Lily: Jonathan, you should never smoke weed unless you're dying.

Jonathan: Okay.

Lily: Or having sex.

Paul: [offers Jonathan some wine]

Jennifer: Eh... no, no, he won't.

Jonathan: I've had wine before.

Jennifer: When?

Jonathan: [shrugs his shoulders]

Jennifer: Well, it's illegal, so... you're not getting any.

Jonathan: So is killing Grandma.

Anna: I'm not ready. She's ready, but I'm not.

Lily: [after dropping her glass of wine] Well you know it's time when you need to start drinking Chablis from a paper cup.

Paul: As you can imagine, everything's being organised within an inch of its life.

Liz: Yep, I can imagine.

Jennifer: It is a little insane.

Paul: No, no, no. It's not. It's... The people in this situation, those who choose to end their lives prematurely, are characteristically not insane, not even... not even depressed. They're usually intelligent, articulate, analytical, and deeply, deeply controlling.

Jonathan: So are you gonna give me some super important life advice now?

Lily: Nah.

Jonathan: Old people are supposed to be insightful and, you know, pass on your experiences so I remember them at crucial moments in my life.

Lily: We old people are just pretending to be insightful, to give you the impression that life adds up to something meaningful and comprehensible.

Jonathan: It works.

Lily: Actually, I think that the trick is you just show up and you give life your best shot. Although hand-written thank you notes and being on time don't hurt.

Jonathan: [rapping]

Jonathan: Family, family, more than a man/It's a clan/Sometimes you got to make a stand/Make a plan, raise a hand/Seize the day/Find a way/Embrace the solution, make a resolution/It's collusion and confusion/And everyone thinks they know the right way/But things are frightening/Thoughts like lightning, emotions heightening/Sorrow for tomorrow/Tomorrow time is borrowed/Feeling hollow/Better die alive, to strive/Say goodbye/Feeling whole in your soul/That's the goal/So it roll.

Anna: Mom, what do you want to do?

Lily: I think a walk sounds like a nice idea. Then tonight, just to keep you on your toes, if it's all right with everyone, I'd like to celebrate Christmas. I mean, it's so much better than boring old Thanksgiving, right?

Jonathan: Wait, are we going to get presents?

Michael: Oh, I like that line of thinking.

Lily: If you are very nice, Santa will bring you an inheritance, yes.

Jonathan: Cool, are you rich?

[embarrassed laughter]

Lily: I'm fine. The only stipulation being it has to all be spent on hookers and blow.

[a joint is passed around the table from one person to another, it's now being offered to Michael]

Jennifer: Wait, stop. Does it have tobacco in it? It's just... Michael quit smoking.

Jennifer: What about the effing vegans? You want me to take care of that?

Paul: Yeah, well, maybe some sweet potatoes.