Smooth B

I watched this movie last week, titled "Primal Pleasure Station" on Cinemax. I thought it wasn't too bad for late night cable, although it did leave some things to be desired.

We begin with Princess Dyanna (Blair Williams), travels with her bodyguard, Tara (Vanessa Cage) to a large spaceship that is basically an intergalactic cathouse for a "hands-on" vacation. The opening scene is full of innuendo between Dyanna and Cassia (Veronica Vain), the liaison who greets her upon her arrival. By the way, I'd like to meet more bodyguards dressed like Tara. Miniskirts and high heels should be standard bodyguard attire.

The entire situation is a trap laid by Aria (Erika Jordan), who wants to hold the princess hostage in order to save her planet from destruction.....and further her plans for general bad-girl domination. Cassia is her servant, and at this point, I'm looking forward to those two hooking up. Aria orders an attack on the station, knowing that since the princess is there, a counter-attack will be imminent.

Once the siege begins, Dyanna and Tara make a break for it, hopping into a ship and barely escaping the attack. They eventually wind up on Earth, where the fun really begins. Jake, always on the hunt for UFOs, and his sexually frustrated girlfriend Suzi (Karlie Montana) happen to find Dyanna and Tara in their house, feasting on their food. Jake, naturally, is intrigued by the two attractive ladies wiping out his fridge. Suzi is a bit skeptical, and also makes wisecracks about their wardrobe.

Jake figures that in order to prove that Dyanna and Tara are truly aliens, he has to test their clothes (being late night cable, this provides a reason for them to get naked). Also, since they come from an all-female planet, neither of them have had any experience with men before (don't worry, Jake can help you with that). Cassia trails them to Earth, but she too is intrigued by the male species and ends up with her legs in the air in no time flat. Secret agent Daniels finds her roaming outside the house and.....well, you know what happens.

Eventually, this leads to a big orgy at the end of the movie featuring the three female protagonists, Cassia, and Daniels the secret agent. Don't worry, Aria gets her some to wrap things up; she spots Jake outside all by himself, not included in the festivities. A brief exchange of pleasantries and off come the clothes. Yeah, it was that easy.

The sci-fi aspect of the film provided a backdrop to let the good looking women get down to business. The story was sort of forgotten at points, and I'm not quite sure if there was a clear ending, but every woman in the film got naked at some point, and that is an accomplishment. While the story was minimal, the funny one-liners were plentiful, so at least that made up for it somewhat. I thought this was a solid flick if you're looking for the most amount of skin possible without it being a full-on porn movie. Actually, I've seen pornos with meatier plots. Nonetheless, this works as a sexy late night sci-fi comedy.

Women: A. I give this movie an A in this category because of the well-rounded nature of the cast, and no, I'm not talking about Veronica Vain's breasts. I'm familiar with the work of every woman in the cast (especially Veronica Vain), and I was pleased by what I saw. Blair, Vanessa, Veronica, Karlie, and Erika made up a very solid cast.

Sex: B+. I give the sex a B+ because it was good, but not great. MRG films are still the best in the softcore genre when it comes to sex scenes, but the scenes in this flick weren't bad.

Story: B. Normally I wouldn't give a movie like this a high grade in the Story category, but the funny dialogue won me over. Plenty of one-liners. Veronica Vain had a solid performance as the supporting antagonist. Blair and Vanessa did a good job as the slightly aloof princess and bodyguard, delivering their jokes in a serious, deadpan manner. The script had a lot of jokes in it, and most of them were pretty funny.

Overall: B+ A solid movie by late night cable standards. I've seen better sci-fi softcore movies, but "Primal Pleasure Station" was a solid outing. Funny dialogue that doesn't take itself seriously, a good looking female cast, and plenty of sex scenes...all in less than 80 minutes. It's a formula that works. It's not one of my top flicks, but it's solid enough to watch a second time if you'd like.

You know what, I actually liked Carnal Wishes. It surprised me.

The movie begins with Rachel shooting her husband Eric, who then collapses into the pool at their house. Don't you just love these films that start at the climax and then flash back? Rachel and Eric seem like an ordinary married couple. However, Rachel begins to wonder where Eric goes during his "late night meetings" shortly after having sex with her. Rachel suspects her husband of cheating, so she asks her best friend Daphne (India Summer) for help. Daphne suggests she meet Chase, a private investigator friend of hers.

Chase takes the job, but finds out that Eric's whereabouts are all accounted for; he's not cheating on Rachel. That's the end of the movie, right? Not yet. Rachel expresses to Chase that she's looking for a way out and feels threatened by Eric, so Chase agrees to help her.....but not before having sex with her. This is late-night cable, after all.

Rachel continues playing the damsel in distress while Chase continues to avoid Kendra, his friend with benefits who clearly wants to be more than that with him. Daphne remains conspicuous by her absence; in fact, she practically disappears for most of the movie's second half outside of an obligatory girl-girl scene. Meanwhile, Chase is over here catching some feelings, thanks to Rachel stopping by his place for more sex.

Then, we're back at the beginning. The next scene finds Rachel shooting Eric, with Chase showing up shortly afterward to find her in a panic. Rachel claims she's been abused by Eric and shot him in self-defense.....well, at least that's the story she'll tell the cops. Chase shows up the next morning at Rachel's house to see how she is doing, only to find Daphne there. Ah, Daphne.....nice of you to show up at the end of the flick. She tells Chase that Rachel has left for a few days, and Chase leaves. But she hadn't left yet. She was only hiding until the coast was clear......and then Rachel and Daphne got it on. Didn't see that coming, right? And now you've got the twist. Apparently Rachel and Daphne are more than just friends, and this entire story was a scheme concocted by the two of them to get rid of Eric, make it look like an accident, and manipulate Chase at the same time. It was Daphne to hit Rachel to make it look like Eric did, and Chase fell for it. By the time Chase figured out what happened, Rachel and Daphne had left the country by boat, and all he could say was, "Well played, ladies." That's it? I guess that'll have to do. This flick could've been a 90 minute episode of Femme Fatales, because that's what it felt like. The only thing missing was the women pinning Eric's death on Chase in the end.

Women: A-. A fine assortment of women, with Jayden Cole as the lead and India Summer as the major supporting character. Jayden has done several of these films in the past few years, and she's pretty good at it. I've always thought India Summer is one of the best pure actresses in porn, and you get to see glimpses of that here. Lea Lexis played a minor character, but she has an interesting accent.

Sex: B+. A couple of girl-girl scenes were the highlights, but Jayden's boy-girl scenes weren't too bad either. They got the job done in this regard, even if they weren't all scorchingly hot.

Story: B+. I thought the story was solid, with a nice twist at the end. The execution wasn't completely on point, but for softcore, you can't expect amazing storytelling. It was fine for what it was. I just wish India Summer had more screen time. For a recent flick with her as the lead, check out "A Wife's Secret."

Overall: B+. I thought Carnal Wishes was a solid Cinemax outing. A solid, sexy mystery flick with an interesting twist at the end. Thumbs up to both Jayden Cole and India Summer for playing their roles well.

I caught "Weekend Sexcapades" last weekend, ironically enough. I wasn't impressed by this flick, but I wasn't necessarily disappointed by it either.

Annie (Jayden Cole) and Michael have been having problems in their relationship; Michael spends long hours at work and, unbeknownst to Annie, is having an affair with a co-worker (Kristen, played by Misty Anderson). Annie suggests going off to a B&B for the weekend to reconnect, which Michael reluctantly agrees to.

Once they get to the B&B, Annie and Michael find out that Todd, the guy who suggested the place to Annie, happens to be there as well--with his wife, Kristen. Yes, the very same Kristen that Michael has been seeing on the side. Less than 20 minutes in, you kind of figure out where this is heading.....straight towards disaster! Since this is a late night cable movie, you know that the mere thought of being caught at any second turns Kristen on, so off she goes with Michael to a spare bedroom to get it on while everyone else is chatting outside. Serena and Max, the happy couple-slash-proprietors of the establishment, spend their time sizing up their four guests and figuring out if any of them are into swinging. Well, they've already sampled Todd and Kristen, so it's just the other two. Oh, their conversations are quite amusing.

Serena manages to charm the clothes right off of Annie while Max and Todd watch. It's the only girl/girl scene of the film, but I thought it was pretty solid. Later on, Annie feels guilty about hooking up with Serena, but mid-confession, Michael assumes she slept with Todd and storms out, leaving her stranded at the house.

Todd and Annie have a conversation in the kitchen, where they exchange a few stories and some flirting. "We're both married," Annie says. "Yeah, there's that," he replies. Notice that she didn't say no; Todd noticed that right away and goes in for the kill. Once again, Annie shoots him down, citing the married thing again.....but she really wants to.

The next day, the big throwdown happens. Michael comes back to confront Todd about sleeping with Annie, which he denies....you know, because he hasn't done it yet. When Michael openly admits that he's been sleeping with Kristen as a revenge tactic, Todd punches him. Michael takes off again, but this time Kristen goes after him.

This is an MRG film, so you know how it ends. Todd and Annie reconvene back in the living room and discuss their growing feelings for one another. Finally, they bang! Well done, folks. It took 80 minutes to build to that. To think, all of this started when Annie discovered she's into girls; I find this funny because Jayden Cole, the woman who played Annie, specializes in girl-girl porn.

Women: B+. Only three principal female characters here, but they each contributed nicely toward the grade. If you like them tall and leggy, then Jayden Cole is for you. As the lead female, she was pretty solid. Erika Jordan as Serena was OK; there wasn't enough of her in the movie overall, though. Misty Anderson is not bad looking either.

Sex: C+. The sex scenes, while filmed in the standard MRG fashion, weren't as enthusiastic as they usually are. A couple of them felt like going through the motions. Pretty slow moving scenes. I mentioned Jayden Cole's experience in girl-girl action, and I guess that helped the lone g/g scene in the flick. It was the highlight of the film sex-wise.

Story: C. The story didn't really help the film nor hurt it, but it did serve its purpose as the vehicle to move things along. I did like the little twist with Michael assuming Annie slept with Todd, because I don't think he would've been NEARLY as upset if he had just let Annie finish. In fact, he probably would've smiled and asked if he could watch like the other two guys did.

Overall: C+. Weekend Sexcapades was a decent late night cable offering, but not much else. It's fairly average, but not a horrible way to spend 80 minutes. I enjoyed Jayden Cole as the female lead here, and I wouldn't mind if she kept performing in these films. For a better film with Jayden in it, I'd recommend Naughty Reunion.

It's been a while since I've done these, but I've been meaning to write a review for "Dirty Blondes From Beyond." It's cheesy, but hey, it's supposed to be cheesy.

It begins with Princess Farra (Brandin Rackley, using a vaguely Russian-sounding accent for whatever reason) and her bodyguard Vema (Jazy Berlin) crash landing onto Earth after outrunning the evil empress Krella (Christine Nguyen) and her loyal servant Tharis (Erika Jordan) through the galaxies. Farra wants Krella's help in saving her planet, but Krella just wants a piece of tail. Go figure.

After exiting their ship on Earth, hijinks ensue. They hide out in a cabin in the woods, where the horny Jock (Evan Stone, always good for some comedy) is waiting for them. Meanwhile, 2 Men in Black-like government operatives (Smith and Jones, played by Voodoo and Jenna Presley respectively) are hot on the trail, as is a conspiracy theorist (Eric Masterson) seeking footage to prove that extraterrestrial life exists. Tharis follows Farra and Vema to Earth in order to capture them for Krella, but she too succumbs to the strange creatures with the "third leg," commonly known as men on this planet.

Once the good girls prevail and send Tharis back to space empty-handed (as you know they would), they find that they cannot power up their ship without a "fromitz," a strange object that turns out to be an ordinary vibrator. The look on Vema's face when she powers up the "fromitz" is priceless.

This film had a fair amount of sex scenes, with a few of them being girl/girl. If you like big boobs, Jenna Presley brings the goods nicely here. Such a big chest for such a small girl. "Dirty Blondes From Beyond" is a decent softcore sci-fi flick, but that's about all it is...decent. The story is kind of flimsy, and a vibrator turns out to be the ship's power supply? Now that's hilariously bad. It has its fair share of laughs, including Brandin Rackley's silly accent and Vema proudly proclaiming she's an alien while completely naked. Smith spends the whole movie trying to get into Jones's pants (Spoiler: He succeeds at the very end) while Tharis winds up somewhat relieved that Krella didn't replace her with Farra.

This is an alright flick to pass the time with, though.

Women: A. I enjoyed the female selection in this movie. Brandin Rackley is a softcore treasure; she's got a great body and she can act. Christine Nguyen still looks good. Jazy Berlin was hilarious and sexy. Jenna Presley? Oh my goodness--boobs that don't quit, I tell ya. Erika Jordan was alright too. I couldn't find any truly ugly ones in the bunch.

Sex: B. The sex scenes were solid, but not great. The g/g scenes were alright, the b/g scenes were alright, the 3-way was okay....nothing spectacular here, but it wasn't horrible. A couple of them were actually quite decent, though.

Story: B-. I'm giving this movie a B- because of the funny quips that the characters had, and there were quite a few of them. The story itself was OK for softcore, but it wasn't that great either. This was a case where the story wasn't that good, but the dialogue was cheesy in a good way. So, I'm giving it a nod and pushing into the low B range.

Overall: B. "Dirty Blondes From Beyond" is a decent flick with funny, yet cheesy dialogue and good looking women. It's what you'd look for in a softcore comedy, and it delivers that. There are better comedies in the genre though; in fact, I'd recommend "Baby Dolls Behind Bars," a movie featuring many of the same people that were in this movie. This movie is good as a second or third choice if you've got some skin flicks to choose from on any given night, but it wouldn't be my first choice.

I just saw this movie yesterday on Cinemax On Demand, and...wow. I was literally blown away by the chests on display in this movie. If you like big boobs or surgically-enhanced breasts, you'll be happy. If you're not a fan of porn stars in softcore films, you probably won't...because this movie was full of them.

"Bikini Time Machine" starts off with Sarah Vandella (aka Sara Sloane), wearing a princess costume, in a girl-girl scene with Kandi (Jenna Presley). Why waste time setting up a plot when we can just dive right into the sex, right? That's what I thought, too. While the audience gets an eyeful of the lesbian sex going on, the camera occasionally switches back to Kandi, who is sitting in a room with a strange contraption on her head.

The contraption sends people back in time, but it has the side effect of making them very horny. Yep, that's right. The professor who invented it just got fired because the dean thinks he's just a dirty old man; however, he gets a chance to use his invention for good.

Enter Laura (Joslyn James) a restaurant owner who's pretty down on her luck lately. Business is slow, and the income is trickling in. She's just been handed a notice saying that she needs to pay $15,000 to a greedy land developer before August 15, or she'll lose her business--the business she inherited from her grandfather. How is she going to come up with that kind of cash in such a short time?

Stop me if you've heard this one before. STSWB, folks. But wait, it gets better! Watergate, the antagonist in this flick, sends his son to get Laura's financial information, to make sure she's not going to have the cash to buy her way out of things. In the process, he gets to have sex with Laura. Benefits of the job, I'd say.

Laura has a roommate, named Sarah (Kylee Nash). She also works at the diner, and tries to help Laura come up with a solution. That solution comes in the form of a lottery ticket....a losing lottery ticket. This is where the good professor comes in. Laura and Sarah use his time traveling contraption to go back in time to the previous day so they can buy the winning lottery ticket and win the money needed to save Laura's business.

But first, a girl-girl sex scene, featuring the 4 biggest breasts in the film. We're all winners now.

There's not much to say about the actual plot of the film--only that it didn't get a chance to suck too badly because Kylee was taking out her boobs, or Joslyn was taking hers out....you get the picture. Before the scene could truly suck, boobs popped out and saved the scene.

Women: A+. This was a stacked cast in more ways than one. Joslyn James and Kylee Nash got the most screen time, but the other minor players were good as well.

Sex: B+. The sex was solid, but not the kind of stuff I usually see in MRG movies. It wasn't bad though. The g/g scene with Kylee and Joslyn was surprisingly good. Kylee Nash made her scenes better by doing the splits in them. She did the splits in every single one.

Story: C. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great either. It was merely a vehicle to move everything along and get us to the next sex scene, but it did have an actual resolution to it. In that sense, it did the job.

Overall: B+. "Bikini Time Machine" is a solid piece of softcore that has some laughs and some groans too, but someone will get naked before you get the chance to be groaning for too long. Kylee Nash was the comic relief in this movie, and she played her role well. Joslyn James was alright as the lead actress. I wasn't expecting her to do much here because she's not exactly known for her acting ability, if you know what I mean. I'm pretty sure she'll get better with more of these types of roles.

Check this flick out if you like boobs though, just don't expect much of anything else.

This is my first softcore review in quite some time. When I saw this movie on Cinemax a couple of nights ago, I felt compelled to come back to IMDb to get the review juices flowing again. Yes, this movie had THAT kind of an effect on me.

"Housewives From Another World" is a quality skin flick from Fred Olen Ray's Retromedia pipeline. Fred's "Bikini" franchise has been going strong for a while now, and I suppose he's decided to branch out a little bit.

We begin with Max (Frankie Cullen), a researcher working on a deep space satellite....no, wait. Let's not begin there. Let's begin with Max banging the neighbor lady Rita (Rebecca Love) upstairs in the bedroom, because that's how the movie starts. Rebecca Love's chest is on display here (when is it NOT on display) and that's what matters the most here. Good way to start the movie!

After that, we get into the plot: While Max is having sex with Rita, two things happen simultaneously: his wife, Karen (Heather Vandeven), comes home from a business trip early, and a small meteorite crashes in the backyard of the house. Karen finds Max upstairs in bed with Rita, causing Rita to scamper away. Karen, obviously distraught about catching her husband in bed with the neighbor, resigns herself to drinking away her problems. She finds the destroyed meteorite in the yard and picks up a few shards of it.....when that happens, a strange thing happens to her. Her body is taken over by an alien life form!

As I mentioned before, Max is a researcher, working on a deep space satellite. His work is what the aliens have come to Earth for, because the construction of the satellite means imminent doom for their planet. While that's going on, Tom (Tony Marino) and Carla (Christine Nguyen), Max's co-workers and fellow researchers, are also trying to steal Max's plans for their own personal gain...well, Tom has a few bad debts he has to pay off, but you get my drift.

Meanwhile, the alien inside Karen makes it her duty to "take care" of her husband so he can focus on his work. Yep, I said it. She even recruits Rita and Carla (their bodies anyway) to help her in her quest to foil Max's plans. The movie worked in a bare-bones plot, but as we all know, a good plot is merely a side dish in a softcore movie.

The aliens inhabiting these three ladies have never experienced carnal knowledge before, so they spend most of the movie having sex with the guys and with each other. Hey, it's softcore, what do you expect? The sex scenes were solid for the most part, and Heather Vandeven surprised me by pulling off the comedy in a decent fashion. Rebecca Love and Christine Nguyen are veterans of the game by now, and they turned in worthwhile performances in supporting roles. A naked Rebecca Love is always a treat that NEVER disappoints. I attribute the sex scene performance to her adult film experience, but the girl can be funny and sexy at the same time.

In short, HFAW is a pretty good way to spend 80 minutes. The sex wasn't bad, the plot was good for a chuckle, and the women all had boobs-a-plenty. Solid attributes if you ask me, and definitely worth a couple spins on the DVR.

Women: A. There was something about all three of these women that I liked. Why I like Rebecca Love should be obvious; just look at her chest. However, she's not bad at softcore comedy. Christine Nguyen is probably the best pure actress of the three, but she turned in a couple of decent sex performances too. Heather Vandeven had the lead female role here, and she was solid. Not great, not bad, but solid. She wasn't great at anything, but she was good at just about everything.

Sex: B+. The sex scenes were pretty good for the most part; however, a couple of them just didn't seem to have any heat. I have to say that I like MRG's style of presenting sex scenes better, because they tend to feel and look a bit more realistic. I thought all three girls were going to have a lesbian three-way at one point, but Karen just watched while Rita and Carla went to town on each other....points off for that. You can't have three girls in a girl-girl scene and only two of them get naked. Sorry.

Story: B. The story was decent enough, but nothing spectacular. It did the job it was asked to do, which was to exist in between the sex scenes. There were a couple of funny parts, such as when the three women were discussing strategy about what to do with Max. The way the girls were interacting with each other during this scene was unintentionally funny; it felt like dialogue straight out of an old alien sci-fi movie. I literally busted out laughing when Rita said, "We must kill Max" in a very deadpan way.

Overall: A-. I'm giving this movie an A- on the strength of the female performances and the comedy throughout the movie. If this movie didn't have the funny quotes in it, I probably would've given it a B+ or even an outright B. "Housewives From Another World" is a pretty funny flick, and I'm glad I was able to catch it on Cinemax this past Friday night. Skinemax and softcore fans should be happy with this one.

I just finished watching "Sexually Submissive" tonight, and I thought this was a fairly solid softcore flick. Sure, the plot was kinda standard, but the decent sex scenes somewhat make up for it.

We begin with three female friends: Naomi (Kaylani Lei), Viv (Jenaveve Jolie), and Courtney (Tiffany Taylor). Since Naomi is doing the narration, you know from the start that this story is basically about her. At the beginning, Naomi is with a guy named George (Tom Stone). George is good, clean, and wholesome--in short, a "nice guy." While George is a solid guy, Naomi longs for something else; something wild, something passionate, and she doesn't think she's gonna find it.

Courtney invites her friends and their significant others up to her vacation house for the weekend, thinking that spending the weekend together would be just the thing to get some passion going in George and Naomi's relationship. Little did she know that Naomi did indeed get some passion going--but not with George. You see, Naomi has something called the "Blake Standard." She compares every guy she's ever dated to Blake, who happens to be Courtney's husband. When she tells him this, he's flattered, but it also REALLY turns him on. Even though she keeps trying to tell herself it's wrong, Naomi ends up sneaking out to the pool and having sex with Blake later on that evening. Every chance they got, they slipped away to spend time together.

After the "magical weekend," Naomi began having second thoughts--not only about Blake, but about her relationship with George. She decides to break it off with George to become Blake's "other woman." "Lifetime makes movies about women like me," she narrates, and she's right. She just committed something of a cardinal sin--sleeping with her best friend's husband. Blake and Naomi play phone tag--and have phone sex--up until they regularly begin seeing each other again. Meanwhile, Courtney begins getting suspicious about her suddenly distant husband, and Viv cautiously observes what's going on, keeping a safe distance from things.

Later on, Naomi decides that Blake has to make a choice, and when he chooses Naomi, it forced her to make a choice--forever ruin her friendship with Courtney by running off with her husband, or try to end it before things really get serious? Guess which one she picks? After Courtney and Blake decide some space is best for their marriage, Naomi goes running up to the vacation house where Blake is now staying. They have sex again, of course, but this time they were seen photographed by an unseen person. When copies of the pictures appear on Naomi's doorstep soon afterward, she begins to panic. When Courtney tells her she hired a photographer to spy on her husband at the vacation house--and said photographer is coming over very soon to show Courtney the results--it basically forces Naomi's hand. Courtney can't bear opening the envelope, so she gives it to Naomi to open, giving Naomi one last choice. Open the envelope and let Courtney see the evidence first hand, or simply admit to what's been going on?

I'll admit, the story was a bit "Lifetime"-ish, but it stayed true to its softcore roots. Kaylani Lei, Jenaveve Jolie, and Tiffany Taylor--all three are porn stars by trade--gave the audience some decent sex scenes. None of them were outstanding, but several were fairly solid. Kaylani, who has carved out a second career for herself in these softcore outings, was good as Naomi, who was confused, yet desperate to find love and passion. Overall, I thought the sex scenes could've been spiced up just a little bit, but "Sexually Submissive" is a solid movie. I consider it tapeworthy.

Women: A- (Kaylani, Jenaveve, and Tiffany are all quality women who are great to look at. I believe this was Jenaveve's first softcore flick, and she wasn't too shabby in her supporting role as Viv. She didn't have a lot of lines and just one sex scene, but she was okay for the time she was there. Tiffany Taylor is cute, but that's about all I can say about her. Kaylani was her usual self, with a bit more drama this time. What Chloe was a few years ago, Kaylani is now--the hardcore porn girl who dabbles in softcore so much that she becomes a regular.)

Sex: B (The sex was good, but not great. In fact, a couple of scenes looked kind of pedestrian. Kaylani had the most scenes, but she was simply just OK.)

Story: A- (The story was a happy medium between "Lifetime Network Chick Flick" and "Cinemax After Dark Softcore." It had something for the ladies--a semi-dramatic plot, the test of true friendship, and a woman falling for her best friend's husband. However, it also had something for the guys--namely, porn stars getting naked. Call it a "couples" softcore movie if you will, but overall the script and plot were fairly good.)

Overall: A- (I thought "Sexually Submissive" should have been a B+ movie, but I gave it extra points for the nice pacing of the plot. It didn't rush things, but it didn't take forever to get the inevitable either. I think Kaylani Lei must really like doing late-night softcore films to be cast in so many of them over the past few years.)

"Bare Naked Desires" is a rather unusual flick. How so, you ask? Well, on top of the hot women and the great sex scenes, there was a surprisingly good story. I didn't think the plot would be that good, but it really was.

We begin with Misty (Kaylani Lei), a call girl working at a cathouse run by Tamiko (Mika Tan). Tamiko runs her house like a mini-dictatorship, making all the girls follow a strict set of rules: No boyfriends, no orgasms, no taking tips, etc. Misty is the top girl in the house and is making the most money. Tamiko does her best to keep Misty in line, however. "You aren't getting any ideas, are you?" Tamiko asks, sensing Misty may be thinking about starting her own house. Of course Misty denies it, but she really wants more....especially when she finds out the customers are paying $100,000 a year each in membership fees--which the girls don't see a dime of.

After she finds out about this, Misty quits and joins her "friend" Derek (Marcus Leland, aka Matt Dalpiaz) in opening The Red Geisha, a new house. The Red Geisha is the antithesis of Tamiko's house--no tyrannical rules, and the girls have the freedom to do what they want. This entices two more of Tamiko's former girls, Flower (Jasmine Byrne) and Ginger (Gianna Lynn) to join up. So far, so good, right? Well, this isn't sitting too well with Tamiko, who vows to fight back with her hired police contact, Norton. She asks him to send a little message to Misty, which results in the death of Ginger. Of course, that calls for retaliation from Misty. It becomes a nasty gang turf war of sorts, only the gangs are made up of hookers. Go figure.

The wild card in the fight is Willa, played by Nina Mercedez. She's an independent escort, and is the new girl in town. She used to work in Vegas with Misty, and just joined up with Tamiko's house. When she finds out how much cash Tamiko is raking in, she decides she wants a cut, or else tell the other girls how much money they're NOT getting. When Misty quits, Willa proclaims herself the top girl. Willa plays both sides, however, as she shows up on Misty's doorstep, saying she wants to join her. Willa is only out for Willa, as we find out later.

I will say this--the casting was outstanding. A nice mixture of Hispanic and Asian porn stars fill the female roles, something not usually seen in these kinds of flicks. Thumbs up for diversity. Kaylani Lei, who has done a few of these movies before, was pretty good as the protagonist Misty. Jasmine Byrne and Gianna Lynn were okay in their supporting roles as the naive call girls, but the heavy lifting was done by Mika Tan and Nina Mercedez--the "bad girls" of the movie. I haven't seen Mercedez in a hefty role like this in her previous softcore outings, but she was quite impressive. Mika Tan was believable in her role as well. All in all, I thought this film was pretty good. Definitely tapeworthy.

Women: A+ (Way to mix up the casting and use the Hispanic and Asian women exclusively. Usually there's only one of them each in a film. Jasmine and Gianna were fine in their small roles. Mercedez was very good as Willa. She's welcome to do more of these if she likes. Mika Tan was great as the domineering Tamiko. Kaylani Lei was good, but I know she can be great. I've seen it.)

Sex: A- (I would've liked to see a few more sex scenes out from Mercedez, but overall what I saw wasn't bad. It seemed that Gianna and Jasmine were in the film just to have sex scenes with each other.)

Story: A- (A solid story. It had killing, it had a couple of plot twists, and it left enough room for the women to get naked a couple of times each. Can't say anything bad about that.)

Overall: A- (I liked "Bare Naked Desires." It's one of the better flicks to come out of the MRG pipeline in a while. Mercedez surprised me with how good she was as Willa, as did Mika Tan as Tamiko. They showed some genuine acting ability. Not great by any means, but good enough for the genre. Good film overall.)

I've watched this film several times in the past week or so, and I think "Stolen Sex Tapes" is a pretty good softcore flick. It had all the elements of a decent made-for-TV drama, with enough sex in it to keep the primary audience from changing the channel.

We begin with Kelsi Ballard (Sydnee Steele), a "newsbabe" in every sense of the word. She's much like the female news anchors populating the channels now--very pretty, very tan, incredibly attractive. In short, she's a news anchor who looks like a porn star--which is ironic, since she's being played by a porn star. She's the obvious star of Channel 6 News, even getting her own show-closing commentary every night. On top of all that, she's seeing a guy who happens to be running for a high-profile office in town--although that's being kept hush-hush for publicity purposes. An offer from a national network is just around the corner. She's destined for great things, and this is upsetting her producer, who has ambitions of his own.

Her producer concocts a scheme to bring her down to size. You see, Kelsi has a camera set up in her bedroom, which she uses to capture her various exploits with any guy she happens to bring up there, or herself if no one's around. He hires a man to break into her house and steal tapes of her having sex with her public-official boyfriend. Little did the thief know that he'd end up having sex with Kelsi himself, and now he's falling for her--and getting a conscience. After another awesome sexcapade with Kelsi, he spills the beans that he's been the one stealing the tapes.

The third act consists of Kelsi saving face, and her producer taking the only tape he has--a video of Kelsi masturbating--and turning it into a ratings bonanza. He tries to blackmail Kelsi into signing an agreement that he would become executive producer of any program she gets offered. Kelsi's having none of that! This calls for a final commentary from Kelsi, who leaves the set to a nice round of applause.

I was impressed by this film. I thought it would be the usual stuff--and it did have elements of that, don't get me wrong--but Sydnee Steele surprised me with her turn as sexy news anchor Kelsi.

Women: B+ (Sydnee is the primary actress here, and she's attractive, no doubt. The other women weren't bad to look at, either.)

Sex: B+ (Word to the wise--the "adult" version making the rounds on late-night cable is actually the edited "R" rated version in disguise. The sex scenes are far too short for this to be the uncut version. I recommend hunting down the unedited version. Sydnee Steele's talents as a porn star are displayed better there.)

Story: B (Solid story, although a bit formulaic. Sydnee's surprising acting ability was a pleasant diversion, though.)

Overall: B+ (Good, very good softcore flick. I'd recommend it. If Sydnee Steele ever wanted to do more of these, she's welcome to it. I'd certainly watch.)

I sat down to watch "Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade" last night, and I wasn't too impressed, to say the least. This flick gets high marks for an impressive cast, but just about everything else was....not so good.

We begin with three hot treasure hunters--Oklahoma Jones (Nikki Nova), Alabama Jones (Katie James, aka Angela Little), and California Jones (Cheyenne Silver). Yes, this is a loose spoof of those "Indiana Jones" action-adventure flicks, only with better looking women and sex.

Anyway, the ladies are on the hunt for an ancient relic. On their way there, Alabama Jones tells the story of two archaeologists who unsuccessfully made the trip before. Who were those two relic hunters? None other than Taimie Hannum and Amanda Auclair, aka Shyla--huge boobs and all. Wow, does she look great. A girl-girl sex scene follows of course, and a three-way girlfest follows that. You sort of see where this is going.

Later on, the girls get another assignment from an unusually gorgeous museum curator (Deanna Merryman), who strangely enough, doesn't look like any museum curator I've ever seen. They're now on a quest to find a mystic mango which has the power to turn women into sex slaves. Nice!

First, they encounter Luna (Aria Giovanni), a jungle girl with a fantastic figure. Yep, you guessed it...time for a lesbian lovefest. Soon afterward, they run into an old adventure-seeking dude with a fake beard who puts them through a hilarious question-and-answer sequence that was also in both Busty Cops movies. The questions were silly, and the responses were even sillier.

Once they get to the island, the girls run into Amelia Airhead (Kelle Marie), who crash landed there 70 years ago, but is still in fantastic shape. Time for another lesbian throwdown. By the time they finally get to the mango's location, the Queen of The Apes (Sunny Leone--yes, Sunny Leone) appears, and does a little topless dance. The movie ends with no real...ending, other than the girls getting naked yet again, which is always nice. If you like softcore comedies, this isn't that bad, but there are better ones out there, namely the first Busty Cops movie.

Now, on to the sex scenes. They were okay at best, but they were sort of slow and there wasn't too much movement. The two boy-girl encounters were nice, and Deanna Merryman has one hell of a body. The lesbian sequences were....mildly hot. The first one with Shyla and Taimie was okay, though. This movie is borderline tapeworthy, but I'd probably go with not taping it myself.

Women: A+ (This movie gets an A+ for the women, because of the cast. Nikki Nova, Katie James, Shyla, Taimie Hannum, Cheyenne Silver, Kelle Marie, Sunny Leone, Deanna Merryman, Aria Giovanni...damn, that's an impressive lineup. Kudos to the casting department there.)

Sex: C- (The sex scenes were much like the ones in those Seduction Cinema movies--the lesbian sequences were slow, which made them seem like they went on forever. Although there was gratuitous nudity--which I can appreciate--I need to see these women do something exciting on camera. Just running around in the water naked is nice, but it doesn't quite get the job done.)

Story: D (Let's be serious, this film didn't really have a story--just contrived situations to get the girls naked, much like Busty Cops. But Busty Cops was really funny, and this....wasn't. Don't get me wrong, it was funny at times, like the question-and-answer scene, and the dialogue between the Jones girls, but on the whole there wasn't enough to hold my interest between the nudity. Maybe if they were naked the whole time, I would've paid more attention. This is a Jim Wynorski flick, which means two things--plenty of boobs on display and solid softcore comedy. At least Jim delivered on one of these. The interview with the cast at the end was a nice touch.)

Overall: C- (Barely a passing grade, but the movie survives by delivering an impressive, smoking hot cast. Sunny Leone had no lines, but I can watch her dance, bounce and wiggle all day. Nikki Nova is becoming an old pro at these mindless softcore comedies. I'd like to see what she can do in one of Fred Olen Ray's bikini movies. As a silly spoof, "Alabama Jones" works...sort of. If you like softcore comedy, this might do the trick, but I'd probably go with one of the Busty Cops films before watching this.)

If it isn't Fred Olen Ray pumping out the bikini movies, it's Jim Wynorski giving us boobs on display. This is why I enjoy both of these guys' work. They have an audience, and they know how to serve it. "Lust Connection" is one of those movies. Using the same sets as "The Witches Of Breastwick" (same boardroom, most of the same actors, same house....it even uses the same hot tub Monique Parent had her three-way in), Jim gives us what we want--big boobs on the cheap.

We begin with Rick (Frank Harper), a millionaire who made his money on the internet, and his trophy wife Susan (Glori-Anne Gilbert with her usual dyed blonde hairdo). Why do I say trophy wife? I don't know too many women who go to the grocery store on Wednesdays wearing a tight black top, jungle-print miniskirt and stripper heels. Anyway, Susan gives Rick just what she thinks he wants--a doting wife who has sex with him often--very often. A few minutes into the movie, Susan gets killed while having fun by herself in the hot tub. It was amusing watching Susan stretched out in the tub after she was killed, breasts floating above the water.

Enter Jenny, Susan's twin sister (also played by Glori-Anne Gilbert, only with dark curly hair). She's there to console her brother-in-law, who has been named the prime suspect in his wife's murder. The cop on the case, Detective Blake (B-movie veteran Jay Richardson) asks very probing questions to Rick about his whereabouts at the time Susan was killed. Over the next hour or so of the movie, he spills the beans about his various affairs with women he met while cruising the internet chat rooms.

This is where the storyline stops for a moment so we can bask in the glory of Julie K. Smith's breasts. They are so out of proportion to her body--they're amazing. She plays Sasha, the first of Rick's many flings. While Susan is out getting groceries, Sasha is getting ready to get busy with Rick--and makes Rick think of melons in the process. Hey, he's not the only one. After that, it's Jodie Moore, the Australian hottie with an exercise fetish--or at least she likes to have sex while exercising. What surprised me the most was the inclusion of Avy Scott and Chasey Lain--two very well-known porn stars. They didn't have to mess around with any silly acting--just say a few lines and get naked. Monique Parent was also in there, but her scene seemed like a "Witches Of Breastwick" outtake than anything else. It was nice to see her, though. There was also a scene with Rick having sex while blindfolded, and he didn't get the chance to see that it was Jenny he was having sex with. At this point, the movie basically gave away the ending.

Now, back to the story. Who did it? Well, since the various women Rick was sleeping with hadn't even met Susan, that leaves only two options. Either Rick did it or Jenny did it. Since Rick spent the better part of 70 minutes trying to prove he didn't do it, that leaves the obvious--Jenny did it. She's so in love with Rick that she was willing to kill her own sister to have him all to herself.

This movie had a great female cast, and the sex scenes weren't that bad. The story--well, let's be frank here. This movie was only 77 minutes long, which doesn't leave much time for storytelling when so many sex scenes have to be packed in there. At least the film ended like a "mystery thriller" should, so I won't take too many points off. I consider it borderline tapeworthy if you like any of the women involved.

Women: A (Let's see--Glori-Anne Gilbert, Julie Smith, Avy Scott, Jodie Moore, Chasey Lain, and Monique Parent--if only for a short time in a scene with no dialogue. Impressive casting here, that's all I can say.)

Sex: B (Solid sex scenes. I liked Julie's sex scene, and Avy's as well. The others were alright. Glori-Anne had three sex scenes in this film--four if you count the solo scene.)

Story: C (There wasn't a whole lot there to begin with, so it shouldn't surprise anyone that I would give this movie a low grade in this category. However, it followed the mystery thriller playbook fairly well and didn't end too cheesy--even if everyone knew how it would end 25 minutes before it actually happened. I'll give it a C here, but it's one of those "I don't want to see you anymore, so I'm passing you" kind of C's. This wasn't one of Jim Wynorski's better films, but maybe it's because he stretched himself too thin--being producer, writer, director, and Glori-Anne's assistant must've been lots of work. Then again, Glori-Anne played two roles and had time to be Best Girl. It's all in the credits, folks. I usually don't pay attention, but I thought they were funny this time.)

Overall: B (This movie gets a B on the strength of impressive casting and decent sex scenes. It probably deserves a B- or maybe even a C+, but Julie K. Smith's huge boobs can't be denied, folks. This is probably the weakest movie I've ever given a B to, but I'm a sucker for big boobs, and there were plenty of them on display here.)

Here's a little nugget of joy from Fred Olen Ray, the man behind the bikini movie resurgence. The list is quite impressive-- "Bikini Cavegirl", "Bikini Chain Gang", "Bikini Roundup", "Genie In A String Bikini", "Bikini Escort Company", "Bikini Airways," and this addition to the collection, "Bikini A-Go-Go."

We begin with Brad (Eric Warren) and Janet (Beverly Lynne), a couple that dresses in clothing straight out of the late 1950's--or maybe the early 1960's. Brad works at Bikini-A-Go-Go, a boutique that specializes in--well, bikinis. The two girls who work there, Cheryl (Cailey Taylor) and Karen (Stacy Burke) are hot, yet relatively brainless blondes who are there to look good and not much else. Meanwhile, Janet works at an office, and her boss is the obnoxious Mr. Rogers (Danny Pape), who's constantly trying to get into her pants. Janet's just not that kind of girl, mister! Well, at least not yet.

The antagonist of the story, Darvella (Nikki Fritz) has lost her magic tiki necklace. This necklace basically turns the wearer into a nymphomaniac.....which is why it's bad news when Brad gives Janet the necklace as an anniversary present. Don't blame him, he didn't know it was magical; he found it at the bottom of a box of Hawaiian shirts!

Like clockwork, Janet begins dressing sexier, and seems to get horny for no apparent reason. She begins exploring every dormant corner of her sexuality. First, it's a masturbation session while watching some porn on TV. Then, it's a quickie on the office desk with Mr. Rogers. Oh yeah, Janet can get down when she wants to.

Meanwhile, Darvella is on the hunt for her necklace. So, she sends her personal sex toy/muscleman Vargas (John Swipe) to look for it...but not before he takes Cheryl to the back of the store and gives her some "servicing."

This movie starts silly, stays silly, and ends even sillier. From the vintage wardrobe of Janet and Brad, to the "fatherly advice"-style narration from Jay Richardson, to the ending sequence that serves as an epilogue of sorts, this film is full of hilarity. Some of it was good, but some of it was pretty bad.

Let's talk about those sex scenes. It makes sense that the blondes--Cailey Taylor and Stacy Burke--have the best sex scenes. First with each other, then Cailey's scene in the stockroom of the store, then the big threeway with Beverly Lynne at the end. Beverly had a nice scene in the office, too. I wasn't a big fan of Nikki Fritz's first scene with Vargas--it didn't look like she was into it all that much and it dragged on a little too long.

I probably wouldn't consider this movie tapeworthy, but I've got it on tape so you won't have to.

Women: B+ (The "Women" grade is fairly high because of Beverly Lynne and those hot blondes, Cailey Taylor and Stacy Burke. Nikki Fritz is getting a little long in the tooth nowadays, but she's still got some looks--she just didn't look all that great in this film.)

Sex: C+ (A couple of standout scenes--namely the stockroom scene with John Swipe and Cailey Taylor, and the office sequence. The all-girl three-way wasn't bad. Nikki's sex scenes looked pretty flat.)

Story: C (Really, this film could do no better than a C in this category. It had some semblance of a plot--and for that it gets some points. However, the movie as a whole just wasn't that interesting outside of the sex scenes--and even those scenes were simply average. Maybe Fred wrote this film after all those other bikini movies and had used up the good material already.)

Overall: C+ (Slightly better than average. The attractive women save this film to an extent. This is a typical Fred Olen Ray movie, and that means there's a fair share of comedy. However, the jokes that made "Genie In A String Bikini" and "Bikini Roundup" funny just weren't there in this movie.)

Okay, I just finished watching "The Witches of Breastwick" and I gotta say....I was impressed by the huge boobs on display, but the storyline (what little of it) left a lot to be desired. Let's just say that there's a reason 80% of the grade is based on the women and the sex.

We begin with David Carter (Matt Dalpiaz, a softcore regular), a man who has been having strange dreams lately--dreams of him tied up and seduced by three women with fairly big breasts. Yep, it's the kind of dream most men would really, REALLY like to have. Unfortunately, he doesn't (why??) and he goes to see a shrink about it. Dr. Richards (Jay Richardson, a softcore veteran) doesn't really help him all that much, but I'll tell you who really helped Dr. Richards--his assistant, played by Jodie Moore, a smokin' hot Aussie porn star. She does a little strip tease on top of the board room table, and it was quite a performance. She said nothing--she let her body do the talking.

Now, back to the story. In order to get the bottom of these dreams he's been having, he takes a drive out to the woods, accompanied by his wife Tiffany (played by B-movie supervixen Monique Parent, this time as a red-head). Of course, the Carters carve out a little time to have sex out in the open and they continue on until the car suddenly dies for no reason. Tiffany spots a house nearby, and since her cell phone is getting no reception, she decides to knock on the door and see what's up.

Who answers? A woman with dirty blonde hair and big boobs, wearing a tight white top and a denim mini-skirt. NICE. Oh....the woman's name is Lola, played by Julie K. Smith. It's nice to see she's still working. She gives the Carters some drugged up wine and persuades them to spend the night with her and her two friends, Felicia and Rebecca (Stormy and Glori-Anne Gilbert, respectively--right down to the big knockers).

For the next 45 minutes or so, the film manages to loosely wrap a story around various sex scenes involving the three ladies, David, and Tiffany. They throw in another woman named Holly (Taimie Hannum, a favorite from way back) who gives David some inside info as to who these women really are--they're witches, and they've put a spell on the Carters. Apparently, David is the descendant of a judge who sentenced a famous witch named LaCacanya to death (played briefly at the end by Antonia Dorian) and these witches want payback. Okay, I suppose.

The superfast and anticlimactic ending did plenty to lose the points, but the large breasts and sex scenes-a-plenty made up for the script's shortcomings. Therefore, I consider this film tapeworthy for those aspects alone.

Women: A+ (Yes, this flick gets an A+ in this category. Glori-Anne Gilbert, Stormy, and Julie Smith are three witches I'd love to be held captive by. What a trio; I was very impressed. Throwing in Taimie Hannum for a little while was a cool bonus, as well as getting Jodie Moore to strip down to nothing. Antonia Dorian's face was on the screen for about 2 seconds, so I can't really add her in to the rating--not that it would've mattered anyway. Did I mention Monique Parent is in this? Oh, I did? Then you understand why this category gets an A+.)

Sex: A (I liked the various sex scenes, although the music playing through them kept them from getting an A+. Big boobs bouncing everywhere, and Monique Parent unclothed is always fun to watch.)

Story: C- (Here's where the points come off. The ending really took the steam out of things--probably because it ended so quickly. Jim Wynorski wrote, produced, and directed this movie (don't pay attention to the names--it's all one guy. Jim, much like Fred Olen Ray, likes to use aliases) and this is not really one of his best efforts in this department. Where was the comedy? This is listed as a horror movie, but I really wasn't scared at all. 78 minutes doesn't leave a lot when it comes to fleshing out a decent storyline, and I wasn't expecting a tearjerker or anything, but at least give these characters something to do between sex scenes.)

Overall: B+ (I'm giving this movie a B+. Not a perfect grade, but enough to make my short list of "good" softcore films. The big boobs were a definite plus, as was the wise use of Monique Parent as the unassuming, yet horny-when-she-has-to-be wife.)

Ah yes..."Call Girl Wives." There was much to like about this movie--the laughable dialogue, the amount of sex involved, the ending letters the wives write their husbands....it was all here, the makings of a great softcore comedy, and I was entertained by the whole thing.

We begin with three housewives--Amanda (Amanda Auclair), Taimie (Taimie Hannum--I'm glad she's still around) and Ashley (Ashley Long). Their husbands go out on a hunting trip and leave them all alone. You sort of know where this is going before it actually happens, but play along. The girls are tired of their boring, ordinary lives and decide to do something about it. They do what any desperate housewife would do--become a high-priced call girl.

Taimie mentions a friend of hers who works as a "love broker." They go to see her, and to my surprise, the Madam is played by Brittany Andrews--yes, THAT Brittany Andrews. The Madam entices the girls with an offer of thousands of dollars and flowery language--most of it quite hilarious--followed by a "informational video" featuring Ashley Blue getting it on with a client. Within a few minutes, the three girls are convinced and start work immediately.

This is where the plot takes a back seat and the sex comes into focus. You can't miss it, because it's one sex scene after another. The three-way featuring the three wives was okay, but Ashley Long's performance later on was the scene of the film. Each "call girl wife" gets a one-on-one scene with a guy, and another girl-girl sequence with Ashley Long ends things. Ashley Long definitely was the scene stealer in this one--and her lovely British accent was a plus, of course.

In another funny scene, Taimie walks in on Julie the Understudy (Julie K. Smith) getting ready for work. When Julie realizes her services won't be needed, she figures she'll just take a dip in the pool. This scene was pure comedy, and was very close to something usually seen in a Jim Wynorski film.

The ending, consisting of each wife reading a "I'm leaving you" note to her husband, capped off the film in a humorous way. The best one, in my opinion, belonged to Ashley. She ends her note like this: "...In some circles, I'd be called a whore. But, I went to Vassar. How many whores go to Vassar? None, that's how many! Love, Ashley."

I consider this film tapeworthy. The comedy scenes just capped things off for me.

Women: A (Taimie, Amanda, and Ashley are the principals here, and they don't disappoint. I wouldn't mind seeing more of Ashley Long in some of these films. Then there's the cameos by Brittany Andrews and Ashley Blue. If Brittany Andrews is involved, I really can't go below an A.)

Sex: B+ (Ashley Long's boy-girl scene takes the cake, and the rest were pretty good, too. I would have liked to see Taimie's scene last a little longer.)

Story: B (Not much of a story here after the girls become call girls, but it does what it's supposed to do, and that's have some semblance of a logical ending. At just under 78 minutes, it was way too short to develop any sort of a storyline anyway. The blooper reel at the end was a nice touch.)

Overall: A- (The "fudge factor" allows this film to hang on in the A range, but just barely. I was impressed by Ashley Long's performance, and that was more than enough to warrant some extra credit points. Brittany Andrews in a softcore flick sort of did it, too.)

I just saw "Behind Bedroom Doors," and this was the first softcore flick with a solid story behind it that I've seen in a while.

We begin with two neighborly couples--Vivian and James Fenway (Julia Kruis and Eric Carrington), and Lillian and Gabe Harris (Nicole Sheridan and Chris Gustafson). Vivian appears to be a housewife, James is a lawyer running for district attorney, Lillian works in real estate, and Gabe is a successful plastic surgeon. Got all that? Now, let's get into it.

Enter Abby, played beautifully by porn star Chelsea Blue. She's renting the house across the street from the Fenways and lives all by herself. At the beginning of the movie, James looks out his window and sees Abby engaged in playtime with her girlfriend, Gigi (played by prolific pornstress Monique Alexander) and secretly begins to wonder what it would be like to be with her. The next day, Abby gets acquainted with all four of them, and appears to be a nice woman who just happens to be living an alternative lifestyle. She makes a pass at Vivian, who seems startled and says to her, "Oh...I'm...not that way." Everything seems okay...until the plan gets set in motion

First, Abby shows up at Gabe's office, naked, asking Gabe if she should get a boob job. This is where we get our quote of the movie:

"Tell me about Gabe." "What do you want to know?" "Is Gabe happily married?" "I'm married." "There's trouble.....let me guess. Your wife stays at home, and does everything you ask. But, she's a good girl." "Yes." "She's not a bad girl?" "No." "Does that door have a lock on it?"

You know what happens next....Abby gets it on with Gabe, right there in the exam room. After that, she puts on a little show in her window for James, who comes over and wastes no time in having sex with her. What James doesn't know is that the teddy bear on the piano with the flashing red eye is really a camera taping all the festivities (it's so obvious anyway). Abby has sex with Gabe again later, and this time Gigi joins in to make it a three-way. Now that Abby has something on both men, she requests $100,000 from each in order to buy her silence. Not only could she ruin James's run for office, but she could destroy Gabe's practice.

While Gabe and James wrestle with their guilt, Abby finds time to seduce Lillian--who "experimented" with women in college. That was a long time ago, but you wouldn't know that seeing her in action with Abby--she looked like an old pro.

While Gigi goes along with the plan, she's seems jealous of all the sex her girlfriend is having. "It's only business," Abby says. Confessions and apologies are sure to follow, as is some startling info on Abby's true identity--it seems she's been doing the same thing to different men in many different places. Gabe and James use this info to fight back against Abby's blackmail.

Now, on to the sex. The sex scenes were pretty good, and considering all the women involved in this film except for Julia Kruis have a lengthy porn background, I wouldn't have expected anything less. Nicole Sheridan's four scenes were the best of the movie, with the three-way coming in a close second. Monique Alexander only got naked once, but she was a relatively minor character. Julia Kruis was a major character and got naked the same number of times. I suppose since she was surrounded by experienced hardcore pros, she didn't have to have as many sex scenes.

To wrap up, "Behind Bedroom Doors" had a great storyline, which enhanced the overall grade of the film. I consider it tapeworthy.

Women: A- (Nicole Sheridan was good in this film--better than her later offerings in Fred Olen Ray's comedies. At least she can do drama somewhat. Chelsea Blue was a scene stealer--she wasn't that bad as the antagonist. I'd give her an A all by herself. Julia Kruis was her usual self. I wish Monique Alexander had more face time in this film, though.)

Sex: B (Solid, very solid sex scenes. Nicole Sheridan's performances were almost hardcore quality. Chelsea Blue looked good in her scenes, too. The two girl-girl offerings weren't scorching, but they did warm up the screen.)

Story: B+ (I liked the dialogue and the main storyline. Chelsea Blue's performance was good for the genre, and I was impressed with Nicole Sheridan's turn at drama.)

Overall: B (This was a nice softcore flick. I'm glad I was able to watch this one, as I was pleasantly surprised. If Chelsea Blue ever wanted to do more of these, she'd be welcome anytime. That goes for Nicole Sheridan, too--even though she's probably better at doing comedy. I don't mind hardcore girls who can act doing softcore films.)

"Teenage Cavegirl", or "Bikini Cavegirl" as its known on Cinemax and Showtime, wasn't that bad of a skin flick. I thought it was kinda stupid, but softcore comedies are supposed to be stupid sometimes.

We begin with a primitive couple, having sex in a cave--Tiko (Evan Stone) and Tahra (Jezebelle Bond, in a role that suits her very well). The following morning, Tahra enters a "time vortex" to escape the wrath of a giant dinosaur. She ends up in present times, in the RVof fossil hunter Richard (Alexandre Boisvert) and his girlfriend Sharon (Kennedy Johnston). After a hard day collecting dirt and not much else, Richard and Sharon go back to the RV to have sex. Little did they know Tahra was under the covers, watching them. Richard realizes he's stumbled upon a gold-mine and convinces Sharon to take Tahra home with them.

Once the action moves to Richard's house, the comedy really picks up. Tahra learns to talk by watching television, and can only speak in TV commercial lingo at first (these lines are hilarious, and Jezebelle's facial expressions add to the humor). Richard ends up inviting his distinguished professor buddy, Dr. Matthews (Jay Richardson, a longtime B-movie regular). He shows up to the house, with Cynthia (Nicole Sheridan) in tow. It's never really explained what the relationship between Dr. Matthews and Cynthia is, but I suppose they had to get her into the action somehow. While Richard and Dr. Matthews perform memory experiments on Tahra, Cynthia and Sharon have a little girl-girl fun. Meanwhile, Tiko has also discovered the "time vortex" and is sniffing and grunting his way toward the house, presumably to save Tahra.

The sex scenes were plentiful; in fact, I'm surprised they were able to fit so many into a 75-minute movie. Lezley Zen makes an appearance toward the middle, having a wild time in the back of a pickup truck. Once Tiko gets to the house and finds Sharon and Cynthia, a three-way just had to follow. For the most part, the scenes were quite realistic, with Lezley's and the three-way standing out as the winners.

After a giant four-way, three-girl, one-guy extravaganza at the end, Tahra and Tiko go back to their own time...and we find out that they were taking a vacation in the present day, calling it "prehistoric times." In fact, they were from the future--with a giant spaceship for transportation. A mild twist, but fitting nonetheless.

I consider this film tapeworthy. It has solid sex scenes and a short running time, which means there isn't a whole lot of time to worry about advancing the plot. Some dialogue, sex scene, a few more lines, then another sex scene. It did help that the lines were funny for the most part.

Women: B+ (Jezebelle Bond picked up some points from me. I liked the character she played in this movie. Nicole Sheridan didn't talk much and was naked longer than she was clothed, which is always a plus. Kennedy Johnston wasn't bad either, and Lezley Zen's brief appearance solidified the grade nicely.)

Sex: B+ (Plenty of sex scenes, with the majority of them vaguely resembling hardcore sex scenes. Slapping, squealing from the girls, and just enough "dirty talk" from Nicole Sheridan keep this grade fairly high.)

Story: B- (This movie hangs on in the "B" range thanks to the funny lines Tahra had. Not the best movie Fred Olen Ray ever directed, but it had enough comedy to make me laugh.)

Overall: B (A solid B for a solid softcore comedy. It was a fast viewing experience, and the sex scenes weren't boring to watch. Jezebelle Bond seems to have a knack for comedy if given the right material. I know she's a hardcore girl by trade, but I really liked her as Tahra. In fact, everyone in the cast except Jezebelle was also in "Genie In A String Bikini", a film that had some hilarious sequences. In short, "Bikini Cavegirl" has enough comedy to make you laugh a few times while waiting for the sex scenes to come around.)

I just finished watching "Genie In A String Bikini" and I must say, it was a very funny movie. Of course, there was plenty of sex, but the dialogue kept the story (what little of it there was) moving.

We begin with a genie--named Genie (Nicole Sheridan, a fairly well known hardcore actress) and a male genie named Akbar (Evan Stone, the hardcore porn guy). For having sex with each other instead of saving themselves for their masters, they're punished by being placed in containers--Genie in a bottle (of course), and Akbar in a small trunk--until someone frees them. Once freed, they're bound by their master's wishes forever--no matter what wishes they are.

Now that we've got the story out of the way, hilarity can ensue. Enter Major Tony (Alexandre Boisvert) who stumbles upon both containers on a trip to a foreign country. He brings them home and accidentally frees Genie, who's willing to do whatever, if you know what I mean. Of course, he explains to her that he's engaged to Suzanne (Kennedy Johnston) and can't participate in any "genie love." "You can make love to me for hours!" Genie exclaims, giving us one of our many quotes of the movie.

What Tony doesn't know is that Suzanne doesn't want to marry him for love--she wants the $6 million he's getting ready to inherit. On top of all that, she's seeing another woman on the side named Chelsea (Beverly Lynne, who turns up in just about every new softcore flick). Suzanne takes the small trunk to Chelsea, who opens it rather quickly. Out comes Akbar, which prompts Chelsea and Suzanne to look at him with nasty thoughts in their heads--time for an impromptu three-way! Tony eventually finds out what Suzanne is up to and shacks up with Genie, giving us a satisfying ending to a rather short 77-minute film.

Now let's get to the sex. The sex scenes were about what I expected, given that actual hardcore actors were involved. The opening scene with Akbar and Genie getting it on was pretty nice. The two lesbian scenes were quite graphic as well. A 2 girl-1 guy three-way was even squeezed in there. So many sex scenes in a relatively short time frame, and none of them were bad.

The funny dialogue helped the brief intervals between sex scenes fly by. I credit that to Fred Olen Ray, the man behind this flick (using his customary various aliases). He wrote, produced, and directed this movie, and it shows. This guy knows how to put together a screwball B-level comedy full of hot chicks and sex.

In short, I'd recommend this movie to anyone who likes comedy along with their sex scenes. I consider this movie highly tapeworthy.

Women: A- (Not a bad looking one in the bunch. It sure helps that Nicole Sheridan was the lead character. She played up the comedic nature of her character well. Kennedy Johnston was nice, but not extremely hot. Beverly Lynne--the most prolific woman in softcore at the moment--was her usual self, and was limited to a small part in this movie. She's not bad at doing comedy.)

Sex: A (Very nice sex scenes, bordering on hardcore quality. The three-way featuring Beverly Lynne in the middle of things was one of the movie's highlights.)

Story: B (Well, at least it's going somewhere. The "Story" grade also takes into account the dialogue of the movie, and that's where the bulk of the points come from. The plot itself was very weak, but the dialogue kept things moving. I liked the line where Akbar threatened to turn Suzanne and Chelsea into Milli Vanilli fans. Fred Olen Ray crafted another winner here.)

Overall: A- (The whole cast worked well in this movie. Even old B-movie veteran Jay Richardson chipped in his two cents, playing Dr. R.J. Reynolds. I liked "Genie In A String Bikini" for the same reasons I liked "Busty Cops"--a film directed by another B-movie legend, Jim Wynorski. Yes, it's a softcore flick, but it's not the usual mystery-thriller softcore flick. I enjoy watching softcore comedies, and given its short running time, "Genie" is just the thing to watch in order to waste an hour quickly.)

I just sat down tonight to watch "Vinyl Dolls", and I'd be kidding myself if I didn't immediately think of the softcore atrocity "Sapphire Girls" while I was watching this.

The Vinyl Dolls are an all-girl rock band. They have a certain sound (lip-synched, of course) that sounds very reminiscent of 80's arena rock. While they do stumble through several songs in this film (and occasionally forget to look like they're playing their instruments), the music serves as the backdrop.

The story begins as the girls lose their lead singer/guitarist right before a string of big shows. Now they have to hold auditions! After everyone but the drummer leaves to get some lunch, in walks Finola. Oh yeah, Nola....a curvy yet mysterious woman with a nice voice and a decent guitar. The rest of the band are sold on her, but what they don't know about is her shady past, which comes back to haunt her in a big way.

Doyle, a guy she used to hang with (and supposedly committed armed robberies with) shows up at one of her shows and wants some drugs he left in the back of her car. Secondly, because of the robberies, Nola is wanted by the cops! A deputy sheriff who frequents the club the Dolls play at now has to play cop and ask a bunch of questions while also keeping his growing feelings for Nola in check. Furthermore, a talent scout from Comet Records has been peeking around the club, sampling the merchandise, and is waving a record contract in Nola's face!!! What are the Dolls to do?? Have lots of sex, of course.

I noticed I haven't talked about the sex yet. Keeping with the recent trend to make softcore sex scenes look as hardcore as possible, the sex in "Vinyl Dolls" was pretty good. In fact, I was impressed with the loud moaning going on--and it wasn't canned noise either. I liked the sex scenes quite a bit. Unfortunately, Beverly Lynne wasn't in enough of them, but the two she was in were fine with me.

The bottom line is this--If you can stand the 80's sounding rock songs and can stop laughing while Beverly Lynne tries her best to be the best bass player ever, this one just might be tapeworthy. The sex scenes may be enough to make the average Skinemax viewer hang around for a while.

Women: B (I'm really warming up to Beverly Lynne. I don't know what it is about her, but with each passing movie, I'm moving her higher on my list. Maybe it's the sheer number of movies she's been in the past few years--I'm not sure. Jezebelle Bond was decent, but the scene stealer was Tiffany Shepis as Nola, the mysterious new lead singer. I don't know where she came from, but I'd sure like to see more of her.)

Sex: B (Solid, very solid. I liked the moaning, and seeing Beverly out of her clothes. A couple of the scenes could've used some more "oomph" which is why I have to take some points off.)

Story: C+ (The struggling-to-get-noticed rock band loses their lead singer and gets a new one with a past. Lots of things happen in the meantime. New singer almost gets busted for armed robbery. Band gets contract. It sounds like an episode of "Behind The Music." It's a nice story, but it's the old "girl band" plot with a few wrinkles thrown in. I wasn't very impressed with the storyline, so off come the points.)

Overall: B- (The filmmakers made good use of Beverly Lynne, having her take her clothes off when it looked like the movie was spinning its wheels a bit. Tiffany Shepis almost stole the movie with her performance, and she looked like the only one who was really into the band scenes. I know they're not really playing or singing, but at least put on a decent show....I know Tiffany did! In short, the sex scenes carried "Vinyl Dolls" and that's why I graded it high, even though it came up short in the story department.)

Jacy Andrews had serious potential in softcore, folks. Before she decided to hang it up early, she made some pretty good flicks. "Sinful Desires" is a good one, and it's the sole reason Jacy Andrews was able to crack my list of the best Skinemax babes.

Since this is an MRG Entertainment movie, I had a pretty good idea of what to expect, and that's what I got. It starts with Angelica Weston (Jacy Andrews), who uses the stage name "Gia" for her live late-night call-in radio show. In my opinion, it's very similar to the show Angela Davies presides over in "Best Sex Ever." The guests call in, share some sexual fantasies, Gia lays it on thick with the innuendo-laced dialogue, end of show.

Gia's show has been surging in the ratings lately, and her station manager, Jonathan (Craig Field) wants to relentlessly promote her show with billboards featuring Gia's face. The problem is that "Gia" is Angelica, and she wants "Gia" to remain her faceless alter-ego. She wants no part of the publicity. This leads to a tug-of-war with her boss, and off she goes to Jake's Bar, the local watering hole where her buddy Lorena (Nikita Cash) tends bar.

We're all waiting for the plot to be set in motion, and about a half-hour in, it finally does. Someone is stalking Gia, and the stalker has been calling in to her show, giving out intimate secrets as to who "Gia" really is. The stalker has pictures of Gia in compromising situations, including her latest sexual escapade with a man she finds out later is the advertising executive in charge of the ad campaign Angelica wants nothing to do with. Above all, the stalker knows what happened to Jake--the Jake of Jake's Bar, who Angelica had a real thing for.

If anyone out there is wondering who could've known all of this and be anonymous, it's very simple. In an MRG movie with a "whodunit" type of plot, the culprit is always someone close to the action--in this case, it's Lorena. You see, she had a thing for Jake, too, and after she watched Jake and Angelica have sex in the bar one evening, she snapped--and killed Jake. She admits to it toward the end, which leads to the cops arresting her almost immediately. To wrap things up, Angelica and her new boyfriend--her show's producer, go figure--to have sex in front of a live radio audience as the movie fades to black. Not the most innovative plot, but it serves its purpose.

The sex scenes were good. Recently, MRG Entertainment has been pushing sex scenes in the "almost hardcore" direction, and it seems to be a turn for the better. Lots of screaming, skin slapping, and realistic movement--all winners with me. Jacy Andrews had three good sex scenes, and a solo scene for good measure. Nakita Cash got down a couple of times, and they were okay. Sunrise Adams, a fairly well-known hardcore actress, makes a cameo for the required sex scene during the opening credits.

I'd consider this movie tapeworthy, although if I had to pick either this film or "Dangerous Pleasures", another great Jacy flick, I'd go with the latter.

Women: A- (This film relies heavily on Jacy, so the grade is mostly attributed to her. Nakita Cash gets some credit for looking nice as well. It didn't hurt that Sunrise Adams made a guest appearance.)

Sex: B+ (It was solid, but it could've been a little better--especially Nakita Cash's sex scenes. The second one was pretty short.)

Story: B (I liked it, and it didn't have too many holes. Of course, the ending left a lot to be desired, but I wasn't expecting a shocker there.)

Overall: B+ (Solid, very solid film. Jacy Andrews...what more can I say about her. She could be in just as many films as Beverly Lynne if she wanted to. "Sinful Desires" is a good flick, and it wouldn't hurt to tape it and watch it again later.)

I had high hopes for "The Bikini Escort Company", I really did. After all, it had Beverly Lynne in it, and there hasn't been a softcore movie made in the last two years she hasn't taken part in. Believe it or not, she wasn't the star attraction of this film.

We begin with a small group of college students--Mandy (Beverly Lynne), Candy (Stacy Burke), Sandy (Cailey Taylor), and Satch (John Swipe). All of them are in danger of getting kicked out of school various reasons, most of them hilarious. Mandy blew up the science building; Candy slept with most of the faculty....the list goes on and on. However, Dean Grundy (Jay Richardson, a veteran of cheap B-movies) and Miss Howell (Michelle Bauer, another legend in B-movie land) give them one more chance. They must assume control of a struggling business and make it profitable in a matter of days. A classic setup for an STSWB movie, folks.

Of course, the women turn to the quickest way they know how to turn a profit....that being turning tricks as escorts. Mandy is supposed to have the brains of the group, since Candy's brains are in her surgically-enhanced chest. She plays the "dumb blonde" role like it's supposed to be played--look hot, have good sex scenes, and be there for the comic relief.

Satch heads off to a worn-out old car wash full of red ink. The proprietor, Luke (Peter Spellos, who I fondly remember as the fat guy from "Dinosaur Island") is fairly hands-off, letting Satch make a fool of himself in a clown suit, trying to direct cars into the car wash.

Eventually, the girls stop by the car wash and decide to give Satch a hand, with swimsuits in tow. Of course, they go topless for full comedic effect. The film has turned into a watered down version of "The Bikini Carwash Company"--in my opinion, one of the better "Bikini" movies of the late 80's-early 90's.

How about those sex scenes? Well, they were in there, but they weren't anything special. Candy had a couple of nice ones, but the rest were fairly average.

This flick was written and directed by Fred Olen Ray, who I consider a genius at putting together slapstick B-movies full of comedy, nudity, and sex-a-plenty. I'm glad Fred and Jim Wynorski are still doing movies, but many of them just aren't as good as their old ones--the early 90's masterpiece "Dinosaur Island" comes to mind. They co-directed that film--the ultimate collaboration, if you ask me. I'm not expecting anything like that from "Bikini Escort Company", but didn't quite deliver the goods nonetheless. It's borderline tapeworthy, but I'd recommend not wasting good film on it.

Women: B- (Beverly Lynne and her ever-changing hairstyles. Keep it short--it looks better on you. Stacy Burke had a show-stealing performance as Candy, the empty-headed blonde with big boobs and an insatiable sexual appetite. Talent isn't needed in order to play a role like that...just a good looking woman.)

Sex: C+ (Slightly better than average, and the plus goes to Candy's sex scenes. They were the best of the bunch.)

Story: D+ (I'm sorry I had to this, but STSWB movies can be funnier and have more comedy than this. Sure, this movie had some comedy, but the charm of STSWB movies--save the something with breasts for the uninitiated--is the slapstick humor the women create while trying to beat the clock to come up with the money they need. There wasn't any of that here.)

Overall: C (It was okay. That's about it. At times, I wondered if Beverly Lynne just mailed this one in. I know she does a lot of movies, but she was pretty uninspiring here. Stacy Burke had enthusiasm, and I liked that. I know Fred Olen Ray can do better--"Bikini Airways" was pretty darn funny.)

"Sex Surrogate" is another product from the softcore film factory known as MRG Entertainment. While this company usually puts out quality stuff, this one is pretty marginal.

Felicia Carter (Chloe) is the standard pampered, kept wife. Her husband, Gary (Steven St. Croix--yes, the porno guy) provides her with everything, but it's still not enough. Felicia feels their sex life isn't what it used to be. Considering they got married just under a year ago, the passion disappeared pretty quick.

So, at the recommendation of Felicia's friend Carmen (Jewel Valmont, aka Ava Vincent) Felicia decides to see a "Sex Surrogate", played by Trina (Jacy Andrews, one of my new favorites). If you've ever heard of the term "friend with benefits", she's a "sex therapist with benefits." Trina helps them explore their fantasies in ways only she knows how--of course, this involves lots of nudity and sex. At their first meeting with Trina, Gary says, "So, are we just gonna get naked and do it?" Now that's my quote of the movie.

About halfway through the movie, Trina ends up dead in her home. Gary just happened to have an appointment that day, so when he shows up in Trina's house and finds her lying on the floor, covered in blood, he doesn't know what to do. He ends up getting arrested for Trina's murder and put in the slammer. Now, it's up to his faithful wife to bust him out of prison by finding the real killer.

How does Felicia find the real killer? She gets the help of Carmen and they disguise themselves as "sex surrogates-in-training", using Trina's client list. I could call this a variation of CTCWB, since they're going to get naked often while trying to find the killer.

Eventually, the client list gets whittled down until nobody's left. So, we're left with the obvious. It's either Carmen, Gary, or Gary's bartending buddy Julie, who seems to really be in love with Gary and isn't too thrilled with the fact that Gary married someone else. Hmm, I wonder who it could be...Julie, perhaps? Bingo! It's your standard, by-the-numbers mystery-thriller.

There were plenty of sex scenes in this flick, and considering the hardcore backgrounds of virtually the entire cast, my expectations were fairly high. While there was a good deal of moaning and squealing from the women, the scenes themselves were rather tame. I've seen Chloe in hardcore films, and she puts on quite a show. She really has to tone it down for her occasional softcore ventures. I think this movie is marginally tapeworthy--nice if you have it on tape, but you're not missing anything if you don't.

Women: B+ (I'll watch anything with Jacy Andrews in it. I think this is one of her last softcore films. Chloe is one of the few hardcore actresses who have some semblance of acting ability. She was believable as Felicia. Jewel Valmont has been doing these films for a while now, and the role of the sexy sidekick fit her well. Look out for SCORE model Carolyn Monroe as one of Trina's clients. I'm a fan of big boobs, folks. Kindall Kolins, who played Julie, was okay to look at too.)

Sex: B- (Decent, but nothing out of the ordinary. Considering all the transplanted hardcore stars here, maybe my expectations were too high, but within the realm of softcore it was still disappointing. Plenty of moaning out of the women, and a nice three-way in the middle featuring Jewel Valmont and Carolyn Monroe--I liked that one.)

Story: C (Since this is a CTCWB variation, I can't give this flick a high grade in this category. Some of the dialogue was hilariously bad, too. Well, at least I got some progression and an ending out of it. Eh, I'll give it a C.)

Overall: C+ (Not much to say here, other than "Sex Surrogate" is slightly better than other softcore flicks I've seen, but it's not "Girl for Girl." Jewel Valmont was better in this movie than in "Illicit Sensations", another movie I saw her in. She works best in a supporting role. Chloe is a believable actress, which puts her far ahead of most women in the softcore world. That's saying a lot, considering she usually does hardcore films.)

"Busty Cops" is the kind of movie I come across while flipping by the channels at night. I didn't really plan on watching it the first time I saw it, but I'm glad I stuck around for the whole thing.

It starts out as a standard crime caper--three women are bumped off at a porn movie shoot, and nobody knows who did it. Enter the Busty Cops--Max (Nikki Nova), Chloe (Jesse Jane), and Ashley (Katie James). They're supposed to represent the best and the "bustiest" the force has to offer, so they go deep undercover as porn stars (not much of a stretch here) in order to solve the mystery. It's CTCWB, no doubt about that--but it's much, much more than that.

The story itself only exists to get the girls to the house--after that, it takes a back seat and lets the Busty Cops do the rest. These women use the most ordinary situations as excuses to take their clothes off and engage in HLA--Hot Lesbian Action. For example, as soon as they get to the house where the porno is being shot, Chloe suggests they all take a shower. Why? Who knows, they're naked--and fulfilling the softcore movie requirement of at least one shower scene. Later on in the movie, the girls come downstairs and find nothing to eat in the fridge--but there just happens to be cans of whip cream and plenty of bottles of chocolate syrup just waiting on the counter. Why? Who cares, they're naked--and covered in chocolate syrup.

Also, don't miss a sexy scene featuring Angel Cassidy, who's trying out to be a Busty Cop. "Let me show you my qualifications," she says, and then proceeds to do a little standard-issue striptease. At that point, I couldn't even remember what the plot of the movie was. Let's not even start on the "Fortress of Bustitude." Wow.

Of course, there was plenty of hilarious dialogue, and even though the director's name read Harold Blueberry, this thing had Jim Wynorski's fingerprints all over it. Jim and Fred Olen Ray have the screwball sex comedy B-movie down to a science. The ending sequence, showing funny outtakes and an interview with the cast, was funny and satirical at the same time. It made fun of other movies that have weepy, sugary-sweet cast interviews about how great it was to make the film, and all that great stuff.

I haven't talked about the sex yet, because there wasn't very much of it. The opening sequence three-way and a decent scene featuring Jesse Jane was about all the sex there was. Of course, there was plenty of HLA, but that goes without saying.

I consider this movie tapeworthy, even though there wasn't a whole lot in the "Sex" department. The sex scenes weren't that long and were largely comic in nature, but they served their purpose. If you like comedy along with your naked women, this is the movie for you.

Women: A- (I liked Jesse Jane and Angel Cassidy. Katie James had that "wholesome" look. Nikki Nova took some getting used to, but she's not bad at all.)

Sex: B- (It was average at best. A few sex scenes, but nothing too hot and heavy--even the all-girl scenes were simply OK. The extra points are for the chocolate syrup/whip cream exchange. I liked that.)

Story: C (From what little story there was, it did what it was supposed to do, and that was have an ending. If it didn't have that, this film gets an F for sure. It had a couple of spots where it dragged a little, too. Since I at least got an ending out of it, and since I enjoyed the funny dialogue, I'll be nice and give it a C in this category.)

Overall: A- (I'm giving this movie an A- because it was a funny movie throughout, and I like watching comedies. The 2/3 of a point deduction comes from the story dragging in places. This film would normally get a B or a B+ from me, but thanks to Jesse Jane's determination to go as long as possible without clothes, I'll give "Busty Cops" some extra credit points. I'd recommend this movie to anyone who likes sexy, screwball comedy B-movies.)

I've been meaning to write a review about this film for the longest, and I can't believe I've let it go this long without giving it my attention. "Undercover Sex" is a softcore flick that does what any softcore flick worth its salt is supposed to do--dish out attractive naked women at regular intervals, not complicate things on the story side, and have good, if not great sex scenes. This film delivers for the most part, but it does have its weak spots.

Beverly Lynne (quickly becoming a household name in the softcore realm) stars as Lanie Malone, a private detective investigating the murders of exotic dancers at a strip club. Of course, since no real leads are popping up, she decides to go undercover as a stripper to uncover the truth.

Instantly, this is a CTCWB storyline--as in, "Crack The Case with Breasts" and Beverly doesn't disappoint. She learns her moves from a veteran stripper, Tawny (Wendy Divine) and quickly assimilates into the stripper culture. Meanwhile, she gets closer to finding out who the killer is.

The sex scenes are plentiful, and most of them are pretty good. Beverly has the bulk of the work here, and I can't really blame her from being vocal during her scenes.

As a Marc Greenberg-produced vehicle (from the softcore powerhouse MRG Entertainment), it stands up well against the best MRG has put out over the past few years. However, I can't give a high mark in the "Story" category simply because it's of the CTCWB variation. Otherwise, this movie is tapeworthy.

Women: B+ (Beverly Lynne is an attractive woman, but Wendy Divine didn't look that great in this flick. The other women made up for her, but not enough to push this grade into the A range.)

Sex: B+ (Solid,and sometimes good sex scenes. Beverly had a couple of nice ones.)

Story: C+ (I can't really give a higher grade to a CTCWB movie than this. It executes the plot line as it should, even up to the main character having sex while working at the club.)

Overall: B (A good grade for a good softcore flick. Beverly Lynne keeps cranking them out, and I guess I'll keep watching them. It looks like she's being pushed out there as the new "star" of the softcore world with the amount of work she's getting lately. "Undercover Sex" is good Skinemax fare, and might even get a second viewing from some folks out there.)

"Forbidden" is a solid piece of softcore that starts off very good, gets even better as the film goes along, but fizzles out toward the end.

We begin at a bachelor party. Jason (Dillon Silver) is about to get married tomorrow, and he's getting quite a show from the two strippers dancing in front of him. However, there's a special surprise for him in the form of Monique (Renee Rea, aka Samantha McConnell), a woman he meets at the party and instantly connects with, in more ways than one. They end up going back to a hotel room to have sex. He wakes up the next morning, leaving her behind and vowing never to tell his future wife about it.

The action moves ahead, three years later. Jason is now married to Lisa (Tracy Ryan, quickly moving up on my list of favorites), and they're off to take a romantic trip to a cabin in the mountains. Accompanying them on the trip is Jason's friend, Andy (softcore regular Jason Schnuit) and his new girlfriend, Nikki (also Renee Rea). Upon meeting Nikki, Jason realizes he's met her somewhere before...and so does she.

This a good time for a spoiler alert....here's your warning.

As the rest of the story unfolds, Jason and Nikki rekindle the relationship they never had while keeping their significant others out of the loop. The dialogue sometimes gets over-dramatic, but they didn't quite go into "Married People, Single Sex" territory. At the end, two startling secrets are revealed and threaten to break up both relationships. Nikki is actually a call girl, hired by Andy to sleep with Jason as a "wedding gift." Andy remembered the kind of girl Jason liked and brought her on the trip to "jog the ol' memory." Furthermore, Andy and Lisa used to date--although Lisa tells Jason it was before they even got together. Lisa and Jason separate soon afterwards. In the final few moments, Lisa goes home alone, as well as Jason, leaving Jason and Nikki to re-introduce themselves to each other and start anew.

Although the dramatic portions of the movie sometimes overpowered the other stuff, the sex scenes weren't too bad. Tracy Ryan has a couple of good ones that show off her body well. Renee wasn't very energetic in her sex scenes, and it contributed to a less-than-stellar performance in that category.

In total, I thought the movie got a bit out of hand with the dramatic scenes, to a point where they stopped being effective and started being comical. It detracted from the whole film and kept it from getting an A. I consider "Forbidden" to be a solid film and tapeworthy, but it was missing a few things that probably would have made it great.

Women: B+ (Tracy Ryan and Renee Rea are it when it comes to female characters. Tracy Ryan gets most of this grade, although Renee Rea has a "teenage girl" kind of quality to her.)

Sex: B (Solid sex scenes, but nothing too spectacular. A couple of them looked pretty uninspiring. Tracy Ryan has the best ones.)

Story: B- (I liked the basic premise once I got to the end of the film. This fact also contributes to the final grade, in that the ending had something to do with the beginning. Logical storyline progression in a softcore film? That's unheard of! However, the over-the-top dramatic acting and some questionable dialogue get some points taken off.)

Overall: B (It makes the honor roll, but not Top 10 material. Tracy Ryan is quickly moving up my Top 10 list with each movie I see her in. She's not bad. Renee Rea was okay, too, but not quite as good as Tracy. The sex scenes were alright and the story didn't have any gaping plot holes in it, although it does have some cheesy dialogue. In short, "Forbidden" is a solid Skinemax movie with too much drama and not enough good sex scenes.)

I've always been a big Amber Newman fan. Even though she hasn't been in a softcore film in a few years, Amber is still hanging around at the top of my Skinemax Top 10. This is, in my opinion, the best film she had a starring role in, far better than "Sin In The City."

Amber Newman stars as Jane, a woman who seems to have bad luck with men--one of her former boyfriends was murdered, and her current one died on her while they were having sex. Since he died on top of her--literally--she's the primary suspect. Jason Schnuit, a softcore regular, plays Tom, the attorney who successfully gets her off--until she gets into even more trouble. During one of the film's relatively tense moments, Tom is interrogating Jane about another crime in which she's the prime suspect. She answers, and gives us our quote of the movie (which can't fully be displayed here...for obvious reasons):

"I can be very persuasive. Right now, you don't know whether you want to kill me or **** me."

The word left out starts with an F. You folks probably know what it is.

The supporting cast standout is Michelle Hall, another one of my favorites. She stars as Sandra Jackson, Tom's lovely assistant and occasional sex partner. Chloe Nichole plays Tom's girlfriend, who seems to be oblivious to the fact that Tom's bedding down two other women.

The sex scenes are the typical ones found in other Click Productions films made in the same time period: Guitar-heavy music and obviously canned moaning. Amber Newman and Michelle Hall gyrating about outweighs those distractions, however. Chloe wasn't too bad, either. For a woman who primarily does hardcore films, she actually has some sort of acting ability, which is a plus.

Although the film is somewhat formula in its execution, "Body Of Love" is one of my favorite films of the 1999-2001 softcore explosion, simply because Amber Newman gives such a worthwhile performance.

Women: A (Amber Newman and Michelle Hall, two women on my Skinemax Top 10, are in the cast, making it very hard to grade this film lower than anything in the "A" range. Chloe, Zoe Paul and Gina Ryder can also be found in this film, thus solidifying the grade nicely.)

Sex: B+ (The sex scenes were fine, but not quite top notch. The music and canned sounds detract from it somewhat, but since Amber and Michelle are in them, the grade stays fairly high.)

Story: C (An average story at best. In fact, I'm not quite sure what it was supposed to accomplish, as it broke down somewhere toward the middle and gave way to Amber coming out of her clothes frequently, which isn't a bad thing at all.)

Overall: A- (The weight of the first two categories carry this flick and keep it in the "A" range, barely. Amber Newman gave a B+ performance in this flick, which is extremely high for her. The sheer amount of sex scenes she participates in, along with Chloe and Michelle Hall getting naked, make a strong case for giving this film an A- and not a B+. In short, "Body Of Love" is a fair softcore film, but not the best one in the "Scandal" series--that would probably belong to "Lawful Entry.")