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Reviews
Shôgun: Crimson Sky (2024)
Episode 9, Season 1
Crimson Pie - another awful episode
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
The other episodes were written horribly, but this one adds a large heap of astonishing implausibility to the mix.
I mean the whole episode is so utterly useless. Anyone with analytical skills will be questioning the validity of the deficient writing.
The Englishman, Yabushige the traitor, and the Japanese translator all go to the capital.
The Japanese translator is given the limelight in this episode. I mean they really layer it up so atrociously that you'd think that the whole series was only about her. Well, in this modern version it 'is' only about her. She was complaining about living and not being allowed to die in the other episodes. Here, she is given the chance to kill herself, and she fails miserably. And the Englishman wants to help her by cutting her head off. Okay. By the way, only male samurai were given an option of ritual suicide in Japanese culture.
There is a ridiculous plan that she attempts, when she wants to leave the castle, and she shows us her uh, samurai "skills". It was absolutely ridiculous to watch. For a moment, I thought that she was actually going to be victorious against the ten guards before her, but she just gave up and lost her wind. I guess the writers actually came to their senses by not having her single-handedly killing all the male guards.
Then they threw in some ninjas, who are great for killing guards, but get killed easily by the Englishman and the Japanese translator. And then they blow her to bits when the said ninjas use explosives to crush up a door. But I am sure it was just a cliffhanger, and in the next episode, she will be resurrected in some nonsensical manner. Or it is just Toranaga's plan again? His "great" plan, as the writers want us to believe he is a master tactician. I can't believe how unconvincing his "plan" is. This Toranaga has sold everyone down the hole, just so he can sit on the military throne. But he's got "ethics". Whatever.
And we don't exactly know who sent the ninjas, because the entire series is a big deception. It is probably Toranaga who did it, since that was obviously his "hidden" plan all along. And if that truly is the case, then this series has been a major disappointment. But we are supposed to be crying tears for the death of the Japanese translator? The writers are being so fatuous, and don't stick to the point. Are Toranaga's enemies really as stupid as the writers of this episode will have us believe?
I am hoping the next episode is the last, because the entire show is so tedious and dreadful. They are just plodding us along in these extremely pointless episodes that are vacuous and unintelligent. I am not even sure that this Shogun should have been made.
In fact, I am absolutely sure of it after watching this episode.
Postscriptum: The worst acting award goes to whoever played the Japanese translator's son.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
The other episodes were written horribly, but this one adds a large heap of astonishing implausibility to the mix.
I mean the whole episode is so utterly useless. Anyone with analytical skills will be questioning the validity of the deficient writing.
The Englishman, Yabushige the traitor, and the Japanese translator all go to the capital.
The Japanese translator is given the limelight in this episode. I mean they really layer it up so atrociously that you'd think that the whole series was only about her. Well, in this modern version it 'is' only about her. She was complaining about living and not being allowed to die in the other episodes. Here, she is given the chance to kill herself, and she fails miserably. And the Englishman wants to help her by cutting her head off. Okay. By the way, only male samurai were given an option of ritual suicide in Japanese culture.
There is a ridiculous plan that she attempts, when she wants to leave the castle, and she shows us her uh, samurai "skills". It was absolutely ridiculous to watch. For a moment, I thought that she was actually going to be victorious against the ten guards before her, but she just gave up and lost her wind. I guess the writers actually came to their senses by not having her single-handedly killing all the male guards.
Then they threw in some ninjas, who are great for killing guards, but get killed easily by the Englishman and the Japanese translator. And then they blow her to bits when the said ninjas use explosives to crush up a door. But I am sure it was just a cliffhanger, and in the next episode, she will be resurrected in some nonsensical manner. Or it is just Toranaga's plan again? His "great" plan, as the writers want us to believe he is a master tactician. I can't believe how unconvincing his "plan" is. This Toranaga has sold everyone down the hole, just so he can sit on the military throne. But he's got "ethics". Whatever.
And we don't exactly know who sent the ninjas, because the entire series is a big deception. It is probably Toranaga who did it, since that was obviously his "hidden" plan all along. And if that truly is the case, then this series has been a major disappointment. But we are supposed to be crying tears for the death of the Japanese translator? The writers are being so fatuous, and don't stick to the point. Are Toranaga's enemies really as stupid as the writers of this episode will have us believe?
I am hoping the next episode is the last, because the entire show is so tedious and dreadful. They are just plodding us along in these extremely pointless episodes that are vacuous and unintelligent. I am not even sure that this Shogun should have been made.
In fact, I am absolutely sure of it after watching this episode.
Postscriptum: The worst acting award goes to whoever played the Japanese translator's son.
Shôgun: The Abyss of Life (2024)
Episode 8, Season 1
The Abyss of Lies
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
Well, not much to say about this episode except it was even more of a digression from the others in terms of absolute coherence. Shoddy, haphazard, and aimless writing permeates it. A lot of the characters are "rewritten" to be completely opposite from what they were in the other episodes. It is as if a bunch of English majors with no idea of Japanese culture took part in it.
It is distracting and takes away from the overall story development. The Englishman is still written as an ill-mannered, discourteous, and impolite sod. He sees one of the European sailors in town by some "chance", and they have a fight. Okay. A truly pointless scene. He was so concerned about the crew throughout the other episodes, and now he nearly killed a man from his old ship. And he also turns against Toranaga. What a surprise. And then there is talk of "loyalty" in all the episodes, and yet it is all purposeless and of no value because of the way the Western writers have constantly flip-floped in their approach. This series is nothing like old Japanese samurai cinema, which relied heavily on believable drama. But apparently everything we are watching is part of the great "plan".
The Japanese translator's husband is also portrayed as a nice chap now. He makes tea for his unresponsive wife, and later, even cries like a baby. Buntaro was probably the only interesting character because he was opposed to the snotty Englishman, and his extreme aggression was the only diverting thing to watch.
And they throw in more meaningless nonsense about the brothel and the Portuguese church. Whatever.
If you have not guessed, Toranaga has had something brewing that only he knows about. (As if we should care at this point). We are left in the dark, but he will probably unleash that ludicrous plan with the silly name. He allows his old ally and friend to die? For what, to confuse the enemy? That is the worst piece of junk writing I have ever seen. He is an utterly trivial and boring character at this point. In this episode, he has a bad cold and he meanders around like a slothful worm. You would hope that they wrote some more gusto into his limp self, but no.
There are absolutely no likable or pleasant characters in the entire series. There are just a bunch of disagreeable, mercenary, self-regarding louts. And this episode really cements that. I have been disappointed in the characters in the past, but this episode makes it clear that the writers have absolutely no duty to the audience, or no duty to the characters themselves. The series is nothing more than an empty cartoon. The Englishman has no importance anymore, and to top it off, they made him even more fickle in this episode.
But we are supposed to root for Toranaga? Well, I think not.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
Well, not much to say about this episode except it was even more of a digression from the others in terms of absolute coherence. Shoddy, haphazard, and aimless writing permeates it. A lot of the characters are "rewritten" to be completely opposite from what they were in the other episodes. It is as if a bunch of English majors with no idea of Japanese culture took part in it.
It is distracting and takes away from the overall story development. The Englishman is still written as an ill-mannered, discourteous, and impolite sod. He sees one of the European sailors in town by some "chance", and they have a fight. Okay. A truly pointless scene. He was so concerned about the crew throughout the other episodes, and now he nearly killed a man from his old ship. And he also turns against Toranaga. What a surprise. And then there is talk of "loyalty" in all the episodes, and yet it is all purposeless and of no value because of the way the Western writers have constantly flip-floped in their approach. This series is nothing like old Japanese samurai cinema, which relied heavily on believable drama. But apparently everything we are watching is part of the great "plan".
The Japanese translator's husband is also portrayed as a nice chap now. He makes tea for his unresponsive wife, and later, even cries like a baby. Buntaro was probably the only interesting character because he was opposed to the snotty Englishman, and his extreme aggression was the only diverting thing to watch.
And they throw in more meaningless nonsense about the brothel and the Portuguese church. Whatever.
If you have not guessed, Toranaga has had something brewing that only he knows about. (As if we should care at this point). We are left in the dark, but he will probably unleash that ludicrous plan with the silly name. He allows his old ally and friend to die? For what, to confuse the enemy? That is the worst piece of junk writing I have ever seen. He is an utterly trivial and boring character at this point. In this episode, he has a bad cold and he meanders around like a slothful worm. You would hope that they wrote some more gusto into his limp self, but no.
There are absolutely no likable or pleasant characters in the entire series. There are just a bunch of disagreeable, mercenary, self-regarding louts. And this episode really cements that. I have been disappointed in the characters in the past, but this episode makes it clear that the writers have absolutely no duty to the audience, or no duty to the characters themselves. The series is nothing more than an empty cartoon. The Englishman has no importance anymore, and to top it off, they made him even more fickle in this episode.
But we are supposed to root for Toranaga? Well, I think not.
Shôgun: A Stick of Time (2024)
Episode 7, Season 1
A Waste (Stick) of Time
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
At this late in the episodes, there really is no longer any hope of the series getting any better. We are beyond that. The writers have dedicated themselves to making the series ridiculously meaningless and insensible.
The beginning of episode 7 has the aftermath of a battle, with a young Toranaga played by a Western kid. Apparently they had no Japanese kid available. He helps his defeated enemy commit ritual suicide. Yeah right. I guess this scene is to establish that Toranaga is familiar with war and death. Even though he probably just sat on his horse during the actual battle. Ridiculous.
Then there is the owner of the brothel, who gets an audience with Toranaga. What was the point? Only the writers know. They also put in a spear training scene with the widowed woman living with the Englishman. To show us that women can fight on equal footing with men. Okay.
And then the Englishman is reduced to nothing. I mean he is no longer prominent for some reason. Except his old usual tactic of being a crackbrained whiner. He offends everyone at the meeting by storming off and cussing at Toranaga's men because supposedly Toranaga threw in the towel to his brother, who was going to help him, but then turns out to be a traitor. More shoddy writing.
Toranaga's son also kills himself by slipping on the loose robe of Toranaga's brother, who for some reason was at the brothel partaking in perverted acts. He cracks his skull. Just like that. The scene is so unbelievably stupid and counterfeit. You wonder why would the writers resort to more silliness to move the story. But they have been doing it all along. Slow ships and boats "racing" each other, a samurai returning miraculously from a sure death, an inescapable ambush in the forest averted, a sudden earthquake, etc. You get the point.
Contrived and pointless scenes litter the entire episode.
And now at this juncture, we can only guess the ending and how the scatterbrained writers are going to tie it all together in some astounding and miraculous manner.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
At this late in the episodes, there really is no longer any hope of the series getting any better. We are beyond that. The writers have dedicated themselves to making the series ridiculously meaningless and insensible.
The beginning of episode 7 has the aftermath of a battle, with a young Toranaga played by a Western kid. Apparently they had no Japanese kid available. He helps his defeated enemy commit ritual suicide. Yeah right. I guess this scene is to establish that Toranaga is familiar with war and death. Even though he probably just sat on his horse during the actual battle. Ridiculous.
Then there is the owner of the brothel, who gets an audience with Toranaga. What was the point? Only the writers know. They also put in a spear training scene with the widowed woman living with the Englishman. To show us that women can fight on equal footing with men. Okay.
And then the Englishman is reduced to nothing. I mean he is no longer prominent for some reason. Except his old usual tactic of being a crackbrained whiner. He offends everyone at the meeting by storming off and cussing at Toranaga's men because supposedly Toranaga threw in the towel to his brother, who was going to help him, but then turns out to be a traitor. More shoddy writing.
Toranaga's son also kills himself by slipping on the loose robe of Toranaga's brother, who for some reason was at the brothel partaking in perverted acts. He cracks his skull. Just like that. The scene is so unbelievably stupid and counterfeit. You wonder why would the writers resort to more silliness to move the story. But they have been doing it all along. Slow ships and boats "racing" each other, a samurai returning miraculously from a sure death, an inescapable ambush in the forest averted, a sudden earthquake, etc. You get the point.
Contrived and pointless scenes litter the entire episode.
And now at this juncture, we can only guess the ending and how the scatterbrained writers are going to tie it all together in some astounding and miraculous manner.
Mr. & Mrs. North (1952)
Mr. & Mrs. Jellyfish
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
I watched about ten episodes of this snooze fest before ultimately calling it quits. Richard Denning (Unknown Island (1948), Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954), Target Earth (1954), Day the World Ended (1955), Creature with the Atom Brain (1955), and The Black Scorpion (1957)) is married to Barbara Britton, in what seems like the most dull marriage ever imagined.
They get stuck in silly situations where some murder or mystery just happens to follow them. What baffles me is how this sleuth-solving duo actually solved anything at all. Richard Denning is written to be an invertebrate weakling numbskull and simpleton. Barbara Britton is written to be a courageous and plucky woman. I don't care if the man is portrayed as an idiot, but Barbara Britton has as much personality as a bag of corn starch. She is eminently boring. And so is Richard Denning.
Luckily each episode clocks in at 25 minutes, and they canned the series at season two. Watching it is a real trip to snooze-ville.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
I watched about ten episodes of this snooze fest before ultimately calling it quits. Richard Denning (Unknown Island (1948), Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954), Target Earth (1954), Day the World Ended (1955), Creature with the Atom Brain (1955), and The Black Scorpion (1957)) is married to Barbara Britton, in what seems like the most dull marriage ever imagined.
They get stuck in silly situations where some murder or mystery just happens to follow them. What baffles me is how this sleuth-solving duo actually solved anything at all. Richard Denning is written to be an invertebrate weakling numbskull and simpleton. Barbara Britton is written to be a courageous and plucky woman. I don't care if the man is portrayed as an idiot, but Barbara Britton has as much personality as a bag of corn starch. She is eminently boring. And so is Richard Denning.
Luckily each episode clocks in at 25 minutes, and they canned the series at season two. Watching it is a real trip to snooze-ville.
Shôgun: Ladies of the Willow World (2024)
Episode 6, Season 1
Ladies of the Hollow World
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
Another dismal episode, to be quite abrupt about it. There is a lot of useless background storytelling that rushes quickly, so that most viewers will be scrambling to comprehend what exactly is going on. I had no difficulty myself, but the sloppily assembled history of the Japanese translator is a tedious modern way of hurrying through unimportant details.
And then the Englishman is made admiral, and also put in charge of the artillery unit. All that because he saved the Japanese lord's life in the ridiculous earthquake scene. Brilliant writing. An Englishman who constantly whines about wanting to go back home, and yet in the first episode he was whining about discovering the Japonés. Now he is to be trusted with a navy fleet and artillery unit? Okay. Brilliant writing.
This episode also has an enormous feminist bias, and it overshadows the entire plot and historical reference that was present in the first two episodes.
My conjecture in Episode four that the Japanese translator was somewhat important has come true. Like you could not see that silliness coming.
There is also an inordinate amount of time at the local brothel that goes absolutely nowhere. You think they would throw in a good samurai fight or something by this point. But they discuss the intricacies of "tea pouring". All while the after effects of a major earthquake are forgotten. Just an inconsistent storyline that is swept under the rug.
And the outcast Japanese lord's army was destroyed in the earthquake, and yet he formulates a plan to storm the other rival lords' main castle. Brilliant writing.
And then there are plenty of Lady Macbeth themes taken right out of Shakespeare, except that they are not handled with dexterity or finesse like you see in the excellent Akira Kurosawa's Throne of Blood (1957), Andrzej Wajda's Siberian Lady Macbeth (1962), or Roman Polanski's Macbeth (1971). It is absolutely incredulous that a concubine courtesan consort who bore the heir because the wife was unable to, is now pulling all the political strings.
Anyone who has thought about giving up on this imprudent, frivolous and empty-headed series will probably jump ship by this point.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
Another dismal episode, to be quite abrupt about it. There is a lot of useless background storytelling that rushes quickly, so that most viewers will be scrambling to comprehend what exactly is going on. I had no difficulty myself, but the sloppily assembled history of the Japanese translator is a tedious modern way of hurrying through unimportant details.
And then the Englishman is made admiral, and also put in charge of the artillery unit. All that because he saved the Japanese lord's life in the ridiculous earthquake scene. Brilliant writing. An Englishman who constantly whines about wanting to go back home, and yet in the first episode he was whining about discovering the Japonés. Now he is to be trusted with a navy fleet and artillery unit? Okay. Brilliant writing.
This episode also has an enormous feminist bias, and it overshadows the entire plot and historical reference that was present in the first two episodes.
My conjecture in Episode four that the Japanese translator was somewhat important has come true. Like you could not see that silliness coming.
There is also an inordinate amount of time at the local brothel that goes absolutely nowhere. You think they would throw in a good samurai fight or something by this point. But they discuss the intricacies of "tea pouring". All while the after effects of a major earthquake are forgotten. Just an inconsistent storyline that is swept under the rug.
And the outcast Japanese lord's army was destroyed in the earthquake, and yet he formulates a plan to storm the other rival lords' main castle. Brilliant writing.
And then there are plenty of Lady Macbeth themes taken right out of Shakespeare, except that they are not handled with dexterity or finesse like you see in the excellent Akira Kurosawa's Throne of Blood (1957), Andrzej Wajda's Siberian Lady Macbeth (1962), or Roman Polanski's Macbeth (1971). It is absolutely incredulous that a concubine courtesan consort who bore the heir because the wife was unable to, is now pulling all the political strings.
Anyone who has thought about giving up on this imprudent, frivolous and empty-headed series will probably jump ship by this point.
Shôgun: Tomorrow Is Tomorrow (2024)
Episode 3, Season 1
Tomorrow Is Yesterday
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
Follows in the footsteps of the horrible previous episodes. At least they are consistent in that manner.
The idiotic scene with the boats and ships? Utterly unrealistic. Preposterous. This is the type of dumb things that we are forced to sit through, cartoon fantasy scenes.
The English steersman was supposedly starving and had scurvy on the long trip to Japan, but when he took off his clothing to swim, it appeared that he had been at the gymnasium recently.
Terrible writing, I don't think that the series will improve much. But I'll still watch it to the end. Like a man on a sinking ship.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
Follows in the footsteps of the horrible previous episodes. At least they are consistent in that manner.
The idiotic scene with the boats and ships? Utterly unrealistic. Preposterous. This is the type of dumb things that we are forced to sit through, cartoon fantasy scenes.
The English steersman was supposedly starving and had scurvy on the long trip to Japan, but when he took off his clothing to swim, it appeared that he had been at the gymnasium recently.
Terrible writing, I don't think that the series will improve much. But I'll still watch it to the end. Like a man on a sinking ship.
Shôgun: Servants of Two Masters (2024)
Episode 2, Season 1
Servants of Two Dullards
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
The second episode proves that the first was not the worst. It is proving to be an exceptionally badly written series, with extremely unlikeable characters.
Hopefully a few good things will come from this pathetic and pitiable series. Japanese mom and pops restaurants will have some business, people will buy some Japanese history and art books, and that they will also look to the past for the excellent Japanese film directors, who include Akira Kurosawa.
Stick with the original version and the book itself. This version is useless and horrendous. A complete waste of time.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
The second episode proves that the first was not the worst. It is proving to be an exceptionally badly written series, with extremely unlikeable characters.
Hopefully a few good things will come from this pathetic and pitiable series. Japanese mom and pops restaurants will have some business, people will buy some Japanese history and art books, and that they will also look to the past for the excellent Japanese film directors, who include Akira Kurosawa.
Stick with the original version and the book itself. This version is useless and horrendous. A complete waste of time.
Shôgun: Anjin (2024)
Episode 1, Season 1
Anjin or Antman?
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
It seems that the producers hired the most annoying, uncouth, asinine, and boorish Englishman that they could find. Where did they find this guy? At the taverns? At the docks? All he does is curse and curse. In reality, no Japanese feudal lord would put up with his outbursts. This bloke is so bloody over the top ridiculous and insane that it really ruined the fine acting from the Japanese actors. His acting is so wooden, and he doesn't inspire any sympathy at all. He is a loudmouth braggart. If you are a stranger in a strange land, it probably would prolong your life to keep quiet and assess the situation. But this guy, he is a bombastic vulgarian. Why the Portuguese rogues or few Spaniards did not toss him into the tides is beyond me.
Another major problem was that one of the writers was a woman, and it looks like they let her inject some modern day extreme feminism in many of the action scenes. There's a household maid that starts killing everyone with a knife and they made it look like she was unstoppable. The attack in the forest scene had the Japanese woman translator pick up a spear and hack about five Japanese soldiers with ease. It was absolutely stupid. That completely ruined the decent dramatic scenes. I am sure that she will be fighting samurai in the later episodes. And what did the Englishman do during the attack, did he pick up a sword himself? Nope.
And the English steersman is supposedly speaking Portuguese while we are hearing English? Okay. While he does not know a word of that language? The script continuity supervisor completely failed the audience.
Not to mention that the writers are vehemently anti-Catholic and despise the Portuguese and Spaniards while favoring the Dutch and English.
And the idiotic scene with the boats and ships? Utterly unrealistic. Preposterous. This is the type of dumb things that we are forced to sit through, cartoon fantasy scenes.
The English steersman was supposedly starving and had scurvy on the long trip to Japan, but when he took off his clothing to swim, it appeared that he had been at the gymnasium recently.
And as usual, they made the Japanese translator very beautiful. She can not be fat or ugly. How is that for the double standard? On the one hand, women can fight exactly like men, but then they have to look beautiful. Hypocrisy.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
It seems that the producers hired the most annoying, uncouth, asinine, and boorish Englishman that they could find. Where did they find this guy? At the taverns? At the docks? All he does is curse and curse. In reality, no Japanese feudal lord would put up with his outbursts. This bloke is so bloody over the top ridiculous and insane that it really ruined the fine acting from the Japanese actors. His acting is so wooden, and he doesn't inspire any sympathy at all. He is a loudmouth braggart. If you are a stranger in a strange land, it probably would prolong your life to keep quiet and assess the situation. But this guy, he is a bombastic vulgarian. Why the Portuguese rogues or few Spaniards did not toss him into the tides is beyond me.
Another major problem was that one of the writers was a woman, and it looks like they let her inject some modern day extreme feminism in many of the action scenes. There's a household maid that starts killing everyone with a knife and they made it look like she was unstoppable. The attack in the forest scene had the Japanese woman translator pick up a spear and hack about five Japanese soldiers with ease. It was absolutely stupid. That completely ruined the decent dramatic scenes. I am sure that she will be fighting samurai in the later episodes. And what did the Englishman do during the attack, did he pick up a sword himself? Nope.
And the English steersman is supposedly speaking Portuguese while we are hearing English? Okay. While he does not know a word of that language? The script continuity supervisor completely failed the audience.
Not to mention that the writers are vehemently anti-Catholic and despise the Portuguese and Spaniards while favoring the Dutch and English.
And the idiotic scene with the boats and ships? Utterly unrealistic. Preposterous. This is the type of dumb things that we are forced to sit through, cartoon fantasy scenes.
The English steersman was supposedly starving and had scurvy on the long trip to Japan, but when he took off his clothing to swim, it appeared that he had been at the gymnasium recently.
And as usual, they made the Japanese translator very beautiful. She can not be fat or ugly. How is that for the double standard? On the one hand, women can fight exactly like men, but then they have to look beautiful. Hypocrisy.
Shôgun: The Eightfold Fence (2024)
Episode 4, Season 1
The Zerofold Fence
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
Episode four was just dreadful. Apparently, the English steersman, who said he knew nothing of military tactics and expertise in the previous episode, is an artillery genius in this episode. And he trains a few Japanese soldiers, making them experts as well. Seventeenth century artillery guns were unwieldy and difficult to shoot accurately. In a highly preposterous scene, the new Japanese artillery men make waste of some enemy horsemen from 1000 yards out. And the general, whose limbs are all bloody and absent, mutters that it was not honorable behavior. All that because some impetuous young son wanted attention.
The English steersman, who in previous episodes is made out to be a devout Protestant, sleeps with a Japanese prostitute, and he is married. More hypocrisy. And there is more foreshadowing that the Japanese translator may be a key to the future. I personally think that she may be a trained assassin who has a shady past, and will kill the enemy lord. If that is the case, this whole series is a complete farce.
The episodes are getting progressively worse and worse.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
Episode four was just dreadful. Apparently, the English steersman, who said he knew nothing of military tactics and expertise in the previous episode, is an artillery genius in this episode. And he trains a few Japanese soldiers, making them experts as well. Seventeenth century artillery guns were unwieldy and difficult to shoot accurately. In a highly preposterous scene, the new Japanese artillery men make waste of some enemy horsemen from 1000 yards out. And the general, whose limbs are all bloody and absent, mutters that it was not honorable behavior. All that because some impetuous young son wanted attention.
The English steersman, who in previous episodes is made out to be a devout Protestant, sleeps with a Japanese prostitute, and he is married. More hypocrisy. And there is more foreshadowing that the Japanese translator may be a key to the future. I personally think that she may be a trained assassin who has a shady past, and will kill the enemy lord. If that is the case, this whole series is a complete farce.
The episodes are getting progressively worse and worse.
Shôgun: Broken to the Fist (2024)
Episode 5, Season 1
Broken to the Brain
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
Episode five is more of the same haggard storytelling, which in this case, amounts to more of the same nonsense from all the previous episodes. There is some uninteresting balderdash about a dead chicken pheasant that is "not supposed to be touched". The Englishman was jokingly saying that anyone who touched it would be killed. Turns out, the gardener touched it and was put to death, and the Englishman is wondering why. His empty-headed buffoonery is getting tedious.
Then the husband of the Japanese translator has "miraculously" returned alive. Apparently, he and ten unemployed samurai fought off those hundred soldiers. Okay. Whatever. Well, the writers put him through the sewer in this episode. They made him more unlikeable than Genghis Khan. He can not hold his Japanese liquor against the Englishman, but he still is an expert marksman with a bow and arrow. Okay. Whatever.
They also put out the expected female victim card for the Japanese translator, so that the audience can weep and instantly side with her. Except it was done in a horrible manner, so to an educated viewer, it looks entirely contrived.
More contrivance is included later when the lazy writers throw in an unexpected earthquake. The laughable scene is so utterly inane that you have to see it to believe it. I'm sure they will also include a tsunami in the following episodes.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
Episode five is more of the same haggard storytelling, which in this case, amounts to more of the same nonsense from all the previous episodes. There is some uninteresting balderdash about a dead chicken pheasant that is "not supposed to be touched". The Englishman was jokingly saying that anyone who touched it would be killed. Turns out, the gardener touched it and was put to death, and the Englishman is wondering why. His empty-headed buffoonery is getting tedious.
Then the husband of the Japanese translator has "miraculously" returned alive. Apparently, he and ten unemployed samurai fought off those hundred soldiers. Okay. Whatever. Well, the writers put him through the sewer in this episode. They made him more unlikeable than Genghis Khan. He can not hold his Japanese liquor against the Englishman, but he still is an expert marksman with a bow and arrow. Okay. Whatever.
They also put out the expected female victim card for the Japanese translator, so that the audience can weep and instantly side with her. Except it was done in a horrible manner, so to an educated viewer, it looks entirely contrived.
More contrivance is included later when the lazy writers throw in an unexpected earthquake. The laughable scene is so utterly inane that you have to see it to believe it. I'm sure they will also include a tsunami in the following episodes.
The Night Crew (2015)
The Night Stew
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
Turned it off after ten minutes of ridiculousness. Absolutely dumb. The introduction had some awful song and a couple of loser bad guys acting like thugs. They go into a strip club with the intention of grabbing one of the dancers. Apparently some guy in the audience touched her behind and she cracked his hand or something. Really unbelievable junk.
Then the couple of loser bad guys acting like thugs chase her and she busts one of the thug's face and runs off. Another movie where women are super fighters. She staggers off and runs away.
Th director and cinematographer also shake the camera so much that it gets annoying. And they hold each scene shot for two seconds so you get dizzy.
And I said enough is enough. And the actor character Danny Trejo is also in this, so you know it will be even more worthless.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
Turned it off after ten minutes of ridiculousness. Absolutely dumb. The introduction had some awful song and a couple of loser bad guys acting like thugs. They go into a strip club with the intention of grabbing one of the dancers. Apparently some guy in the audience touched her behind and she cracked his hand or something. Really unbelievable junk.
Then the couple of loser bad guys acting like thugs chase her and she busts one of the thug's face and runs off. Another movie where women are super fighters. She staggers off and runs away.
Th director and cinematographer also shake the camera so much that it gets annoying. And they hold each scene shot for two seconds so you get dizzy.
And I said enough is enough. And the actor character Danny Trejo is also in this, so you know it will be even more worthless.
Shôgun (2024)
She-gun - Absolute Rubbish
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
It seems that the producers hired the most annoying, uncouth, asinine, and boorish Englishman that they could find. Where did they find this guy? At the taverns? At the docks? All he does is curse and curse. In reality, no Japanese feudal lord would put up with his outbursts. This bloke is so bloody over the top ridiculous and insane that it really ruined the fine acting from the Japanese actors. His acting is so wooden, and he doesn't inspire any sympathy at all. He is a loudmouth braggart. If you are a stranger in a strange land, it probably would prolong your life to keep quiet and assess the situation. But this guy, he is a bombastic vulgarian. Why the Portuguese rogues or few Spaniards did not toss him into the tides is beyond me.
Another major problem was that one of the writers was a woman, and it looks like they let her inject some modern day extreme feminism in many of the action scenes. There's a household maid that starts killing everyone with a knife and they made it look like she was unstoppable. The attack in the forest scene had the Japanese woman translator pick up a spear and hack about five Japanese soldiers with ease. It was absolutely stupid. That completely ruined the decent dramatic scenes. I am sure that she will be fighting samurai in the later episodes. And what did the Englishman do during the attack, did he pick up a sword himself? Nope.
And the English steersman is supposedly speaking Portuguese while we are hearing English? Okay. While he does not know a word of that language? The script continuity supervisor completely failed the audience.
Not to mention that the writers are vehemently anti-Catholic and despise the Portuguese and Spaniards while favoring the Dutch and English.
And the idiotic scene with the boats and ships? Utterly unrealistic. Preposterous. This is the type of dumb things that we are forced to sit through, cartoon fantasy scenes.
The English steersman was supposedly starving and had scurvy on the long trip to Japan, but when he took off his clothing to swim, it appeared that he had been at the gymnasium recently.
And as usual, they made the Japanese translator very beautiful. She can not be fat or ugly. How is that for the double standard? On the one hand, women can fight exactly like men, but then they have to look beautiful. Hypocrisy.
Episode four was just dreadful. Apparently, the English steersman, who said he knew nothing of military tactics and expertise in the previous episode, is an artillery genius in this episode. And he trains a few Japanese soldiers, making them experts as well. Seventeenth century artillery guns were unwieldy and difficult to shoot accurately. In a highly preposterous scene, the new Japanese artillery men make waste of some enemy horsemen from 1000 yards out. And the general, whose limbs are all bloody and absent, mutters that it was not honorable behavior. All that because some impetuous young son wanted attention.
The English steersman, who in previous episodes is made out to be a devout Protestant, sleeps with a Japanese prostitute, and he is married. More hypocrisy. And there is more foreshadowing that the Japanese translator may be a key to the future. I personally think that she may be a trained assassin who has a shady past, and will kill the enemy lord. If that is the case, this whole series is a complete farce. The episodes are getting progressively worse and worse.
Episode five is more of the same haggard storytelling, which in this case, amounts to more of the same nonsense from all the previous episodes. There is some uninteresting balderdash about a dead chicken pheasant that is "not supposed to be touched". The Englishman was jokingly saying that anyone who touched it would be killed. Turns out, the gardener touched it and was put to death, and the Englishman is wondering why. His empty-headed buffoonery is getting tedious.
Then the husband of the Japanese translator has "miraculously" returned alive. Apparently, he and ten unemployed samurai fought off those hundred soldiers. Okay. Whatever. Well, the writers put him through the sewer in this episode. They made him more unlikeable than Genghis Khan. He can not hold his Japanese liquor against the Englishman, but he still is an expert marksman with a bow and arrow.
They also put out the expected female victim card for the Japanese translator, so that the audience can weep and instantly side with her. Except it was done in a horrible manner, so to an educated viewer, it looks entirely contrived.
More contrivance is included later when the lazy writers throw in an unexpected earthquake. The laughable scene is so utterly inane that you have to see it to believe it. I'm sure they will also include a tsunami in the following episodes.
I don't think that the series will improve much. But I'll still watch it to the end. Like a man on a sinking ship.
Hopefully a few good things will come from this pathetic and pitiable series. Japanese mom and pops restaurants will have some business, people will buy some Japanese history and art books, and that they will also look to the past for the excellent Japanese film directors, who include Akira Kurosawa.
Stick with the original version and the book itself. This version is useless and horrendous. A complete waste of time.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
It seems that the producers hired the most annoying, uncouth, asinine, and boorish Englishman that they could find. Where did they find this guy? At the taverns? At the docks? All he does is curse and curse. In reality, no Japanese feudal lord would put up with his outbursts. This bloke is so bloody over the top ridiculous and insane that it really ruined the fine acting from the Japanese actors. His acting is so wooden, and he doesn't inspire any sympathy at all. He is a loudmouth braggart. If you are a stranger in a strange land, it probably would prolong your life to keep quiet and assess the situation. But this guy, he is a bombastic vulgarian. Why the Portuguese rogues or few Spaniards did not toss him into the tides is beyond me.
Another major problem was that one of the writers was a woman, and it looks like they let her inject some modern day extreme feminism in many of the action scenes. There's a household maid that starts killing everyone with a knife and they made it look like she was unstoppable. The attack in the forest scene had the Japanese woman translator pick up a spear and hack about five Japanese soldiers with ease. It was absolutely stupid. That completely ruined the decent dramatic scenes. I am sure that she will be fighting samurai in the later episodes. And what did the Englishman do during the attack, did he pick up a sword himself? Nope.
And the English steersman is supposedly speaking Portuguese while we are hearing English? Okay. While he does not know a word of that language? The script continuity supervisor completely failed the audience.
Not to mention that the writers are vehemently anti-Catholic and despise the Portuguese and Spaniards while favoring the Dutch and English.
And the idiotic scene with the boats and ships? Utterly unrealistic. Preposterous. This is the type of dumb things that we are forced to sit through, cartoon fantasy scenes.
The English steersman was supposedly starving and had scurvy on the long trip to Japan, but when he took off his clothing to swim, it appeared that he had been at the gymnasium recently.
And as usual, they made the Japanese translator very beautiful. She can not be fat or ugly. How is that for the double standard? On the one hand, women can fight exactly like men, but then they have to look beautiful. Hypocrisy.
Episode four was just dreadful. Apparently, the English steersman, who said he knew nothing of military tactics and expertise in the previous episode, is an artillery genius in this episode. And he trains a few Japanese soldiers, making them experts as well. Seventeenth century artillery guns were unwieldy and difficult to shoot accurately. In a highly preposterous scene, the new Japanese artillery men make waste of some enemy horsemen from 1000 yards out. And the general, whose limbs are all bloody and absent, mutters that it was not honorable behavior. All that because some impetuous young son wanted attention.
The English steersman, who in previous episodes is made out to be a devout Protestant, sleeps with a Japanese prostitute, and he is married. More hypocrisy. And there is more foreshadowing that the Japanese translator may be a key to the future. I personally think that she may be a trained assassin who has a shady past, and will kill the enemy lord. If that is the case, this whole series is a complete farce. The episodes are getting progressively worse and worse.
Episode five is more of the same haggard storytelling, which in this case, amounts to more of the same nonsense from all the previous episodes. There is some uninteresting balderdash about a dead chicken pheasant that is "not supposed to be touched". The Englishman was jokingly saying that anyone who touched it would be killed. Turns out, the gardener touched it and was put to death, and the Englishman is wondering why. His empty-headed buffoonery is getting tedious.
Then the husband of the Japanese translator has "miraculously" returned alive. Apparently, he and ten unemployed samurai fought off those hundred soldiers. Okay. Whatever. Well, the writers put him through the sewer in this episode. They made him more unlikeable than Genghis Khan. He can not hold his Japanese liquor against the Englishman, but he still is an expert marksman with a bow and arrow.
They also put out the expected female victim card for the Japanese translator, so that the audience can weep and instantly side with her. Except it was done in a horrible manner, so to an educated viewer, it looks entirely contrived.
More contrivance is included later when the lazy writers throw in an unexpected earthquake. The laughable scene is so utterly inane that you have to see it to believe it. I'm sure they will also include a tsunami in the following episodes.
I don't think that the series will improve much. But I'll still watch it to the end. Like a man on a sinking ship.
Hopefully a few good things will come from this pathetic and pitiable series. Japanese mom and pops restaurants will have some business, people will buy some Japanese history and art books, and that they will also look to the past for the excellent Japanese film directors, who include Akira Kurosawa.
Stick with the original version and the book itself. This version is useless and horrendous. A complete waste of time.
Force of the Ninja (1988)
Farce of the Ninja
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
After a brief introduction setting up the "great skills" of the ancient ninja, who is seen sneeking into some Japanese feudal castle to cause some harm, the setting changes to the modern era Arizona desert. A military convoy is traveling across the empty territory. Suddenly they are attacked and slaughtered by mercenaries. Okay. Not sure why the military is using desolate river washes for travel instead of paved highways.
Up in the nearby hills, were three Japanese women, apparently tourists, who witnessed the annihilation. Two of them are killed outright, and the last one is saved because she is part of the royal Japanese family. They did not even have any bodyguards, I guess they can't afford any.
The mercenaries go to some old Western town and are visited by a boss and some shady foreigners who want to buy the Stinger missile rockets that they stole from the military convoy. They also plan on getting money for the Japanese hostage. They sure are geniuses.
Cut to Japan, where we get to see modern ninjas practicing their skills and some old dude with white hair, who is their master. He tells the main ninja that he has to help save the Japanese kidnapping victim. The main ninja doesn't even look Japanese, he looks like an Indonesian and Mexican guy with a lousy mustache. And he is short. Not sure how he got the part, because his fighting skills are entirely dull and lifeless. His acting is awful as well.
After hacking up some Japanese crime thugs, he heads to Arizona where he teams up with the state's dumbest sheriff. The ninja easily finds the mercenaries and the last thirty minutes are spent endlessly on the most boring action scenes. The mercenaries are so inept that they can't even kill a guy with a Japanese sword. The sheriff is also thrown in to shoot up a few mercenaries.
This is a completely tedious and dreary Ninja movie.
Be sure to look for the ridiculous mercenary who is a cross between wrestler "Macho Man" Randy Savage and Che Guevara. And another mercenary who has a terrible wig!
If you feel you have to watch every ninja movie ever made, this one may be difficult to find in English. I have an old VHS tape in Spanish. The audio is not very good, so it is arduous to hear what is being said at times. It is also in Castilian Spanish from the heart of Spain, and introductory Spanish students may have trouble with the accents. In Castilian Spanish with no subtitles.
You might be better off just renting Sho Kosugi (Japanese actor and martial artist) movies. And even those were not that good.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
After a brief introduction setting up the "great skills" of the ancient ninja, who is seen sneeking into some Japanese feudal castle to cause some harm, the setting changes to the modern era Arizona desert. A military convoy is traveling across the empty territory. Suddenly they are attacked and slaughtered by mercenaries. Okay. Not sure why the military is using desolate river washes for travel instead of paved highways.
Up in the nearby hills, were three Japanese women, apparently tourists, who witnessed the annihilation. Two of them are killed outright, and the last one is saved because she is part of the royal Japanese family. They did not even have any bodyguards, I guess they can't afford any.
The mercenaries go to some old Western town and are visited by a boss and some shady foreigners who want to buy the Stinger missile rockets that they stole from the military convoy. They also plan on getting money for the Japanese hostage. They sure are geniuses.
Cut to Japan, where we get to see modern ninjas practicing their skills and some old dude with white hair, who is their master. He tells the main ninja that he has to help save the Japanese kidnapping victim. The main ninja doesn't even look Japanese, he looks like an Indonesian and Mexican guy with a lousy mustache. And he is short. Not sure how he got the part, because his fighting skills are entirely dull and lifeless. His acting is awful as well.
After hacking up some Japanese crime thugs, he heads to Arizona where he teams up with the state's dumbest sheriff. The ninja easily finds the mercenaries and the last thirty minutes are spent endlessly on the most boring action scenes. The mercenaries are so inept that they can't even kill a guy with a Japanese sword. The sheriff is also thrown in to shoot up a few mercenaries.
This is a completely tedious and dreary Ninja movie.
Be sure to look for the ridiculous mercenary who is a cross between wrestler "Macho Man" Randy Savage and Che Guevara. And another mercenary who has a terrible wig!
If you feel you have to watch every ninja movie ever made, this one may be difficult to find in English. I have an old VHS tape in Spanish. The audio is not very good, so it is arduous to hear what is being said at times. It is also in Castilian Spanish from the heart of Spain, and introductory Spanish students may have trouble with the accents. In Castilian Spanish with no subtitles.
You might be better off just renting Sho Kosugi (Japanese actor and martial artist) movies. And even those were not that good.
Im Nachtlicht (2020)
The Howling, Your Father Is a Werewolf
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
This is mildly interesting movie, as it stood out somewhat from the routine horror movies made in the United States.
I did not read the synopsis so I was surprised by it. The acting is sluggish though, but they do what they can.
Whoever wrote it also hates men, so the awkward main character is a shy woman who is also a woodworker. Ridiculous, I know. And she is tasked with rebuilding an old mill.
First off, the English voice overs are unintentionally funny. It reminds me of 1980s Italian horror movies that sounded the same way. No one in America speaks like that. I was laughing at a few of the translations.
There was a lot of weirdness in the movie that I found refreshing. Every character is vile, vicious or has some unsavory aspect to them. I found that very humorous.
What was lacking is nudity and some colors, or at least artistry in the film shots. The cinematography is very pedestrian. And there was no budget for a good monster or basic atmosphere. I don't think they even filmed any scenes at night.
The movie reminded me of Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf 1985, which was also an average movie. But that stood out because of the theme song, decent cinematography, and of course, Sybil Danning.
For a bit of 'off the beaten path' type of stuff, there was enough stimulating interest to be found. Although the ending and the slow pace left a lot to be delivered.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
This is mildly interesting movie, as it stood out somewhat from the routine horror movies made in the United States.
I did not read the synopsis so I was surprised by it. The acting is sluggish though, but they do what they can.
Whoever wrote it also hates men, so the awkward main character is a shy woman who is also a woodworker. Ridiculous, I know. And she is tasked with rebuilding an old mill.
First off, the English voice overs are unintentionally funny. It reminds me of 1980s Italian horror movies that sounded the same way. No one in America speaks like that. I was laughing at a few of the translations.
There was a lot of weirdness in the movie that I found refreshing. Every character is vile, vicious or has some unsavory aspect to them. I found that very humorous.
What was lacking is nudity and some colors, or at least artistry in the film shots. The cinematography is very pedestrian. And there was no budget for a good monster or basic atmosphere. I don't think they even filmed any scenes at night.
The movie reminded me of Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf 1985, which was also an average movie. But that stood out because of the theme song, decent cinematography, and of course, Sybil Danning.
For a bit of 'off the beaten path' type of stuff, there was enough stimulating interest to be found. Although the ending and the slow pace left a lot to be delivered.
Hit and Run (1982)
The New York City Cab Driver
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
A Manhattan teacher and part-time taxi cab driver is still suffering from the traumatic death of his wife. He has two young children and his life seems uninvolved. One night he picks up an attractive woman who asks him if he can take her out of state. He agrees.
He takes her to some big mansion. It seems that he is a bit curious. And she asks for him again on a few other trips, telling him to keep the trip a secret. They later make out and he falls for her. But when she disappears from the mansion on one night, he investigates and finds a dead man.
He doesn't call the police, but talks to an elderly union representative who is played by actor Will Lee (Mr. Hooper from Sesame Street). I remember reading that actor Will Lee was actually blacklisted in the 1950s during the McCarthy-era witch-hunts. There is some healthy dose of skepticism written into the Will Lee character. He doesn't trust cops and he even recalls that the murdered man was a wealthy textile owner, and that they had a union strike in the 1930s against him.
There are a few recognizable bit actors in small parts as well. Joey Lawrence (Joey Russo in Blossom (TV series 1990-1995)) plays one of the young sons.
Turns out, the taxi driver was setup as a patsy. His goes looking around for answers.
His character is neither forcefully persuasive nor intelligent though, and he just resembles a bland regular guy. That might be a problem for the movie.
There are some nice night scenes of the city and some good parts with music. Some of the 'action' in the film is contrived, as when the taxi drivers all unite to tail the mysterious woman when she gets on a subway. They cover all the above ground exits, and of course they find her.
And the ending was not entirely imaginative either, as the woman was "hit" by the actual man who was responsible for the murder when she goes off running, and he is just pulling up to the front of the building. Not very believable.
The credits at the beginning mention a novel that it is based on, "Eighty Dollars to Stamford" by Lucille Fletcher (author of "Sorry, Wrong Number", made into a film in 1948 with Barbara Stanwyck and Burt Lancaster).
In all, it is a fairly decent yet undecorated and plain movie. It reminds me somewhat of Eyewitness (1981) with William Hurt and Sigourney Weaver, as it had a similar tone and theme.
Enjoy.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
A Manhattan teacher and part-time taxi cab driver is still suffering from the traumatic death of his wife. He has two young children and his life seems uninvolved. One night he picks up an attractive woman who asks him if he can take her out of state. He agrees.
He takes her to some big mansion. It seems that he is a bit curious. And she asks for him again on a few other trips, telling him to keep the trip a secret. They later make out and he falls for her. But when she disappears from the mansion on one night, he investigates and finds a dead man.
He doesn't call the police, but talks to an elderly union representative who is played by actor Will Lee (Mr. Hooper from Sesame Street). I remember reading that actor Will Lee was actually blacklisted in the 1950s during the McCarthy-era witch-hunts. There is some healthy dose of skepticism written into the Will Lee character. He doesn't trust cops and he even recalls that the murdered man was a wealthy textile owner, and that they had a union strike in the 1930s against him.
There are a few recognizable bit actors in small parts as well. Joey Lawrence (Joey Russo in Blossom (TV series 1990-1995)) plays one of the young sons.
Turns out, the taxi driver was setup as a patsy. His goes looking around for answers.
His character is neither forcefully persuasive nor intelligent though, and he just resembles a bland regular guy. That might be a problem for the movie.
There are some nice night scenes of the city and some good parts with music. Some of the 'action' in the film is contrived, as when the taxi drivers all unite to tail the mysterious woman when she gets on a subway. They cover all the above ground exits, and of course they find her.
And the ending was not entirely imaginative either, as the woman was "hit" by the actual man who was responsible for the murder when she goes off running, and he is just pulling up to the front of the building. Not very believable.
The credits at the beginning mention a novel that it is based on, "Eighty Dollars to Stamford" by Lucille Fletcher (author of "Sorry, Wrong Number", made into a film in 1948 with Barbara Stanwyck and Burt Lancaster).
In all, it is a fairly decent yet undecorated and plain movie. It reminds me somewhat of Eyewitness (1981) with William Hurt and Sigourney Weaver, as it had a similar tone and theme.
Enjoy.
Gui huo (1981)
Enter the Green Hell
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
After finding some storage bins, I discovered this extremely rare movie again. I believe I purchased it in New York City in 1988 at the now defunct Kim's Video and Music.
The VHS copy is watchable and dubbed into English, and it also has readable subtitles. The title in the opening is "The Gate of the Hell".
An old janitor is sweeping up some school room, and then a flying skull bites his neck. How is that for an eerie opening? Not sure how it was connected to the following story though.
Then we see some young men and women driving to a place called "Devil's Mountain" to camp. They talk about ghosts, and even find a creepy hermit. What did they expect?
At night, most of the group disappears except a man and a woman. There is a heavy storm coming and they go look for the others. They find an old house with a golden crucifix on the door. That can not be a good sign.
They enter and later, some blood falls into a coffin with a skull, and a vampire is resurrected. I think the blood was from a crushed frog or mouse, as the scenes are so dark. He is stuck inside the coffin because a crucifix is on top. But a snake attacks the young man and its tail unintentionally knocks the crucifix off.
The vampire is unleashed, and chases the youths about. The vampire is played by a westerner, and his face is lit up with a green light.
He wants the couple to remove the crucifixes to other coffins, but they use one to ward him off.
There is a lot of chasing and fighting. And the young man becomes a vampire because the woman dropped the crucifix and he was bitten.
It turns out that all her friends were turned into vampires and they attempt to kill her.
She fights for her life, escapes and winds up in a hospital. A priest helps her when the vampire eventually comes to kill her. But she dies from his bite. The scene reminds me of the ending from the great little horror movie, Equinox (1970).
But no, she wakes up the next morning, and it was all just a dream! You can figure that out early on, because it's been used so many times before.
In all, this is an extremely low budget horror film, but I enjoyed it. The age of the film and the lack of lighting give it a somewhat macabre look. Some of the frights are obviously diminished by the incompetence and naivety of the young people. And the vampire is also ridiculously weak and inept.
Could have been better if they beefed up some of the scenes.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
After finding some storage bins, I discovered this extremely rare movie again. I believe I purchased it in New York City in 1988 at the now defunct Kim's Video and Music.
The VHS copy is watchable and dubbed into English, and it also has readable subtitles. The title in the opening is "The Gate of the Hell".
An old janitor is sweeping up some school room, and then a flying skull bites his neck. How is that for an eerie opening? Not sure how it was connected to the following story though.
Then we see some young men and women driving to a place called "Devil's Mountain" to camp. They talk about ghosts, and even find a creepy hermit. What did they expect?
At night, most of the group disappears except a man and a woman. There is a heavy storm coming and they go look for the others. They find an old house with a golden crucifix on the door. That can not be a good sign.
They enter and later, some blood falls into a coffin with a skull, and a vampire is resurrected. I think the blood was from a crushed frog or mouse, as the scenes are so dark. He is stuck inside the coffin because a crucifix is on top. But a snake attacks the young man and its tail unintentionally knocks the crucifix off.
The vampire is unleashed, and chases the youths about. The vampire is played by a westerner, and his face is lit up with a green light.
He wants the couple to remove the crucifixes to other coffins, but they use one to ward him off.
There is a lot of chasing and fighting. And the young man becomes a vampire because the woman dropped the crucifix and he was bitten.
It turns out that all her friends were turned into vampires and they attempt to kill her.
She fights for her life, escapes and winds up in a hospital. A priest helps her when the vampire eventually comes to kill her. But she dies from his bite. The scene reminds me of the ending from the great little horror movie, Equinox (1970).
But no, she wakes up the next morning, and it was all just a dream! You can figure that out early on, because it's been used so many times before.
In all, this is an extremely low budget horror film, but I enjoyed it. The age of the film and the lack of lighting give it a somewhat macabre look. Some of the frights are obviously diminished by the incompetence and naivety of the young people. And the vampire is also ridiculously weak and inept.
Could have been better if they beefed up some of the scenes.
From Hollywood to Deadwood (1988)
Hollywood Gorgon
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
Surprisingly, a very interesting movie and it kept me entertained until the end. It seems to have been lost long ago in the trash bins of the movie rental businesses, which is unfortunate.
I enjoy finding quirky movies like this. The writing is quite refreshing. The acting more than capable. And I throughly am fond of private detective films.
The two private detectives work well together in the movie, and they go through all the emotions of life.
They think they hit payday gold when they get hired to look for an actress who has absconded from some big production company movie. But there is more to the story. Watching it all unfold is the fun.
A nice little film to watch alone at night. Or with a penguin at your side.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
Surprisingly, a very interesting movie and it kept me entertained until the end. It seems to have been lost long ago in the trash bins of the movie rental businesses, which is unfortunate.
I enjoy finding quirky movies like this. The writing is quite refreshing. The acting more than capable. And I throughly am fond of private detective films.
The two private detectives work well together in the movie, and they go through all the emotions of life.
They think they hit payday gold when they get hired to look for an actress who has absconded from some big production company movie. But there is more to the story. Watching it all unfold is the fun.
A nice little film to watch alone at night. Or with a penguin at your side.
Ghost Town: An American Terror (2023)
The Terror of the Town
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
Well, it's an extremely low budget Western movie so you can expect it to have its variety of faults.
I sat through the whole movie, and although there were rough parts, it is at the lower level of "average". Which is therefore acceptable for a movie of this budgetary type.
I think that they did their best at making an independent movie. Some scenes are unintentionally funny, and other scenes are plain tedious. All the characters are particularly annoying and unappealing.
With the title of the movie, you can probably guess how it will end. And what is going on.
A man wandering the Arizona outback finds a desolate town where he gets a job as a barkeep. Not many people are about, and the ones that are, are repulsive. As is he. The desolation of the town provides much ambiance.
There is some nice vernacular written into the dialogue at times.
The movie is not frightening at all, but there is a sense of unknown dread running around.
They also use some irritating computer generated effects for the gunfire, dead makeup on the faces, and for the fires burning the buildings. But it is moderately bearable.
I think they should have left the "explanation" ending out of the movie, and ended it with more ambiguity.
Still, I don't diminish these low budget Westerns. They can be unique in some ways.
Recommended low budget Westerns:
Rider on a Dead Horse (1962)
The Shooting (1966)
Sierra Stranger (1957)
Five Bloody Graves (1969)
Convict Stage (1965)
*Plot and ending analyzed*
Well, it's an extremely low budget Western movie so you can expect it to have its variety of faults.
I sat through the whole movie, and although there were rough parts, it is at the lower level of "average". Which is therefore acceptable for a movie of this budgetary type.
I think that they did their best at making an independent movie. Some scenes are unintentionally funny, and other scenes are plain tedious. All the characters are particularly annoying and unappealing.
With the title of the movie, you can probably guess how it will end. And what is going on.
A man wandering the Arizona outback finds a desolate town where he gets a job as a barkeep. Not many people are about, and the ones that are, are repulsive. As is he. The desolation of the town provides much ambiance.
There is some nice vernacular written into the dialogue at times.
The movie is not frightening at all, but there is a sense of unknown dread running around.
They also use some irritating computer generated effects for the gunfire, dead makeup on the faces, and for the fires burning the buildings. But it is moderately bearable.
I think they should have left the "explanation" ending out of the movie, and ended it with more ambiguity.
Still, I don't diminish these low budget Westerns. They can be unique in some ways.
Recommended low budget Westerns:
Rider on a Dead Horse (1962)
The Shooting (1966)
Sierra Stranger (1957)
Five Bloody Graves (1969)
Convict Stage (1965)
Rider on a Dead Horse (1962)
A Fistful of Dead Apaches
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
This Western was extremely difficult to find for many years. I have not seen it since when it was first released. But I caught it recently and found it interesting.
It is quite unusual. It almost seems strange and ambiguous in some ways. A very existential Western. I liked it, even though it is entirely average and ridiculous in a few places.
The introduction starts off fairly quickly with some double crossing betrayal. That sets the stage for the absolutely fantastic Western titular song, "Rider on a Dead Horse", sung by Millard Woods.
If you love Western movie songs like, "Gun Fight at OK Corral", sung by Frankie Laine, "The 3:10 to Yuma", sung by Frankie Laine, "5 Card Stud", sung by Dean Martin, then you will probably have "Rider on a Dead Horse", sung by Millard Woods, in your head for days.
The Arizona desert scenery is very bleak and austere, as if only the principle characters exist in the setting. The movie has the feel of a theatrical play since they did not have a budget for many extras.
I don't know why actor John Vivyan did not get any other Western movie roles, or why he did not go to Spain in the 1960s or 1970s to do Spaghetti Westerns. He was definitely capable, and was better than a lot of the wooden actors that they used.
The only other low budget Western that is similar to this one is, Five Bloody Graves (1969). Another strange Western movie.
I got a Portuguese VHS version and the song was not cut out. I've noticed a few English DVD versions without the song and introductory title and credits.
This is definitely a nice little Western movie to see.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
This Western was extremely difficult to find for many years. I have not seen it since when it was first released. But I caught it recently and found it interesting.
It is quite unusual. It almost seems strange and ambiguous in some ways. A very existential Western. I liked it, even though it is entirely average and ridiculous in a few places.
The introduction starts off fairly quickly with some double crossing betrayal. That sets the stage for the absolutely fantastic Western titular song, "Rider on a Dead Horse", sung by Millard Woods.
If you love Western movie songs like, "Gun Fight at OK Corral", sung by Frankie Laine, "The 3:10 to Yuma", sung by Frankie Laine, "5 Card Stud", sung by Dean Martin, then you will probably have "Rider on a Dead Horse", sung by Millard Woods, in your head for days.
The Arizona desert scenery is very bleak and austere, as if only the principle characters exist in the setting. The movie has the feel of a theatrical play since they did not have a budget for many extras.
I don't know why actor John Vivyan did not get any other Western movie roles, or why he did not go to Spain in the 1960s or 1970s to do Spaghetti Westerns. He was definitely capable, and was better than a lot of the wooden actors that they used.
The only other low budget Western that is similar to this one is, Five Bloody Graves (1969). Another strange Western movie.
I got a Portuguese VHS version and the song was not cut out. I've noticed a few English DVD versions without the song and introductory title and credits.
This is definitely a nice little Western movie to see.
Inferno (1980)
The Mother of Deep Red Infernos
Inferno, Dario Argento's second best known film, is probably his second most expressive. This is a gem to look at with all its lush Italian colors seeping out like a blood covered canvas.
If you are looking for a horror film for intellectuals, this isn't it, but if you want something that will definitely impress you, you've found it.
It concerns an old building in New York City that is headed up by an old witch matriarch who leads the coven in diabolical methods.
An unsuspecting young woman, Rose Elliot, played wonderfully by Irene Miracle, finds herself piecing together an unusual mystery when she buys an old book at the shop of some weird book dealer, in one of the most enigmatic and beautiful commencements of a film to date.
Argento has music, colors, and sounds reverberate like an opera for our eyes to dazzle. He scares us with the rain, the closing of a library door, and city shadows that resemble evil lurking beings. This is one powerful moment.
From then on, subtle hints are explored, the supernatural, science, one's faith.
Never can we guess what is truly hiding at the old building. One scene of music students in the lecture hall is superbly done with loud music, hideous heckling demonic shrieks and strange appearances; this is fantastic eye candy!
And the ending was entirely fantastic and strange. A superb visual and auditory feast.
If you are looking for a horror film for intellectuals, this isn't it, but if you want something that will definitely impress you, you've found it.
It concerns an old building in New York City that is headed up by an old witch matriarch who leads the coven in diabolical methods.
An unsuspecting young woman, Rose Elliot, played wonderfully by Irene Miracle, finds herself piecing together an unusual mystery when she buys an old book at the shop of some weird book dealer, in one of the most enigmatic and beautiful commencements of a film to date.
Argento has music, colors, and sounds reverberate like an opera for our eyes to dazzle. He scares us with the rain, the closing of a library door, and city shadows that resemble evil lurking beings. This is one powerful moment.
From then on, subtle hints are explored, the supernatural, science, one's faith.
Never can we guess what is truly hiding at the old building. One scene of music students in the lecture hall is superbly done with loud music, hideous heckling demonic shrieks and strange appearances; this is fantastic eye candy!
And the ending was entirely fantastic and strange. A superb visual and auditory feast.
Escapade (1978)
The Escape Plan
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot analyzed*
This was a Quinn Martin Production. I rather enjoyed it. Although it was nothing spectacular, it was a decent 1970s production. Very short at fifty minutes.
A female and male, both special agents, work together with the help of a super computer. Who they work for was never explained.
Morgan Fairchild was actually pretty good, but she made a lot of annoying wisecracks that got wearisome. Granville Van Dusen is her counterpart, who rejects her sexual advances at every turn. I don't think that Morgan Fairchild could even fight any males either. Likewise, Granville Van Dusen does not carry a gun.
They search for a missing female agent that has left a great deal of clues. The episode is helped by location shooting in San Francisco and the Bay Area.
I liked the quirky music and the also the "shrinking box frame" at the end of each cliffhanger moment before cutting to a commercial.
Supposedly this was a television pilot that never got picked up.
I wouldn't have minded seeing two or three seasons of this show.
*Plot analyzed*
This was a Quinn Martin Production. I rather enjoyed it. Although it was nothing spectacular, it was a decent 1970s production. Very short at fifty minutes.
A female and male, both special agents, work together with the help of a super computer. Who they work for was never explained.
Morgan Fairchild was actually pretty good, but she made a lot of annoying wisecracks that got wearisome. Granville Van Dusen is her counterpart, who rejects her sexual advances at every turn. I don't think that Morgan Fairchild could even fight any males either. Likewise, Granville Van Dusen does not carry a gun.
They search for a missing female agent that has left a great deal of clues. The episode is helped by location shooting in San Francisco and the Bay Area.
I liked the quirky music and the also the "shrinking box frame" at the end of each cliffhanger moment before cutting to a commercial.
Supposedly this was a television pilot that never got picked up.
I wouldn't have minded seeing two or three seasons of this show.
The World of Darkness (1977)
The Darkness of the World
The Darkness of the World
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot analyzed*
I had this 1977 TV Movie on an old VHS tape. I watched it again a few years ago. The first time that it was on television in 1977 I also remember watching it.
I thought it was actually really interesting. Nothing outstanding, but enough to garner the attention of people who like horror themes in television programs.
It was about some man who has an automobile wreck and even dies, but he is brought back to life by a doctor.
At first he thinks everything is good, but then he starts seeing weird flashing lights and has terrible dreams. Later, he even thinks he can hear dead people speaking to him.
No one believes him, except a few nut jobs. But he eventually agrees to help some lady in some small town. Her problem is a nasty witch spirit that is haunting her house.
I wish that they had made more of the series. What a loss. Apparently, they only made one other one, titled "The Muck Monster" from "The World Beyond" (1978).
This one reminds me of the 1972 American TV paranormal series, The Sixth Sense staring Gary Collins.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot analyzed*
I had this 1977 TV Movie on an old VHS tape. I watched it again a few years ago. The first time that it was on television in 1977 I also remember watching it.
I thought it was actually really interesting. Nothing outstanding, but enough to garner the attention of people who like horror themes in television programs.
It was about some man who has an automobile wreck and even dies, but he is brought back to life by a doctor.
At first he thinks everything is good, but then he starts seeing weird flashing lights and has terrible dreams. Later, he even thinks he can hear dead people speaking to him.
No one believes him, except a few nut jobs. But he eventually agrees to help some lady in some small town. Her problem is a nasty witch spirit that is haunting her house.
I wish that they had made more of the series. What a loss. Apparently, they only made one other one, titled "The Muck Monster" from "The World Beyond" (1978).
This one reminds me of the 1972 American TV paranormal series, The Sixth Sense staring Gary Collins.
Terror in the Country (2021)
Terror in the Organic Garden
A man-wimp and his wife get mugged on the big city street after eating out. By a homeless man with a gun. The writers of this movie have something against poor people. They present the world of the couple as being "clean and perfect". Okay.
The couple have serious psychological problems afterwards (?), and consider moving to a small town. Instead of taking Bruce Lee Taekwondo classes or getting a pistol like Charles Bronson did, they decide to abruptly move away.
They find a nice place in some quiet little town. It seems no Mexicans live there either.
And then they have an extremely friendly elderly couple who bring them organic vegetables and fruits. In baskets. Every day. The horror, the horror.
The movie is so utterly ridiculous, and every scene is contrived and pointless. The actors are all extremely bland and boring. The houses are brand new and look like they have never been lived in.
You really don't care what happens to anyone at all. Unless you enjoy these totally unrealistic movies.
You would think that the city couple moved next door to Jack the Ripper, or Abdullah the Butcher. But no, just two simple and easy to handle quinquagenarians (50-59 years old), or sexagenarians (60 and 69 years old).
And man-wimp doesn't fare much better in this confrontation either.
I don't know what happened to masculinity.
The couple have serious psychological problems afterwards (?), and consider moving to a small town. Instead of taking Bruce Lee Taekwondo classes or getting a pistol like Charles Bronson did, they decide to abruptly move away.
They find a nice place in some quiet little town. It seems no Mexicans live there either.
And then they have an extremely friendly elderly couple who bring them organic vegetables and fruits. In baskets. Every day. The horror, the horror.
The movie is so utterly ridiculous, and every scene is contrived and pointless. The actors are all extremely bland and boring. The houses are brand new and look like they have never been lived in.
You really don't care what happens to anyone at all. Unless you enjoy these totally unrealistic movies.
You would think that the city couple moved next door to Jack the Ripper, or Abdullah the Butcher. But no, just two simple and easy to handle quinquagenarians (50-59 years old), or sexagenarians (60 and 69 years old).
And man-wimp doesn't fare much better in this confrontation either.
I don't know what happened to masculinity.
Bail Jumper (1990)
Angelika Films - Bail Thumper
I remember I saw this movie in the local art house theater in 1990. It always stuck with me. I can not remember exactly what it was about. I do recall a man, a woman, and an automobile. And they were on a road trip, or evading gangsters, or the law. Not much else comes to mind. I think that they were in a classic American convertible. And the roof was down. I remember they were very much in love. Perhaps there were even some explicit nude scenes in a motel room.
I have occasionally looked for the movie, but it is nigh impossible to find. I believe the good folks at Angelika Film Center put it out. That is also a fabulous movie theater. When I lived in Manhattan in the 1990s, I enjoyed viewing many interesting movies there. If I recall correctly, they had about five or six movie screens.
I hope they put this movie out soon, I always remember that it was very interesting and unique.
I have occasionally looked for the movie, but it is nigh impossible to find. I believe the good folks at Angelika Film Center put it out. That is also a fabulous movie theater. When I lived in Manhattan in the 1990s, I enjoyed viewing many interesting movies there. If I recall correctly, they had about five or six movie screens.
I hope they put this movie out soon, I always remember that it was very interesting and unique.
Self Defense (1983)
Assault on Precinct Zero
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
*Plot and ending analyzed*
Based on the "great" reviews alone you would think that this movie is better than a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Well, after watching it, the reviews are completely incorrect and overblown. This movie is absolutely ridiculous.
The plot: A group of highly incompetent thugs try to scare some people in a club, which eventually leads to outright slaughter. A lone survivor escapes and holes up with the most annoying people in a shabby apartment building. The highly incompetent thugs contact their boss, who hands out military weapons, and calls for an immediate all-out assault on the people. And they fail miserably. You can fill in the blanks for the rest of the tedious movie. And if you have any sense of intelligence, you will have to sign a waiver form to see this lamebrain movie.
If a group of grown men with the latest in assault weapons can not take out a group of incompetent people holed up in some decrepit and rundown apartment, then I don't know what to say. All they had to do was shoot the doorknobs out, or use a sledgehammer and storm the place. Instead we are treated to a lengthy and drawn out guerrilla action. The people in the apartments come up with a bunch of impossible weaponry to defend themselves. It was beyond preposterous. They even had a blind man who has a bionic ear and can detect the slightest sounds through walls. Hilarious.
Most ludicrous scene award goes to the homemade bazooka/Panzerfaust that was made from a plastic toilet pipe and a toy rocket, and filled with steel nails and some explosive. The defenders took out a rooftop sniper who was one block away and hidden in the dark. He survived with shrapnel wounds. Miraculously.
And then it ends suddenly. And we are supposed to be "startled" when they show the lone survivor of the vicious attackers in a police uniform. If you couldn't figure out that the violent attackers were cops at the beginning, then you have a lot to learn about movies.
This movie is an utter disappointment. Avoid at all costs.
A complete stinker from beginning to end.
*Plot and ending analyzed*
Based on the "great" reviews alone you would think that this movie is better than a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Well, after watching it, the reviews are completely incorrect and overblown. This movie is absolutely ridiculous.
The plot: A group of highly incompetent thugs try to scare some people in a club, which eventually leads to outright slaughter. A lone survivor escapes and holes up with the most annoying people in a shabby apartment building. The highly incompetent thugs contact their boss, who hands out military weapons, and calls for an immediate all-out assault on the people. And they fail miserably. You can fill in the blanks for the rest of the tedious movie. And if you have any sense of intelligence, you will have to sign a waiver form to see this lamebrain movie.
If a group of grown men with the latest in assault weapons can not take out a group of incompetent people holed up in some decrepit and rundown apartment, then I don't know what to say. All they had to do was shoot the doorknobs out, or use a sledgehammer and storm the place. Instead we are treated to a lengthy and drawn out guerrilla action. The people in the apartments come up with a bunch of impossible weaponry to defend themselves. It was beyond preposterous. They even had a blind man who has a bionic ear and can detect the slightest sounds through walls. Hilarious.
Most ludicrous scene award goes to the homemade bazooka/Panzerfaust that was made from a plastic toilet pipe and a toy rocket, and filled with steel nails and some explosive. The defenders took out a rooftop sniper who was one block away and hidden in the dark. He survived with shrapnel wounds. Miraculously.
And then it ends suddenly. And we are supposed to be "startled" when they show the lone survivor of the vicious attackers in a police uniform. If you couldn't figure out that the violent attackers were cops at the beginning, then you have a lot to learn about movies.
This movie is an utter disappointment. Avoid at all costs.
A complete stinker from beginning to end.