Andy Daly: Principal Dwight
Photos
Quotes
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Principal Dwight : Hey, uh, just by a show of hands, how many people have a test that starts with the question, "True or false: Principal Dwight has three nipples?"
[students laugh and all raise their hands]
Principal Dwight : Well, that's a lot of you. Well, it's false. Put false. I was born without nipples for your information, and it looks beautiful!
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Principal Dwight : [to Mr. Teller] I don't know what stinks more, your attitude or my suit - and that's really saying something, because my suit is covered in poop.
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Principal Dwight : I... like... my... big... but... Do you... like... my... big... but...
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Principal Dwight : Excuse me, young man. What is your name?
Rafe : Rafe Khatchadorian.
Principal Dwight : What did you just say to me?
Rafe : It's my last name. I'm new.
Principal Dwight : Well, being new does not entitle you to swagger in here with no clothes on.
Rafe : I'm... I'm wearing clothes.
Principal Dwight : No, those aren't clothes. Those are rule violations. Every single thing you have on flies in the face of rule number twenty-two.
Rafe : What's... what's rule number twenty-two?
Principal Dwight : Are you telling me that you haven't read our code of conduct?
Rafe : All right, if I don't tell you, I won't get in trouble, right?
Principal Dwight : [sighs heavily] Unbelievable. The code of conduct, young man. Read it, learn it, live it. Rule number twenty-two is "Always obey the dress code." That means no printed shirts, no wild colors. And look what's happening to the collar of your shirt here. Your headphones are dragging it open. Nobody needs to see where your chest hairs are going to be.
Rafe : Yeah, okay, yeah, got it.
Principal Dwight : "Got it?" How about "Got it, sir?" Rule number one here at Hills Village is to respect your principal, and since I'm the principal, that means you need to respect me by calling me "sir" or, if you prefer, "Principal Dwight." Or maybe even "Sir Dwight," if you like.
[both chuckle]
Principal Dwight : Good. You have recognized my keen sense of humor. Not everybody does. Good man. Okay, good. All right. On your way into school, which is that way.
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Principal Dwight : Art should be locked up in a museum where old people can enjoy it or children on field trips.
Rafe : We get to go on field trips to art museums?
Principal Dwight : God, no. No. That's a complete waste of time. We're not doing that.
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[to raise the school test score average, Principal Dwight suspends every student in Mr. Miller's class for one week]
Mr. Teller : These kids may be troublemakers, they may not be "A" students, a lot of them smell weird, but they are smart enough to know you don't leave hard evidence inside their lockers. These are hardly the masterminds of such an extravagant prank. If anything, I would say that this seems like a setup.
Principal Dwight : Are you insinuating that this is a setup?
Mr. Teller : Yeah. That's why I just said this seems like a setup.
Principal Dwight : I don't like that, because it almost sounds like you're thinking this is a setup.
