Independence Day

Watching "Independence Day" I was appalled at not the folly of this misguided porno film celebrating Wales' (fictional) successful devolution from English rule, but at how much else was wrong with it. Here's a mad tale of little interest but that needs to be reported for the record.

Film opens promisingly as one of those Bluebird flights of craziness (see: "Alice", "Secret Garden" and "Honeymoon") with Britain's favorite XXX twins Kit and Kat Lee working in a Welsh coal mine singing the '60s Lee Dorsey soul hit tune of that name. An orgy breaks out including Lesbian sex with the arrival of film's star Stacey Saran, caused by an aphrodisiac drink.

Stacey is traveling across the UK with her petition demanding independence of Wales from the UK, after nearly 730 years of British rule. She livens up the town hall meetings with a striptease, orgies (common to Bluebird videos) keep breaking out, and a giddy air of irrationality pervades.

But this improvised trashy film is hampered by the domination by its uncredited auteur Paul Chaplin, who ran Bluebird (into the ground?) with hits like "Batfxxx" and mostly misses. His dick is on screen humping any starlet he can grab, but his body and face are off-screen, yelling directions and encouragement like one of those 1-day wonders of porn cranked out 40 years earlier.

Adding to the silliness is Ben Dover/Steve Perry as Lord Dover, a blustery politician who also likes to hump. While Saran is pushing her new product of an aphrodisiac drink in addition to carrying the flag for Welsh independence, incongruous serious content is injected as Emma Butt raises the issue of nuclear dumping in Wales at a town hall, before joining in another orgy. She's the epitome of this type of British porn, with her trademark glasses and huge breasts & butt.

I had tired of this repetitious drivel (despite Stacey's always-lovely presence, she being the go-to "saver" of many a Bluebird junker) when suddenly at the 99-minute mark in the middle of a sex scene there's a spliced jump cut to an entirely different movie, with a lesbian sex scene taking place in a hospital bed. That unidentified movie unspools for its last 65 minutes, with end credits for its director Marc Twain and stars Anna Lovato and Paige Ashley, latter also in a small role in the original "Independence Day" movie. The shot-in-America 2nd feature is sports porn about women runners, and every copy of the DVD I've been able to watch has this constant error of splicing two master tapes together.

So the world is denied an integral DVD version of either of these Bluebird epics, no great loss, but frustrating nonetheless. I've been informed that STREAMING versions of the film are intact, so one more nail in the coffin of DVDs for us fans of the "old technology". I'm plowing through the late label's catalog of hundreds of oddball titles, so there's plenty more where this mess came from.