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Terror in the Jungle

Cinema's Greatest Masterpiece
I am the proud owner of a copy of 'Terror in the Jungle' which I bought for £2 second hand at Stevenage indoor-market. What I took home was a thrilling journey through bad film making, a movie which excels at every aspect of trash. If I didn't know better I'd say this movie was a spoof. The over reliance on stock footage, dubious extended scenes of a young boy crying and a frankly racist depiction of South American tribesmen all combine with hilarious wooden acting. My favourite scene is the plane crash when all the passengers jolt upright with 'terrified' expressions on their faces. Classic.


Quite good
Bopha! is surprisingly quite a memorable and inspiring film about the troubled years in South Africa. One of my favorite actors, Malcolm McDowell was as ever brilliant playing the evil policeman. The problem is that I and many others are used to seeing McDowell as an anti-hero and by casting him as such a nasty role as he plays in this film, you do not feel as shocked and disgusted by his actions as you should do.


Too much colour
Bare in mind that I watched this film while very drunk on Absinthe at a Halloween party.

I thought it was overall quite good but it was clear that it was inspired by Terminator 1 and perhaps Blade Runner and Mad Max. There are some creative death scenes and interesting moments.

The only thing that let it down was that it was overly colourized throughout. Every scene had either a red or a blue or a yellow filter taking over all the light and this gets frustrating fast. But apart from this flaw, it is an enjoyable scifi action horror.

(note, I used the English spelling of colour)

Scary Movie

Scary Movie sucks
Scary Movie was a spoof of a spoof. Since Scream was a spoof anyway. It focus too much on Scream and has all the originality of a digestive biscuit. Many of the jokes could of been amusing if you hadn't seen already on the trailer. I suppose you might like this if haven't much film experiance.

Virgin Witch

Rampant 1970's nudity
It seems this was made as an excuse to show plenty of nudity from two highly attractive sisters and some poorly constructed witchcraft scenes. Unlike many Hammer releases, it at least portrays sex with more then a childish giggle. Overall, this takes itself too seriously and the plot becomes too confusing towards the end. However, the dated fashion is worth a look as is the sleazy fashion photographer. Not to mention the main sisters involved, (later to be seen in the popular UK TV series 'Allo Allo').

The Patriot

Drink your tea and don't play those patriot games
As a British person, I am not in the least worried about the ludicrous fake history in the film. What I have found is that you can instantly silence any American that raises the subject of The American Revolution with some hard facts: The chattering classes in London supported the American revolution since they hated George III every bit as much as the Americans did. That almost half colonists were against serving the union and were treated terribly by the rebels, and that the Boston tea party was a protest not against British taxes but against the removal of the duty on tea. The men dressed up as Indians in Boston harbour were smugglers whose livelihood had disappeared. Finally I would say "the American revolution was a victory for the British since British settlers under the command of a British general defeated German mercenaries under a German King."

One Dark Night

Not bad
I bought this on video under the title "Entity Force" for £2 second hand at a pawnshop, mainly because I liked the cover. What I got was an OK early 80's horror film that could have had more gore and titty but what it lacked in the gore/titty department it made up for in cheese. The climatic zombie fest towards the end of the film left nothing to be desired. The zombie's legs didn't bend when they walked! Also a valuable lesson is learned as a result of this film, whenever you encounter a back-from-the-dead physic with blue lightening coming out of his eyes, use your compact mirror!

Deadly Intentions

Genuinely thrilling
I bought this video for £2 second hand because the cover looked like a horror film. What I got was a thriller but very well put together and well acted. What's more, I found it in many ways to be as scary as any horror film because unlike Zombies and monsters etc, this could happen and it is based on true events. Watch this to see perhaps the worst husband you could ever meet. I especially liked the "gut you like a fish" speech. The most chilling part is the ending but I wont give that away. I am yet to find the sequel but I would love to see it.

La morte vivante

One of the better Salvation releases
Life can be tough when you are a resurrected French vampire maiden. Especially so when you crave a constant supply of ready fresh blood. Fortunately the vampire in this film has her trusty blood-sister to help her out and keep those bothersome American tourists away from the castle. Overall this is a fairly typical ‘Salvation Films' release with the mandatory candle lit atmospheric scenes. Worth a look, I reckon.

The Mutations

Bizarre, original and freaky
I stumbled across this video at a pawnshop called "Cash Converters" at my town center. Once I blew off the dust I decided to buy it on a whim. I had never heard of it but its £2 price tag led me to believe I had nothing to loose. It now sits proudly in my horror collection. This film is in a word, freaky. It makes use of real life sideshow freaks to tell a disturbing story about a mad scientist and his ungodly experiments to create a plant man. The various mistakes that occur are put to use at the friendly local fair. The only problem this film has is the rather pathetic effects used when real freaks are unavailable. However, Donald's performance is as ever wonderful and the film maintains a creepy atmosphere. There is also some great titty shots of voluptuous young seventies women. Well recommended for horror fans (if you can track down a copy like I did).

Child's Play

Essential Horror
This film is in every sense a fantastic example of great horror. Why is it that they don't make horror like this anymore? The 1980's were a golden age for the genre and in my view, this is cream. It combines slasher, thriller, the supernatural, and tongue in cheek. Chucky is, and forever will be a horror icon. Rent this film today. Forget all the latest new releases, head over to the horror section, pick up this film.


Cultural Imperialism through popular culture
Yet another example of American Cultural Imperialism through popular culture. It is all fair and good to be aware this film is not going to be historically accurate, but average cinema goers will leave thinking goody, America saves the day again without realising the fact that history is being rewritten to credit America. It may well be only a movie, but think of the implications, it could mean that in the future all historical accomplishments will have movies made about them- only Americans were the heros rather then people from whatever nation that really should be credited. I guess if you are American, this wouldn't be so bad since it's not like you have much of a history anyway- why don't create history by re-writing it. If you are not American, we have much to worry about.

Fight for Your Life

A racist and disturbing thriller
This film has a similar plot out line to many exploitation films and that is basically where thugs besiege a suburban, middle class homestead where they rape, beat and torture the innocent family. See the Austrian film `Funny Games' or `House on the Edge of the Park' for a better-made and more shocking example. Fight for your Life is in many ways only shocking on account of the racist behaviour of the red neck thug who humiliates a black family. But fortunately the black family (who also seem racist to whites) get their own back. I might point out that this film was banned in the UK but I find it hard to see why since it is not that graphic and mostly physiological in terms of violence and racist behaviour.

Lo squartatore di New York

A classic chuck of Fulci
New York Ripper is a great chunk of Fulci and a competent horror film. All of the necessary elements that make a good horror film great are featured. It has cheesy disco music, unintentional funny things such as the killers Donald Duck voice, and plenty of realistic gore. Also, there is an intriguing and dark background that you learn more of later in the film. This is Fulci at his best, a great film and a must for genre fans. Shame it was banned in the UK. I hear that copies of this film were actually escorted out of the country.

Nelle pieghe della carne

Sleaze dressed as art house and a bore
The Salvation films release of ‘In the Folds of the Flesh' has a very misleading cover, showing a leather clad SS vixen who in fact makes no appearance in the film. What you get is a post 1960's sleaze film that is not even all that sleazy by today's standards. It becomes a bore to sit through and you end up not caring for the characters at all who are involved in some form of incest, nazi gas-chamber, decapitation orgy or a murder mystery. There is little gore or explicit scenes though. Nearly everything is implied. Don't bother with this even if you are a fan of 70's exploitation cinema.

Night of the Living Dead

No way near as good
NOTLD remake was just on the sci-fi channel this evening and I have to say, it was no way near as good as the original. As a seasoned horror fan, I expected a little more gore, the small bullet holes could not compare with some of Romero's earlier work. Another thing is that the remake missed out what I thought was one of the best parts of the original and that is the long radio announcements. The remake only shows a few seconds of a news report and only a brief radio announcement. The film drags on for too long.

Lastly, I won't spoil the ending for you but the original film's ending was much darker and horrific than the remake.

I say, rent the original and give this a miss. 4 stars.

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