Batman and Harley Quinn (2017)

Melissa Rauch: Harley Quinn, Harleen Quinzel

Photos 

Quotes 

• Harley Quinn : [in the Batmobile, after picking a fight with Bobby Leibowitz]  Waited ten years to get that...

  [Batman keeps silencing her with his finger] 

  Harley Quinn : I was just... But... He...

  Batman : [pulls over]  Pull a stupid stunt like that again, and I'm dumping you off at the nearest police station.

  Harley Quinn : [very rebelliously]  Oh, big whoop. "You're living under my roof. You play by my rules." Is that it? Newsflash, gruesome. You ain't my dad!

  Batman : [appalled that Harley has just dared to talk back to him]  This isn't a game, Harley. I need you to stay focused on the job at hand.

  Harley Quinn : [still oblivious]  Focus-schmocus. You know, I'm starting to rethink this whole deal. Here I am, helping you guys out, pro bono, I might add, and you got to go and get all mega control-freaky on me. "Do this. Don't do that! Sit up straight. Brush after every meal. Don't bite your toenails. Keep your knees together when you're wearing a dress."

  Batman : [fed up with Harley's insults]  Harley! There are lives at stake.

  Harley Quinn : [resigned]  Oh, my God! Yeah, yeah, the whole world's gonna plotz. I get it. I get it. You think I'm just some dizzy airhead that don't know nothin'. Do you know what I am?

  Batman : My punishment for dropping out of med school.

• Harley Quinn : Harley Quinn reporting for duty, sir.

  Batman : God help us.

• Harley Quinn : You give 'em 20 minutes of naughty fun time and they think they own ya!

• Poison Ivy : I thought you were my friend.

  Harley Quinn : Friends don't let friends kill 7,000,000,000 people.

• Harley Quinn : [to Nightwing who she has strapped to her bed]  Hey Nightwing is it true you used to be Robin? Huh ain't that a kick in the pants, little boy wonder all grown up?

  [thinks for a moment then smiles slyly] 

  Nightwing : Okay now don't be getting any funny ideas?

  Harley Quinn : Too late!

  [turns off the lights] 

  Harley Quinn : It's funny I always kinda thought you and Batman didn't like girls.

  Nightwing : Wait, what?

  Harley Quinn : You know, that book with the headlights and eyeball gouging, I had to write a paper about it back in college, got a B minus

  [climbs into bed with him while in her bra and panties] 

  Nightwing : Look Harley I have a...

  Harley Quinn : [interrupting him]  Pretty lonely these last few months, if you know what I mean? You don't meet a lot of likely prospects at Super Babes, I'm kinda choosy

  Nightwing : I'm not saying I don't want to, 'cuz that could be nice, all sorts of wrong but nice, right now I just really need to find Poison...

  [Harley cups her hand over his mouth] 

  Harley Quinn : Shhh, face it sugar I got something you want and you sure a shootin' have something I want, so be a good boy and maybe, maybe Mama will give you a cookie

  Nightwing : The things I do for Gotham

  [smiles] 

  Harley Quinn : I'm taking that as a yes

  [kisses him] 

• Nightwing : [after Batman finds him in bed with Harley Quinn]  I was, uh, I was just about to call you.

  [Batman glances at the floor seeing a pile of Harley's clothes and underwear then sees that Nightwing had been strapped to the bed then gives him a dirty look] 

  Harley Quinn : [to Nightwing]  Meet you at the car

  [walks away happily humming to herself] 

  Batman : Did you get what you needed?

  Nightwing : [smiles while rubbing his head nervously]  Well yeah... Ivy's whereabouts of course that's what you meant, no not yet

  [Batman leaves giving him a disappointed look] 

  Nightwing : Like you never made out with a super villain

• [last lines] 

  Harley Quinn : [on Floronic Man]  He's just made of leaves, right? anybody got a match?

  [Batman and Nightwing prepare to set the Floronic Man on fire, and both kiss Harley] 

  Harley Quinn : [blushes]  Aw shucks!

• Harley Quinn : [farts] 

  Nightwing : Ugh! Holy...

  Batman : It's not so bad. It smells like... discipline.

• Harley Quinn : Look at you, Boy Wonder all grown up...

  [pause, then Harley leers] 

  Nightwing : Don't get any funny ideas...

  Harley Quinn : Too late.

  [heads to Nightwing in her underwear] 

• Nightwing : Where's your BFF Poison Ivy?

  Harley Quinn : I can help you find her, but you can put in a good word for me for the parole board.

  Batman : Hmm. No.

• Harley Quinn : My God, Pammy. You haven't even tested it yet, have you? Have you? Batman said that if you get just one teensy-weensy thing wrong, you could wind up killing everything on the planet. Everything, Pammy! Plants, people, animals... everything.

  Poison Ivy : It doesn't matter. Earth will die, anyway, if I don't act.

  [picks up a vial] 

  Poison Ivy : I'm sorry, Harley, but I have to roll these dice.

  Harley Quinn : You're gonna make me do it, aren't you? Well, when this is all over, just remember... I gave you a chance.

  Poison Ivy : [turns to Harley]  What are you - no!

  Harley Quinn : [pulls off her fool's cap and wipes off her face paint]  That's right, sweetie. The nuclear option!

  Poison Ivy : You promised me you'd never -

  [Harley looks up at Ivy with sad puppy dog eyes] 

  Poison Ivy : Harley, I'm warning you!

  [Tears begin to well in Harley's eyes] 

  Poison Ivy : Don't you dare!

  [Tears stream down Harley's face. Soon, Ivy begins to cry, tossing aside the vial and hugging Harley] 

  Poison Ivy : I hate you so much!

  Harley Quinn : [hugs Ivy]  Works every time. Phew!

• Nightwing : Hi, Harley. Long time no see.

  Harley Quinn : I'd like to keep it that way.