Duncan Thomson: Art isn't *for* the artist, no more than water is for the bloody plumber.

Edna: It was George, mmm, he was a fast worker. He wanted a bit of fun. I wish I did too, but I fought him off. I thought, "Edna, you can never go wrong not doing something. It's the things that you do that get you into trouble." Here I am 84 years old and I've never been in trouble in my whole bloody life. Goddammit!

Duncan Thomson: Every aspect of civilisation is going to the dogs, with the notable exception of TV.

Tucker Crowe: Parenting! Sometimes I think I could use a manual.

Lizzie: Or tips such as, "Always tell your kids they have siblings."

Duncan Thomson: Do you think there's any way back for me? Because right now I think that's how I'm leaning.

Annie Platt: I met someone on the internet.

Ros Platt: I love it, the internet! God, you're finally entering the modern age. Which site was it? One for clever people, no doubt. Hornyhistorians.com?

Duncan Thomson: I'm Stevie fuckin' Wonder. Who do you want to be? Eartha fuckin' Kitt?

Mayor Terry Barton: Have I heard of you? Tucker what?

Ros Platt: It's Tucker Crowe.

Mayor Terry Barton: Tucker Crowe!

Annie Platt: Oh, you have heard of him?

Mayor Terry Barton: No, never.

[last lines]

Duncan Thomson: You may ask, as I did, what caused Tucker to produce this cloying, bloodless, catastrophe? Well, reportedly, Tucker has found love. And I am here to tell you, my friends: It doesn't suit him.

Jackson: [deadpan] I know what a catheter is

[first lines]

Duncan Thomson: Hello! Welcome to 'Can You Hear Me?', your source for all things Tucker Crowe. If you're here, you're probably already a fan of Tucker's music. But if you're merely 'Crowe-curious', or you clicked on the link by accident, allow me to introduce you to one of the most seminal, and yet unsung, figures of alternative rock.

Annie Platt: It's weird to be writing this to a complete stranger I'll never meet. If we did meet, would you see what everybody else sees? I may look like a nice, well-adjusted English lady in a sensible cardigan, but these days it's a thin veneer, and it's started to crack.

Lizzie: [to her father Tucker] Are they're any other siblings you bothered to tell me?

Duncan Thomson: The good are not rewarded on the streets. Moral clarity exists not.

Tucker Crowe: Well, do you think he's gonna help support the baby?

Lizzie: You mean because he's a musician?

Tucker Crowe: Yeah.

Lizzie: This one's a good person.

Tucker Crowe: Uhh... well, that's a relief.

Lizzie: Well, maybe you should write a letter to the editor correcting the record. That way, your children might get some accurate information about you.

Tucker Crowe: [to Jackson] Hey, be careful, they're driving the wrong side, all trying to run you over.

Annie Platt: Sorry, I'm blanking. This is much easier in writing.

Tucker Crowe: Well I would say that we could take out our phones, you know, and-and write each other but the internet here is terrible.

Tucker Crowe: [introducing Annie to Lizzie] Annie's my friend from England. We were supposed to hook up yesterday, but then that didn't go so well.