a cartoon and it's definitely full of adult stuff (drugs/nudity) and DEFINITELY adult language (I won't go into details but I feel like this movie could be on par with a Quentin Tarantino movie in terms of numbers of bombs dropped). This movie is not for the easily offended types, and not for those without a good sense of humor. Or the faint of heart because there are some scary parts.

Now with all that said, we thought this was a really good movie. I for one laughed my behind off. We liked the jokes and we liked the story line, which follows the poor new kid at the store on his first day, which happens to be Christmas Eve. All the characters were different and funny and definitely do some screwed up stuff. But hey, there's karma for that. (Hint: A lot of them die!)

Overall we thought this was a fun enjoyable movie with some good scare moments (though it is more of a comedy) and definitely some good laughs. As I mentioned it is not going to be for everyone but if you are just seeking a funny good time then you will enjoy.

First Rate Christmas Comedy Horror with a Delightfully Wicked Cast

[pfmann-20023 · 9/10 · 17 May 2020]

Stupendously splendid tale about moron employees at a hardware store fighting for a bag of money and their lives on Christmas Eve. Gloriously told through the eyes of the newly hired Dave, this is a superbly wonderful romp through horror comedy tropes chock full of holiday cheer and a bit of blood.

A pair of dimwit bank robbers stash their stolen loot in a hardware store and it gets discovered by an even more dimwitted staff. They all want the money, but someone keeps plucking them off, one by one. Who is the killer and who will get the money? It doesn't really matter because this cast is uproariously funny and packs some major talent (see also Amber Jean as Santa's Elf for even more talent).

I died laughing about 19 times watching this movie (Otto also dies about 19 times, which is another story). This is a horror comedy for the ages and will now been added to my annual Christmas Movie Extravaganza Weekend for this holiday and beyond.

8/10 (+1 for the gut-busting outtake reel on the DVD) = 9/10 stars total

Hold on to Your Shorts!

[rapidfireroger · 8/10 · 30 March 2017]

Because this movie nearly had me busting out of mine with laughter. I've been waiting for a movie like Massacre on Aisle 12 for a long time. One that isn't afraid to embrace the type of humor that presses on the touchy issues and wiggles a finger at the establishment (and I won't say which finger).

The story follows the employees of a hardware store on Christmas Eve after they find a dead body and tempting amount of mystery cash that stokes their greed and leads them to plot, scheme, and ultimately turn on each other for a chance at the money.

The cast is downright amazing and runs jokes off each other like well-executed football plays. Directors Jim Klock (who also plays Otto) and William Mark McCullough (Santa) co-quarterback this offensive- line of future comedy superstars. Chad Ridgely (Jack) scores big laughs and delivers a punchline filled performance that takes going off the deep end to a new level. Melissa Saint-Amand (Tara) and Aikido Burgess (Black Jack) fire off one-liners and comebacks like well-placed precision passes. Amber Jean (Barbie) cheer-leads the group with able bodied (or should I say able-boobed) bounciness and Doug Burch (Mr. Kipper) calls out enough creepiness from his playbook to keep you from comfortably showering in the locker room ever again.

All these characters combine to deliver the movie into the end zone for a well-earned touchdown and Michael Buonomo (Dave), whose character expertly receives each joke with poise and confidence, kicks the straight-man game through the uprights for extra points.

Massacre on Aisle 12 is a fresh, hard-hitting comedy that lampoons all of today's hot-button topics while coyly smirking in your face, yet adeptly keeping you wanting more.

I never did like the ending of Titantic

[nogodnomasters · 9/10 · 7 August 2017]

Dave (Michael Buonomo) is the new guy who gets hired on Christmas Eve at Beaver's Hardware store (I am sure there is pun there somewhere). As he is introduced to fellow employees, we get quick character reads on very over-the-top individuals. When a dead body and a bag of money are discovered the action starts as they debate keeping the money and turning if over....soon there is a body count.

First off aisle 12 is not an aisle, but a loading space. The film is comedy, not horror. The character of Jack (Chad Ridgely) was at times appeared to have been inspired by Bruce Campbell, which is a good thing. All the characters are very self centered and quirky. There are some silly Troma effects with blood squirts. The humor at times consists of racist remarks, other times, homosexual.

The production won best comedy feature at the Buffalo Dreams Fantastic Film Festival 2016 and I did laugh.

Guide: F-word, sex, nudity (Melissa Saint-Amand)

A Killer Holiday Comedy

[paularancer · 9/10 · 6 December 2021]

Reincarnation must exist because I died laughing several times watching this movie. The characters are on point and the jokes are even pointier. Loved all the characters and the acting is perfect, with each one bringing something different and special to the movie. This is going on my "watch every Christmas" list for sure, as it is full of holiday merriment. Massacre on Aisle 12 is hilarious and I'm still laughing about it. An extra Xmas treat was watching the blooper reel on the DVD and seeing how much fun was had making this movie. Watch it. You'll thank me. "Merry Christmas, I mean Happy Holidays."

Totally Hilarious!

[alanmyers-86682 · 8/10 · 12 March 2017]

If you're like me and you like humor that is unabashed and not at all ashamed to go for the jokes, then you will love this movie. If you're like me and you love smart dialogue and witty word-play, then you will love this movie. And if you're like me and you love some well-endowed scantily clad babes adding some nice eye candy to the mix, then you will definitely love this movie.

In addition to the aforementioned merits, this film is also a pretty clever who-dun-it that kept me guessing right up until the very end. I enjoyed the murder mystery aspect and the looking-for-clues dynamic of the film mixed in with the funny jokes and the chaos of the situation.

Essentially, the film follows Dave (Michael Buonomo), the very like-able new employee as he starts his first night of work at Mr. Beaver's Hardware Store. The story happens on Christmas Eve and he begins by meeting Tara (Melissa Saint-Amand), the pretty brunette store clerk with mesmerizing eyes who also doesn't happen to give a darn about working there. Her apathy is great and hilarious. She directs Dave to the employee break room, where he sees on TV that an armored car has been robbed and the bandits are on the loose.

It is here that Dave meets assistant manager Jack (Chad Ridgely). Jack is hysterical and completely off-the-wall nuts and it's hard not to love him despite his many nuances. But then it's hard not to love all of the characters as we meet them and follow their ridiculous antics. They all clearly hate their jobs and couldn't be more miserable but their interplay between each other is priceless.

It doesn't take long before the regular closing-up at work gets spiced up with some unexpected drama. They find a dead body and an ungodly amount of cash. They debate what to do with the money and the plot rapidly thickens. The manager (Doug Burch) does a great job at trying to reel in this group of misfits while being conflicted himself about what to do and his performance is fantastic.

After a bit of bickering, debating, and scheming, the less-than-bright crew all decide to make a play for the money and end up making some pretty idiotic decisions with hilarious results that had me in fits of laughter. Oh, and buxom Barbie (Amber Jean) does a strip-tease that is nearly unforgettable.

I loved this movie and will undoubtedly watch it again. So, if you like the things I mentioned in the beginning of this review, then you will definitely like this movie, too. Highly enjoyed and highly recommended.

Could be a cult classic

[hzegler · 9/10 · 6 February 2017]

This movie could be a cult classic. It is one of the low budget films that I had never heard of. It was a real tripped-out story that had murder after murder. It was pretty gory with lots of messed up but funny antics which start right from the beginning. It is day one of the new guy's job working as a clerk in a hardware store gone bad. The dude (Dave) is really having just the worst day of his life...and is stuck working with all kinds of crazy fools and characters who are all just looking out for themselves..

The movie is hilarious. And the murdering does not stop. I was into it from the very start because the movie jumps into the action immediately. I think this is one of those movies that starts off as one that you never hear about but then builds up a fan base over time, but this is a movie that could really end up being a classic. Once you start watching it, you cant quit.