Pawtucket Pete

[first lines]

Peter Griffin: Webster's defines "class" as "a group of students gathered at a pre-ordained time for the purposes of education". Angela pretty much epitomized class. Who could turn the world on with her smile? Angela. Who could take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile? Angela. So no one told you life was gonna be this way. Angela. Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name. Angela.

[hums the Sanford & Son theme]

Peter Griffin: Angela. I'm sorry. Death is hard for me. But at least Angela died doing what she loved: swimming less than 20 minutes after she had eaten. That's a real thing, kids. Listen to your mothers. That was Angela. Fearless. Spontaneous. Honest, about herself just as much as she was about the world around her. She had grace, courage, and an unmatched zest for life. She may be gone, but her voice will live on in DVD and Hulu Plus and tiny droid-projected messages. I may have lost a boss, but heaven has gained a princess.

[zoom out to a grieving Asian family]

Peter Griffin: And I am at the wrong funeral.