The Turning: A Lesbian Horror Story

Pornographers Bree Mills and the guy called "Stills by Alan" (he's on screen in the BTS short looking like just a nerd out of film school) have a career cranking out lesbian-oriented vignettes for a slew of websites, but their attempt at long-form porn fails miserably via "The Turning".

I enjoyed the first few reels of this rather silly allegory about an impending apocalypse of lesbianism. In particular, a tantric mystical healing session featuring star Adriana Chechik and fake-spiritualist Mercedes Carrera early on was genuinely sensual and arousing. But after sitting through 4 and a half hours of repetitive, tedious sex scenes I have to count this as a big-time loser.

The auteurs correctly assert that anyone can make a horror film, but anyone who has watched hundreds (or thousands) of amateur horror videos cranked out in backyards across America over the past 20 year knows that success is elusive. Our pair of pornographers bring top-notch femme talent from Porn Central Casting and a slick look to the proceedings, but fatally confuse current binge-watching mania (born from a desire to consume an ongoing interesting story at one gulp regardless of length) with elephantiasis, as "The Turning" conceivably could hold one's interest for 90 minutes but not three times that amount.

Chechik goes for a world's record for "squirting" here, as she delivers at least a dozen golden showers, mostly received by typecast "mean girl" Carter Cruise who admits to enjoying the feel and taste of that liquid flow supposedly a secret-sauce female secretion (a la male cum shot) but actually and obviously here merely urine. Significantly for the alert viewer (who hasn't dozed off), Cruise's not-so-mean girl companion in every scene Tara Morgan, avoids the Chechik flow, merely pretending to go along with the phony porn convention.

Precious bodily fluids (a la Sterling Hayden's classic rant in "Dr. Strangelove") are the central premise of this horror story, as mad scientist Dr. Elixir (excellent guest appearance by Jelena Jensen, bringing her big breasts to the show for the fans' delectation) is spreading a virus with Chechik as Patient Zero. The auteurs claim their opus is a testament to oral sex, but actually it is gonzo fingering that is emphasized for most of the 4 hours, guaranteed to get Adriana going over & over like the Eveready Bunny. Jensen's Igor-like femme assistant (hiding behind a hygienic face mask) is filmmaker Mills herself.

As Adriana's foster mom, Dana Vespoli's dramatic acting brings a serious tone to the video for a while, before it permanently goes over the top. The directors' mocking of her religiosity is cornball, so often a porn trope, and the gimmick that she "was saved" is used to account for her bad-girl massive tattoos, though one inscribed JS is reported to stand conveniently for "Jesus Saves".

Popular actress Anikka Albrite overacts miserably the mean step-sister role, as mom assigns depressed Chechik to be wedding planner for a big bachelorette weekend for Albrite ahead of her wedding. After tantric sex with Carrera, she's steered to choose Dr. Elixir's wellness retreat for the party, where all the other girls get infected with the virus Carrera has given to poor Adriana.

Special effects which might please horror fans are meager, and Chechik's brief transformation into sort of a monster is merely application of another dozen layers of eye makeup, barely distinguishable as these porn stars specialize in industrial strength Eva Green-style raccoon eyes to start with.

I'm looking forward to Alan & Bree's long-form soap operas, starring India Summer, more appropriate to their XXX vignette skill, but advise them to stay away from horror or other genres where lack of talent is so easily discerned. A generation or two of fans weaned on Troma crap and Fangoria magazine can spot a phony like this one a mile away.