Jonathan Horner

IMDb member since April 2000
    Lifetime Total
    75+
    IMDb Member
    20 years

Reviews

The Fast and the Furious
(2001)

An uncut music video.
I remember watching the trailer of "The Fast and the Furious" in cinemas. After watching the trailer I decided it maybe a decent enough movie, with plenty of thrilling car chases through huge cities kind of like "The Italian Job" and "The Driver" style...

I was wrong.

The Fast and the Furious feels more like a two hour music video than a movie. What we have here is a load of loonies thinking their really cool in their powered-up Honda's with hi-fi systems so loud that they could probably wake the dead. Add in a load of muscle-bound punks, girls who try their up most to look sexy and tough and we have this dumb minded movie.

Confusion also reigned during this movie, whats with the fight at the start of the movie? Lame.

As for the car chases...they weren't what I was expecting, it's just drag racing in flashy cars. A lot of people have praised this movie for having fantastic stunts and yes there are a few decent one's towards the end but they aren't that mesmerising ...I've seen better.

The directer obviously thought he was creating some kind of "way cool" movie for the youth of today. With the likes of Limp Bizkit booming in the background, it's a shame this movie will seem old and out dated within a few years.

If your looking for a decent car chase movie watch either "The Driver" or "The Italian Job" the cars didn't look as good...but at least those movies had a plot and decent actors.

4/10

The Transformers: The Movie
(1986)

The memories.
I'm 18 now, but back in the 80's I admit I was a Transformers nut. I watched Transformers: The Movie recently and the memories just flooded back.

Even today Transformers seems just as awesome as it was back in it's glory days. There was Optimus Prime (who was idiolised by millions of kids at the time) who was leader of the Autobots. Then there was Megatron (or Glavatron) who lead the evil Decepticons. My personal favourites were the sadistic Quentissons, who created the Transformers in the first place.

Transformers the movie is a golden classic. I usually get tired easily of cartoons which are turned into movies but not Transformers. Transformers: the movie takes itself very seriously, but still has some hilerious moments.

Certainly more than meets the eye.

8/10

American Ninja
(1985)

Cough
I can't quite decide whether American Ninja is supposed to be a spoof or a movie trying to take itself seriously, either way it's just laughable.

I couldn't quite understand what I was watching when I saw this movie. What I saw was pathetic acting, pathetic special effects and above all absolutely appalling choreographed fights and where the hell did they get the stunt guys from? They loved their OTT stunts. The fight scene's between Dudikoff and the ninja's looked more like something out of Power Rangers. Some of the stunts that the ninja do are so OTT...it's outrageous.

But the best is yet to come. Bring on Steve James who plays Curtis "bad ass" Jackson. I don't know what kind of character James is supposed to be portraying, but he certainly loves (or should I say badly attempts) to show off to the camera by doing his amazing drop rolls and showing off his amazing martial art choreographing (hence the sarcasm). As much as we all love Steve James, when it comes to fight choreographing he tries too hard. Snails could probably pull off quicker moves than James. It would have Bruce Lee spinning in his grave.

As for Michael Dudikoff who plays Joe Armstrong. I admit he's not a bad martial artist, but it would be nice if he had more than one facial expression throughout the movie.

And the ninja's? Well what can I say? Absolutely top quality? breath-taking stunts? fantastic sword play? Amazing foot work? These are some of the comments I'd love to say about the ninja's in American Ninja, unfortunately...they come nowhere near the mark. What are these ninja's made of? cardboard? Each one looks like they have about as much training as I do in cross stitching. They constantly charge towards Dudikoff, sword above their heads, ready to strike, then instantly get cut down, this may sound ok, but it would be nice if they all didn't do the same move! You can easily tell they are just amateur stunt men in ninja outfits.

Overall, a badly choreographed, poorly acted action movie..if thats what you want to call it.

For more laughs check out it's sequel "American Ninja 2: The Confrontation" absolutely gripping stuff.

2/10 - simply for comic value.

Lock Up
(1989)

Realistic Fortress (spoilers)
Lock Up reminded me of "Fortress" starring Christopher Lambert...only slightly more believable.

I'm not a huge fan of Stallones work. Lock Up is one of his better movies along with the likes of "Rambo: First Blood" (the rest of the Rambo movies were just laughable) "Tango & Cash" and "Demolition Man".

Lock Up is really just your average "wrongly accused man gets tortured in big bad jail hell hole then gets revenge" sort of movie but having said that I still like it...it has it's moments (the ending with the warden in the electric chair is pretty good).

One of Stallones better movies.

7/10

Tactical Assault
(1998)

TopGun meets The Hitcher
This movie caught my attention when I read that both Rutger Hauer (Blade Runner, The Hitcher) and Robert Patrick (Terminator 2) were both in it, so me being a fool for low budget movies I decided to watch it.

Hauer plays deranged Captain John 'Doc' Holiday whose got a grudge with father-to-be Colonel Lee Banning, played by Robert Patrick. Captain Holiday wants revenge because of an incident back in the early 90's when Banning stopped Holiday from "having some fun" when attempting to blow up a civilian aircraft which had flown into dangerous air space...sounds a bit silly doesn't it?

Hauer's character in this movie reminded me a lot of John Ryder, the character Hauer portrayed in The Hitcher. Hauer portrays Captain Holiday with the same evil, sarcastic and resentful attitude as he did with John Ryder. While Robert Patrick gets to play the good guy...for once.

Overall, not a bad movie...felt like fellow fighter movies such as TopGun and Iron Eagle at times. Hauer still deserves better than these low-grade movies.

5/10

The Point Men
(2001)

Nothing special...but not bad
Me being a huge fan of Lamberts movies I decided to splash out and buy "The Point Men" for a mere £2.98.

I wasn't expecting too much from this movie. I had a suspicion it would be just another dumb B-movie action movie...and I was correct.

At times, I drifted off while watching "The Point Men". At times this movie seemed quite confusing. I also experienced deja-vu on numerous occasions during this movie, it had a "seen it all before" feel to it.

But when I compare The Point Men to some of Lambert's earlier movies such as Gunmen, Road Flower, and even the dreadful Highlander II (the first Highlander is a classic)then The Point Men doesn't seem all that bad.

Overall, there's nothing special about The Point Men, it's just another low budget action movie with little purpose but I have to say, it's certainly not the worst "terrorist" action movie I've seen.

And whats with that ridiculous moustache Lambert wears towards the end?!?

5/10

Top Gun
(1986)

Frankly, I preferred Iron Eagle
Top Gun is one of those movies everyone's seen and everyone seems to like. Sometimes I think I'm the only person in the universe who personally likes "Iron Eagle" (a movie like Top Gun which has been branded a "rip-off" ever since it came out and made in the same year) more than Top Gun.

Top Gun had the romance, the drama, the emotion but when it comes to action, I prefer Iron Eagle, and actions what I like best but don't get me wrong, Top Gun had some great action sequences, but I think Iron Eagles action was better, slightly dumb and mindless action, but entertaining none the less.

Overall, I liked Top Gun, but for fans of aircraft movies, also check out Top Gun's underrated enemy...Iron Eagle.

(I don't understand how Iron Eagle was branded a "rip off" it was made in the same year at Top Gun.)

6/10

Charlie's Angels
(2000)

Even Bill Murray doesn't save this...
I new what I was in for before I'd even seen Charlie's Angels. This film is just a Matrix/Mission Impossible rip-off from the word go.

There's only two good things about this movie, 1 is Bill Murray, who is a great actor, but at the time, must of been desperate for work or money, and 2 Lucy Lui, who is the only one out of the three women who makes the kung fu actually look good. I was appalled with Cameron Diaz, she looked so out of place during the fight scenes.

The funny thing is, before I'd watched Charlie's Angels, I'd just seen The Taxi Driver (Robert De Niro), which is a great film, has a great plot etc...then I watch Charlie's Angels...I ended up nearly slitting my wrists with a hunting knife. This movie is, how can I put it...unwatchable.

It's more of a glamour music video then a movie. If you don't want to end up putting your foot through the TV, then don't go within 10 miles of this movie.

1/10 - Only because Murray was in it :P

Highlander
(1992)

Not great and not as good as the movies.
I'm a huge fan of the Highlander movies (except dare I say it, Highlander 2, ah hem) but Highlander: The Series doesn't do much for me.

One thing which seriously annoys me about fans of the series is when they say things like "the series is much better than the movies because you learn more about the characters and immortality". Of course your going to find out more! With the movies you have a limited time to squeeze as much information on the characters and the plot as you can where as with a series (in Highlanders case it ran for around 7 years) you can show enough information on the characters until fans as sick to death of it!

There are a few highlights within Highlander the Series, one being the very first episode, simply because Connor MacLeod (Christopher Lambert) is in it.

Adrian Paul doesn't really impress me...Connor MacLeod is still the better out of the two clansman.

4/10

Bargain Hunt
(2000)

Cheap as Chips
Bargain Hunt is a breath of fresh air, hosted by the incredible fascinating and humourous David "Love Joy" Dickenson.

Two teams are given £200 and sent out into a antiques fair to buy as many items as they can within the 1 hour time limit, each team has an expert to advise them on what they buy (Some of the "better" experts include Philip Serrel and David Barby). Whatever they buy will go into a real live auction in a weeks time, the good news is whatever the items make in profit the teams keep.

Bargain Hunt breaths a breath of fresh air into daytime TV.

8/10

Aces: Iron Eagle III
(1992)

Slighty unrealistic, but good entertainment
Aces: Iron Eagle 3 is a pretty good movie despite it's bad reviews I've read between critics and other IMDB users.

I didn't really go mad for the original Iron Eagle and I thought Iron Eagle 2 was rubbish but Aces: Iron Eagle 3 does get my approval. I like the idea of four different men from different countries coming together as one to fight on the same side.

One huge flaw in this movie is the plot, there's no way old WW2 fighters, no matter how good they look, could take on modern jet fighters...it could be done, maybe if the modern fighters had no wings!

Overall a good entertaining "TopGun" style movie, if a little unrealistic.

6/10

Bottom
(1991)

Funniest show on earth
Bottom is without a doubt a funny, witty, violence and often surreal comedy with plenty of gags laughs and bone-crunching effects.

Bottom Stars Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson as "Richard Richard" and "Eddie Hitler" as couple of bums with no life, no cash and no friends. Their life evolves around Richie's deadly concoctions of lethal drinks and cooking, getting hold of easy money and "birds".

In every episode the lads always put their foot in it, ending up in a fight with the odd leg or neck broken...thanks to Richie's unbelievable and stupid plots to get hold of easy cash or women

Fantastic comedy all round...

9/10

Li Xiao Long zhuan qi
(1976)

Fascinating
I picked up this DVD version of "Bruce Lee: The Man The Myth" for a mere £4.99 thinking it was going to be some Bruce Lee wannabe rip off...I was wrong.

This movie is a great biography and in depth review of probably the best martial artist to date.

Great little buy, a must see for any Bruce Lee fan

8/10

San lung moon hak chan
(1992)

Nice martial arts movie
When I saw this in my local video store, I new I had to have it for two reasons. 1, because my favirote martial artist Donnie Yen (Highlander Endgame, Iron Monkey) was in it and 2, because it involved swords.

Seeing Donnie Yen's work in the likes of Highlander Endgame and Iron Monkey, I was curious to see this movie. I was slightly disappointed that Donnie Yen wasn't in this movie much, apart from start and the rather bizarre fight scene towards the end of the movie.

Overall, New Dragon Gate Inn is a great movie, but there are better martial arts movies out there.

8/10

Shogun Assassin
(1980)

One of the best Samurai movie's ever made.
Shogun Assassin is one of the best Samurai movie's I've ever seen, Shogun Assassin is up there with the like's of legendary Samurai movie's such as "Sanjuro" and "Yojimbo", which where directed by the lengedary Akira Kurosawa.

Shogun Assassin is a great movie, but also very violent, sometime's the amount of blood is slightly un-nerving but very realistic all the same.

A must see for any martial art's fan, if you can stand the amount of blood.

9/10

DNA
(1996)

PREDATOR rip-off
Right imagine the movie Predator but take away the brilliant cast, the great visual and special effects and replace them with crap acting, pathetic special effects and a rip off plot and you have DNA.

How this movie was allowed to be made I do not know!

1/10

Planet of the Apes
(2001)

Better than expected
I've never been a fan of any of the "Planet Of the Apes" movies. But yesturday changed that. This recent version of "Planet Of The Apes" is brilliant, I was shocked by how engrossed I was while watching this movie, it's simply unmissable.

Forget what the critics say about this movie, Tim Burton, (Sleepy Hollow, Batman) has once again gave the audience something to be amazed by.

9/10

The Road Killers
(1994)

Not a Lambert movie
I'm a huge fan of Christopher Lambert and I've wanted to see this movie for some time, I finally got the chance to see it this week.

When I first sat down to watch "The Road Killers" or "Road Flower" as it's known here in England, I wasn't to happy with it, Lambert looks out of place in this movie, it's not the kind of movie someone like Lambert should be in. As the movie "drove on" I started to enjoy it. I didn't expect this small low budget movie to be any good but it's a "time killer" all the same.

Craig Sheffer plays the eerie mentally-retarded psychopath whose after Lambert and his family when Sheffer kills Lambert's best friend, in a road rage incident. Sheffer is also accompanied with a gang of punks who drive around with him terrorizing everything and everyone. Sheffer plays Cliff, one f***** up son of a bitch, psychopath.

Not a bad movie but if your a Lambert fan there's better Lambert movies out there.

6/10

Rush Hour 2
(2001)

Chan's the man
Considering I've never seen the orignal Rush Hour movie, my friend insisted we see this movie and what a surprise I got!

Rush Hour 2 is simply unmissable, while Jackie Chan amazes the audience with his stunning martial arts and stunts, while Chris Tucker provides the humor to make this movie quite awesome.

Great summer movie.

8/10

Blackadder Goes Forth
(1989)

Side splitting
I've always been a fan of the Blackadder series but I think "Black Goes Forth" has to be the best out of them all.

As usual Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson) tries every idea which comes into his head to get out of the trenches during WW1, accompanied with Private S Boldrick (Tony Robinson) and Lieutenant George (Hugh Laurie)

As usual Rowan Atkinson provides the witty gags, while Tony Robinson and Hugh Laurie provide the stupidly funny humor and antics.

Blackadder Goes Back and Forth is one of the best British comedies ever to hit our screens.

9/10

Heaven's Burning
(1997)

Action movie with a splash of romance
One of Russell Crowe's more "unknown" movies. Heaven's Burning is a mixture of revenge, action, romance, violence and twists.

I can't really think of a lot to say about this movie. I tend to find this movie a little rushed in parts but it's pretty good all round.

Not one of Crowe's better roles.

6/10

Shrek
(2001)

Mixed thoughts
When I cames out of the cinema, I has mixed thoughts about Shrek. On one hand I liked it for it's visually stunning graphics and effects, but on the other hand I found that Shrek was slightly short with gaps missing and I couldn't cope with all that romance!

Although you have to bear in mind that Shrek is more of a kids movie, this movie is quite funny in parts. Donkey with the voice of Eddie Murphy is probably the most bizarre charactors I've seen in a childrens movie. Mike Myers was brilliant as the voice of Shrek with his Scottish accent. Plus Cameron Diaz (who personally I don't rate very much) even did a good job as the voice of Princess Fiona.

But then I suppose if a movie like Shrek has some good action scenes in it, it also has to have sloppy romantic scenes too, that was the only let down of the movie. I also thought the "quest" to save Princess Fiona was a bit short, apart from the scene where they were trying to escape the female dragon.

Not bad, but slightly over-hyped.

7/10

TRON
(1982)

Good for it's time
Taking into consideration that this movie was made in the early 80's the visual effects and graphics are mind blowing and sometimes look ahead of it's time. Although those were the days of "blocky graphics" and it looked like everything was made out of lego bricks, this movie is still very fascinating and visually stunning.

However, the movie doesn't really take my fancy. I tend to get lost and confused with the plot. If it weren't for the "cool 80's computer graphics" I'd probably throw this movie on the garbage heap.

Like Highlander, Tron has created a good cult following, I wonder what "Tron 2.0" will have in store for us?

6/10

Arthur's Quest
(1999)

We Have an APEX beater!
Yep here we have an APEX beater. For those of you who don't know APEX is the worst movie ever, until I saw this! Arthur's Quest is without a doubt the worst movie I've ever seen. I thought Three Ninja's on Mega Mountain was bad but this is unbelievable!

I'm not too sure what this movie is trying to achieve. The sword fight at the end is so gripping and brilliant...only joking, it's so bad you can tell that the actors have been training for about 5 minutes! It's not exactly Highlander.

This may be a kids movie, but I think even a four year old would be disgusted by this movie!

Bad plot, bad acting, bad movie.

2/10

Psycho
(1960)

Forget about the crappy remakes
Forget about the crappy remakes, no one does it better than Anthony Perkins. Although this movie is not filled with blood and gore, it does have a very chilling atomsphere, the prefect ingredient for a classic horror movie.

forget about cheesy run-of-the-mill horror movies such as Scream and Halloween this goes down as oneof the best horror movies of all time.

9/10

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