Broken Nails, Nasty Yellow People The Ugly American, ca. 1999, isn't a fat, Hawaiian shirt-wearing 53-year old insurance salesman. She's a thin pretty upper middle class college graduate who knows her way around a J. Crew catalogue. And she has, like, had it so up to *here* with being mishandled by dirty foreigners and their legal system, which is so biased against sexy, affluent white women that, as one of these darlings puts it, it's all just a "Third World joke."
Think "Midnight Express" meets "Buffy The Vampire Slayer," and you have the embarrassment that is "Brokedown Palace." Director Jonathan Kaplan occasionally wants the gritty vérité of the former but has almost no idea how to deliver it (cockroaches scritch and scuttle, producing repeated eeks from the heroines). And Kaplan knows he has to deliver the waifish bods, narcissistic longeurs, and Perils-of-Pauline conventions of "Buffy," "Dawson's Creek," and all the other current teen trash. So you end up with dialogue that sounds more like a failed shopping trip than about the hopelessness of rotting in a foreign jail for narcotics trafficking:
Alice: They told me you signed their bull**** confession! Like we're retarded! Like we're going to sign something we can't read! ...y-you didn't sign anything, did you, Darlene?
Darlene: W-well, it -- it was...my statement! Saying we were innocent!
Alice: Was it in English or Thai? Was it in English or Thai?
Darlene: Look, if they changed what I said, then I'll tell them! Clearly I can't read Thai! I'll just tell them it's not what I said! Oh, well, God, I'm sorry Alice, I'm just not used to being tossed into some filthy, disgusting jail!
After all, it's so different from Macy's. Acting? Claire Danes and Kate Beckinsale have vocal ranges that veer between petulant and murderous; when called upon to emote, they always manage to sound like older sisters pounding on the door of a bathroom occupied by a younger brother. But there is tragedy here: it has to be mentioned that the redoubtable Bill Pullman, after excellent turns in "Lost Highway," "Zero Effect," and "The End of Violence," is back to making the lousy career choices that landed him in such dogs as "Independence Day". Pull out of it, man.
The real, and only, surprise in the film is its hideous xenophobia. A very naked condescension toward Asian culture (that notorious den of software and movie piracy) is on display constantly, and this soon deepens into hatred. The film is quite sure that Thais, caricatured in every guise from prison officials to citizens to prisoners and even hotel security guards, are officious at best, covetous and despicable the rest of the time. It's equally sure that white American girls, provided they have the looks and the outfits, are pearls cast low before these yellow swine. This is a shameful job all around -- c*** filmmaking, c*** humanity.