MightyGorga

One of the very worst of the "troubled teenager" genre so popular in the late '50s/early '60s. Tony Travis as Eddie Crane is a dull hero who seems to be wandering aimlessly through life (and this movie), his girlfriend is about as interesting as dishwater, and his beatnik friends, especially Peter Breck as the horribly over-the-top Moon, give new meaning to the word "stereotype". However, I urge everyone to see the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version of The Beatniks - it's hilarious.

In terms of story and acting, this movie is staunchly mediocre. The plot's essentially a King Kong remake. Gila Golan puts some fire into her role, but James Franciscus is bland throughout. The actress who portrays the fearsome gypsy Tia Zorina is probably the best of the cast, actually. By far the best aspect of this movie, unsurprisingly, is the stunning special effects work of Ray Harryhausen, particularly the Eohippus, the pterosaur, and the Gwangi-Elephant battle (which is, however, not quite as good as the similar Ymir-Elephant fight in Twenty Million Miles to Earth). Harryhausen's best stop-motion creations have a fierce realism which the slick computer-driven effects of today can't quite match, and this movie contains some of his finest work, in my opinion.

**Note: semi-spoilers **

The AFI can say what it may - as far as I'm concerned, this IS the funniest single film ever made. Three scenes in particular stand out to me - the "autonomous collective", a scene that must be seen to be believed; the argument between the King of Swamp Castle and his son; and, as you can tell from my title, the Trojan Horse parody. Anarchic fun is the name of the game here. As for the ending, I didn't find it very impressive when I first saw the movie, but now, I see how well it fits with the overall scheme. A truly great comedy.

This is one of the very worst of Japanese kaiju films (and that's saying a lot). Luckily, though, it definitely falls into the "so bad it's fun" category. Guiron is a hilarious monster, and his fights with Gaos and Gamera are so cheaply staged that you can't help but smile. The dubbing, too, is possibly the poorest you'll ever see. Two points of irritation: the obnoxious cop Kon-chan, who serves no point whatsoever (of course, neither does the film as a whole); and the song played while Gamera is flying through space. I guarantee, once you hear that song, you will never, ever get it out of your head. Beware!

This film is almost too poignant to put into words. Liam Neeson creates a Schindler who is simultaneously a deeply flawed and compassionate man - in other words, a real, fully rounded human being, one of the best portrayals in motion picture history. Also sublime are Ben Kingsley as Stern, Schindler's bookkeeper and confidante, and Ralph Fiennes, whose Amon Goeth reminds us just how dark and twisted the human soul can become. No film has ever done better at capturing the depth of suffering that was the Holocaust. A work of genius - easily the finest film of the 1990s, and one of the greatest ever.

Time to own up: Inframan is one of my favorite movies. This film is nothing less than an hour and a half of ferocious martial arts, monsters in costumes cheaper than you can imagine, and the fearsome pronouncements of Princess Dragon Mom - and it's a blast. I rent this movie at least once every couple of months just to remind myself how much fun a low-budget film can be. After all, how can you not love a movie whose villainess has her lair decorated with what appears to be Saran Wrap, and whose hero has to free himself from "liquid ice"?

Not one of the more impressive of the 1960s wave of British monster/horror movies, this film is dull and poorly scripted, with a thoroughly unfrightening monster - the Golem moves so slowly that the only way it could plausibly kill someone is by boring him to death. The only thing making It! remotely watchable is the late Roddy McDowall, who took a relatively shallow role and added depth and humor to it as only he could.

Eegah! is the type of film that makes you wish the movie camera hadn't been invented. Richard Kiel gives a "performance" so wooden it makes his role as Jaws in "The Spy Who Loved Me" and "Moonraker" look like Olivier's Hamlet. Even worse, Arch Hall Jr., one of the ugliest heroes in cinematic history, romances his girlfriend by singing songs about other women(!) This one ranks as #5 on my 5 All-Time Worst Movies List (#4, "The Giant Gila Monster"; #3, "The Starfighters"; #2, "Night Train to Mundo Fine"; #1, "Manos, The Hands of Fate"). Watch it if you can bear it, and remember - need I say it? - "Watch out for snakes!"

There's no denying that the special effects in Teenagers from Outer Space are terrible, even by B-movie standards. But nevertheless, it does feature some interesting elements, namely a human-alien romance that seems pretty plausible, and Thor, the ambitious alien assassin (how's that for alliteration?) out for blood. Overall, the film reminds me of many works by Roger Corman, in that it explores themes - rebellion vs. authority, sacrifice, etc. - that actually matter, but is so cheaply made that its poor look detracts from the ideas it's trying to express. Still, a solid, entertaining B-movie, and considerably more entertaining than some films made with vastly larger budgets (can you say "Supergirl"?)

See a Texas town where the cast is just like the landscape - dry and lifeless! See a sleepy gila monster crawling under toy bridges! See Don Sullivan prove he's just as bad a singer as he is an actor! See THE GIANT GILA MONSTER! We guarantee you'll never forget it-as hard as you may try!

Few movies have been more successful at exploring the dark side of the human psyche than The Conversation. Francis Ford Coppola, in the director's chair, does a superb job of keeping the suspense level high, and Gene Hackman gives a performance of incredible depth; we truly believe that Caul is sinking into madness trying to unravel the depths of the seemingly innocent conversation he recorded. How Hackman was passed over at Oscar time is utterly beyond me.

This movie is hard to categorize. Some elements are truly bad - notably the acting of Russ Tamblyn, who just doesn't seem to be trying - but others, such as the attacks of the Green Gargantua, are actually quite frightening and well-made. On the whole, a monster flick of comparatively high quality.

There's no denying that this movie is one of the oddest of Toho's creations, but it's surprisingly moving in some ways. The all-consuming, rock'n'roll-loving "Frankenstein" is a truly pathetic figure (as is Nick Adams, though in a different way), and his fight with Baragon, cheap as it is, is still impressive, something of a low-budget gladiator match. I actually felt sorry for the big lug. I'm not saying this movie is "Citizen Kane," but neither is it as terrible as, say, "The Starfighters" or "Night Train to Mundo Fine".

Gorgo is actually one of the finest monster movies, in my opinion. The rubber-suited parent and child monsters are reasonably well executed, the scenes of destruction in downtown London are impressive, the acting is competent, and, best of all, the monsters come out victorious - something virtually unheard of in Hollywood monster films.

Well, folks, if you enjoy stock footage of planes refueling in mid-flight, then this is the movie for you. Otherwise, please stay as far away as possible. The "plot" stagnates, the actors sleepwalk through their roles (none of which includes more than about thirty seconds of dialogue), and planes get fuel, and that's about it. The best comment on this film comes from Crow, of MST3K-"What they don't tell you is that the script is eight pages long."

Another of the 1950s breed of cheaply made monster movies, this one involving gigantic scorpions freed by volcanic eruptions outside Mexico City. The stop-motion scorpions aren't too badly done (though the closeups of their drooling faces are hilarious), and Richard Denning and Mara Corday are tolerable in the lead roles, but this movie would be far more entertaining were it not for Juanito, the small boy and friend of Denning who cranks up the annoyance factor to dangerous levels. On the whole, this movie falls into the "so bad it's good" category.

Not one of Roger Corman's more impressive efforts, this movie introduces us to a Western town whose citizens, judging from their acting skills, are all made of wood. Beverly Garland takes what could be a fascinating character, a wife avenging the death of her husband (the town's Marshal), and does nothing with it, while John Ireland, playing a hired assassin/love interest, is just as bland. The dialogue, meanwhile, is so bad it's hilarious. Corman ought to be ashamed.

Chicken Run is an excellent comedy, and easily one of the finest animated films to come along in some time. Mel Gibson and Julia Sawalha's voice work is masterful, giving more personality to clay chickens than one will find in many human actors. What's more, this movie is suitable for viewers of any age, and truly warrants the name "family film." Heartily recommended.

One has to wonder what exactly Ed Wood had been drinking when he conceived of this movie. From the paper-plate saucers with their clearly visible strings, to a scene by a crypt with acting so wooden it has to be seen to be believed, this movie is so poorly executed that it actually succeeds-as comedy. Besides, who wouldn't want to see a movie whose villain is played by the the director's wife's chiropractor?

In my opinion, this is the best of Hitchcock's movies. Though it does sometimes drag, particularly in the final forty-five minutes or so, it draws a great deal of strength from the two leads - Teresa Wright, who avoids the "terrified innocent" trap and makes Young Charlie into a courageous and convincing heroine, and Joseph Cotten, who, as always, excels. Few actors could portray Uncle Charlie's combination of charm and all-consuming evil as well as Cotten, and his performance, inexplicably snubbed at the Oscars, is the single greatest aspect of this fine film.

This movie is a comedy of the highest order. Groucho was never wittier, especially in his several inspired repartees with Chico, nor was Harpo ever better at slapstick and clowning, and the script is a crackerjack job. One of the finest and funniest comedies you'll ever see!

I know I'm not saying anything terribly original here, but HA HA HA HA. Hal Warren should have crawled into a corner and hurled after seeing what he wrought. There are only two enjoyable characters, old "Mighty Knees" Torgo and the little girl's dog, and it's a tough call as to which was the better actor. I will say this, though - MST3K found a true gem here. A worse movie never has been and, God willing, never will be made.

In Mothra v. Godzilla, all the best elements of the series come together. Godzilla is back in his full fury and with an excellent, realistic costume, and co-star Mothra, in fighting for her egg, shows personality and emotion, a trait of all the finest monster movies (such as "King Kong"). And odd though it may seem, the ubiquitous human subplot is actually interesting, giving the viewer much to think about regarding the demands of big business versus the health of the environment. (Not bad for a film made in 1964!)

The Third Man is easily the best example of the noir genre, and may well be the best single movie ever made. The greatest reason for this: Orson Welles. Off screen for almost two-thirds of the movie, he's nevertheless the most intimidating villain in screen history; you know nothing of what to expect from him, because he is evil incarnate. Furthermore, Greene and Korda's script awes me. For an example of how to write suspense better than one could imagine, read the scene in the Ferris Wheel car. This film is all-around sublime.

Many Godzilla fans don't care for this outing, but in my opinion, Megalon is one of the best monsters ever devised by Eiji Tsuburaya's team. Who wouldn't want drill-hands and a talent for spitting burning rocks? Besides, this movie is a good excuse to bring back Gigan, who makes great use of his buzzsaw; he and Megalon make a truly impressive team, and the special effects are better than they're made out to be. Not that there aren't flaws. For example: Jet Jaguar. That hunk of scrap metal loses so often he's not even worth mentioning in the same breath as Godzilla. And let's not mention the little kid! We have a new champion for Most Annoying Character in film history!