Smuggling Sexpedition

Private, the porn company that like a gypsy is impossible to pin down (is this Swedish, nay French, nay Italian, nay German, maybe Spanish, or perhaps Cypriot in origin?) has gone through many house directors, Antonio Adamo and Pierre Woodman perhaps most famous, but has more recently been stuck with Ettore Buchi. He's cranked out dozens of titles, and this is a typical Buchi clunker.

While the European cast mutters in thickly-accented, unintelligible English, a kindly femme narrator tells us what's going on, just like they used to do in the soft-core '60s. Private classifies this as a "Blockbuster" for inexplicable reasons, but what we have is a back-of-the-envelope non-story of artifact smugglers vs. cops on an Aegean island.

Precious little of the location scenery is on view, a shame because it looks like an interesting vacation spot. Final reel reveals Ettore's shortcomings with some boring chasing around the stone cottages, a shootout that somehow never happens and a rushed finish hastened by the cold, hard, fact that all the humping has been completed.

Before then, the auteur cross-cuts between painfully dull sex scenes, poorly photographed and very phonily performed for the camera. Any resemblance to eroticism is purely accidental.

Nominally, the blondes are the good guys (intern government agents) and the brunettes are baddies (but with better tits). Aletta Ocean is the draw, flashing her moneymakers as she rides the bald police captain's big dick. Many a cum shot later, Buchi wraps up the proceedings with an idiotic happy ending in which our brunette miscreants are sentenced to community service, or rather servicing.

The other brunettes Mela and Abbie Cat are easy on the eye, and never fear, Bucchi will bring them back umpteen times in other mindless sex adventures.