rubin8r Reviews (4)

Crossroads (I) (2002)

It is so bad it makes Glitter look good.

[1/10 · 16 August 2002]

I have seen a few bad films in my life, the only one worse than this has to be Hellraiser 4 (you can read my review of that one as well).

The problem with this movie is that Britney chose a film to be built around her, not entering a role of a film already written. When actors and actresses choose a role in a movie already written, they are choosing to act based on if they liked the story or not. This film was written FOR Britney, and a film this bad would not be made without her in it.

The film suffers from the same problems that have hurt Britney's career. It is not a film about finding the answers. It is a film about young girls going on a trip and their innocence is lost. It is not lost by normal situations. It is lost because Britney's character wants to have sex with some 30 year-old ex-con. Why? Because her screenplay does not know how to build romance. Instead it thinks that sex proves that she's found a bond.

Britney Spears has been criticized for continuing to sexualize herself in videos and magazines instead of concentrating on making good music. This time she's using the same "I'm not that innocent" attitude in a movie that will be watched by some of her younger fans. I'm not sure how the parents of a ten year-old girl will feel after taking the child to see her favorite singer in the movie.

I won't go into detail with the things going on with her friends, but a film like this is not for the fun loving Britney fan. I'm sure that Britney could have made a decent two-star average film that her younger viewers could enjoy. Maybe with SOMETHING funny actually happening in the film.

This film is a complete disaster. Nothing causes anyone to truly care about the drama that the characters go through. It is a Britney Spears project without laughs, good drama, or good characters. The only person who did a good job was Dan Aykroyd, and his role was so small that he couldn't save this waste of film print.

If you want to see a film that's bad, but TRIED to be good, see Glitter. If you want to see the worst film ever, see Hellraiser 4. If you want to see a film that's so bad it is funny, see Battlefield Earth. Britney Spears' Crossroads is so bad that you can't even giggle at her failure.

Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996)

One of the worst movies ever.

[1/10 · 10 October 2000]

Sometimes a movie can have lots of killing and entertain you. I loved Rambo movies. But there is something in a killing film that Mr. Alan Smithee (shame nickname for the director) forgot. He forgot to make the kills entertaining. Instead, making every victim seem unpleasantly tortured.

I don't want to care about the victims. In Hellraiser III, someone threw sharp CDs at victims. That can be entertaining. Quick death. That's it.

In this hump of a Alan Smithee movie (the word film does not apply), you see skin peeled off victims, especially two twins, that insults an audience's view of entertainment. It is a sick dream of trying to upset horror fans. After seeing Pinhead torture kind people, it is ironic how he gets a quick death (escape until part five).

I have a feeling that this film could have been the used in A Clockwork Orange to help Alex stop being evil. "Turn it off!" The director didn't deserve the Alan Smithee cover up because he filmed these cruel scenes.

Nobody's Perfect (1989)

Ninety minutes without laughing.

[1/10 · 14 December 1999]

I really wish that when making a comedy, the people actually tried to make it funny. This is a film that you can sit through, but nothing is special about it. After watching it, you will say that it was alright. It was not boring to watch, but gave the audience no jokes to laugh at. Entertainment should mean that you actually get something more than an o.k. story. This movie wanted to be "Tootsie", but instead it failed.

I gave it a 1 out of 10.

Bringing Out the Dead (1999)

Watch this film and you will be bored with the show ER.

[10/10 · 31 October 1999]

If you visit New York city on vacation, you may notice a few things that disturb you. If you live there, you will notice more disturbing things. Nicholas Cage plays a paramedic, Frank Pierce, driving an ambulence at night, seeing the worst of the worst of New York.

My mother was disturbed seeing people covered in blood. This is not an easy film to watch. But it does not use graphic scenes to shock you, instead, to help you see the realistic Hell that would make you want to quit right away. Every day being a struggle. How much money would you be willing to be paid to work in Frank's place?

Working a stressful job, one would at least hope that the stress pays off in doing a good job. He has not saved anyone in months. Blaming himself for their deaths.

To understand the purpose of this film, imagine the hardships that you have to deal with in your job. Sometime during your job, you will feel that you accomplished something. Everyone needs to have the feeling of making a difference, in or outside of work. This film is about finding a way to live with yourself and your environment in the worst of situations.