Trespassers Will

IMDb member since September 2000
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Reviews

Gekijô-ban poketto monsutâ - Myûtsû no gyakushû
(1998)

It's bad enough for the 1
Now you have to understand this. The ONLY reason I saw this movie was because my sister is a big Pokemon fan, and my dad taped it for her. ("There has to be some movies for your sister" my dad said, "We just can't watch war, action or good films all the time") My expectations were at the bottom of the barrel. And you know what? I was absolutely right. This film sucks on so many levels. It had a crappy beginning, a crappy middle, and a very crappy ending. My personal feeling is that everyone associated with this movie should be dragged out into the street and shot. What a waste of film and time. 1/10 (actually more around -5)

Batman & Robin
(1997)

They wasted a perfectly good villian here!
I'm talking about Mr. Freeze. All right, his lines totally sucked ass, but beyond that, he was a pretty hardcore villian, much like the Joker, The Penguin, and Harvey Two-Face of the previous, better films.

Now let's talk about why this film smells. may contain a *spoiler* or two. One: George Clooney can't act his way out of a paper bag. Two: How Batgirl was brought in was stupid. And she couldn't act her way out of a paper bag. Three: (yep, you guessed it) Chris O'Donnell couldn't act his way out of a paper bag. Four: They tried to kill off Alfred! Five: Poison Ivy was the stupidest villian ever. Six: Most of the dialog stunk on ice. Seven, and my biggest reason for being completely upset with this movie: NO VILLIAN FELL TO THEIR DEATH!!!

However, Gotham City did look nice, scenery wise. 4/10

Stalag 17
(1953)

It's sad and funny at the same time.
Stalag 17 is a war film that may not have action, as war films are usually characterized, but it is still a fine war film none the less.

What sets it apart from other war films is that it takes place inside a POW camp in Germany during WWII. Stalag 17 is escape proof. At least that's what the commandant wants you to think. But inside Barracks 4, there are several men who continually try to break out. Their attempts are always foiled, and it is assumed that someone in the barracks is a rat. The movie continues on as the men beat up on one guy they believe is the spy. *spoiler* He's not. You have to see the movie to figure out who it is, and you probably will have never guessed.

Aside from the great little mystery, there are several memorable characters. Most memorable is Animal, a man who continually tries to find a way into the Russian compound because of the female POWs constantly being brought in and has a "slight crush" on Betty Grable. You have to see the movie to see what I mean. Shapiro, Animal's best friend and often partner in scheme. Sefton, the man who has it pretty well off because of his trading with the Germans for little luxuries. Joey, a piccolo player who has been so traumatized that he never speaks and barely even looks at anyone.

It was sad to see these men being held in clearly uncomfortable conditions, to see them break down occasionally and hear of messages that seem to make them think their incarceration doesn't mean anything, like when Shapiro gets a half a dozen letters that say they want the payments for his car and then they say they've taken it, and the man whose wife said that she found a baby on their doorstep that looks exactly like her (sure).

This film is an unforgettable classic. 8/10

Noah's Ark
(1999)

Jesus must be spinning in his grave!
Sorry about that. But if you have seen this "epic", you will obviously know of the utter disregard for the actual text of the Bible. Now, I'm not exactly the next in line for sainthood, but I do know the basics. And the basics were this. God wanted to wipe everyone of the face of the Earth because he believed they have been corrupted to the point of no return. He chose Noah, the diamond in the rough, and his family to be spared due to their uncorrupted ways. Noah builds an ark as instructed by God to house he, his family, and two of every creature while he floods the rest of the planet. Those are the basics. In this movie, you have other people roaming around the seas such as peddlers and pirates. But I thought that EVERYONE was wiped out. I guess the executives at NBC have never been to church. There are other inaccuracies, I'm told, but being the average Joe, I have no idea what they are. Sorry. Back to the movie, it was inaccurate, as stated before, the acting stunk, but some of the effects were good, I'll give it that. But as a whole, I've seen a better and more tasteful rendition of the story done as a little scene on The Simpsons. God help the NBC executives come judgement day. 3/10

A Family in Crisis: The Elian Gonzales Story
(2000)

I didn't care when the story was ACTUALLY happening
So why should I care now? I was really getting sick about hearing about Elian Gonzalez every night on the news. ("In today's news, Elian took a leak on a bush in his backyard. Oh, and there was a horrible train and bus crash that killed hundreds, a cure for cancer has been found and World War 3 just started, but first, more on Elian.") It was getting to the point where I was going to go down to Florida and throw the kid back into the ocean and tell him to swim to Cuba. If I seem a little mean, I'm sorry, but six months of hearing every little detail about that kid really did not make me feel the least bit sorry for him. I don't even have to see the movie, I already know the whole story from having it bombarded in my face every day. 1/10

The Steel Helmet
(1951)

This is the best Korean War movie I have ever seen.
Ok, I've only seen three, but that does not change my standing.

The Steel Helmet tells of a group of infantrymen who have come together by literally running into each other by chance. They travel to a Buddhist temple to set up an observation post, but are soon surrounded by the Communist army. There is then a massive battle that is not exactly pretty for the Americans.

The story is good and moves along at a rate which will keep you intrigued, the battle scenes are very good, and I especially like the part where the medic takes off his helmet, rips off his Red Cross armband and fires the machine gun after the man that was operating it was killed. I wish this movie would come onto video or at least be shown on TV so I can tape it. 8/10

Il buono, il brutto, il cattivo
(1966)

The ultimate western!
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly is a classic for the ages. It follows three men, Blondie, Tuco, and Angel Eyes, as they violently move through the U.S. during the Civil War. What motivates these men? $200,000 in stolen gold that is buried in a grave at a cemetery. This movie is a non-stop action ride with one of the greatest and most memorable soundtracks in movie history. This film was also years ahead of it's time, with much more swearing and violence than was acceptable in 1967. Made in Italy, it pretty much beats the crap out of many American westerns out there. There isn't one boring or lagging scene in this movie. If you like westerns, watch it. If you like action movies, watch it. Hell, if you just like movies, watch it. The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly does not disappoint. 9/10

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