xtravaluemeal

IMDb member since March 2001
    Lifetime Total
    1+
    IMDb Member
    20 years

Reviews

Born American
(1986)

Unbelievable
If I were to pick two words to describe this movie it would be unbelievable and unpredictable. Unpredictable because not a single moment of this movie could be foretold. And unbelievable because it has above a 4 rating on this website. This movie doesn't deserve the use of stars, it should be given its own rating system of awful, like a 5 rectum review or something. I mean this movie stinks up something awful, so awful I had no choice but to express my sincere concern that someone else might one day view this movie, or worse pay for it. Please dont... Renny (the brilliant director of other favorites such as Cutthroat Island and Driven) has presented something truly unique to the world of cinema this time however. No protagonists and no antagonists, at least no clear ones, any time we start to develop any kind of sympathy for a character he kills them! any time something happens in this movie it is wasted, unused, unexplained. Here this should sum up the movie: 3 kids go to Finland (for spring break i guess, it has become quite the hotspot) and within 2 minutes are driving to the north pole for no reason. We soon find out that 2 of these guys are your traditional jocks/heros and one is a worthless nerd. The jocks bring guns and a bow and arrow set while the nerd just has unbelievably nerdy things for a vacation like, a camera! and clothes! and food! Our "protagonists" pick on the one normal and decent character in this movie to the point where A) its unbelievable they would be friends let alone the best of friends and B) we hate the kid too. They then shoot a few things on the border of lapland and Russia (during the cold war mind you) and decide it would be best to cross the border with their weapons to "check it out,'" like the ground would be paved with gold and the streams would flow with vodka. They then forcefully kidnap a girl so they can tell her "not to be scared," I mean i fully thought they were gonna rape this girl, but it turns out they just wanted to ask some questions. The girl screams and as you would expect they are then captured by villagers and accused of murdering a small girl by an occultist/demon possessed priest (no explanation of course) who has brain washed a village... So our americans kill everyone... EVERYONE! The military shows up so they kill more. You may be thinking... Why is this guy giving away the whole movie. I'M NOT, THIS IS ALL IN THE FIRST 10 MINUTES!!!! we havent even gotten to the HUMAN CHESS MATCH where the opponents fight to the death (apparently remmy doesnt quite get the concept of chess, what if the pawn took the knight when the knight was taking the pawn? well thats giving this movie too much credit). I watch bad movies a lot. If you are looking for one you've found it. Its damned funny, and a wonderful example in what drugs you should never take when you are on a deadline to make a movie. Just please understand, in no way is this movie good. It couldnt be good if it tried, it breaks every rule of film, theater, story, human relation, history, etc. This movie just, sucks.

The New Guy
(2002)

Over-used, tired, boring, unfunny movie which exemplifies how not to make a film.
If one word could summarize "The New Guy" it would be "Cliche." Not once in this movie was there a semblance of plot, structure, character development, and most importantly an original thought. No joke is too low or tired for "The New Guy." How many movies must we sit through that poke fun at midget's, prison rape, and pooping? To put it more clearly, at no point in time, did I feel like there was a human making this movie. No one could have willingly pitched this movie without doing so for money and money alone. And no movie company could have accepted the pitch had they not been "made an offer they couldn't refuse." This film makes every film-maker, actor, writer, producer and grip who are struggling to make it in Hollywood wince with pain. The movie theater was fairly crowded for a Saturday afternoon and not once during the whole film was there someone laughing. "This movie sucks," "What a waste of film," are just some of the comments overheard after the movie. D.J. Qualls makes Pauly Shore look like a comedic genius. Ed Dector makes Ed Wood look like the undisputed king of film-making. All the midget's in the world couldn't have made this movie funny. I'm going to go watch every Ernest movie now just to reassure myself that this movie was "that bad." Please don't do it to yourself.

Ohayô
(1959)

Unbearably cute
This film is not a classic, but it is one of my favorites. It is so wonderfully shot and played out, the commentary on life in modern suburbia is quiet and yet still very clear. The acting is fantastic, jumping cultural boundaries and stirring up countless memories of my own childhood growing up in suburbia. Everyone can relate to this film, and it is because of that and the wonderful sense of humor that Ozu carries throughout the film that make this a must see, and a story I can see countless times without it becoming monotonous.

Dip huet gai tau
(1990)

John Woo's most ambitious film proves to be too ambitious
John Woo's "masterpiece" if you will, "A Bullet in the Head", is really three stories, of three brothers, told in three very different locations and times. This film has been compared to "Platoon," and the "Deer Hunter." Although it essentially steals their imagery and plot lines, it still failed to be as emotionally provocative as the originals. Yes, it has all the classic John Woo moments, blood, guts, gore, and ballet-like gun fights, but thats all this movie ends up showing. It was just too ambitious of a project for Woo to handle, it looks like he wanted to shoot three different movies, but only had the time and money for one. In the end it is not cohesive and the characters, while charming and lovable for a while, grow on your nerves with repetitive imagery and character conflict. In the end I didn't care who died when and by whom, I just wanted them to die so the movie would find an ending. For fans of other Vietnam war flicks, or just fantastic dramas, this fits the basic qualifications, but as a whole it just cant carry its weight.

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