13 December 2019 | freqeteq
Loud Noises, Bright Colors & Explosions: The Movie
This is a typical modern Michael Bay film, it's all style over substance. Leave your brain at the door and you might enjoy it, I wish I did but I didn't.
I'll give you a quick example of what to expect while trying to explain why I couldn't bring myself to enjoy this film. Opening scene is a 15 minute car chase through a city. Firstly, the vehicle they choose to use as a getaway vehicle is a bright neon green Alfa Romeo that sticks out in the crowd like a sore thumb driving a bright neon green sports car would. Why would anyone choose this as a getaway vehicle instead of a car with a paint job a bit more inconspicuous I hear you ask? Because it's a Michael Bay film that's why, and it's all about style remember? Secondly, every car and bike that crashes during the chase produces enough sparks and fire to rival the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics, plus the sounds they make when they crash are the most ridiculous Transformers sounding noises I have ever heard outside of a Transformers movie. And lastly, the bright neon green sports car gets scratched up by another vehicle and the drivers side mirror gets knocked off, but the next shot it's back on again, then it's off, then it's on, and it switches between broken and not broken a dozen or so times before someone decided that for continuity sake we better just stick to one or the other and thankfully they chose to go with the broken one. Pretty sloppy filmmaking really, and this is all in the opening 15 - 20 minutes, and unfortunately I can't turn my brain off enough to enjoy a film like that.
Other things that I didn't like about the film, the overall story is laughable and makes absolutely no sense at all, and when I say no sense I'm not being hyperbolic I mean it makes no sense, from the people he chooses to join his team to the way he recruits them to the missions they do it's all so ludicrous, if you allow yourself to question its logic for even one second then the entire thing falls apart. It's got your typical Michael Bay hit or miss humor along with other "Bayerisms" that we've come to expect from him, like the over use of quick cuts during action sequences, low angle shots of women in short skirts, so much slow motion that if the slow motion parts were at normal speed I reckon the film would be about half an hour shorter than it is, and scenes that are meant to be emotional and pull on your heart strings but because every character has no depth to them they end up having about as much emotional impact as a carpet cleaning commercial does.
What I did like. CGI people getting hit by cars and caught in explosions and thrown around and stuff, it was completely overused but the first few times it happened it looked quite good, especially people getting side swiped by vehicles. Some of the bad guy kills were well done. I enjoyed most of the banter between Ryan Reynolds and the non Ryan Reynolds actors, it was funny and was just Ryan Reynolds being your typical Ryan Reynolds which is good if you like Ryan Reynolds and I like Ryan Reynolds. Who doesn't like Ryan Reynolds? Hugh Jackman that's who, the Canadian fraud.
It really is just a film full of loud noises, bright colors, explosions and little of anything else.