Tanya: [at work] How can I help you?

[the guy just looks up at the menu]

Tanya: You've been standing in line all this time and you don't know what you want? Okay, you could just stand right there and think about it.

Tanya: [to Danica] If a man looks too good to be true, he is. You're being catfished.

Frank: So the dude ain't real?

Tanya: No, the dude ain't real. He could be anybody.

Tanya: [banging on the front door] Mama, it's Tanya.

Lola: Who?

Tanya: It's Tanya.

Lola: [speaking foreign] Oh, no. Tanya no here.

Tanya: Mama, I know it's you!

[her mother opens the window]

Lola: This connection is so rickety. Hello?

Tanya: What? Mama, you're in the window.

Lola: I'm sorry, what?

Tanya: We're not on my cellphone, Mama.

Lola: [closing the window] I can't hear you, baby. I can't hear you. oh, my...

Tanya: What? Mama. Mom. Mama!

Tanya: Oooh, this is nice! It don't smell like roaches in here or nothing.

[admiring the carpet on the floor]

Tanya: How do you get sparkles in the back of an animal? What is this, a Care Bear?