12 April 2016 | lor_
Nothing wrong with adding sci-fi content to porn: those 1-day wonders that tried it over 40 years ago are quaint and fun to watch today. But Ralph Long insults his potential audience (I guess that's me, with few other takers out there in "alternative entertainment land") with this third volume of a series I won't be backtracking to complete.
DVD box touts it as a "masterpiece" which is so far from the truth that one would have to travel faster than the speed of light for a long time in order to reach the truth from that statement. My wise-ass remark contains more science fiction content than the entire 2 1/2-hour clunker.
After a very brief recap of Parts I and II, in which we glimpse the inevitable presence of Ron Jeremy plus a cheap-looking monster in a suit that looks like a cartoon magpie, Long presents his bosomy cover-girl Valerie Kay taking a shower, Then she's in a swimming pool and finally humping Ralph, who seems to make these vanity productions (like his previous stinker "Demon Lust") out of spite.
What follows is a series of unrelated sex scenes, shot on what looks like a single, under-dressed interior set, with a supposed quest as linkage. Ralph is looking for a key to a gate, and trying to find a fortune teller and a female engineer. He ultimately gets to his goal, the Creator (Mark Spiegler), for an anti-climax that is just as insulting to one's intelligence as what's transpired before.
This is as close to zero content as humanly possible, and convinces me to boycott any and all future Ralphie projects. He mainly cranks out crap porn-parodies, so I was already informally boycotting those, latest of which is hot of the presses ripping off "Deadpool".
The female cast, including Kay whose tits have greatly enlarged since the last time I saw her in a Brazzers vignette, is unattractive, and basically giving blow-jobs to first-person point-of-view cameras. Long commits the cardinal sin of poor credits, in which one leading actress (who I'm not familiar with by sight) is left out entirely, not mentioned on DVD box or screen. She's the tall, anorexic girl who gives a blow job in the middle of the feature and whose dialog is edited to make no sense. Later the female engineer played by Mercedes Carrera sure doesn't look like any of the many femme engineers I work with!
Male cast beyond Mr. Long is poor, basically Evan Stone stopping by and hamming it up, making fun of the fact that Long forgot to give him a character to play.
Like "Demon Lust" this was produced for the Spizoo label, which touts itself as providing "world class adult entertainment". The world referred to in that statement is as fictional as the world depicted here by Mr. Long. Girlfriends Films, once a respected company, should be thoroughly ashamed for distributing Spizoo's drivel.