JerylBlazikerKoh

Before I go on with the review, let's make a product! Here, I have a machine which has features of an animated movie so that we can make one. Let's throw in generic snow setting, A-List voice actors, incompetent writing, low-brow humour, poor animation, an obnoxious pop soundtrack and...

('Ding!")

We got Arctic Dogs! (Or Arctic Justice as it was known in my country)

Look, the moment I saw the poster and watched the teaser trailer, I knew what was coming for me. Even with the warning signs that foretell, my friend and I decided to watch the movie anyway, just to see how bad it would get.

Spoiler alert: It was. And we both definitely not had a great time. So, let's just break that down.

Story and Writing: I'm not gonna bother wasting my time summarising what Arctic Dogs was about, so let's cut straight to the chase: it's the most incompetent, cliched, juvenile writing I've seen all year.

Coming from the writers behind Escape from Planet Earth and The Nut Job 2, I knew the writing is going to be terrible, and it was. The story was a huge pile of mess, with topics and issues tossed from side to side with no care at all, low-grade 'comedy' which only the youngest of kids would understand and at times, inappropriate toilet humour that should not belong in a kids' movie.

I know this movie was not made for me, but even in the nearly empty theatre, there was only a huge laughter towards the end. The writing was more than enough to frustrate young adults like me, but for kids not laughing at most of the jokes? That hits a new low.

Animation: Considering it's the same animation studio who animated the well-beloved Norm of the North series, you can definitely tell the animation is going to be awful.

The background animation is beyond generic and the art style, uninspired. The lip-syncing between the characters and their voices does not sync at times, but the rendering and texturing was the worst offender. Just by looking at the poster, I knew where the biggest problem would be: character rendering. It felt basic and not lively. No good.

Characters and voice-acting: So, this is where most of the $50m budget went: the A-List cast. Renner, Klum (voicing 2 characters), Baldwin, Cleese, Franco, Sy, Madsen and others. And they're not good.

The characters felt like a character cliche everyone had seen before. We got Renner as the self-interested underdog, Klum acting two characters, one as Renner's love interest and the other as Sy's conspiracy theorist partner (and she did not do well for both). Baldwin as Renner's companion (insert the 'secretary' joke from Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation), Franco being just Franco, and others.

The voice acting? It seemed no one bothered much about putting in effort to the voice-acting. The only very small positive I could give was Cleese, although it's mainly because he had voice-acting experience and he's voicing a one-dimensional villain.

Score and soundtrack: Not only did Renner did the voice-acting, he also included five of his songs into the soundtrack. FIVE. And all were unbearable. I heard his music is basically 'diet Nickelback' and hearing all of his songs, I could see why.

As for the score, I felt annoyed by it because it felt obnoxiously grand, where the story and the animation was not up to scratch in the first place! And I don't normally criticise movie scores.

Overall, when taking into account everything wrong with Arctic Dogs, you could definitely see why it was one of the biggest box office bombs of all time (only raking in about $6m on its overstated $50m budget), it did not have a critic screening (let alone a Thursday night preview) and the moviegoers labelled it as the worst animated movie of 2019.

The fact that it was in screens across Singapore instead of going straight to Netflix (which some European countries just received) was the reason why I gave it a 1/10 (I can't give a 0/10). It's one of the most irredeemable animated movies of the year, especially when it's on a budget of $50m. It's on par with its predecessor, Norm of the North, as my 2nd worst animated movie of the 2010s, if only because Where the Dead Go to Die had reserved the number 1 spot in the first place.

In conclusion, the cold brew definitely hit me. In the crotch. Avoid this while you can.

(Watched it at Shaw Theatres JCube, 29 November 2019)

A common factor between movie director greats such as Kubrick, Hitchcock, Wes Anderson, Tarantino and more are that they tend to make movies so unique that you cannot just categorize it into just one genre. Bong Joon Ho should be considered to join those greats on the list.

If I want to watch a movie with unique storytelling, powerful characters and unexpected twists, this is the director I go to. The only two memories that I have for Bong are Snowpiercer (one of the best sci-fi movies that is more than just a typical sci-fi movie) and Okja (among the best Netflix movies ever), but those are memories I cherish. Move along, you two, because Parasite not only knock those two aforementioned movies off as my best Bong movie, but it may be the best Korean movie I have ever watched.

The movie about two families of vastly different wealth gaps brought insight into the faults of our society, especially how we perceive the rich and poor. The poor Kim family needed to make ends meet found an opportunity when the son got a job opportunity to work as an English tutor at the rich Park family's daughter. That became a domino effect as one by one, each Kim family member schemed to work for the Park family through ingenious ways but not all was rosy as it seems.

I'll stop here as if I continue on, I will spoil the story. It has twists so shocking my jaw was on the floor multiple times without me realizing.

Parasite, just like other Bong movies, crosses over different genres with relative ease. It is a black comedy, a satire and a thriller all in one. To call it a "Family Tragicomedy" as what the trailer suggests is a gross understatement for what it is worth. It is not a tragedy. It is not a comedy. It is not even an amazing piece of art. No, it's a revolutionary masterpiece only Bong could make.

As for the other elements, the acting is sublime, the cinematography flawless and the dialogue humorous and realistic. I could not pinpoint a single flaw in the movie.

In conclusion, I was not surprised at all when Parasite beat Once Upon a Time in Hollywood for the Palme d'Or because after seeing it, I had nothing but praises for the movie. Worth seeing the movie more than once if you have the time to do so. Do not miss this movie at all (and bring along a cup of dry ram-don with optional sirloin steak, if you need to).

(Watched the movie at Cathay Cineleisure, 2 July 2019)

Let's be fair to Lionsgate: while their offering of animated movies are on average really bad, some of their animated movies are so bad it's good. This is one such example. Deep may be bad, but it deserves credit for being what it is worth.

The animation is technically top-notch for a low budget animated movie although some character animation leaves to be desired. The story, while being a straight up Nemo ripoff, is weird and wonderful. Maybe a little bit too dark for a kids movie, I guess?

My biggest problem is without a question the characters themselves. I felt Deep as a character is wholly undeveloped. He kept on making reckless decisions that jeopardise the safety of him and his friends, yet still does not repent on his actions. His voice is also annoying and I had no idea who voiced him, but regardless, I enjoyed the antagonists, especially Norma the vampire squid and of course, William Salyers (the voice actor of Regular Show's Rigby) as Darcy the penguin. Speaking of, can you imagine Rigby and Crash Bandicoot (Jess Harnell voiced Luigi the walrus) as two of the antagonists? I can't.

Also, there is some scientific inaccuracies that might piss some moviegoers off. For instance, how on earth can the heroes operate a New York subway car... underwater? I know this is a kids movie and some stuff does not have to be accurate, but come on.

The songs are without a doubt so bad it's good material and are definitely worth listening to... (in Jeremy Jahns's voice) if you are drunk.

Overall, if you pretend Deep is not a Nemo ripoff, you'll going to have a good time. Kids will enjoy it, but animated movie buffs like me will enjoy this movie more with good company, food and drink, and a good laugh. If you need an animated movie for a bad animated movie night, this should be on top of the list.

(Watched the movie online)

It was such a shame that I watched Minuscule 2 alone in a theatre. To be fair, the movie was going to get a limited release anyway and the theatre was not a convenient location. Still, one has to wonder "Why aren't there animated films as simple and effective as this?"

Being a silent French animated film with little backstory, the story would be so unfamiliar for a regular moviegoer. However, it gives the movie a unique storytelling that you just could not get in almost any non-Pixar animated movie out there.

Animation is simple yet effective. The story? Even without the dialogue, you understand the story but you would often be surprised at times. The characters? Even without names, you still feel for them because each character was well thought out.

This movie is a feast for your senses and I left the theatre a very happy young adult. If only most animated movies would follow suit and not go for tired and unoriginal plots in the first place...

(Watched the movie at Shaw Theatres Selatar Mall, 2 May 2019)

... I had no words to say about Spark: A Space Tail.

2017 was a relatively horrible year for animation. Sure, there were gems such as Coco and indie favourites such as The Breadwinner, Loving Vincent and A Silent Voice, but there were a proportionally high number of bad animated movies to good animated movies that year.

If not for The Emoji Movie, I would have happily declare this as my worst animated movie of 2017. Here is why:

1. Very bad CGI in the movie. Animation is a pretty important part of every animated movie and this one sucked really hard. 2. The characters felt pointless and generic. Not even Spark himself had some unique personality that I can back on. 3. The story is just a blatant rip-off of so many movies, both animated and live-action. Ratchet and Clank, The Star Wars and so on, even Journey to the West. 4. The "soundtrack". Oh, don;t get me started on the soundtrack. While the animated movie soundtracks that year are pretty decent, this soundtrack is just plain awful and most "songs" are outright terrible and unrelated to the scenes that uses those "songs". It just makes the movie experience even worse (thankfully, this movie was not released in Singapore at that time, so I had to watch it online).

I had no good things to say about Spark, no matter how hard I tried. Avoid this animated cringefest at all cost, even if it is just for a bad animated movie night.

(Watched the movie online)

Two years ago, I had the opportunity to watch it in a cinema in my home country of Singapore where Rock Dog had a limited release. Going into the cinema hall, I was expecting it to be pretty bad, but after seeing it... It was ok.

Sure, there were so many bad moments. For instance, the story was something we had seen before, there were a good amount of cliches, and the characters are not well-developed. However, considering there were other bad animated movies in 2017, it was relatively an ok one compared to the rest.

Still, I enjoyed the fact that there was much charm and surprisingly decent animation for a low budget animated movie and the soundtrack was the best part of the movie. It needs more rock songs, however, but I am still listening to Adam Friedman's "Glorious" to this day.

One more thing, if not for the movie's existence, I would not have written my first novel "Rock Dog: The Retold Story" on Wattpad and AO3, which is the re-telling of the movie, except with improvements made. It became a small hit and I fell in love with writing again. Thanks, Rock Dog.

(Watched the movie at Shaw Theatres Lido, 9 March 2017)