It's never too late to take up the piano, seriously. OK, I'm not going to lie to you, it's going to be an uphill battle and you'll never, ever be very good. However, I've read that learning to play a musical instrument or learn a second language is a great way to fend off dementia. The brain is like a muscle that needs to be exercised daily. If not, you'll end up as a brain-dead moron in a militia.
Maybe you could take a cooking class? After all, you have to eat every day and it's better to eat good food than the atrocious slop you are shoveling into your fat gob.
Perhaps fashion design is what you are really cut out for instead of prancing around in camouflage wielding an assault rifle to mask your perceived inadequacies as a man. If you'd rather design ladies formal wear, don't let your boyfriends in the militia tell you that you can't. As soon as you have the print for your first gown, I bet all of those tobacco-chewing oafs with be crawling over each other to get a copy and have one sewn for them to wear to the militia formal. Think of how proud your parents will be.
