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  • A 1.66.1 squarish aspect ratio to one of the vignettes betrays the hodge-podge nature of this Brazzers DVD compilation, one of the label's occasional attempts to cash in on a holiday theme. It's strictly for consumption by big-boob lovers, a group of which I plead guilty to belonging, but little effort went into the creation of this content.

    My first beef with Brazzers after watching this is a long-standing one: lack of credits. Only the players who actually engage in XXX sex get identified, while there are dozens of actors here who do the actual acting, setting up the scenes, and in the case of a couple who have soft core lesbian sex, even that apparently that doesn't count. I assume they all got paid, so for film history they deserve a credit.

    One such thespian plays the leader of a Satanic cult, in a segment which is staged on a cheap set with minimal production value, forcing this unknown guy to try and whip up some atmosphere as he conducts rituals. The same actor appears as an extra in another segment, still no credit. Johnny Sins shows up to handle the sex here, "Anal Sacrifice" of cute and bosomy Emma Heart, the least known of the femme cast. This is a mundane episode, and Heart, whose career dates back a decade, never made the big time.

    Biggest name is Julia Ann, stuck as lead in "Day of the Living MILF", a particularly idiotic riff on George Romero's universe. A container being transported by van crashes in the ground, spreading the semen of a basketball team, which brings MILFs back to life as zombies craving big dicks. That lame premise has Julia Ann attacking Mick Blue and instead of eating him she goes for anal sex. Brazzers is too cheap to attempt even minimal FX, so Julia Ann looks beautiful with zero zombie makeup on whatsoever.

    Bonus segment was most annoying, "The Sexth Sense" starring Audrey Bitoni. Major role goes to Audrey's tall and thin mother, referred to in standard porn sloppiness as "Miss Bitoni". She and many others go uncredited, and the subject matter of Voodoo arriving to hump her in the Bruce Willis (sort of) role is deadly dull. Her refrain: "I see big cocks".

    Remaining brain-damaged vignettes include Aletta Ocean as a vampire who plays organ music on a piano (cheap Brazzers again) and humps both Scott Nails and Tommy Gunn. Twist ending is stupid, and again a pretty assistant goes uncredited. Rachel Roxxx and Kiara Diane service a green-painted Keiran Lee in "Frankencock", certainly the crummiest spoof of Mary Shelley produced so far. Cheapness knows no bounds, as the uncredited extras dance around at a Kiara's Halloween party but Brazzers forgot to dub in any music, making for a truly amateurish sequence way below the quality of backyard films shot by schoolkids.

    And the square-ratio segment is saved by my favorite Mz. Berlin, dominating the screen with her fake red hair and real big breasts in a threesome set at a Halloween costume party, featuring cute Reagan Reese and dull but heavy-dicked Jordan Ash.

    After 3 hours of this stuff one can assume that anyone behind the camera demonstrating the least bit of creativity would have been immediately fired and replaced with the usual hack, the hack talent pool in porn being enormous.