Hugh Jackman: Logan • Wolverine

Deadpool & Wolverine

Logan • Wolverine

Wolverine: You know what? You're a fucking joke. No wonder the Avengers didn't take you. Or the X-Men, and they'll take fucking anyone. I mean, you are a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron. I have never met a sadder, more attention-starved, jabbering little prick in my entire life, and that says a lot 'cause I've been alive for more than 200 fucking years. And I'll tell you, that bald chick was right about one thing: you will never save the world! You couldn't even save a relationship with a goddamn stripper! And motherfucker, I wish I could say you'd die alone, but it's one of God's best jokes that you can't die, except that's on ALL OF US! Oh, you got nothing to say, Mouth?
Deadpool: [quietly after a short pause] I'm gonna fight you now.
Wolverine: [laughing] Oh, are you?
[Deadpool punches him in the face, leaving a bloody nose]

Deadpool: Want to talk about what's haunting you, or should we wait for a third act flashback?
Logan: Ah, go fuck yourself!

Deadpool: [Logan dons his mask] Holy shit. You save the good stuff for special occasions?
Wolverine: Killing, mostly.
Deadpool: What's the wind resistance on those blowjob handles?
[Logan growls in annoyance]
Deadpool: I'm sorry, I'm just a catty bitch when I'm jealous.

Deadpool: [beating Nicepool's lifeless body] God damnit! I don't think he's gonna make it. But he died a hero.
Wolverine: He died from murder, you dumb fuck!
Deadpool: And all I have to remember him by are these two gold plated 50 Caliber Desert Eagle Pistoleros.

[Deadpool rolls on top of Wolverine]
Deadpool: What'cha thinking about?
Wolverine: Get the fuck off me.
Deadpool: Shh! Shh! Almost done...
Wolverine: Almost done what?
Deadpool: Getting my knife out of your buttocks, you pervert! Get your mind out of my pants!

Wolverine: You stupid piece of shit. You just got him fucking killed!
Deadpool: Hey, we're all grieving! P.S., do you know what he was doing to the budget?

Seedy Bartender: I told you, you're not welcome here. You're not welcome anywhere. Now get the fuck out of my bar.
Logan: Just give me one more drink, and then I'll leave.
Deadpool: Hi, Peanut. I'm gonna need you to come with me right now.
Logan: Look, lady, I'm not interested.
Deadpool: All right. Well, I'm sort of on the tick-tick, so upsy-daisy, here we go.
[Deadpool lifts Logan off his stool]
Logan: Whoa! Hey, hey!
[Logan draws his claws, but they move slowly]
Deadpool: Oh. Whiskey dick of the claws. It's quite common in Wolverines over 40.
Logan: You don't want this.
[Deadpool pulls out a pistol and points it at Logan's forehead]
Deadpool: Unless you want to take a deep breath through your fucking forehead, I suggest you reconsider.
[Logan laughs and places his forehead against the gun]

Deadpool: [to Logan] In my world, you're, um... you're well-regarded. .
Logan: Yeah, well, not in mine.
Deadpool: They don't like me much in mine, either.
Logan: You don't say.
Deadpool: I wanted to be something, you know. I... Shit, I wanted to be an Avenger.
Logan: Fuck the Avengers.
Deadpool: Yeah. I didn't make the cut, though. Same with the X-Men. And my girlfriend left me, and I just...
Logan: You had a girlfriend?
Deadpool: Yeah. Vanessa. When we met, she was a dancer. We had a whole life. It was good. But, oh, boy, I just...
[kissing his fingers]
Deadpool: Mwah. Fucked that right up. But you, you were an X-Man. Fuck that, you were THE X-Man. You... the Wolverine. He was a hero in my world.
Logan: Yeah, well... he ain't shit in mine.

Deadpool: Were you even listening back there? If we don't make it back to that Mr. Paradox asshole, everyone I know is gonna die!
Logan: Not my fucking problem.
[walks off]
Deadpool: Oh, is that all you got? Is that what you said when your world went to shit?
Logan: Come again?
Deadpool: Yeah, I heard all about you. How you screwed up everything. You should be thanking me for pulling you out of that bed you shit in.
[groaning in pain as Logan's claws literally pierce through his back]
Deadpool: Oh, you back-stabbing son of a bitch!

Gambit: Do you know how long I've been waiting for this? Woo, I'm about to make a name for myself here.
Logan: I don't think you guys walk away from this.
Gambit: You just make sure people know what happened here today.

[as Deadpool and Wolverine start to fight, they hear a cellphone ring]
Wolverine: [to the viewer] Hey, bub! You're in a movie theater, not the ****ing-off room in your mom's nursing home! So, turn your phone to ****ing silent or I'll shove your phone so far up your *** you'll have to answer it through your ****ing ****!
Deadpool: No no no no no! Easy now! So much testosterone! God, when you yell like that, it makes my **** vibrate.
Deadpool: [to the viewer] Listen... just, turn your phones off, or put them on silent, whatever you prefer. I'm gonna take his neck veins for a walk now. Enjoy the film.
[Wolverine walks off, Deadpool follows him]
Deadpool: Nice fourth-wall break back there! I didn't think you had it in you!
Wolverine: Shut your ****ing mouth!
Deadpool: No no no no no, they do not like that word in America, or Canada, or the Netherlands...