Lesbian Coming Out Stories

Yes, W.C. Fields' immortal line "Pardon my redundancy" frequently comes to mind as I watch contemporary porn videos, with most current hacks stuck in a locked groove just like your average VG- or G condition LP record. This compilation of sexual-initiation "stories" is below average for the Girlsway internet team.

Distributed via Girlfriends Films, the DVD version is very sloppily put together, clearly indicating that the purveyors of this Adult content care zilch about any old-school consumers (that's me, baby), only focused on their meal-ticket: easily impressed website subscribers. So the several minutes long "teaser" montage at the opening of the show has full voice-overs setting up each of four stand-alone vignettes (culled from the website for compiling here) yet when each segment begins in earnest the narration is presented in progress with crucial info omitted. You have to "rewind" (post-VHS actually heading back through the menus to replay that opening over & over again) to figure out what's supposed to be happening, as once the sex gets going, everything else is thrown to the wind.

So the relationships among the characters are left hanging, annoying to folks like me who care, but obviously of no interest to the lion's share of viewers who just dig generic sex. This is self-defeating for the pornographer, because sooner, and much sooner rather than later, latter- day auteurs like Mills & Stills will find themselves at the unemployment office due to the ready availability of torrents (note my pun, I'm such a clever old boy) of freebie generic sex product in this internet era.

Worse yet, they have foolishly decided here to imitate a practice recently pioneered (to my constant jeering reaction) by French porn magnate Marc Dorcel, of using voice-over narration to not only substitute for story/acting but even to drown out any dialog emitted by the cast on set hitting their marks and going through their dreaded non- sex assignments, per the call sheet for that morning or afternoon. How annoying can you get?

We're left with uninvolving, random scenes, not anything resembling a story, pairing lovely young things, one of whom services the other as sexual initiation in the Sapphic arts. Only exception is a pointless 3- hander, in which Samantha Rone guest stars as Serena Blair's dissimilar looking sister. (That's a clue that there won't be any incest this time, as Mills & Stills pride themselves on casting lookalikes as "step- sisters" in their wink & a nod furthering of loyal viewer's imaginary incest proclivities.)

Harley Jade humps Rone's sister, thereby cheating on her girlfriend Rone, and Rone doesn't even find out. How uninteresting and ultimately pointless can you get?

Lisa Sloane is credited with "hair & makeup" on this shoot, and producer Bree needs to sit her down and give her a quick lecture. You see, each of the nine women has too much makeup and falser than false eyelashes, not merely distracting but adding up to camp -perhaps intended but ridiculous. If these porn hacks want camp, maybe they should start hiring Gay Men from Porn Central Casting to dress in drag and perform these lesbian pantomimes a la Charles Ludlam, Charles Busch or Danny La Rue. Just think of it, they can simultaneously give their long-suffering subscribers something different to watch and initiate a new TS label through the back door, so to speak.