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The Zero Boys

So bad, I am surprised MST3K never got a hold of it....
Yes, I gave it a 1 out of 10, but I tried so hard to like it. I love bad movies, but this one I couldn't give my traditional 5 or 6 out of 10 for effort. This movie did have some good production values, but that is the only good thing.

Where to begin, let's see, no plot, no acting, do not pass GO, do not collect $200. If I am armed to the teeth with weapons, why am I running from a couple of inbred yokels with knives? Please tell me where I can go to play paint ball, and be a hero to hot chicks, so much so, that they can be traded around like cigarettes. I've seen movies based in alternate realities, but this is pushing it.

The only redeeming feature is that I could make myself laugh with the less than witty quips I was giving back to the TV screen.

Seriously, paint ball groupies?

Dawn of the Dead

Excellent movie, but not worthy of the moniker.
It is certainly refreshing to see a movie like Dawn of the Dead is doing so well in the box office. This movie was beautiful in it's presentation of the apocalypse, full of dramatic camera angles, pulse pounding situations, and a realistic view of how people would act when faced with almost certain doom.

With the above being said, it doesn't deserve the name Dawn of the Dead. Despite the originals obvious shortcomings, i.e. cheesy make-up and techni-color blood, the originals story was much better. It's presentation is stark, which in my opinion adds to the realism. And the original is much gorier, which is part of the reason I see zombie movies to begin with.

The similarities between the two movies are weak, basically being trapped in a mall, and the strong characters being a woman and an African-American the only similarities (for those of you who are younger, this really was an important issue back in 1978, with the original Dawn of the Dead getting praise for it use of different types of heroes). The monsters of the new film, and the zombies of the old are not even comparable; they are completely different in their nature.

I congratulate the makers of this film for what it was. I wish it would have been released with a different name, since I feel it still would be successful.

My rating is an 8/10.

Takeshi's Castle

Simply the funniest thing I have ever seen.
I have only recently been introduced to this show, (under the name MXC here in the States) and I am hooked. I have not laughed this hard in years.

Putting the Americanized potty humor aside (MXC version), the nature of the games shown is total humiliation of the contestants, not to mention complete and utter disregard for their well being. And it is funny. Really funny. Why do I laugh at a 90 pound woman smashing into a brick wall on a rope? Maybe because she is in a duck costume, and comes up muddy and smiling? The level of joy in the contestants faces cannot be measured - they are in bliss, even though they are in pain, and being made fools of.

Surreal and brilliant, please try and watch Takeshi's Castle on the Challenge network in the UK, or on MXC on the Spike network in the USA.


So bad, It's good!
Ahhhhh, my my my Mitchell....the angel's sing forth. Let it be decreed that Joe Don Baker is a God, and that all movies pale in comparison to Mitchell. I challenge any young film maker to recreate the spirit of this film, the sheer tension of say a Merlin Olsen/Joe Don Baker scene. Can it be done? I submit it cannot. 10/10.

Two Weeks Notice

Cookie cutter romance
This was a very typical cookie cutter romance/sort of comedy. I was waiting for the BIG punch line somewhere, but it never came. I thought the performances by Bullock and Grant were fine, but it could have been any two actors in their roles, and been the same movie. 6/10.

Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker!

A fun movie!
This was a perfect lunch hour movie, since it is only 45 minutes. I enjoyed the crazy acting and the gore effect. Any movie with Debbie Rochon is good! Is this only available as a bonus feature on Hell Asylum?

Lik wong

A great way to clear a room!
Do you wanna get rid of your in-laws? Send the kiddies to bed? Start a fight with your wife? Then put in The Story of ricky! Non stop gore from the opening bell to the finish, Ricky kills 'em all! Total over the top gore, this is the way movies should be!


A plot would have been nice......
I like continuity in my movies. Any continuity. Just a fraction, I am not a picky man. Please.

This is a great movie for seeing beautiful women naked. It is fantastic! But I have seen porno movies with deeper plots. Seriously.

Ok, you want an example:

Tough girl goes to Vegas with a fake Elvis. Fake Elvis steal a suitcase. Nice girl helps tough girl, but tough girl tries to kill herself after beating up nice girls' car. Nice girl saves tough girl, and they start living together. Huh?

Ok, tough girl gets nice girl hooked up with fake Fabio. Fake Fabio likes to watch his bodyguards rape nice girl. Then he let's her get away apparently not caring that it is a crime. Wha....????????

Watch this if you are into seeing Saved By the Bell chicks naked.


A one way ticket back to childhood.
This movie was a blast. As a 33 year old, this was perfect for me, since I watched Scooby Doo religiously as a child. Matthew Lillard portrayal as Shaggy was incredible. He should seriously be considered for an award, since I honestly felt I was watching a cartoon character come to life. The rest of the cast does a great job too, and the villain behind the plot was a great choice! The only departure I saw from the cartoon plots were that the monsters in this one were real! I went with my 6 year old niece, and she was scared a few times, but not too bad. If your child is sensitive in these areas, then please consider that.


PS, "Who's your best Friend?" "Raggy" ROFL..............

Scream Queens' Naked Christmas

Kind of like a strip bar, without the smoke...
As always, Debbie Rochon is just nails in this. She is my favorite woman in this "movie" by far. The other ladies are beautiful too, but I did want to see more nudity though. Basically it is a topless dance routine, using the women from Santa Claws. There is the killer dude from that movie that introduces the ladies, and some quick scenes from Santa Claws as well. This is perfect if you need to see some breasts on your lunch hour, but if you need full nudity, buy something else.

Tromeo and Juliet

Shakespeare and a penis monster, classic!
Would a Troma movie by any other name not smell as sweet? I believe that Director(s) Lloyd Kaufman and James Gunn completely outdid themselves with this movie. I have seen the future movies since Tromeo & Juliet (T & J), and while they are good, they cannot touch this one. The sets, the sex, the gore, the plot, the incest.......ahhhhhhh, too sweet.

I would like to define what I consider a "Troma Movie". Troma Studios is an independent studio in the New York/New Jersey area. They distribute many movies, some with star before they became big. Some of these movies include Windego:Wraith of the Frostbiter, Bugged, and Cannibal the Musical. These are shot and produced by other people, and Troma helps promote and sell them. A true "Troma" movie is one that is produce by Lloyd Kaufman. These feature over the top gore, lots of nudity, lots of toxic goo, and just plain sickness, it's too much to mention. The Toxic Avenger set the bar in my opinion as the quintessential Troma movie. Tromeo and Juliet perfected the formula.

A large part of the writing credit goes to William Shakespeare. Amazingly, the plot follows the Master's work very well. Tromeo Que and Juliet Capulet are star crossed lovers, whose love for each other must overcome their fathers hate for each other. It seems that Cappy Capulet stole Monty Que's Silky Films porno business, along with his wife. This set off years of feuding between the Que's and Capulet's, it which we get to see in all of it's ear pulling off glory!

Juliet is played by Jane Jensen, who is just gorgeous. We are fortunate enough to see her in a romantic scene with the ultra-hot Debbie Rochon, who plays Ness in the movie, the Capulet's housekeeper. Juliet is being forced into a marriage with the meat packing king, London Arbuckle. Her father, the vile Cappy Capulet (awesome job by Maximillian Shaun) is abusive to Juliet, often forcing her into a sensory depravation chamber.

Enter Tromeo, a romantic at heart, who is in the middle of the bloody feud with the Capulet's. His friend Murray crash the Capulet's costume party, where Tromeo and Juliet meet. The rest is history, a love for the ages and tattoo parlors. As there love for each other grows, so does the feuds between the families. Monty Que accidentally kills Juliet's cousin Sammy (head into a fire hydrant after being thrown from a car), and Tyronne Capulet kills Murray (large spike driven into Murray's eye after he pees on Tyronne). And so on it goes, gore and death as only Troma can do.

Some of the movie's funniest and goriest scenes are with Sammy, Tyronne, and Murray, the main participants in the feud. I also enjoyed the narration with Lemmy, and the phone/cyber sex scenes were a hoot. What's a Troma movie without Joe Fleishaker!

I believe the fact this is based on a treasured play makes this all the better. A Troma movie always carries a stigma of disgustingness with it, and by defiling a play many of us were forced to read makes it that much better. The level of acting by Will Keenan and Jane Jensen compound the intensity of the movie. By actually quoting lines from Shakespeare while dressed up like a cow, or humping in a deprivation tank, it adds to the surrealism that much more. I love Troma movies, but this is by far the best!

I will not spoil the movie's ending for you, I can only hope you watch it. Please hold out for the totally unedited version, you need to see the Penis Monster! I can only imagine what they would hack out for an R rating. This can be found on EBAY with ease, or possibly between tape traders. Please support independent cinema!

Trevor Dunson, CPA

The Unnamable II: The Statement of Randolph Carter

We need more Cthulu movies....
This movie was pretty good (Maria Ford being nude for over half an hour certainly helped!). It involved the Lovecraft Cthulu mythos, and they did a good job with them. I wish they identified what monster they were actually dealing with, but I guess the name wouldn't have worked then LOL. Peace.

Frostbiter: Wrath of the Wendigo

This is how B movies should be made.
Maybe I am biased, since I live near the Manitou islands (although the film was really shot in Tecumseh, Michigan), but this was one fun horror romp. The story tied together well enough, and the producers of the film did an admirable job of special effects (watch the battle with the Windigo at the end in super slow-mo, it is a hoot). This is in the Troma library, so if you come across it, pick it up, and support independent cinema!

Strawberry Estates

A lesson to independent directors.
I think the biggest surprise of the this movie was the level of acting, which was superb. If more indy movies used well thought out plots and good actors (such as this one), then maybe more people would see them. Mr. Bonk definitely has a future in the business if his standards stay this high.

I am sure many people would draw comparisons to "Cannibal Holocaust", or "The Blair Witch Project", but I believe this film stands out on it's own. It is the story of a documentary filmed in a haunted asylum. As you would expect in a horror movie, bad things happen: as a fan and supporter of independent films, I suggest you seek this film out, therefore I will leave the plot details out. Enjoy!

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