Rattrap007

IMDb member since August 2000
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Reviews

Leprechaun: Origins
(2014)

Utterly Pointless
I bought the Complete Leprechaun Collection because the movies are a fun watch. Yes they are terrible, but also in a so bad they are good kind of way. You got hammy acting and nothing is taken seriously. Warwick Davis is a blast and makes those films fun.

This reboot could have been great. Make the film more horror instead of campy. OK I can deal with that. The set up is interesting. Now there may be spoilers down the line so be warned.

Movie has basic teens/college kids on a trip. This time it is trough Ireland. Nice touch putting it in the home country. They travel to a small town in the middle of nowhere. They meet a seemingly nice man at the tavern. He tells them of some old ruins that interest most of the group. It would be an all day trip so he offers them the use of a cabin he owns. The are taken out to the cabin for the night. But they are attacked be a creature. Turns out the town robbed a cave of all the gold and now must offer sacrifices till the debt is repaid to the leprechaun. Only it isn't a little man in a green suit. It is more of a small troll like creature. The "heroes" try to survive while the 4 villagers we see try to make sure they don't escape the leprechaun or it will attack their village again.

Again interesting idea for a plot, but they mess up the Leprechaun formula that worked and made people enjoy the franchise. One, the Leprechaun doesn't talk. It is pure beast/animal/monster. No suit, just hairy troll. We needed a wrestler to play this why? There is no acting to it! Second, the camera work is shoddy as can be. To keep you from getting any good look at the monster, the shots go in and out of focus quickly while the camera moves around. This takes away any fear and replaces it with annoyance. Third, horror movies are supposed to be "morality plays". Good virgin girl always survives while the ones who have sex, drink, or do drugs die. In Leprechaun films the ones who steal his gold or are insulting to him die. Here the characters are all good who maybe have a drink or two at the tavern. No drugs, no sex, nada. No reason for the killing.

This film could have been so much better. WWE you needed to have someone tell you how to make one of these films. Want to put Hornswaggle in it? Fine, but have him actually act and fill Warwick's shoes in the same way he did in all his films.

Don't bother with it unless you get it in a collection or it is free on streaming.

Barracuda
(1978)

Not a Jaws rip off after all..
I started watching this film thinking it was going to be another 70s killer animal movie or a Jaws rip off. For the first 1/3 or so of the film it seemed that way. It had several underwater attacks by the title fish, but after a point it became a mystery about the why the fish are aggressive and soon became a conspiracy movie.

The film is decently acted for the most part, but there are parts and roles that are just very poorly acted or awkward. Papa Jack's son reminded me of Buford T. Justice's son Junior in the Smokey and the Bandit films. He acts more or less like an idiot or adult child. There is one scene with extras who get in a fender bender and start arguing. The acting here is really bad and comes off a little cheesy. Same goes for the diner sequence with the waitress spilling the glass of water and arguing with the cook. Both seem very unnatural.

The barracudas themselves look like puppets when biting people. When it is the tail end you see it seems like a set hand was just holding the puppet by the head and shaking it in front of the camera.

Overall it is an OK film. It is cheesy enough to be fun for a watch, just don't expect anything great.

Problem Child
(1990)

Decent at best.. may have worked better a different way
The movie's premise of a naughty neglected boy being adopted by a overly kind parent who ends up loving him would make a great movie, if given better writing. I would recommend the "comedy" being mostly removed and it being done as a drama.. maybe a bit of a psychological case study type movie. The premise of a kid who is different finding love and acceptance is a good movie formula(like Martian Child). Even some of the scenes could even work in the drama version.

A few that spring to mind are Junior's first night when Ben has a heart to heart with his new son in the kitchen. The scene is actually nice and touching. Ben really comes off well and Junior seems like a decent kid in the scene. The other is when Ben is free of the wife and Junior and is happy till he finds the picture. Another scene I'd keep.

Overall, the movie is okay. It is very mean spirited and one has to wonder as Junior sets up his nasty pranks how no one notices him doing the things. The kid is a major brat and could stand a spanking or two. Jon Ritter's character is the only really well done character in the film.

The drama version wouldn't have to be that much different plot wise really. Here goes: Drop the opening of him being tossed from home to home. Just give a little exposition in dialog later. Give a bit of neglect and maybe some abuse to add weight to it. Open with the boy (give a name other than Junior (to generic))getting into some trouble and being scolded. Nothing psychotic like the comedy version. Make him an outcast still and the other kids are mean. Kid figures if he isn't liked, he will pick a role model who isn't nice... like a criminal (drop the stupid bow tie though.) Cut to the kindhearted dad and the mom. She can still be a bit of a witch and want the child for the selfless reasons. But the dad wants to be a good father and make a difference in a child's life. Heck we could make him just a single father. Keep the aggressive grandfather role. He can be the same jerk and not care for Junior since he is adopted.

Junior acts out to get attention and gets in a fight with another kid who teases him. Dad sits down the son and talks him through his troubles. Kid still does stuff that is wrong but nothing like the awful "pranks" like in the 1990 version. He does it for the real reason a kid like that would. He sees any kind of attention as a good thing.

Over the course of movie the boy starts to try and model himself after his new dad as he finally feels more acceptance. But when he tries to do something nice for his dad he ends up doing something really bad (like wrecking the car into a house or something). Fearing he will no longer be loved, he runs away. Dad desperately looks for his son and comes to the boy's aid. Ends with dad and son forming a bond of love and the boy beginning to heal.

Cut, print, Oscar...

There same basic plot and a lot of elements, but a more realistic approach. Instead of a sadistic child who laughs with glee at things that could have caused someone's death, we get a realistic scared child craving attention.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: 911
(2005)
Episode 3, Season 7

Good acting, but poor police work at the end
The overall story is good and well acted. The Detective speaks to the little girl over the phone and lots of officers comb the city looking for her. But the end kinda makes me laugh because their actions doom their case. Think about why there is no courtroom section of this episode? They guy would be freed due to improper police work.

They track the girl to the electronics store but it is closed. They are awaiting a warrant to search the place. Olivia sees a man fitting the description the girl gave which is basic at best. Brown hair and glasses with a blue case. Oliva halts his car, Ice T drags the guy out of the car, slams him on the hood and they search it. Illegal search. No consent given. Then they smash their way into the electronics store (illegal entry and search). They find the room empty. Oliva practically strangles the guy till he says he wants a lawyer. She notices dirt on his shoes so she rips it off his foot and hits it on a table to loosen the dirt. (another illegal obtaining of evidence). She gloats how the crime lab will use it to track down the girl's body. He get's up and she hits him in the face (assault? - Could be argued self defense). Finn finds a piece of burnt wood and deduces the burned down burger place across the street. Cops smash the fence and search (again someone owns the lot and no warrant for a search). The find all the costumes and the little girl who is brought back to life safe and sound. Again due to searching before a warrant is given, all the clothes and such are inadmissible in court. The only thing they have is the girl's testimony. But even then considering the gross negligence in acting before the arrival of the warrant he could be set free.

Still a well acted gripping story. I just have fun sitting back and with a basic understanding of proper police procedures picking a drama apart on its faults. Would make drama's lousy if they actually followed the letter of the law. CSI would take an entire season to solve one case. Once you learn how the real stuff works, you know things like DNA takes weeks to months to get a result back. Also you can't enhance a blurry picture or a reflection on someone's eye into a high definition picture.

Halloween II
(2009)

Another lousy remake
Wish i could go lower on this film. A one is not low enough. It is that bad.

The first one screwed up by doing the back story and making him "human". He is supposed to be the Boogeyman. Not a white trash little psychopath.

This one tries to be a little artsy at times. The sound drops out completely and music is turned way up. This may work in other movies.. but not here.

One big problem is the writing. I have never heard the F bomb uttered so much in a single film. It comes off as either the writer thinks it makes him sound edgy and cool, or a little kid who learns the word, knows it is naughty and keeps saying it because he knows it is wrong. Either way it is annoying. One sequence is 2-3 minutes of a guy just saying the f word. Ugh.

Other parts give the viewer a major WTF reaction. Like when Annie, her father, and Laurie are having pizza. Meanwhile Michael cuts open a dead dog and eats the heart. Then almost like it is a physical connection Laurie gets sick. So she tasted the dog heart? What?? I can see it written as a twin sensing what the other is doing, but two people separated by 10 years in age? No! In the original you may hear a little heavy breathing from Michael, here he grunts.. a lot.

The ONLY things I liked in this movie were Dr. Lumis and Weird Al. Lumis was great that he is so different. The old Lumis was excellent as well. Old Lumis was a savior and died a real hero. He knew Meyers was pure evil. He tried to keep it contained. New Lumis wanted to help and felt he failed Meyers. Then after surviving the encounter in the first one, he becomes a total a****** and profits from the tragedy. Adds a new Dynamic to the character. Al is hilarious as always.

Laurie is nuts, but somewhat understandable. Her friend also survived the attack yet seems fine. Also the cop dad must be very lenient to allow Laurie to spray paint pentagrams and crap all over the walls of her room and bathroom.

The dream sequence stuff with mommy and little Mikey. What the hell is that? Seriously? And how is it Laurie sees this? How can the little Mikey hold her down? It makes no sense! The opening in the hospital was somewhat OK... but it is all a dream and never happened.

Halloween
(2007)

A pale remake of a classic
Rob Zombie obviously doesn't get horror. He get's violence and gore OK, but not not the spook factor.. Heck none of the recent remakes really get their source material all that well.

In the original you see a POV shot of someone looking through a mask.. A hand picks up a big knife and walks upstairs. The POV walks up to a young woman and kills her. It is then revealed in front of the house to be a small child. He has a blank stare and the house and parents look fairly well off. Then it cuts to modern times and you have the adult Michael simply walking and stalking the victims. He is slow and methodical. When he kills someone he has a bit of a quizzical reaction to their death. The deaths are never super gory. The mystery is what makes it scary. You know so little so your mind wonders what caused this all.

Now we get a pointless remake. Zombie obviously hates mystery because he feels the need to to give us about half the movie devoted to how Meyers became what he is. He is the demented son of a stripper, with a sleazy nasty sister, an abusive step father, he is bullied at school, and loves to torture small animals. He is just a white trash kid with severe problems? wow.. Way to suck all the spookiness out of a film.

He is no longer some supernatural force of nature. No.. he is just some psychopath who is freakishly big and strong. Nothing more. You can kinda see motives behind the killings now.

Some movie killers need a back story. If they have one it is usually summed up in a few quick moments or a scary story. Think of how they gave back story to Freddy and Jason.

in nightmare on Elm Street. The mother basically tells everything you need to know inside of a 2-3 minutes speech. Jason, well his mother tells it shortly too. Then in another sequel it is again told, this time as a scary story. Very brief and tells what you need to know.

With this movie you get a long drawn out psychological profile of the little snot. Wow.. the home life comes as no shock. Gory and unsettling is not horror. Mystery, suspense of building up to a kill is what makes horror.

This movie has holes you could drive a truck through. Like young Micheal hid the mask and knife and finds it 15+ years later? So he planned ahead 15 years? How did he know it would still be there? Was he planning to kill mommy as soon as he got out? Kill the old principal? What? Makes no sense. The original is just him holding knife with a blank stare on his face. That is creepy and scary.

This movie is nothing more than an attempt to get money out of teens who think gore = horror.

The Day After Tomorrow
(2004)

Ludicrous and just plain far fetched
This has got to be one of the stupidest films I've seen in a while. This movie is like a dream come true for Al Gore because it would prove his global warming bull was right. Basically if you watch this film leave your brain turned off otherwise you won't believe one iota of this film.

OK it starts out in Antarctica. Suddenly a piece the size of Rhode Island breaks off. It is global warming. Well the VP and world leaders don't believe it. (The VP is a blatant stab at the Bush admin by making him look like Dick Cheney) Well the Earth goes into massive weather problems like Tornadoes in LA, massive massive hail in Tokyo and eventually the northern hemisphere freezing (all inside of a week or so) Preposterous. Also it is possible to walk from Philly to NYC in arctic conditions in a day or two? Yeah right.

Also there is a bizarre sub plot that goes nowhere. Sam's mom/Quaid's wife is a nurse. There is a sick boy. The plot with the kid makes no sense nor does it really have much of an end. The kid has cancer. He is looking at a book. He can't read the book, but he looks at the pictures and remembers the story. Later she reads to the kid. Then the ambulances forget them during the evacuation. She stays with the kid. Then a rescue team arrives. Then she sees him again at the end.

OK but why is this in there? Were we supposed to learn the parents died and she now takes the kid in as her own? Were the parents to be reunited? What? There was going to be a second one involving the Japanese man and a NYC stockbroker, but it was cut. The Japanese man on the phone was re-dubbed to Japanese and made into a conversation with his wife. This sticks out due to his facial reactions being kinda wrong for the scene.

This movie is far fetched, has a needless subplot that goes nowhere, and bad CGI (mainly the shot of the wolves. The were obvious CGI) Only thing this movie is good for is making fun of on MST3K. Or in its new form Rifftrax.

Brain Donors
(1992)

How does one not laugh at this film?
If you do not find this film funny check your pulse because you have got to be dead. You don't like a joke then wait 2 seconds and you find another. The jokes come fast and furious. This is a very great movie for one liners. The sight gags are hilarious too.

Roland is perfect as the ambulance chasing sleezeball lawyer. His rapid fire barbs dig into anyone within ear shot. Jauques is great for a quick line, but mostly for sight gags. Rocco is also a great with the quick lines.

One of my favorite sight gags is where Jauques pulls a laptop out of his coat. Then makes a few flips and the laptop has a big table. Then out of the table he pulls a monitor and printer and LCD light bar the shows stock quotes. He also pulls out a blow up doll. Rocco just says the line "We got years to go before we can even come close the the Japanese..." The ballet sequence at the end has a massive number of jokes in it, mostly visual. This is by far one of the funniest movies ever. Up there with Airplane and Naked Gun. This is sadly under appreciated.

Supernova
(2005)

Way to long...
Just got done watching this.. Man was it way too long and complex.. well complex in the fact we have to follow about a dozen story lines or so it seems. Don't think I reveal anything important but adding a spoiler warning just in case.. Not like people care about this film. Not like it has any clever twists like the Village or anything We got the impending doom of the planet. We got the underground project to protect the most needed people of society. We got Perry and his constant attempts to get back to his family. We got the psycho killer stalking Perry's wife and daughter. We got the government turning perry into a spy on other scientists. We got the... oh i give up! Frankly the premise is preposterous. A star does not go nova in a matter of days. It would take thousands and thousands of years. Plus you got the overly reused shot of a fire ball being shot at the earth. Man the sun certainly is a skilled marksman because every shot it fires hits the earth! And a satellite manages to catch each one on camera perfectly and crystal clear, yet no one can get a radio reception.

The special effects are state of the art... for the early 90s or late late 80s. Well then again... no they aren't. They are low budget and very poor. I've seen video games with more realistic graphics.

If you are looking for a movie to heckle this is a good one.. If you are looking for a good movie.. look elsewhere.

Showbiz Moms & Dads
(2004)

Yikes!
Yikes where to even begin.

Basically it follows 5 sets of parents trying to get their kids into showbiz.. Some are kinda delusional.

The families are:

A single mom putting her 4 year old daughter into beauty pagents.

A single mother putting her 8 year old into acting. The girl was apparently on That's So Raven two times... maybe more.

A mother trying to get her 13 year old son into the music biz. He competes in regional competitions.

A mother trying to get her 13 year old daughter into acting while also raising another 7 year old duaghter.

And a father who is trying to get his 7 kids (forget just how many) ranging from 7 to about 16 or so into acting.

God i feel bad for some of these kids.

First off the mother of the four year old, Emily Tye, says she is tired of her daughter being reffered to as a Jon Benet. She says the daughter loves doing this. Well the little girl was crying and didn't want to go up on stage. The mother kinda consoles the girl into getting up there. Mom says she always crys a bit before getting up there but once she is up there she is all smiles. Helllloooo. Your kid is doing it to make you happy. She is miserable doing this. Plain to see mom. Yeesh.

The Second one the 8 year old, Jordan Mosley-Stephens, i guess has some talent to be on a tv show twice so that is something. The little girl seemed to enjoy it a bit so i'm not bothered by it.

Then the lady with the boy Shane. Where to start. Cute kid, not a great singing talent. Plus there is only so many times you can watch him practice singing "Hot Hot Hot" before they even go to the competition. Practices dancing (forget the style) with little sis while mom instructs. The kid got bad news. His back up singing girls had to cancel before a competition so he is solo. A 13 year old amature has back up singers? Yeesh. Well the kid competed. The top ten (of twenty) go on... he doesn't make the cut. Not even good enough with a 50/50 shot. I fewlt bad for the kid when he didn't make it he looked to be near tears. He went over to mom and laid his face into her sholder. Not cut out for music. The kid is a good looking young man. He should try out for advertisements for kids clothes. I could see his smiling face advertising teens clothes in a Target ad... not as a singing sensation.

The 13 year old, Jordan Barron, is a bit of a... well it isn't a nice term. Foul additude. Hated the lunch mother packed her for school, complained that the papers he mother printed out were out of order. Wasn't really practicing her monologe. She had a really negative additude.

Now for my fav one. This is so sad it is funny. Duncan Nutter quits his job in Pennsylvania as an accountant and moves his family of i believe 7 kids from a nice big house to a TWO BEDROOM apartment in NYC to try and get his kids into acting. He even tries acting himself... yet he has no talent. And he is the kids acting coach. I think what one of the audition judges summed it up real well when she said somethign to the effect of "It is sad when you have an audition with a kid who doesn't have a lot of talent, yet it is even sadder when they have an acting coach who has no talent" or something like that. The guy was awful and thought he was good.

Over all it is a sad look into the world of parents who believe their little one is super talented needs all this work forced apon them to make them a star. Here is a tip for the parents on the allspark. You may think your kid is the most talented youth around, but that doesn't make it 100% true. Let your kid be a kid and have a normal life without having to memorize a song or script. It could screw up your kids big time..

The second one just reconfirmed some beliefs.

Duncan Nutter is a moron. He has a possible deal in the works to have a show centered around his family. Well at the lunch to go over a possible contract he criticizes the grammer and mispellings and somewhat berates the exec. Smooth move man.

Mrs. Tye is a sore loser that when her daughter doesn't think the judges are qualified at all and the other family doesn't deserve to win.

Jordan Barron turns 14 and is still nasty additude. She get's a card from her father (who mom is divorced from) and later tells the camera that she hopes when she makes it big that he comes asking for money just so she can tell him no.. Yeesh.

Very interesting show to say the least..

The A-Team
(1983)

One of the greatest 80s tv shows ever...
i've been watching old reruns of the A-Team on Spike Tv. Man this is good tv. How can one NOT love this show? Everything about it was perfect. Great charachters.

BA Baracus - Mr. T is the original king of bling bling! He was so fun to watch.... especially with Murdoch. I pity da fool who don't like Mr. T.

Hannibal Smith - George Peppard... ah I love itwhen on of his plans comes together.

Templeton "Faceman" Peck - Can talk his way into or out of almost any situation.

Murdoch - one of the best! Crazy man who talks with sock puppets on occasion and switches personalities like clothes.

Sadly the A-Team makes the US military look like bumbling idiots. But it was still all good. You are almost guaranteed a few things in every ep:

  • Murdoch's insanity bugs BA - they take sheet metal and an old vehicle and turn it to a battle wagon - Face hits on a girl or tries a con


one of my fav bits is where they infiltrate the bad head honcho of the episode's office disguised as workers for phone company, electrician, etc.

Plus there is the great action. Gun fire galore. Car chases. Car stunts. and best of all no one is ever seriously injured. only really remember one minor injury was BA got winged by a bullet.

They don't make great TV like this more....

Stripperella
(2003)

Way better than I thought
When I saw the promos I thought it would be sleaze. I decided to watch Gary the Rat (which came on before it) because I liked the premise. Then I ended up watching Stripperella. I laughed my butt off!!

Ok yes it is a little cheesy at time but that is what makes it so great. Totally makes fun of itself. Great villains like Dr. Cesarian, Cheapo the discount criminal, Klinko, and Pushy Galore to name a few.

This show is very adult. One villain was named Queen Clitorus. Which led to the obligatory jokes about not wanting to rub her the wrong way, she is very sensitive, and that men don't believe Clitorus exists. Yes it is immature but still very fun.

Cheapo is by far the best villain of all time. His idea of a crime spree involves taking all the pennies in a 'Need a penny, Take a penny' tray, stealing the change from a fountain, and stealing immitation furs.

Other great charachters are Chief Stroganoff, Stripperella's boss. He isn't complete upstairs. He has a few screws loose. Special Agent 14, is the mentally handicapped agent. Oddly enough he is fairly intelligent. The lab boys get lot of laughs. They are in love with Erotica/Stripperella and want to make molds of her various body parts at any opportunity.

This is a great series and I look forward to many more eps.

Tremors
(2003)

It's Graboid season!!!
Beware the graboids. Stay on the pavement. El Blanco is on the loose, but that doesn't bother the citizens of Perfection Valley, Nevada (population 7). Just another typical day for them..

This series is based on the movie trilogy Tremors. It picks up where part 3 left off. Surprisingly the main charachters make returns (two with new actors, two without) plus a few new faces.

If you haven't seen the Tremors films I'll sum them up.

It all began with the original tremors film. The town was bigger then. About 12 people lived around there then. Till people started getting killed. Turns out to be giant killer worm like creatures aka Graboids who hunt through sensing seismic vibrations in the ground. Well they manage to survive by killing all the worms.

In the second Earl gets hired along with a new guy Grady, to kill Graboids in Mexico around an oil field. They enlist hte help of Burt Gummer, a citizen of Perfection, who is a paranoid gun nut who is ready for WWIII with his own bomb shelter and enough MREs to last a decade. Well he heads down armed to the teeth (Thanks to the Mexican Gov.) and they kill lots of graboids.. till the change... into Shreikers. New ballgame now. They hatched little creatures the size of a large turkey. They run on two legs and hunt through heat vision. Well they survive.

In the third movie we return to Perfection. A couple more grabois show up. One is an albino. The government wants to stop the killing of the graboids because they are considered an endangered species. Well the worms turn into shreikers again, but then they change again.. into a new form. They blast fire out of their rears through a chemical reaction and launch them selves into flight. They are dubbed Assblasters (Buttlaunchers was another proposed name). Well Burt it smart. He knows that they can't do anything to them if the area is protected. He lets the albino worm live thus making Perfection Valley.

The series picks up where part 3 left off. Some charachters from the series moved on to better things. Val left to marry the Geologist after part one, Grady and Earl went to make a theme park based on the graboids, and Jack, the Graboid Safari tour guide, moved to Vegas. Melvin, as we learned in part 3, is now a real estate agent. He wants to turn Perfection Valley into his own town.. Melville. But as long as El Blanco, the albino graboid, is around that can't happen.

The series is like a Tremors version of Smallville. Strange things happen. In one episode a giant ghostly bacteria attacks sucking the water out of people. Plus there is always the potential (and there will be) more graboid, shreiker, and assblaster sightings.

I give this series an 8/10. The only problem I had was the jerky fast moving camera work during the graboid attacks. Other wise a big thumbs up!

Monk
(2002)

One of the best shows around...
Monk is one of the best new shows around.

Tony Shalhoub plays Monk perfectly. Monk isn't your average detective. His wife was killed in a car explosion 3 year ago. He suffered a major breakdown and is now trying to get reinstated on the police force with the help of his private nurse. Monk's got lots of problems. He is Obsessive Compulsive, has fear of crowds, heights, the dark, and milk. Yes milk. Yet he is the greatest detective around. In one episode he even tried to straighten up the crime scene because the mess was driving him crazy.

Here is a sample story. The chief described Monk's first day on the job in one ep. It was as follows:

They were called to a run down hotel. A prostitute had ODed on some pills. Over a dozen cops said suicide. Monk said murder. They all thought he was crazy. The chief asked "why murder?". Monk points out that if she was commiting suicide where was the glass of water needed to get the pills down..

He notices little thing no one else would.

I give this show a 10/10.

Legion of Fire: Killer Ants!
(1998)

Ripe for MST3k
If you read or have read many of my other reviews you will find I love bad films. A few days ago I was looking for a tape to record on. I pop a tape in and what do I find? A tape of Legion of Fire: Killer Ants! A lucky(?) find!

I just finished watching it. Man is it bad. The entomologist is an idiot. Anyone who knows insects should know that ants cannot swim. They need a twig/log/ground or some sort of bridge to cross a body of water. Our "hero" seems to forget this when they are on the bank of a river being attacked by ants. Hello? I'm overweight and even I could outrun these poor CGI ants.

Another problem I found was with the kid. Not him personally. Poor "Chad" has his name screwed up several times. He is called Scott, Jake, and maybe one or two other names in this film in addition to Chad. I found myself laughing my butt of at each of these goofs. Once it happens twice in one scene each time was a different name.

You do not want to see this. The acting is bad all around. The effects are incredibly bad.

0/10!!

Spider-Man
(2002)

My spider sense is tingling! *Poss. Spoilers*
Words can't begin to describe how incredibly awesome this film is.

Very faithful to the comic book origins. A few changes here and there, but it works well overall. I'm not an avid reader of the comics, but I have read the Spiderman novels so I know a bit about it. Originally Spidey/Peter dated Gwen Stacy and she died when Goblin threw her off the bridge. Also in the comics Pete makes web shooters and web fluid.

Raimi made a good choice in making them organic in the film.

The film is a very dramatic action film. It doesn't rely on constant action to fill time like some action films. It relys more on plot and well written dialouge than non stop action.

The film as excellent as it is could have had just a tiny bit more to it. The novel had a few bits that weren't in the film but would have been great to see. For example:

1. Opens with a bunch of semi drunk guys tearing up a grave yard in a car at night. Spidey stops them and let's them flee in terror. He notices uncle ben's grave. He talks to and says the "Who am i?" speech to him. the movie is basically him telling his life story to his dead uncle as Spiderman. Ends with the same local.

2. After the open, it move to 4 year old Peter moving in with Uncle Ben & Aunt May. Ben explains to Peter his parents are gone. He crys up in his room. Also pete hates the plastic on all the furniture and Ben makes May take it off. Peter notices a spider in the corner of the ceiling and stares at it for hours. Ben comes up and gives peter a journal so he can write to his parents. He tells Peter that the spider is lucky. Peter goes to eat May's cookies but she get's rid of the spider (not knowing peter likes it) which sends little Peter into histerics.

3. The chasing after the bus goes on a lot longer in the book.

4. When he is Spiderman, he rushes to the Science dept. As Peter to get to his job. Dr. Curt Conners bumps into Peter and tells him he has to let him go. He fires Peter for being late all the time. The funny thing is Curt is carring a little iguana. After Curt leaves, Peter mutters a line about he hopes the lizard gets radioactive and bites him so Conners will know how hard it is for Peter to deal with the powers.

5. Uncle Ben is watching the wrestling on TV at home as Peter is facing Bonesaw.

Overall I'd still give the film a 9.8/10. You will believe a man can web swing.

Enterprise
(2001)

Excellent... just excellent...
I have never been a big fan of Star Trek. I will watch TNG on occasion and will watch the movies. But wouldn't be caught dead in a uniform or at a ST convention.

However, I have fallen in love with Enterprise. It serves it's purpose just as did the TNG and original series. In the original series, filmed during racial and political tension, showed a bright future where numerous countries and races worked in harmony. This in a way gave people hope of a bright future. TNG continued to show harmony among different 'people'. Klingons once thought of as enemies served alongside humans.

Enterprise takes a different road. It focuses on the adventure of humans starting to conquer space. It is our first warp drive and it shows how exciting it is to actually be the first humans to explore the new frontier.

What is right with the series: 1. The ship. To me TNG looked a bit like a space cruise ship. It had carpet, and has earth tone coloring. Enterprise's ship is more beliveable as a ship. It looks like a naval ship. It is cold hard steel all over. This seems like the way to go when having a military exploration ship.

2. the theme. I don't see why everyone bitches about it. It fits the tone perfectly! Think about it. It is man's first step into true exploration of space. While we hear the theme we see images of exploration. A viking ship, a sailing ship named Enterprise, early rocket launches, early plane attempts, shuttle launches, and events yet to come leading up to Enterprise. Like the song says. It has been a long road getting from there (viking and wind powered ships) to here (enterprise). It fits perfectly. Not a bad song either.

3. True adventure again. You become a part of the crew and it feels like you are experiencing the voyage with them.

4. Human reactions. Archer meets every new opportunity with the enthusiasim one would really experience being the first human to experience these encounters.

5. Humor. Good amount of humor for a usually stiff stuffy series. Some funny things were when Malcom and Trip get drunk, thinking they are the last crew members alive, upon seeing wreckage of a ship on an asteroid. Malcolm drunkenly reveals he thinks T'Pol has a cute bum. Pretty funny for an enterprise show.

What needs a little work: 1. Admittingly the acting isn't super Top notch. But it is still fairly decent. Very good for a UPN show. 2. Bad network choice. If I was making this show I'd make it more mainstream and put it either on a cable station or larger network.

Overall this series never fails to disappoint me. A+

Smallville
(2001)

A rare gem on the WB
I consider WB/UPN to be a rotting cess pool of filth and bad shows.. save for three. Smackdown and Enterprise on UPN, and Smallville on WB.

I'm not a comic book reader or a big fan of the superman movies. Other than Smallville, my only real experience with C. Kent is the animated Superman cartoon.

Smallville is excellent despite a few flaws now and then.

The good:

-Great Acting

-Good plots now and then

-great reactions from Clark about his emerging powers (in the episode where he gets his x-ray vision, it kicks in in gym class startling him enough to fall off the rope. It kicks into high gear and we get Clark's POV of through the wall into the girls locker room. One girl is starting to take her towel off when it cuts to a shot of clark with a big smile on his face.)

-Great concept of Clark and Lex as friends

-great to see the origins of how things came to be

the bad:

-corny Krptonyte Villain of the week (thankfully we haven't had any mutated people in the recent episodes. Instead we were treated to great plots of Clark being blackmailed by a crooked cop, and one of Lex's servents seeking revenge for his sister by using a invisibility solution that refracts light. He discovered it from a mutated rose)

-some references are a little forced.

Overall truely one of the best series on TV.

A+ 10/10

The Ballad of Big Al
(2000)

Excellent Documeterary..
I have seen all 3 series of the "Walking with..." specials. They are all high quality and add more of a wild life nature show feel to it than they do a typical boring special on dinos.

Some really cool shots are in this film. For example:

When the baby Al and his siblings are feeding near a creek, we see them jumping up to try and catch dragonflies. One falls into the water. The scene is really cute. Yet also in on scene have a baby Al nip at the camera. This little touch makes this series so well done. Gets you out of the mind set of you are watching fake dinos and for a second makes you feel as though they are real.

Watch all of the Walking With series if you can get the chance.

A+

Night of the Living Dead
(1968)

Avoid at all costs
I checked this film out at the local library a while back. I had seen the original and thought it was excellent. What they hell were they thinking when they made this?? The new scenes are horrid and unavoidable! I've seen better acting in middle school plays than in this film. Basically they wanted to add scenes that some of the characters talked about, but it just doesn't work and is totally unessisary. The preacher is the worst of the bunch.

Avoid this film. Either watch the original, the remake, Dawn or Day of the Dead, Return of the living Dead 1 or 2, or watch the silly little parody Night of the Living Bread. But do not watch this.

Original: A This 'vision' of the film: D-

Kung Pow: Enter the Fist
(2002)

Very Funny.... most of the time
I saw this film at a matinee. I got my money's worth. Not worth the full price but good for a matinee price. I may like cheesy movies but even I have standards of bad taste.

Yes this film is incredibly stupid, but that is where it is funny. I like silly zany comedies. I'd rather watch something like this rather than real disgusting humor like American Pie.

This film is pretty cool. Steve O. is digitally inserted into each scene seemlessly. The new scenes do stick out a bit, but over all it is still pretty cool. They even added an effect where the master acciedentally swallows a bug flying around.

Some gags do fall a little flat such as the girl who says "whee-ooh-whee-ooh" a lot. It just gets a little irritating. Others are quite funny. Such as the following scene (not as funny on paper as it is in the film):

Master: A friend of mine once told me that someday there would be a chosen one. [flashback] Guy: Someday there will be a chosen one... [end flashback] Master: Then he told me the chosen one would have great powers.. [Flashback] Guy: He will have great powers.. [end flashback] Master: Then he killed a small dog... [flashback] {Guy has strained look on his face and then a loud fart SFX, dog whimper, then a loud thud.} [end flashback] Chosen One: That was a little more than I needed to know...

This wasn't a laugh out loud belly laugh type funny but I was chuckling and smiling through the whole thing. I smiled and chuckled so much my cheeks were hurting till later that evening.

I can't wait to pick this film up on DVD. This may not be a mainstream comedy, but it will be a cult favorite. 8.5/10

Also stick around till all the credits are over. You can see how they made the film, a few outtakes, and after all the credits a hilarious surprise.

Red Dwarf: Smeg Ups
(1994)

Classic Bloopers
A tape of great bloopers from the popular UK series Red Dwarf.

A very funny tape of the crew of the show Red Dwarf blowing lines and general goofing off.

Kryten also reads and answers the 10 most asked questions about the show Red Dwarf.

Over all a good choice for those who like Red Dwarf. 9/10

Red Dwarf
(1988)

A smegging good show!
This is by far one of the funniest shows I have ever seen. It comes from the UK.

The basic premise of the show is as follows. It is about 2077. The place: Jupiter Mining Corporation Deep Space ship Red Dwarf. Our main character is Dave Lister. He is the lowest ranked technician on the ship. Pretty much even the little bots known as Skutters out rank him. He is paired with Arnold Judas Rimmer the second lowest ranked member on the entire ship. No one likes Rimmer. He has tried to advance to astro navagation officer but keeps having panic attacks when taking the exam. Once he even just wrote "I am a fish' a hundred times and turned it in. Anyway, Lister is found to have a illegal pregnant cat on board. The Captain finds out because Lister foolishly took pictures of himself with the cat and had it developed in the ships lab. Lister refuses to give up the cat because it will be destroyed. He is sentenced to spend 18 months in stasis lock (suspended animation). Only problem is while he is in stasis a radiation leak occurs and kills the entire crew except him and the cat. 3,000,000 years pass before the ships computer Holly can let him out. To keep his sanity Holly recreates Rimmer into a hologram even though they hate each other. The cats, that come from Lister's cat, on board have evolved into a humanoid species. Only one remains and he considers himself the best looking thing in the universe. Holly, the computer, supposedly has an IQ of 6000 (that is the same IQ as 6000 P.E. Teachers), but the time alone has given him computer senility and he is a bit off. Lister tends to spend his days eating curry, drinking beer, and being a slob. Eventually they run into a mechanoid, Kryten, with a head shaped like a novelty Ice cube.

The show is just a series of their weird adventures through space. Some of the episode plots were:

Travel to a paralel universe and meet female versions of themselves from a universe where the gender roles are reversed. (Lister get's pregnant)

Lister rakes a chef's exam so he will outrank Rimmer.

Rimmer creates a doppelganger of himself and they move in together.

Kryten and Rimmer travel through a worm hole and land on an earth where time runs backwards.

The ship is invaded by a shape-shifting alien that steals emotions.

All in all the series is just plain hilarious. I suggest looking for it on PBS, at your local library, or video store. 10/10

Tremors II: Aftershocks
(1996)

The worms have turned...
The Graboids are back! This time the killer worms are terroizing a Mexican oil field. The owner hires Earl Basset to come and wipe out the giant worms. He eventually agrees. The $50,000 a worm must have changed his mind. He gains help with Grady. A taxi driver obsessed with the Graboid exploits from the first film. They manage to have good reason for Val not showing up. They explained it as Val marring Rhonda.

Eventually Grady and Earl enlist the help of Burt. But the worms have a surprise for them.

Over all the movie isn't quite as good as the first, but it does recapture the fun and humor. I recommend this movie. 7/10

Tremors
(1990)

Stay off the ground!!!
A great take on the old monster movies.

The story follows two handymen who are just getting ready to leave their very small town and head for greener pastures. But a series of events prevents this from happening. The small town of about 12 people is now under attack by giant 30 foot man eating worm like creatures.

The charachters are well done. We get Val and Earl. The bicker and argue with each other. The settle all their problems through rock paper scissors. We get Burt and his wife. They have a basement full of guns and ammo incase of WWIII. And we get Rhonda the student researcher.

The movie is well paced and very funny. One of the best 'horror' films that has been released in the past 12 years. I give it a 8/10.

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