Jed: You wanna get high and watch Zelig?

Pat: [Referring to Ali's not saying she left for school early for student government] Bullshit.

Ali: [to Dana] Is your drugstore underwear wedged that deep up your ass?

Pat: [to Alan after having sex with him] Which one of us fucks better?

Ali: [Before she takes her first hit of H] Call my mom if I die.

Dana: This is the best sports drink ever!

Ali: It's because it's whiskey Mountain Dew!

Ali: Dad's having an affair.