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    21 years


Cocaine Bear

I got a little more than I expected
Very loosely based on the truth. The idea was so whacky the trailer did interest me. Helped that I saw that it wasn't taking itself too serious. Then the hype machine kicked in and I was keen to watch it.

I was expecting a total cheese fest. But I was a little surprised. It was far from perfect. But it made me giggle. Some scenes were well shot. Some a little tense. So in general it was entertaining.

The CGI was a little patchy. But in places it was good. And the cinematography was okay too. The characters were very rushed and underdeveloped. The whole story wasn't Oscar winning but I wasn't expecting it to be.

I was sad seeing Ray in his last film. A true powerhouse in entertaining. Goodfellas being an amazing legacy to gift him immortality. Respect!

So if you don't mind a little blood and gore then you may like this. It was entertaining, funny and original. Worth a watch.

Fisherman's Friends: One and All

Painfully clunky & predictable
A vessel for promoting some lovely Cornish scenery. That's all it is. If you want an intelligent story with unique twists and suspense then it's a good job you will be stuck on the A303 getting to see it. This is a painfully predictable film with a story so lazy it is a little insulting.

There are some likeable characters and some credible acting talent. But this project was created for the sake of it. There was never an intention to create a real film here. Just another transactional activity aimed at earning a few pounds £.

Every scene, whilst pretty, just collided into the next. The story develops at a rapid pace, ignoring the need for logic or feeling. It just wants to go from A to B and doesn't care how little sense it makes or what well trodden cliches it spews out.

This is a Sunday TV movie at best. With the rain pouring down outside and the family isolating from the next plague.

I hope that it helps to promote Cornwall because it really is a lovely place to visit. Even without the massive CGI sunsets.

Luther: The Fallen Sun

Such dumbed down cheap nonsense
Not really filled the TV show but like the actor. So gave it a go. But the first 15 mins was like a high speed cocaine rush of manic story telling. It shoved so much in and none of it made any sense. It was just convenient plot garbage.

The story is so cliche, lazy and dull. The acting was plain. The intelligence non existent. A film reliant on a nice looking gritty urban backdrop. But the super villain who controls everything was just cliche and laughable. Just so damn lazy.

You really do have to disconnect your brain with this one. It relies on make believe and every cop cliche there is. It is just a very badly written and produced film. Someone had a lot of cash to throw away. And did just that.

Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance with Somebody

A story too big for this Director
I was astonished at the simplicity and pure lack of creativity and imagination with this made for TV movie. It literally goes from A to B, copying and pasting all the way. Nothing unique to see here.

All good bio pics don't dare tell the whole story. It is just too difficult to make something great when you have so much to say. So they find the magic within. That micro story. And they make magic out of that. This film couldn't be bothered with that. So just painted by numbers, doing a very formulaic blah blah of nothingness.

Whitney was an amazing artist. One who deserved only the best. But all she got was a low rated TV Movie. A really tragic story.

That said, the actress did act. She was very good. I just wish they had done the right thing and given her someone who could have found her true magic with an intelligent story and more creative direction.

Alice, Darling

Did the Nepo director run out of money?
The film wound up nicely. I liked the characters and the performances were all good. Kendrick was superb. I really felt the emotion. So much so I found it very tense to watch.

Then the excitement of guessing the fate of both him and the missing person. How were they going to weave the stories together. I was guessing and second guessing. But I had a good idea...

Then all the characters merged. So I was waiting for the big climax. The plot twist. The sudden reveal. It was going to be great...

But no. After some great performances, all I got was a slow burner that climaxed into nothing. We both looked at each other and asked "Was that it!?" And then the credits rolled...

This film had a lot of potential. But tried to be too clever for its own good. A damp squib. All that tension and build up for nothing. So yes, do watch it. Just don't expect any answers at the end.

I feel cheated...

The Menu

Best film in a long time
Leave your Marvel characters at the door and grow up. Now is the time for a real film. A stellar cast and a story that has the nerve to be original. All glued together with some intriguing acting and spell binding dialogue.

A mixture of character, thrill and mystery. All wrapped up in a way that leaves you wondering where the hell the story is going. I felt sucked into the despair, left wondering what I would have felt and done.

But the best was the end. Not a triumphant climax. No orchestra. No explosions. Just a well crafted, well acted and well executed finish. So refined it should be framed and hung on a wall.

I've watched this four times now. It keeps drawing me in. So of course I recommend it. And I hope you relish the freshness just as much as I did.

The Rig

Written by a child and painful to watch
You don't need to watch for long to know that this is another dumbed down TV drama made for the lowest common denominator. It feels like it has been written and produced by children. It is just so painfully made.

Full of non sensical scenarios. Exaggerated characters. Convenient story lines. Ridiculous dramatic music that feels more suited to a parody.

I recognise a lot of faces in this and know they can act. But this is just too much of a lemon to hope for any success in the acting department. They all come across as amateurs. The story and direction sinks them all.

I have no idea why this was made. But if failed big time. It's an insult to any intelligent viewer.

The Teacher

Painfully dumb. Written for simplicity.
I can only assume that this was written for those too busy to understand an adult level of complexity. It is just so painfully dumb from start to finish. You really do have to disconnect from reality.

Sheridan is a talent. I know that. One of the main reasons for watching. But not in this. The story and material was just such poor quality it would have been tough for anyone to salvage this.

So I endured the hours it took, laughed as the climax was as obvious as the Titanic and sighed at the woefully inept ending. A clear case of run out of time and/or money.

I can't even use it for Safeguarding training. It's that bad!!! Not recommended.

Super 8

Relies on a lot of fake reviews
Poor characters. Copy and paste story telling. Non-sensical story and choppy direction. Story was all over the place and made no sense whatsoever. You really do have to switch your brain off to make it work. There is simply just too much to criticise here.

Was is Stranger Things? ET? Goonies? Or just a lazy mash up of them all? But it did allow Elle Fanning to enter the stage so maybe not a bad thing. A Stella actor.

Yes, the kids will like it. But this was just a lazy film with a huge anti climax. Not a great example of magical story telling. Which is a surprise considering the production team.

Wedding Season

Watchable but fell very flat at the end
The characters were intriguing and likeable. The story had some mystery to it. The humour was amusing. The pace just about right. It kept me watching.

But then, for some odd reason, it gave up near the end. The pace got stupid fast. The disconnection with reality immense. The plot luck ridiculous. The painful plot explaining went in overdrive. Basically it just got very cheap at the end. Cheap and dumb. Making all the good episodes pointless and forgetful.

But the cast should do well from this. They deserve success. Even if the writer and director screwed up. Even if they did run out of money, the quality didn't need to dive this low.

Thirteen Lives

Zero character development. Very bland.
I was convinced that this was a B Rated movie directed by a budget Director. The development, script, creativity and overall general execution was more like a film for TV. Then I found out it was Ron Howard. WTF!?

A very generic film. Starts way too fast. Felt cheap and nasty. Had some awful accents. Literally zero character development and just a script by numbers. Boys trapped, rescue, done. The lack of imagination was terrible. Zero creativity or attempt to focus in. The film was just doing too much, too fast, too badly.

With one exception. The claustrophobia. The narrowness and danger. It was occasionally very effective. But this was in short supply.

This event deserved better. The people involved deserved better. Whilst it was acceptable as a reenactment documentary, it was very poor as a dramatic film. Ron Howard!? WTF!

Top Gun: Maverick

The storyline played it safe
I grew up on the original. That was my time and I loved it. The film was amazing. And still is.

The sequel is good, but a little 'safe' for my liking. It didn't dare to try anything new. It just gave a lot of fan service and copy & paste story telling. Nothing will surprise you here.

There are a few characters in the film but very few get used. The female love interest was pointless. She was so under used. Same for a majority of the pilots.

The scene with Iceman was spot on. Emotional and well played. But the outcome was painfully obvious and a wasted opportunity.

The action scenes were okay. But in this age I expect, demand, the pushing of the envelope. I didn't feel anything ground breaking here.

The post attack story was laughable. Very dumb. They wanted something to happen so got drunk and just wrote it in. You really had to suspend reality to watch it. But the action to escape made up for it a little.

The ending was non eventful. Dull. No surprises. Flat.

Overall it was entertaining. No stand out scenes. No memorable new music. No new movie quotes. Just a routine action film.

It may grow on me. But for now, it was just okay...

The Northman

I expected so much more...
A fine cast meant I had to watch it. The trailer hinted at some lovely visuals.

Unfortunately the reality wasn't quite as good. A bland cliche story, rather flat visuals, weak direction, under used actors, lots in the dark and an incredibly predictable plot.

I never got behind the main character. He ended up being a little stupid in the end. It was almost like he wanted to mess it all up. I expected a heroic character who I could root for but all I got was Mr Bean. The Anna Taylor Joy character had potential... but nope, nothing there either.

This film got lost in its own magical potion power that it forget to tell a half good story. It was boring, weak, frustrating and hugely anti climatic. Very disappointing.

Slow Horses

Another dumbed down series for the masses 💩
A top quality cast who appear to have accepted this tripe just to bridge the post lockdown boredom. The first five minutes in the airport was cliche, poorly written, terribly directed and done before... the characters are all copied and pasted from previous TV rubbish and you just can't help but feel sorry for all involved.

The tech geek, washed up agent, cowboy attitudes blah blah blah. So worn out and so very boring.

I have an Apple subscription but I genuinely have no idea why. The library remains stale and very rarely changes. When it eventually does it is always with this pile of tripe. Considering how big Apple is, their TV project is a total failure.

Not recommended...


This film loves driving whilst drunk 😱
There is nothing, absolutely nothing, new in the delivery of this worn out storyline. You know what is going to happen from start to finish. But this film just loved promoting driving whilst under the influence.

We know that actor is good. But the story, and the production of it, was painfully poor. The subject matter is deadly real. But the film did very little to tackle the terrible struggle that PTSD imposes on individuals. It barely touches the subject with any real effort. This could have been a great way to tell everyone.. but it failed.

The story is so very choppy. The different scenes just jumped around and made little sense. The story flow was really disjointed. Lots of different story ideas all mashed together in a lazy edit.

All leading up to the climax of a funeral that was hardly featured in the end. If you blinked you would have missed the funeral. Replaced with cheap parody scenes in a hotel and a pointless survivalist scene that produced nothing. Just time wasting.

The collapse in the bathroom, I thought, was going to be the magical moment where the dog saves him. But no, another time wasting anti climax.

The end was incredibly predictable, but, even worse, was delivered with such laziness. The budget had clearly run out.

I looked forward to this film but it made no sense and was filled with highly predictable cliche story clips. The end was very lazy and very dull. Why!?

Marry Me

Just a self indulgent music promo video
This has to get a very low score just for the shameless sacrifice of content for self indulgent music promo. This is just no attempt to be a film here. It is just one JL vanity clip after another.

I like Owen and JL as actors but this is just a horrid watch. It doesn't bother with anything apart from providing regular video shorts for JL to show what she can do. When it does pretend to be a film it just spews out some worn out copy and paste mess that has been seen and done 10 zillion times before.

I could go on but this film is just too bad to warrant anymore attention. It is a film with a poor story, a dull plot and bland dialogue. Not recommended! ❌


A pointless parody with a non-ending 💩
Wow. This was really bad. I was genuinely shocked to see who the Director was.

The story was dumb. The plot even dumber and the characters were so unbelievably cliche. It is so hard to know just where to start.

I like the actress but I can't tell if she is any good because there is nothing here. Her character was painfully cliche. Everything has been seen and done before. Those characters around here, all of them, were pointless. And the baddies were laughable. To the point where the film turned into a dumb parody.

The ending was shocking because it was so badly done. Did they run out of money? It all wrapped up within minutes with no attempt to do anything intelligent.

This is just a bad bad film. Most definitely not recommended!!! ❌

After Life: Episode #3.6
Episode 6, Season 3

A worn out cast and a tired storyline
All the same faces. Literally the same faces, even going back to an actor from The Office. All great actors, but no effort in giving new actors a chance. Ever.

Absolutely no intelligence in the writing whatsoever. You can see the plot coming a mile away. I hoped for some clever twists but they never came.

The sentiment is good, but delivered in such a lazy way. No effort. All very formulaic. Thrown at you in cliche dramatic lumps.

The final episode tries to do so much all at once. But all feels and falls very flat because there is so very little to care about in this series.

I like Ricky, and this cast, a lot. All great at what they do. But this was just slow, dull, unimaginative and lazy. Not a great end to an okay series...

Don't Look Up

Starts slow, middle is slow and ends slow
Love all the actors. Love the theme. Hate the new tRump cult world. So I am on the side of this film. Right, with that out of the way...

The story idea is worn out so hard to get excited. The film is well made and there are some funny lines in there. All the actors are great, as usual, but there isn't that much for them to do.

The structure of the story was just odd and it seemed to go on for ever.... I even started to look at my watch But the thing that niggled me was the lack of imagination in the cinematography and dialogue. It all felt just so safe.

I felt entertained at the start, got bored in the middle and then felt preached to at the end. A lot of play towards the right wing nutters. I get it, they are all crazy. But they won't watch this. So the film is preaching to the choir.

For such a long film (in my head), I wanted a killer ending. But once again there was zero imagination and I was left feeling flat. For such a star studded ensemble the film budget deserved a higher quality production.

Was it entertaining? A little bit. But I expected more. I expected a little more effort from the Director and script writer. All felt a little lazy... pity.

King Richard

Rather bland with no imagination 💤
I was looking forward to it. The true story is amazing. Powerful figures. Legends. Incredible athletes. Two great women. But what did we get? A film about the man. Sigh....

The film was by the numbers. No attempt at imagination. Creativity. Adventure. Just the same copy and paste routine story, camera angles and dialogue. Blah blah blah.

The film making did little to bring the story to an amazing climax. As much as I hoped it would, it just whimpered to a dull end. And finished with a pathetic cliche closing scene that was so painfully predictable.

These ladies deserved more. Not just another Will Smith film...

Red Notice

There was no need to be this bad 😱
Three great stars. One big budget. One powerful outlet. But all we got was another Netflix copy and paste high def glossy action cliche. A story so predictable and dull you could have asked a child to write it. So lazy was the story that it felt a little insulting.

Gal Gadot is always amazing on film. Fact. Ryan always funny. And The Rock so 'insert same character' here. But all three great stars just took a pay cheque and sleep walked through one cliche after another. It was painful to watch. It looked great. But the story was so weak and the convenient plot twist so damn lazy.

It tries to cover for the lazy story with humour. Trying to be 'self aware', but this dint hide the money grabbing intent of such poor writing.

Yes you will be entertained. Good actors. Special effects. Action. Fights. Adventure. All the boxes ticked. But this is nothing more than a quickly made cheap cop out created to optimise profits. Nothing more, nothing less.

Recommended, but with your brain in neutral.

Dune: Part One

Looks good. Sounds good. But so so boring!
Just like the original. A bore fest. Full of top stars. Looked and sounded great. But it was so fragmented. So bitty. Lots of slow dull scenes all chopped together. Just no flow. No blending.

I couldn't help feel that it was a cut and paste of 10 zillion other sci fi films. Nothing original here. The story was a non event. The action scenes pointless and forced into the story.

This just wasn't a good movie. But neither was the original. A bore fest with a WTF ending that just ends annoyingly. Not recommended.


Every second is painful to watch
Such painful lazy writing. More cliches than a bucket of cliches in a cliche shop. The cop with the troubled past. The soldiers with the rude defensive aggression. The bizarre slowly unravelling story. The coincidences. The painful narrating and sign posting of the story. The disconnection of reality. The pantomime characters. The copy and paste script piggy backing off 'A Few Good Men'.

This was awful within five minutes of watching it. And it just got worse... The lead actor is always incredible. Not doubting that. But she has been let down by some very dumbed down story telling. Not recommended :(

Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard

Great cast sinking in a woefully poor story 💩
The original film was great. Loved it. Original. Funny and watchable. Not Oscar winning but a great watch.

This film carries on with the fun characters and introduces a super brain numbing storyline to waste hours of our lives. I can't begin to explain how much of a parody this story is. Not in an intelligent way. But in a painfully lazy way. It is like they had to make a lockdown film and just couldn't care less if it made sense or not.

I want to write a more in depth review but this film is bad. That's all you need to know.

Those Who Wish Me Dead

No reason to be awful but it was 💩❌
Just look at the cast list and you know these folk can act. Not a doubt. So what went wrong here? Oh yeah, the woeful story and amateur CGI.

This is absolutely nothing new in the story. All very worn out, dull and pointless. The maverick, the PTSD, the cliche baddies, the innocent in need of help, the non-sensical victory.

There was just too much about this film that made no sense. It was like a casting clip for Angelina to audition for Superwoman. She falls off, gets struck and gets beaten. But she keeps going on. Science, biology and physics all go out the window. So rather than harp on, technically this film is a mess.

But what did I like? Well the makeup was good. The cuts and bruises looked realistic. The child actor was talented and believable. A good future there. For a second at the start you could suspect it is going to be a good film. It wasn't. But all these good things were over shadowed by poor character development, cliche scenes, dead end stories, painfully poor story telling, loose threads, pointless scenes, incredibly weak ending and lazy plot. Oh just so bad...

A lazy Sunday afternoon film if it is raining. But you won't be satisfied after. Very disappointing. A typical Covid B Movie.

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