dogcow

IMDb member since February 2000
    Lifetime Total
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    IMDb Member
    21 years

Reviews

Margin Call
(2011)

people who know nothing about bankers nor the crisis
a great subject for a movie, however the film is clearly written by someone who does not know any bankers, and hadn't done much research on the crisis. if only real bankers with this genteel there might not have been any crisis at all. Decent acting job all around but the script fails to deliver on many levels. This wants to be a sequel to wall street but in reality should be closer to a sequel of Glengary Glen Ross because that is the level of ego and desperation of the people the film depicts. There is little difference except the characters were small time hucksters and the characters in this film are big time.

the end

Freaky Deaky
(2012)

A good adaptation of an okay book
I love Elmore Leonard I have read just about every novel he has written this is not among my favorites. However some of my favorites (Stick, 52 Pick Up, Rum Punch) have been made into completely terrible films.

This on the other hand is a nice adaptation. Characterizations and dialog doesn't stray much from the original story. Much of it plays out just like it did in my imagination when I read the book. The acting was passable, though I thought Glover (and to a lesser degree Andy Dick) were miscast but they did a decent job. The tone of the movie was light and breezy just like the novel. I would love to see the director take a crack at one of Leonard's better novels like Stick or The Hunted.

On the Beach
(1959)

dated, dull beyond all belief
This has to be one of the most dull movies about the apocalypse ever. Maybe it is because people had longer attention spans in the 1950s, or maybe it is because it was a lot scarier that it really could have happened then, or maybe its because that the promise of mutually assured destruction DID prevent a nuclear holocaust despite what this movie preaches. But I completely hated this film. Well acted and reasonably well directed, however the pace is so leaden that you will wish for death twenty minutes in. The director gets sidetracked by tons of pointless sub-plots that don't go anywhere. It is also not nearly as chilling as many of the other cold war films of the 1960s. Oh and maybe two or three of the "austrailians" actually have Aussie accents. Oh and after viewing this film, you will never want to hear the song "waltzing matilda" ever again. Its almost as if the director believed its the only thing Americans would know about Australian culture (i guess it was, pre paul hogan anyways).

Spanglish
(2004)

so bad it deserves a zero rating
Seinfeld was the first show about nothing, and i guess I can say this is the first movie about nothing. The plot? who knows, it vaguely involves a girl writing a college essay about her immigrant mother and her involvement with an insane disfuntctional family. Things happen but there is no interesting conflict or resolution or reason the story is being told, very pointless. The characters? Tea Leoni plays possibly the worst human being in cinema history, a completely one dimensional bitch and nutcase. Sandler mumbles nonsense and comes off as too nice to be real. The son and daughter are barely in the movie at all (the son has 2 lines). The grandmother was the only interesting well defined character in the whole thing. The film was neither touching nor funny nor interesting. Don't waste your time.

Fire Over Afghanistan
(2003)

in the words of homer simpson : this movie was more boring than church
Dont let the MPAA fool you with their "Rated R for extreme violence" there is definatly no extreme violence in this boring peice of s*t. I expected some cheap rambo 3 type action that the trailer promised, however its just boring boring nonsense with tons of lame slow mo flashbacks that make no sense. AVOID!

Body Snatchers
(1993)

how to make a piece of s**** from a good story
This movie is terrible!! A real travesty when compared to the first two. This is even worse than the Puppet Masters remake (the heinlen story not the charles band movie). Really avoid it at ALL costs, even the campy 70s one with donald southerland is lightyears better. Only watch if you want to be bored out of your mind.

Duri a morire
(1979)

D'Amato's Finest Hour!
What can I say about this film which hasnt already been said. Its a gritty, sleazy, cheap, but completely gripping action action thriller. You will be on the edge of your seat as the cast of completely unlikeable characters tear eachother to peices over a million dollar bounty. The pounding score and grimy setting really add to this nihilistic little nugget. This film proves that given a decent script and cast Joe D'Amato can really deliver the goods. A must see for fans of grimy jungle action thrillers and/or italian cinema.

Gayniggers from Outer Space
(1992)

juvenile and purile but well made
A really strange peice of cinema. This short film runs only about 20mins and is chock full of homophobic humor and juvenile jokes, but nevertheless its quite well made and directed. Seek it out just so you can say you've seen it.

Emanuelle - Perché violenza alle donne?
(1977)

Emanuelle In America Lite
Certaintly not as sleazy as Emanuelle In America, but not as lightweight ad Emanulle In Bangkok. Similar to Emanuelle in America we have Emanuelle traversing the globe discovering sex scandals. The set peices range from fairly innocent romp in the back of a moving truck to rape and beastality (implied not explicit). Of course it all remains fairly softcore. D'Amato handles the cinematography masterfully, its easy to see why he's so at home in adult films. Hes a master at creating suspenceful erotic sex scenes. Watch for ol Joe himself in a quick cameo near the end of the film (hes the man being arrested at the very end).

Head of the Family
(1996)

not that bad at all
I was suprised at all the negative reviews, this is actually a darn good film from Mr. Band. "Benjamin Carr" coughs up a decent enough screenplay full of quirky characters and clever one liners. The head is genuinely creepy and the other characters are completely sleazy. Highly recommended, one of full moons better films.

Tropical Heat
(1993)

tropical boredeom
Nice sets highlight this tremendously bad film about an insurance investigator in india. Bad actingly, somewhat unattractive leads the worst plot this side of an italian horror film. The cinematography, music and sex scenes also all suck tremendously. Skip it!

Uncle Buck
(1989)

JOHN CANDY'S FINEST HOUR
Simply Candy's best film, second only to Planes, Trains & Automobiles. Only hughes knew what to do with Candy. He is completely charming as a total hapless slob who invades his newphew and neices life. Every scene in this film is memorable! Its sad such a comic genius is no longer with us, but he will always be rememered. If you see only one John Candy movie make it UNCLE BUCK.

The War of the Roses
(1989)

supremely evil and funny
This is a great movie, granted its a bit slow going twoards the begining but if they had cut that out, why would you care about the characters. Once they decide to get divorce the film goes from relatively realistic portrayal, to amusing little satire, to full-tilt evil insanity! Great performances, though I will agree Douglas' character cast in the better light.

The A-Team
(1983)

typical Stephen J. Cannell style!
Once you read a Stephen J Cannell novel you'll understand why only he could great a series like the a-team. He's a master of coming up with likeable characters, and making unlikely stories seem perfectaly believeable. The A-Team was a great show, and if you want more Cannell fun pick up the excellent book King Con! Why it hasnt been made into a movie i'll never know!

The Jerky Boys: Don't Hang Up, Toughguy!
(1995)

Translates well to video
You wouldnt think phone pranks would translate to video but they do. The boys come up with some creative pranks including pranking over a tour bus PA, pranking over a grocery store PA, and harrassing the MTV request line operators. A must for all JB fans.

Warning: Parental Advisory
(2002)

Cartoonish, insulting and one-sided
Instead of creating an interesting in-depth documentary on the PMRC hearings the brains down at VH1 thought a made-for-tv comedy would be more interesting. Unfortunatly this ill conceived movie comes off as cartoonish, insulting and one-sided. The characterization is pretty ridiculous too, all the rock stars come off looking like lunatics and all the PMRC women come off looking like fascist whores!

On the plus side, the actors were all fairly convincing in their roles, with the exception of Dee Snider who cant even convincingly play himself.

Skip it! Hopefully a real documentary on the PMRC hearings will come along.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High
(1982)

Film that defined a generation
Much like Easy Rider in the 60s, and Saturday Night Fever in the 70s, Fast Times defined the 80s. Some of the themes, though, transcend the time period and still ring true today. It's a very funny film and I highly recommend checking it out if you are interested in a trip back to the 80s.

Andy Richter Controls the Universe
(2002)

two episodes and I already hate it.
I really really liked andy richter on the conan o'brian show, so I was excited to see he got his own show. I figured it'd be a bit off beat but very very funny. Unfortunately its way off beat and rarely ever funny. The writing does show alot of promise, though, so hopefully it will get better.

Greg the Bunny
(2002)

It's been done before...and much much better
The premise is basically an expanded version of Meet The Feebles (1989) in which we see a behind the scenes look at a muppets-like variety show. The puppets are rude and crude but being network tv its not taken to the point where it actually becomes amusing, it probably woulda been funnier on HBO. B-list actors Seth Green and Eugene Levy were enlisted to try and save this mess but their characters are so poorly written they do nothing but make asses out of themselves (an experience which is not new to Green--See "Tucker" (2000)). Skip it.

Within the Woods
(1978)

gritty and scary as hell
Sure Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell have gone on to bigger and arguably better things but this short is one of the coolest things they've ever done. With no money and a super 8 camera Raimi, et al. created a gritty, scary professional quality monster movie perfectly played in 30mins. It's a shame this has never been given a legitimate release, I think it would inspire many people to go out and make their own horror films!

The Osbournes
(2002)

Linens, Pots & Pans, Devil Heads
I was skeptical about this show, it seemed at first, to be just another boring show like Cribs, but I have to admit I was pleasantly suprised. The show was extremely funny, especially the scene where Ozzy can't work the satilite TV remote, and the scenes of his kids teasing eachother. The show also has some very surreal voyeristic moments like where we see Ozzy watching himself on tv. The scene that best sums up the show, though, is where we see a stack of moving boxes, they are labeled "Linens, Pots & Pans, and Devil Heads".

The Bernie Mac Show
(2001)

Cool Show, Funky Soundtrack
A suprisingly funny, original witty sitcom with a soundtrack of great classic funk and soul tunes. Whats not to like? Hopefully this one remains fresh and original for a long time. And hopefully fox will keep it on the regular schedule [unlike family guy]

Killer Crocodile
(1989)

Killer Cheese
This film is the definition of comic badness. The croc changes sizes seemingly at random. In one scene it even looks about 20 feet tall. People fall in to the water for no particular reason and it's not even clear what country this is supposed to take place in. Fortunately the film is fun and fast paced so you can ignore some of the faults. The gore is plentiful and the animatronic crocodile by Gianetto De Rossi is pretty amazing for a movie with such a low budget (well at least we know where the money went). Thomas Moore's (Ennio Girolami) performance as Joe the grizzled croc hunter adds alot to the film also. Some imaginitive camerawork and a decent jaws ripoff score by Ortolani doesn't hurt things either.

Overall a decent fun flick, just don't expect JAWS.

Shot back-to-back with Killer Crocodile II

Blastfighter
(1984)

Spaghetti Hicksploitation!
Scenic locations and great action really make this italian entry into the Hicksploitation genre stand out. It's somewhat reminscent of Rambo: First Blood, but I actually like it better than that movie. Micheal Sopkiw really shows his talent as a versitile action star here. See it along with After the fall of New York and Massacre in Dinosaur Valley to really get a sense of Sopkiw's talents.

The Vacant Lot
(1994)

"Held up like a loofa, by the foreman of the night"
This show had exactly one truly brilliant sketch, involving a group of guys trying to decypher the lyrics to Blinded by the Light. Honestly one of the funniest things I've seen (does ANYONE actually know the real lyrics?). Other than than that, it was mostly surreal sketch comedy firmly rooted in The Kids in the Hall territory. Unfortunatly it wasn't nearly as funny as The Kids...

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