Joe Bang: I am in-car-ce-re-ted

Warden Burns: As warden, I can approve buying a copy of A Dance With Dragons for the prison library to go up on the Game of Thrones shelf. Now, the only problem is that The Winds of Winter and A Dream of Spring have yet to be published so those aren't available. Well, I can't do anything about what I can't control.

Naaman: That is total bullshit! George R.R. Martin was supposed to deliver The Winds of Winter to his publisher over two years ago.

Warden Burns: I know that was the original deadline. That's what it says here. But I'm reading to you from the Wikipedia page. It also says that Martin had a grueling promotion schedule or something, and it's interfered with his writing schedule. He's failed to complete The Winds of Winter.

Naaman: That don't make no sense. Those two guys who transferred in from Federal last month knew about all the new stuff with the hot chick and her dragons.

Warden Burns: No. I'm telling you, I believe those two inmates had that information from watching the TV series. Again, I'm reading to you. The series has jumped ahead! It's no longer following the books!

Joe Bang: Is it twenty or is it thirty?... We are dealing with science here!

Clyde Logan: You sucked my arm off!

Sam Bang: That's a vagrant fliolation!

Jimmy Logan: We need, like, a computer whizz, like one of them Facebook boys.

Fish Bang: I know everything there is to know about computers, okay?

Jimmy Logan: Do you?

Fish Bang: All the Twitters, I know 'em.

Joe Bang: I'm about to get nekked... back here. No peeking

Reporter: What do you think of the robbery?

Woman on the News #1: Well, I heard that they're calling it "Ocean's 7-Eleven", 'cos they found that truck with the money behind a convenience store.

Clyde Logan: A real bank vault?

Jimmy Logan: Yeah. It's a tough one, too. I looked it up on the Google.

Joe Bang: You Logans must be as simple-minded as people say.

Clyde LoganJimmy Logan: People say that?

Sadie Logan: I finally know what song I'm gonna sing for Talent!

Jimmy Logan: What song?

Sadie Logan: Umbrella by Rihanna.

Dylan Chapman: When Rihanna sings Umbrella, she's not really singing about a rain umbrella. She's really singing about her vagina. It's code.

Jimmy Logan: Who told you that?

Dylan Chapman: Everybody.

Joe Bang: Well, hello. I guess someone grew up. What's your name again, little Logan?

Mellie Logan: Mellie.

Joe Bang: Mellie! Mellie, Mellie, Mellie. That rhymes with... smelly. Nice.

Clyde Logan: Shut up.

Darrell Waltrip: It's an honor to be able to start this 600-mile race here on Memorial Day. Boogity, boogity, boogity! Let's go racing for those who made the ultimate sacrifice, boys!