Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV Series)

The Box (2018)

Andy Samberg: Jake Peralta

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Quotes 

• Jake Peralta : Okay. We have a few more questions for you, doctor.

  Captain Ray Holt : Doctor. Huh. It's funny when people call dentists "doctor".

  Philip Davidson : We are doctors. We do four years of medical school.

  Captain Ray Holt : Yeah, but it's called "dental school".

  Philip Davidson : But we learn about the entire body.

  Captain Ray Holt : But if you had cancer, you wouldn't call a dentist.

  Philip Davidson : You know it's actually harder to get into dental school than medical school.

  Captain Ray Holt : Well, because there are fewer dental schools. Because most people want to become actual doctors.

  Philip Davidson : That's ridiculous. It's not like we're college professors calling ourselves "doctors".

  Captain Ray Holt : Not the same thing, my friend.

  Philip Davidson : Well, sure it is. When someone has a heart attack on a plane, do they yell out, "Yo, does anybody here have an Art History PhD?"

  Captain Ray Holt : A PhD is a doctorate. It's literally describing a doctor.

  Jake Peralta : Maybe let's refocus.

  Captain Ray Holt : No! The problem here is that medical practitioners have co-opted the word "doctor".

  Jake Peralta : Okay, Captain...

  Captain Ray Holt : I know we live in a world where anything can mean anything, and nobody even cares about etymolo-!

  Captain Ray Holt : Apparently that's a trigger for me.

  Jake Peralta : Yeah, apparently.

• Captain Ray Holt : We need a different strategy

  Jake Peralta : Ok, fine. How about this. I convince him I'm unstable. I run in there screaming, throw a chair through the two-sided mirror, glass goes everywhere. He's like "If Mad Dog Peralta would do that, who knows what else he's capable of?"

  Captain Ray Holt : No offense but you don't get angry well.

  Jake Peralta : What? That's not true. Remember how angry I got about how fast Daenerys got from Dragonstone to north of the Wall. That was intense.

  Captain Ray Holt : You have a boyish face and a big, goofy grin. It's like being yelled at by a children's cereal mascot.

• Captain Ray Holt : Stupid questions, grammatical errors, lose your train of thought, just ask him to confess... Ooh, relate everything back to those movies you've seen.

  Jake Peralta : Kinda seems like a shot at me about Die Hard, but okay.

  Captain Ray Holt : This is not a comment on you, Peralta. I just wanna bring this guy down.

  Jake Peralta : Yeah, that's all I want too. And to possibly say, 'You can't handle the tooth!' You know, if it comes up naturally.

  Captain Ray Holt : It won't.

  Jake Peralta : It might.

  Captain Ray Holt : I actually think... it can't.