The Doctor (2014)

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9 November 2015 | lor_
Energetic but tedious XXX homage
Dick Bush teamed up with Danny D for the excellent recent "League of Frankenstein" video but this earlier, similar effort by them suffers from a low-budget and tedious execution. Unlike "Frankenstein" it offers precious little storyline or SPFX, consisting of endless, boring humping by the indefatigable Danny. Impressive big boobs are on display, but chalk up 90-plus minutes of Danny's big dick as a cock-centric video.

"Frankenstein" was more than twice as long and had a varied cast (both male and female) to keep the viewer amused. But for Brazzers, vignettes with big dick and big tits is all that matters, and Danny supplies the former while some attractive British talent doles out the latter. First two of three episodes (like "Frankenstein" it is directed as a serial) have just Danny humping one girl non-stop for half an hour, suitable for mindless streamers over the internet but borrrrring to a DVD watcher.

After over 6 minutes of irritating and repetitious highlights (read: padding) as opener, Part One begins with the Doctor shot and regenerated from porn vet Mark Sloan (in a cameo) into current superstar Danny D. Heading for his trusty Big Blue (a blue police box instead of the BBC series' famed red telephone box) and examines himself - aghast to see he's a skinny teenager, but pleasantly surprised to see his big swinging dick (even larger, as porn fans would know, than Sloan's). In-joke is that Sloan portrayed the good doctor in the 2006 spoof "Doctor Screw".

With wonderful Franceska Jaimes in tow, instead of an adventure (most of the SPFX are relegated to the highlights/previews interstitial footage) they hump awkwardly on a cheap set representing the police box's interior. Scene is poorly lit and overemphasizes anal sex, making that specialty ultimately boring and blowing any potential suspense, since in a porn film anal sex is usually held back as icing on the cake. Hyperkinetic Danny shows great energy here, but his witticisms aren't funny and the duo changing positions does not alleviate the boredom of 30 minutes of in- and-out non-stop.

Afterward he drops her off rather rudely, apparently the Doctor being an alien king of the one-night-stands. Second episode, already overly telegraphed in the previews, finds him arriving not at a strip joint at the edge of the universe as intended but in Buckinghamshire in 1899 at a home where panic has erupted with the arrival of what they consider to be a witch. My hopes for Victorian Era porn are immediately dashed, as the "witch" turns out to be merely another alien Geja Thorax in the form of British star Lou Lou, her augmented breasts looking okay except from low angle where their malformation is evident.

Danny tastelessly engages in a sort of "Me Tarzan You Jane" English lesson with Lou Lou during their endless sex together, and succeeds in teaching her porn-speak and useful terms like "Boob Slut". At this point it seemed to me that auteur Dick Bush, who I still admire, and his co-conspirator Danny were overly making fun not merely of their target material but the whole project itself - just because they have to stoop to doing gonzo crap to pay the bills doesn't mean we, the humble audience, have to hear their thinly disguised, self-serving complaints. Why not try to breach the insurmountable hurdle of becoming mainstream non-Adult filmmakers, why don't you?

After his money shot on the asylum on Earth seeking alien Lou Lou, Danny relents and agrees to take pretty house maid Victoria (lovely blonde Georgie Lyall) with him in Big Blue on his next adventure.

While hardly satisfactory, the finale Part Three at least corrects many of the missteps of the previous two segments. There is action, plenty of characters, multiple women for Danny to hump and even a modicum of storyline. Victoria and the Doctor are transported to Prison Planet, an artificial orb created in the 26th Century to house miscreants. A lethal grey cloud of nanobots has been let loose to try to round up escapees, and Danny tries to help the guards led by various uncredited non-sex players to survive. There is okay danger, makeup FX (yucky skeletons for cloud victims) and some derring-do that make this vignette watchable.

Victoria Summers guest stars as a Blue-skinned alien who fellow alien Danny humps to get the ball rolling, and this scene is mercifully short compared to Parts 1 & 2's sexcapades. Then an old acquaintance from 500 years earlier The Mistress appears in the form of Leigh Darby, an interesting Brit actress who I had seen in an earlier Brazzers release. Leigh, Georgie and Danny have an interesting three-way, and then, except for most of the extras, Danny escapes to time-travel another day, after rescuing Quinn, an alien who is merely a store mannequin figure, pushing Bush's folly into the realm of no-budget amateur videos - no actor or SPFX required when you can just plop down an inanimate mannequin from the props department and call that a character in your drama.


Release Date:

7 October 2014



Country of Origin

UK, Canada