ofjeworstlust

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Reviews

Baantjer het Begin
(2019)

Hm. Not like the series or books.
Okay, the armosphere and sets give you the idea it really is a time warp back to the years of the story. The bad cop interrogation is unnecessary and not like Baantjer would have written a script. Also he would be disgusted by the many swearing and cursing, something he always did not like about the TV series made. Some scenes are funny and touching but leaves some questions unanswered at the end. Waldemar and Tygo play great must be stated.

Triloquist
(2008)

Son of Leprechaun and Chucky
Man, I expected a lot from this movie. It sounded like one of those puppet horror movies with a killer twist. Trailer seemed nice, but what a let down this was.

The role of Angelina seemed way over the top; first it was like watching a killer spoof from Scary Movie. Not believable. Her brother was a retarded nut that didn't convince either.

Was it a comedy? IMDb says it's horror. A few slightly scary moments, a few unexpected story lines. But the rest has been done before and better.

The 78 minute runtime of the DVD was too long, I skipped some scenes. I wondered why it wasn't in the cinema in Holland, and why not released on DVD with my native language as subtitle, and only in German. Well, there is a clearly obvious reason for that. Thin characters, annoying at times.

Epic Movie
(2007)

Strange mix of movies
First of all, don't be mislead by the first 30 minutes. I thought this was going to be a complete hit. Loved the trailer, and the begin was quite funny.

But the Gnarnia-part lasted too long, and after that there were just old movies (robin hood and stuff) that weren't as entertaining. It felt like a regular movie started after 40 minutes. And it started off as a kind of new naked gun parody.

If you're going to watch it, please take the current rating as 2.5 for the overall movie. Watch the first 30 minutes which I would rate as 9/10 and skip the rest.

Long Distance
(2005)

short distance
Just before the movie ends, the 'twist' really spoiled the fun. We've seen the killer that comes after the single white female. And the ones that phone them before entering the premises. It was quite good, except for the cop of which I first thought: is he the killer perhaps?

No pretenses on the story or the acting, but man, I have to say again: what a bad twist - has been done so many times before. Many DVD's have alternate endings, it would have been so easy to add a satisfying one.

The too sexy neighbor across the street, overacting all along. Loved the head actress by the way, and the scene where the cop pulls a gun in front of the opening elevator, and the old lady drops her groceries ;)

Brick
(2005)

Another brick - not on the wall of fame
Man, was this movie building up slowly. Too long shots of some one looking far away, walking. The colors were a bit gray and white, which gave it a strange and distinct feeling.

Perhaps someone likes difficult movies, not me. Don't get me wrong, I like more than popcorn movies, like supernatural or inter-character conversations, but this movie simply has no characters you can identify with, or feel some sympathy for.

Well, at the end I only fancied the girl in question, and she was the reason for a 3 out of 10. Perhaps it's like with Donnie Darko, hate it or love it. It's not an art-house movie, but yet another clever trick to make a hype of a simple story.

44 Minutes: The North Hollywood Shoot-Out
(2003)

Oh come on...
Men, do I love police movies filled with action, shooting, chases etcetera.

Boy, was I let down after watching this short and unsatisfying movie. We've seen it all before, the hostages, the bank, the surrounding... Yet, 2 bad guys that shoot down multiple officers and innocent people who simply stay in the line of fire - without getting hit due to some Kevlar.

Not just a few shots, no, hundreds of shots. Going back into the bank, where the dumb hostages didn't lock the safe or doors when the bad guys went out. How stupid did the director think we'd be.

Okay, the shots in between that fake a documentary were good, but after seeing the film I only got the thought: why didn't the police get a decent shooting course? And why where there so many cops and was SWAT on a real long break. Truly bad.

The 40 Year Old Virgin
(2005)

Oh come on...
Sure, I laughed with American Pie I, a small chuckle with American Pie II. I loved Wayne's World and like comedies with 'nerds'.

But this time, one'll feel uncomfortable when watching this film with someone else. Sex jokes that teens might think are cool, and at the end of the movie a more serious (a bit at least) relation comedy. It simply doesn't mix.

There was actually one great part; when the main character wouldn't think about sex, and everything he saw and ran away from, was related to... You get the picture.

The acting: yeah right, as if a mix of these guys exist. If so, the end of the world is near. Nay, wish I'd checked IMDb before watching this. Don't get the high ratings either.

Het schnitzelparadijs
(2005)

Comedy without jokes
Come on, I really expected something more from this movie. As being marketed as the follow up to Shouf Shouf Habibi, which was also a multi cultural comedy, one would look forward for some laughs and political incorrect remarks.

No, a real thin romance, cliché first generation immigrants from Morocco, overacting actors. No surprises and really not a single character you might feel good or sorry for. Can't understand the relatively high score on IMDb. Dutch movies most of the times consist of curses and sex. Well, this movie consists of nothing worth writing a comment about.

Final Destination 3
(2006)

*Wow*
Me, I never have been fond of rollercoasters. Saw them in Las Vegas, been in some in Holland, but hey, after FD3 I really doubt if I ever will enter one again... ;) Loved the horror and gore of part 1 (as I again didn't like something, like airplanes ;) and was thrilled after the traffic accident of part 2. But this time the unhappily events are built up really carefully, much more intense than in part 1.

The characters were quite alright, except for the punk like dude which picture isn't on IMDb. He really acts childish and simply doesn't fit in the picture.

Loved the fact that during the movie they refer to the events of part 1 and 2, that they read on the internet. If you kind of liked 1 and/or 2, don't miss this one.

Soulkeeper
(2001)

SoulKILLER
Man, as a real horror fan the story sounded okay, the ratings weren't that bad. But hey, don't all good horror flicks start out okay as well ;) Please read this again after watching, and you'll agree on the following. Take the usual ghost things somewhere in the middle east, some losers with retro jokes, the regular good/bad/weird horror characters, and that was soulkeepers.

After 20 minutes we agreed on switching to another movie, I wouldn't even bother skipping to the end or next chapters. Seeing it was from 2001 surprised me more than anything else in the movie, the story and lines could've come from way back like the 1980's. Simply a no go, ignore the ratings (4.9 as we speak)

The Net 2.0
(2006)

Predictable
The conclusion is simple, watch this promo film for Turkey with a slight story, and all clichés will pass one by one.

The chases are not state of the art. A small car chase with no surprises, some running, some more running.

The flash backs and flash forwards started to annoy me, just as the characters and their roles which weren't a surprise at the end.

Sandra Bullock's trailer was on the DVD as well, and I have to say: watch the Net trailer for even more action and entertainment.

Not too bad for a B-movie, don't expect anything new or refreshing. IT people like myself will of course see through the technical terms, but who'll watch for that purpose ;)

Death Tunnel
(2005)

Horror? Viewing it, not the movie
Oh come on director. What were you thinking? Take the noisy video quality scenes from The Ring. Some gore scenes a la Saw. Mix it with miscellaneous big brother-like web cam movies. No intro, just confusion until one-third of the movie. Scary? Nope. Pure junk, still I gave it a shot ignoring IMDb's rating. Got a headache from the beeps, glitches and supposed-to-be-scary noise. Even worse was the kind of open ending, leaving DT2 for an option. People rating it above 2 should be institutionalized for sure. Too many gaps, too many "perhaps this scene means" and guessing all along. Could be new to the genre, but it failed for sure.

Mortuary
(2005)

not a bad start
This is the kind of movie that has a nice trailer. Seems a bit of a ghost story, but mixture between sixth sense and the blob.

First half: really nice, cool. Second half: mixture of all horror movies; kept on having the feeling 'in which movie did I see that before'. I didn't get the impression it'd be a zombie movie either.

Acting could be worse, effects could be worse. But hey, what a crappy ending. THROW THE KID IN THE HOLE, DON'T WAIT A MINUTE OR SO! And yeah, what a way to destroy these monsters.

B-movie? No, C-movie. When you thought it'd be over, the producers had the unrealistic idea a sequel might follow, so throw in some CGI and come up with a not expected last kill...

Do You Wanna Know a Secret?
(2001)

Not *THAT* bad
Suppose you've been on a deserted island the last ten years. Haven't heard of Scream and left when Halloween part 1 entered the cinema. Then this movie would have been a blast and a completely new vision on the horror scene.

At the moment, a 2.7 rating is on IMDb and it doesn't deserve a that low appreciation. Slashing all the way, like "I know what you did", and a who-is-it that when getting to the end convinced me of that who-and-why.

No big surprise, just a nice flick to watch with a cola, popcorn and no urge to get a difficult plot, deep characters. If the video rental is out of the top titles, you can take it without a risk, but don't expect a masterwork. I've seen a lot worse.

Band Camp
(2005)

Four in a row, but with a downward trend
Okay, American Pie was brand new and at time funny and twisted at times, and it got worse in part 2 and 3 (less fun, more gross and purely pubertal behavior).

I like Wayne's world, south park and a lot of comedies, but where's the real fun, laughter, story or plot here? Expect a lot of synonyms for wieners, "THE THING", doing "it". All serves no purpose at all, and the same goes for the acting.

The girl was nice, the brother-of-Stiffler was even more annoying than his brother. The 'dad' from part 1 to 3 obviously couldn't find a decent script so chose this one. Got this DVD for free, and fairly, besides from the casing that can be recycled, it's completely rubbish.

Haven't we seen the spit-in-a-drink or sperm-in-a-bottle "jokes" before? Recycling is good for the environment, but recycling and changing the names and not the characters is simply ripping off innocent movie viewers. Don't get the quite positive comments here, when I was young Porky was fun (and still is), American Pie Presents Band Camp (they dare not call it American Pie 4) only makes one pray there won't be a part 5.

Twisted
(2004)

Twisted - in any way
A line up of great actors, a story line that we've seen before, good sceneries and lots of dark scenes. Why doesn't it work for me? Simply, the main character repulses me, and even when I sometimes feel for the bad guys, she's simply a mix of macho DNA, sex addict, AA guest. Anyone who believes such a psycho gets promoted to a homicide department? I obviously missed "the clue" that made others clear in a early stage "who IT was", and besides the main actress it was a regular movie. If you miss it, no big miss, if you've seen it, your night could have been worse.

The story line simply misses the build up of the WHY, and as events pass, you feel like an outsider who's not being informed about what's happening. That is mostly killing in this movie, not the killer ;)

Freeze Frame
(2004)

Good start of a dark movie
...but it ends with a uneasy feeling.

The characters aren't sympathetic and everyone seems to have a kind of neural disorder. But hey, what would you expect from a dark thriller like this. Especially dark because of the lighting and colors used during daylight.

The scenario attracted me to this film, and the first half definitely was worth the time. Somehow the dialogs are too long and too "deep" to keep the thriller feeling alive. A few small twists at the end, and you've got a perfect mix between memento, twisted and the fugitive.

As the movie started, I was alerted by lines that made clear it was an Irish movie, and a lot of quite unknown actors passed by (notice the one with the double under chin...) It wasn't bad, but just don't have too much expectations!

Meet the Feebles
(1989)

Parody of a parody on Muppet Show with something like music
Reading the comments, I was a expecting a rude version of The Muppets or the Fragles. Indeed it was gross, rude an disturbing at some points. Black twisted humor and not a single character I really liked.

Don't get me wrong, South Park jokes and Wayne's World are favorites of mine, but this simply is either outdated sick humor or art-house comedy. Either way, it's not that funny as other comments have said.

All clichés like good guys, bad guys, addicts and the showbiz way of doing business can be found here. BUT HEY, WHERE'S THE MUSICAL PART?! A few notes, the Feebles tune that comes around a few times... It's not like Annie or the Sound of the Music? Heck, even South Park The Movie had multiples times more of a soundtrack. Just skip this one.

The Descent
(2005)

Can someone turn up the light a little?
Many scenes are simply too dark to see what's happening. Sometimes that's obviously done for the storyline, but with a lot of females that look a lot the same in the dark, it's not viewer friendly! ;)

The characters are again not too original. One hurt, one rebellious, not a surprise on that part. The storyline contains a few surprises, but not that big that anyone would remember them years later...

But if you're afraid of heights and depths, dark and claustrophobic, this one gives you wet hands at some moments. It's clearly not a base jumping promotion or cave exploration promo video, on the contrary. Just give it a try if the top movies are rented out.

Der Clown
(2005)

I *loved* the series
But whoever came up with this crap? The series had more action, more funny lines, and a packed story altogether. The effects are crappier than I've ever seen before. Take the shot with the lorry that's being rocketed - you clearly see a dummy driving. Or the shot where a car passes a tram, it's clearly computer generated.

Might not be that bad, but untrue characters that do really stupid moves, it might have been acceptable at the beginning of cinema.

And then the soundtrack. After practically every scene a bit of English or German noise has to be added. Why, is it a musical or what?

Really awful and unbelievable. We've seen many events in other movies before, and a lot better. I loved Kommissar Rex, Derrick, Der Alte, Der Klown, but this is major C*R*A*P!

Fear X
(2003)

One big endurance
First you gotta sit through a really slow building up story. Some scenes give you a Memento feeling, a bit psychological thriller, a bit horror. When you get to the half of the movie, it starts moving faster, and you get a feeling where all is leading to. But after the "end" you just feel mislead on all charges! A really disappointing and unsatisfying movie, with headache causing flashes, uneasy sounds. Some may describe this as an art-house film, well, perhaps that's why many people avoid those film noirs or movie houses!

Sometimes the not-so-easy stories are better than one might expect, and you have to stay focused all along. But in this case, after all nothing really happened in the movie. I really don't understand the relatively high rating (5.7 as I write this).

Alexandra's Project
(2003)

claustrofobic? no, waste of timefobic!
Reading the general plot and not finding out the one line clue of 'guy finds empty house with only a tape', I thought I might be in for 1,5 hours of psychothriller stuff.

But the crazy woman with her monologues, the obvious too much sex oriented subjects, all trying to shock or make one feel uncomfortable, it's no fun to watch.

The first 20 minutes,the last 10 minutes, that was quality time. But please, do as the main character, fast forward most of this movie. I really don't get the high ratings. This movie could be a stage play since it generally plays in one room. But it would have been a stage play with bad critics. 7.0 out of 10? Boy, do some people mix ones with tens or what?!

Dot.Kill
(2005)

Dot.crap
Dot.kill, Digital Jesus? Couldn't find this one as it was rented under the title Digital Killer. Many aliases give away it's a B-movie.

After many internet related movies, killings through wires, addicted cop-movies there wasn't really any surprise in the story. Armand was acting over the top, I didn't feel any sympathy, rather irritation.

How this one got 5 out of 10, rather than number 5 of worst movies is unclear to me. Straight to the sell out bin with this one, don't rent it unless you're not annoyed with quite simple story lines.

(spoiling bit) Why does a cop not check for cameras when after every killing he is portrayed at the crime scene on the television? Couldn't these cameras be followed to a destination? Is the cop's son really that stupid, that he doesn't warn his father earlier on?

The Ladykillers
(2004)

Nice story, slowly told
Somehow Tom Hanks is always connected to Forrest or another role. This movie gives away the plot by it's title and it takes a bit long to get to the part where you don't see what's coming. That's about 30 minutes before the end. Really nice ending by the way. My main problem with this one is that Tom Hanks shouldn't have been casted for this one. He plays well, but the character isn't one to choose Hanks for. See this one before anyone gives away the plot. Some nice comedy pieces and sadly some boring monologues from Hanks. It hovers between a dark comedy and a crime story. Could be a stage play since we only see a couple of locations: the cellar, the house, the church, the police station, the bridge... 7/10

Alone in the Dark
(2005)

Top of the bill B-movie
Oh guys come on, this one isn't supposed to be in the top 30 of worst movies. Not that it should be on any top list of best movies either.

Expect a dark mystery, with some nice acting, but a kind of jurassic park CGI-effectshow that somehow doesn't fit in. It seems that any computer game which is transferred to a film by default is criticized to pieces. I liked TombRaider, Resident Evil and this one is not completely bad.

I fell asleep 2 times during this one, and that usually doesn't happen with thriller/horror flicks. Perhaps the movie and the story were trying too hard to be a success.

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