17 March 2018 | stephenabell
A Regurgitated Mess Of A Film...
Oh, My God! They just keep getting worse... and worse...
Can we please have a decent story writer and director give the fans a decent story, one that will do Barker's vision credit(?)
This story has so many flaws it verges on the ridiculous. Evidently, the humans have grown out of wooden puzzle boxes so the L'Merchant Configuration is no longer a viable gateway to hell. But as The Auditor (Tunnicliffe) says to Pinhead (Taylor), "At least, we still have the house..." Hey! Who would have thunk it(?) The Cenobites own property and real estate... No matter how preposterous that sounds it actually gets worse... How do they lure their intended victims through the door(?) They drop them a line via good ol' pen and paper. I wonder if it's the chatterer that runs down the stationers... I hear he loves to meet people and is a terrible gossip; gift of the gab he's got... Why, couldn't they think of a new and imaginative way to contact their victims? At the very least, Tunnicliffe (the writer) could have the message sent on a piece of human skin and tattooed in blood.
Then when the victim gets inside, the audience is treated to a bit of unnecessary vileness. After The Auditor takes down the quarry's life story, via a typewriter which uses the captives blood as print (finally a bit of imagination) we are introduced to The Assessor (Gulager). He eats the transcripts then regurgitates the remains down a tube, which sprays over three naked women, The Jury. This then leads to the subject being handed to The Surgeon, no matter what the verdict, who proceeds to do a hack and slash job. Then once again, the naked women get splattered... this time with blood. This gives a new perspective on hell's judging process; however there's no rhyme or reason to it, so it just feels like fill in. Even though it's quite nasty to view, it's also quite boring. Tunnicliffe (The Director) doesn't have the skill to create an atmosphere of horror or tension, which helps to make the scene even more tedious.
One decent thing about this film and story is the Thriller story woven throughout. Two detectives, literally brothers in arms, Sean (Carney) and David Carter (Wayne), along with Detective Christine Egerton (Harris), are chasing a gruesome serial killer terrorising the city. However, the inevitable twist is so obvious it weakens this "stronger" section of the film.
The best part of this whole mess is the acting. Even Tunnicliffe isn't too bad. I think it was a little too much to create a new Cenobite (loosely termed, as he's not really a Cenobite) who has more screen time than Pinhead himself and then give the part to yourself. As for Pinhead, Taylor still doesn't have the presence of Bradley, but he is much better than the last instalment. I will give this to Taylor though... he has sitting down-pat. That's right, we get to see Pinhead relaxing... twice... How Scary!
There's even an appearance by Heather Langenkamp as The Landlady. Though, if you blink you'll miss her for she's on screen for about the same amount of time it takes you to read this paragraph.
Do yourself a favour and miss this mess of a film. There are a lot better horror flicks out there... A Lot! If you need your Pinhead fix then, as usual, I recommend cracking open the original flicks.