KillMe666

Truly a masterpiece. I don't see how the 'bad' dubbing and 'incoherent' storyline (it's supposed to have a dream-like feel, dreams are rarely coherent) can detract some watchers from realising how brilliant this film is.

Apart from probably the greatest collection of gore scenes in a single movie ever - zombies, acid melting faces, exploding heads, eye-gouging, flesh-eating spiders etc, there is a true 'Lovecraftian' feel to this film that, at times creates a sense of dread that makes viewing severely uncomfortable (aided by the incredible soundtrack). Two qualities that NO film of today can match. Films today are so clinical, missing the rawness for stupid fancy/multiple camera angles, usually chopping from one scene to another with a nu-metal or techno soundtrack destroying any atmosphere the film actually had, if any. That's what I like about Fulci - he lingers on death scenes, so your with the victim throughout the whole mind-numbingly terrifying (and mightily painful no doubt) ordeal, no release of tension whatsoever. Yep, there's no escape unless you wimp out and fast forward. Hey! Put that remote down this instant! Sheesh!

I also like the dreamily surreal atmosphere, or rather, nightmarish - when the film ends you actually feel like you've awoken from a terrible dream and are safe again. Or are you? Mwa ha ha ha ha!

If your a TRUE horror fan then you will love this movie, I cannot praise it enough. They won't ever make movies like this again (except maybe for some underground films) so see it just for the experience. Tell yourself - "I'm sick and tired of false looking CGI guff, I want gore the old-fashioned way, realistic (*cough* 'cept *cough* spiders *cough*), sick and downright bloody, and I want it now dagnammit!"

R.I.P Fulci

Classic stand-up from Robin Williams, this should make anyone laugh (hard).

Ahh the good ole days (yawn), I remember seeing this as a nipper and although I didn't get many of the jokes back then I still thought it was damn funny! Probably due to Robin's crazy voices and schizophrenic style of delivery.

On seeing this again at a slightly more mature state of being, it is downright hysterical. As the cover says, More LPM (laughs per minute) than any other comedy, and it's right. I've never seen anyone so quick at delivering, Williams just goes crazy (or actually IS for that matter), and there is some truly great improv.

I mostly only review the best stuff I've seen and this is no exception, closely followed by the late Bill Hicks this is the greatest stand-up routine I ever have, and probably ever will see.

I saw this film for the second time recently and realised how lucky I was to get that chance. I picked it up in a crummy second-hand shop amongst layers of crap and paid 50p - bargain I'd say!

The film is about the brothers Grim who will inherit a mortuary if they pass there mortuary exams(!), unfortunately for them the current owners (Paul and Mary) don't feel like leaving anytime soon and plot to fail the brothers Grim however good they do in class. Oh yeah, Paul is a closet Necrophilliac, and Mary is an out-of-the-closet whore.

There are some really fun parts in this film; mainly the classroom scenes where we get to meet the other classmates including that guy who always plays a psycho, if you get to see this you'll know who I'm talking about. In this film he plays a psycho.

It's sad to note that many have passed away since the making of this film, especially Wolfman Jack who will be sorely missed.

I recommend this film to any lover of cheese, and eighties type movies. If you are broadminded and don't dismiss films such as 'Porky's' and 'Nerds' as trash (which they surely are not!), then you'll do alright with this.

A very fitting quote from the film, which applies to more reviews here than it should do.

This film has it all and I have always preferred it to the previous instalments, which were somewhat lame in comparison, though 'Dawn' was indeed fun. I'm an 80s child as it happens, if I'd been alive and old enough to see 'Night' when it came out, I might have been more 'shocked', which is essential for a good zombie movie.

I honestly can't see the beef with this film, it's one of the greatest horror films I have ever seen. Sure the zombies might not be as convincing as the Italian versions with their 'Thriller' style make-up, but who cares? Not I!

Anyways, the story is a progression from the last film, where zombies have virtually taken over the whole world and only a handful of survivors remain. The film depicts a doomed species in a hopeless state of affairs that is truly apocalyptic. To top it off, some of the most arrogant, self-centered people (of those who remain) are trapped in an old army bunker; trying to escape amidst fighting each other. This really achieves a choking, claustrophobic atmosphere that 'Night' had but 'Dawn' failed; a mall isn't that confined, and..a gun store? Come on! All these people have are a few rounds and their wits to survive thousands of zombies - I'd be bricking my load!

To take the film up to true 'Classic' status, we are given some of the most memorable and lively characters put to film. The show stealer is Joseph Pilato as 'Captain Rhodes'; he..was...awe-inspiring! 'Memorable Quotes' should be filled with his script. He really does throw his all into the film and deserved an Oscar, or a new blood vessel! Two others come to mind; the sweet but crazed Dr. Logan, or 'Frankenstein' as Rhodes called him, who sadly passed away in 2000, and the zombie that he tames - Bub! They just don't make 'em like this anymore. (sigh)

GORE, GORE, GORE!!! This film certainly has it by the bucketload and it is very disgusting (and realistic) at times, the soldiers being literally pulled apart and feasted on at the end is quite foul but undoubtedly cool. "Choke on 'em! CHOKE ON 'EM!' Rhodes gasps as they eat his intestines!

So basically, screw the people who worship 'Night' and 'Dawn' as some sorts of almighty monoliths of greatness, and watch 'Day' - it's far superior. Needless to say (but what the hay) if you're a fan of 80s horror then you will LOVE this. It is gory, intense and slightly fun at the same time, qualities which the other films did before, but not nearly as well.

Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe this is the second-best remake of any horror film ever (the winner is most certainly John Carpenter's version of 'The Thing from Another World'), this is down to the fact that the special effects are amazing (and sick), the dark humour is amusing and quite frankly my dears I thought the original was dull, McQueen excused.

For those that have been living in a dark, damp hole for most of their lives (I apologize if you have been) the film involves a man-made organism that was meant for chemical warfare but went wrong somehow so they shot it off into space, well guess what - it returns!

The blob is discovered by the horror movie genre's typical 'disposable tramp guy' who foolishly pokes the organism with a stick (When will they learn eh? Never poke a creature from outer-space with a stick!). The blob, understandably annoyed by this attaches itself to the tramps arm, which starts to dissolve - yeesh. The dying tramp is then found by the stars of the film - a young rebel along with a very annoying girl, they take the tramp to hospital where the blob has time to digest the unfortunate old guy and escape.

The blob continues to digest many people along the way in spectacularly sick fashion, growing with each kill. Eventually the 'government guys' come to capture 'their' blob who by this time is enormous in size, the man in charge is a complete tool who doesn't give a damn about the towns people and causes many deaths trying to keep their operation a secret for as long as possible until the rebel eventually gets the police to believe his story. By this time though, the blob is so big the government guys cannot keep control of it, and end up getting picked off as well, so it is up to the rebel and his new found girlfriend to stop the slimy one.

Underneath all the special effects you have your typical monster movie - a creature that picks people off one by one (or in some cases loads at a time!), cheesy B-movie acting, disbelieving authorities, the typical romance, and the bad guys who always get their just desserts.

But who cares? It's good for a laugh.

Directed by the New Zealand king of low-budget gore - Peter Jackson, who also takes the starring role in his debut film as 'Derek', the leader of the alien prevention group 'Alien Investigation and Defence Service' - A.I.D.S(!), who are called into action when a group of aliens land on earth with the intention of kidnapping humans and using them as the main ingredient for their fast food restaurants! Naturally Derek and his crew are none too happy about this and set about stopping them in the only way they know how - violently.

As you can imagine with a plot like this and with Peter Jackson involved you can expect extreme gore mixed with extreme cheese, for example there is this one part where an alien has been severed in two from being hit by a car, his remaining top half fends off Jackson's attacks with a chainsaw by throwing pine cones at him! Also throughout the film Derek becomes increasingly demented after having a particularly nasty fall off a 90ft cliff, although miraculously surviving this, he has a nasty crack on the back of his head which keeps flapping open and letting bits of brain fall out (nice) and at one point he replaces his emptying skull with an alien's intestines who he has just slaughtered! As you can probably tell from these examples this film is pretty gross and if your like me you will find it very funny as well.

Watch this film even if it is only to see one of Derek's compadres' rip off an aliens head with his bare hands and drop-kick it successfully out of a window to which he casually comments "The old magic is still there."

This film is without a shadow of a doubt, the best film ever - believe! Pure twisted weirdness that pummels you into submission, without ever letting you catch your breath. Starring the great Jeffrey Combs (Re-Animator), as the unfortunate Dr. Crawford Tillinghast who is assisting his superior - Dr. Edward Pretorius in creating a resonator with the intent to stimulate the pineal gland in a dormant part of the brain (to create a sixth-sense). Unfortunately, things don't go as planned (it would be pretty boring if they did!) and Dr Pretorius gets his head bit off ("Like a gingerbread man!") after weird slimy creatures start to appear while his sidekick gets away from the house but is blamed for the death and put into an asylum. A very sexy doctor - Dr. Katherine McMichaels accompanied by a Shaft wannabe - Leroy 'Bubba' Brown ("I'm the LAW here!") remove Crawford from the institution and back to the dreaded house to recreate the experiment and prove Crawford's innocence, needless to say, Crawford is a bit miffed about leaving his cosy straitjacket and; relative safety.

There are GREAT lines (especially from Combs) - "Alright! Come and get me...EUNUCH! This time I'm not running away!", gross-out effects aplenty - heads being twisted off, killer bees that reduce their victim to a bloody, boney mess, and just look at how Dr Pretorius slowly changes into something vile;

Crawford - "My God Edward, what have you become?"

Pretorius - "Myself!"

Pure genius.

I love this film, I really do. If not for the fact that there is never a moment of boredom, the fact it has a real Lovecraftian sense of dread, or the way it manages to come off looking like some kind of acid trip, then just to see, Barbara Crampton in full S&M gear.

Oh, the movie was filmed using some sort of pink filter, which just adds to the weirdness. Did I mention how great it was?

See it (wo)man, just see it!

'The Hidden' is a true gem of a film, satanically underrated by the critics on it's release, and long forgotten by most, which is a damn shame, though with the new DVD release things may finally start to change.

Plot; Alien parasite comes to earth, moving from body to body to stay 'fresh' and goes on the rampage - stealing exotic cars, robbing banks, killing anyone (even some poor schmuk in a wheelchair) and headbanging to thrash metal all the way - "Why?" You ask, because he's a bit of a b****d and he feels like it.

Considering the budget and time period (no knock to the eighties - most of my favourite horror flicks and every good movie Arnie ever did were made then!), this film is made amazingly well - the car chase scene for example, not only does the alien use a Ferarri 308 (my personal favorite Ferarri - in black too!), but it's done extremely well - and I'm going by todays' standards! The acting is also up to par, with strong support from all the cast.

This is a classic film from the 80's that not many people know about, if this applies to you then listen up!

Aliens, fast cars, heavy metal, and needless violence - what more could you possibly want from a sci-fi horror flick, hmmm? A spaceship?! Why you ungrateful so and so.

Arnold - the action movie king of the eighties!

This film is the greatest and most enjoyable action movie ever made, yes it may lack brains but who the hell cares? It's a movie with Schwarzenegger and has the title - "Commando", what do you people want? Mental stimuli? Thought provoking drama? Intricate plots? Pah! Arnold wipes his butt with such phrases.

Arnie plays the retired commando of the title who is forced to wear his cammo's again when his daughter is kidnapped by the stereotypical bad guys as a blackmail - he must kill the U.S. president or they will kill his little girl. Obviously Arnold isn't going to stand for this kind of nonsense so he escapes from the plane they put him on after killing the male chaperon and begins the hunt, gaining assistance from Rae Dawn Chong along the way.

Although a complete testosterone-fest from start to finish this film has a comedic side (though nearly totally engulfed by the action), which gives it a certain (good ole 80s) charm, that means if you like the film you will watch it again and again, and perhaps a third time.

It has many classic lines from the big man, for example; before the 'bads' put him on the plane, he retorts to one of them who makes sly comment about his daughter - "Your a funny guy Sully, I like you - that's why I'm gonna kill you last!".

After killing the baddie on the plane he says to a stewardess - "Don't disturb my friend, he's DEAD tired!"

My favourite is when another baddie - Cooke (although his buddy in 'Predator') is brawling with Arnie and manages to pick up a large revolver, which he points at Arnie and says - "F*** you Ass****!", he pulls the trigger but the gun is empty so Arnie retorts - "F*** YOU Ass****!" and smacks him one!

My review may be biased as I think Arnie is the man (before his decline into utterly abysmal movies that is), but still, if you want to see a one-man-army in action, then see Commando.

The very best old school kung fu movie, period.

Never a dull moment in this film with the action happening right from the beginning. The fight sequences are probably the best I have ever seen - and I've seen a fair few! Chan is completely convincing as a kung-fu master, he is incredible.

Take the opening sequence alone for example - Jackie showing of his skills with various weapons - absolutely amazing, it surely must have taken ages to produce, and more than a dozen band-aids.

As for the rest of the film, see it for yourself, the characters may be strange, the dubbing hilarious (adds to the charm) but if you like a good kung fu flick with action on overload, starring the greatest (in my opinion) martial artist movie-star of all time, then this simply must not be missed.

Akira is a masterpiece, classic anime which has not been bettered since its release way back in '88 - incredible that its all hand-drawn.

The film is based on the 2000 word novel and does a pretty good job of condensing the plot into the 2 hour running time, although you may have a job understanding if you are not familiar with Manga anime's or your old (like my grandparents - they didn't have a clue! Bless 'em.).

The plot - Akira is a very powerful being, who blew up Tokyo through his sheer energy, afterwards the government dismembered his body and began to run tests on Akira and other test subjects - looking to use this energy for their weapons and machines.

Some 30 years later Tokyo has been rebuilt and is now known as Neo-Tokyo, Kaneda and Tetsuo are two friends who have known each other since childhood now they are members of a bike gang who frequently fight with their rival gang - 'The Clowns'. On one such occasion Tetsuo is injured in a head-on collision with Takashi - one of the test subjects (number 26 - who appears over-aged due to all the drugs the government use to suppress the power that has been given to him). The government agents take Tetsuo away to use him as a test subject, after which he escapes only to become over-powered with the sheer energy that he now possesses.

I have seen both the dubbed version and the special edition subtitled version which included a 'making of...' feature - the time that was taken to create this anime and the amount of people that were needed is astonishing (see the full cast and you get the idea).

The result - one of the most realistic, graphic and beautiful animes ever produced - you forget that you are watching a cartoon and are just engulfed into the whole story.

The greatest manga film period. See it or be rectangular.

I saw this film on cable recently and remembered how bad it was the first time I saw it.

The story is about female delinquents locked up in an English borstal in the early eighties.

This film blatantly 'borrows' from the film Scum with Ray Winstone and I mean blatant - there's the cut-wrist suicide from one of the more unstable inmates, the hard-nut - Eddie (who replaces Scum's Ray Winstone), and the scene where an attack is made in a deserted part of the compound with a steel bar - Scrubbers version features a slow-motion sequence which is obviously faked!

The only reasons for watching this garbage is to see early roles from Kathy 'I'm smoking a fag!' Burke from the 'Harry Enfield Show', Robbie Coltrane and 'Pat' from 'Eastenders'. As well as many a naked pair of breasts - which make the movie watchable - just.

Verdict - One for the lads.

Oi Oi savaloy!

A middle of nowhere town has a circus coming to visit...from outer space! Their intention...to turn people into large cotton-candy cocoons so that they may be stored and have there blood sucked out through curly straws whenever they get peckish. They sure as hell don't make'em like this anymore I can tell you.

Made on a budget of...well not much, the film comes of pretty well, with some realistic (they look alive), cartoony (they look funny as hell) and scary (I was very young!) clown costumes - I tell you, I never looked at clowns the same way after seeing this movie (and Clownhouse) at 8 years old around the time of it's release that's for sure. The bold, vibrant colours used throughout are mesmerising and somewhat hypnotic - Mr. Argento would be proud I'm sure!

But this flick is pure B-Movie through and through - you get some of the cheesiest acting this side of 'Days of Our Lives', together with cheesier than year-old cheddar lines - the one in my summary for example; that's probably the funniest piece of dialogue I have EVER heard (should be in 'memorable quotes' as I can never forget it!). Plus you get all the typical characters of the genre that make it slightly predictable in places - doomed old guy, chief copper who never believes a word, although in this case I'll let him off - 'Yes officer there's killer klowns invading our town with popcorn guns.' - Hmmm?!! As well as these two brothers - the Terenzie's who go around selling ice cream from their van at night!!!

I finally tracked this film down from a market, I'm glad I did as it certainly brings back a lot of memories.

And whenever I'm feeling down, putting this movie on never fails to bring a smile to my face.

Its poo-poo time! Sam Neil proves again that he can act 'accountant normal' and completely insane in one character (as in 'In the Mouth of Madness). This is one of the only films (see 'Eraserhead' or 'The Shining') that can still weird the bejesus out of me after repeated viewing - mommy!

Set in the distant future, Dr. William Weir (Neil) has created time travel by...well it's too hard to explain if you don't know about physics! Which I don't!! Anyway, the ship that he designed for the testing of his new invention, the Event Horizon, disappears without a trace, several years later it's back - but where has it been?

To answer this question and see if there are any survivors, a search team is sent that includes Laurence Fishburne as Captain Miller and Sean Pertwee as the modestly-named Smith(!) as well as Dr. Weir - because he knows his ship best. Needless to say, all is not well aboard the Horizon (it's a horror film for heavens sakes!) and bizarro events begin to occur.

This film is best described as 'A Ghost House in Outer Space' (Hey, thats a pretty good title! A bit 50's maybe.) and the special effects are very effective. There are however some cheesy acting moments that give the film that B-Movie feel ("This is not just something that's in our heads."), but they are not bad enough to distract from the pure chill factor, chills in the sense that they will be travelling up your spine, oh yes, and there isn't a thing you can do about it. It's lucky I don't like or partake in camping because that 'tent-scene' - bugger me if I didn't nearly pee my panties, ahem boxer shorts, I meant boxer shorts!

If you want to be scared - have kids. If that's too much for you, then this film might just be what your after.

This is my second favorite horror film of all time mainly because it still weirds me out (a horror movie plus in my book) and it reminds me of the work of our lord - H.P. Lovecraft.

Sam Neil is a great actor and before watching this, I had only seen him in dramas and thrillers, so I did not know what to expect - believe me, it is the best way with this film. I actually caught the film (on TV) at the point when he begins his journey in the car with Linda. "Another road movie" I remember thinking to myself - hah! Was I in for a shock/good time.

It involves an insurance detective named Trent (Neil), who is asked to investigate a mysterious horror novelist called Sutter Cane (by ape-hater, Charlton Heston). Unfortunately, Cane's work has a nasty habit of turning its' reader insane in the membrane. So Trent teams up with Linda styles, a foxy brunette to search for the strange one, and believe me things do get strange.

This film seams like a dream, no... a nightmare.

Is this reality...or not?

Oh damn, I've poo-poo'd myself again. NURSE!