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Summer Catch

Well, I'm a teenager....do I feel satisfied? Absolutely not.
I hate Freddy Prinze jr. And this is no better then all his horrible movies. He is just no good. I have seen other teen's comments saying on how only adults dislike this movie. I have news for all those girls: I am not an adult, and I HATED this movie.

Notice how the trailers clearly say: "If your hot, then you'll like this movie!" Ok, that's wrong. What they meant to say is: "If your a ditzy airhead, than you'll love this "romantic comedy" made my people who don't even know what they're doing."

The plot is predictable, the acting is horrible, the directing sucks, and Mathew Lillard is a loser. Sorry, but it's the truth. It's the worst movie of the year, and it will be forgotten faster than you will forget this comment.

I'll spare you the explanation, just don't ever waste your money, ok?


Scary Movie

Movies like these should get NC-17.....
The movie Scary Movie opened last year and became a blockbuster. Why? I have no clue. Apparently, giant sperm fountains, penises, boobs, farts, and especially smoking pot, are funny. I can't believe this movie comes from the creators of The Wayan Brothers. The Wayan Brothers was a television show with the two brothers Sean and Marlon. They were f-u-n-n-y. Now, the brothers are back, but this time the director is the older brother Keenon Ivory. The humor looks a lot like There's Something About Mary, but there's one slight difference. TSAM wasn't completely sick and it was hilarious! Scary Movie is the kind of movie that should get NC-17, but doesn't. That means anyone can go in. A boy I know, he's 7 years old, and he was aloud going to Scary Movie with his cousin, who is 11. Is that justice? You haven't heard nothing yet.

The plot is similar to Scream. In fact, it's the exact same as Scream, except the characters are a bunch of dumba**es. The plot goes a little in IKWYDLS, but still maintains Scream. This is mixed with penises, boobs, farts, giant sperm fountains, and the killer who smokes pot. News Flash! The killer is smoking pot, saying he is F'ing stoned, and absolutely no one in the audience is laughing. Is that justice? I'm not done yet.

The Wayan brothers are not even funny. Apparently, smoking pot is "cool" and "funny", but actually marijuana should not be treated like this. Saving Grace treated marijuana with elegance, on the other hand. To have a good comedy (and I mean at LEAST good), the jokes have to be given at the right moment and at the right time. They have to also be delivered with elegance. Scary Movie did not. Scary Movie did not contain pazzazz at all, unless you count the sort of humor portrayed here "pazzazz". TSAM, on the other hand, contained enough gags and pazzazz to make absolutely everyone laugh. Why? Because the Farrelly Brothers directed it. Not a complete amateur like Keenon Ivory Wayans.

Keenon Ivory Wayans has starred in a lot of parodies, like I'm Gonna Get You Sucka. Scary Movie is a disgrace. It shouldn't even called a "parody". It should be called a "sick blockbuster with absolutely no pazzazz". Hello MPAA! Rate this movie right. It should be NC-17 for: non-stop sick and disgusting humor. The movie Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th, very similar to Scary Movie, was funnier. SIYKWIDLFTT was actually more hilarious than Scary Movie. It was funnier because it contained original gags. Scary Movie had enough clichés. SO MANY clichés, that it got REALLY TIRING. NO ONE laughed, NO ONE cared, and what's up with the ending? It sucks! SIYKWIDLFTT was produced before Scary Movie, and it looks like Scary Movie should've copied that instead of adding a bunch of sick and twisted humor and a WHOLE LOT of clichés to the plot of Scream.

At some point in the movie, after saying "Sick", "Gross" or "Ewww" about a 100 times, I wanted to go to Blockbuster and rent a Monty Python. Any Monty Python. Hello people! The Monty Pythons are sitting on the shelf in the comedy section, waiting for someone to enjoy them and find out what a REAL parody looks like. The Monty Pythons are original, contain pazzazz, and no SICK HUMOR! My only recommendations would be NOT to rent Scary Movie, but rent a Monty Python. I suggest "The Holy Grail" or "Life of Brian".

Anna Farris, playing the main character "Cindy" was the only funny actress. The brand new actress is very funny, and should not have starred in such a bad movie. Even though she is the only redeeming quality, the movie should not even be given 1 star. The horrible Dude, Where's My Car contained much more redeeming qualities than Scary Movie, and that is NOT a good thing. The people who actually "like" Scary Movie are those who say it's "cool", and those people are either mentally challenged or are 7 years old and don't know what "sperm" actually is yet.

Parodies like ANY Monty Python or Scream If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th, are the only "parodies" I can recommend. In fact, Scary Movie should not even be called a "parody" or even a "comedy", but just a should-have-been-NC-17-piece-of-sick-and-twisted-crap movie. Then again, it shouldn't even be called a "movie". Ok, I'm getting annoying. You have been warned. I can't belive there is a sequel.

0/10 (No comment)

Blue Velvet

David Lynch's picture of darkness.
David Lynch, the director who is also the master of creepiness and darkness, has directed a film called Bule Velvet. Blue Velvet is dark and creepy, just like the rest of Lynch's films. It's about a young man who discovers a decapitated ear on his way from the hospital. The ear, police say, has been cut off with scissors. This striked me right then. Scissors. David Lynch, get it? Anyway, they get the DNA tests and it belonged to a singer. So the young man decides to investigate, and ends up falling in love with the singer. Little does he know her boyfriend Frank is a psycho and also the Frank is keeping the singer's son as a hostage.

Great performances. This, in 1986, was David Lynch's oscar-nominated directing. This is the first film I view from David Lynch and all I have to say is that I was and am immediately a fan. The future of film-noir rests in the hands of this film. Blue Velvet was actually a very dark drama with much more to it than darkness, but characters that stand very bizzare. I don't know where the young man gets his courage to try and sneak on the singer, I don't get the singer's craving for someone to slap her, and I certainly don't get Frank's air-mask thing. That was creepy, and Lynch left the characters a mystery for us.

Some say that the actress that plays the singer has been taken advantage of. News flash! Her son is kidnapped, her husband's dead and she has a psycho "boyfriend". She deserves what she gets coming to her. Don't worry, she doesn't die, if that's what you're thinking. She just suffers, so she has to feed to her needs. She actually doesn't stand there like a helpless child, but stands up for her rights. So no, she isn't taken advantage of.

Laura Dern is in this movie! I love her! She plays the young man's other girlfriend. With everything going on around her, she should have gained an academy award for best supporting actress. Dennis Hopper plays Frank. Dennis Hopper is an amazing actor, and is really good at playing the bad guy. Come on! He played the bad guy in Mario Brothers for God's sake! Anyways, he WAS nominated for best supporting actor, but that was for the golden globes. I'm glad David Lynch got a nomination for best director. One scene he shows us ants feeding away on other ants, and when a high part comes, and ends, he shows us a candle burning out. Even when he shows the singer's extremely red lips while she is giving order to slap her, David Lynch's directing shines.

This was one of the most controversial films of the 80's. Well, it was the 80's. There wasn't really anything to talk about except for Blue Velvet. Blue Velvet isn't exactly an audience-friendly film. Some just don't like it because they don't like the "darkness" or it's too "boring", even though it absolutely isn't. That's a terrible insult for David Lynch. Only if you are ready to hear "the ear has been cut off with scissors" and prepared for David Lynch's magnificent directing style, see Blue Velvet. Don't rent this movie to expect another "Gone with the wind", because it's not that kind of drama. Or even if you are looking for something "different", see Blue Velvet. If you are too scared to be disapointed, like I was before viewing this film, rent David Lynch's The Straight Story. Unlike Blue Velvet, The Straight story is "G" rated and completely light. But come on! You must love Lynch in his "normal" directing style, so rent Blue Velvet.

Get ready to be amazed. Blue Velvet has David Lynch written all over it, and in case you hate Lynch and don't like "darkness", go away. To put it this way, this the first and only film I've seen of David Lynch, and I loved it. It's that easy. So, I recommend Blue Velvet to every kind of person I've mentioned above.

9/10 (RENT IT)

Rush Hour 2

Hoo boy.
Yes, Rush Hour 2 is here with the catch phrase "Get ready for a second Rush" written all over it. I will say this: I loved the first one. Sitting in the theaters, ready for Rush Hour 2 to start, I noticed a lot of Jackie Chan fans. What a bunch of freaks they were, because when the movie started, they were cheering. That was what ruined my total experience. Everytime Jackie did a stunt or made a joke, everyone were clapping their hands and laughing their butts off like it was the Academy Awards. It didn't help for the fact that my butt was hurting so bad because I was sitting on a broken seat, or the fact that there were ditsy 13 year old girls behind me saying "like" and "totally" a lot. Let me say this: It's not that funny! Well maybe it is, but all the people and situations surrounding me and breaking my nerves were what made it so unfunny.

The movie is about Jackie and Chris Tucker, who this time are going after a man who is selling illegal money, and Chris is on vacation. Sounds funny? It was probably, I just wasn't quite "there" all the time. Sometimes I couldn't see the screen because someone that was about 18 years old and 6'2" was sitting right in front of me, and I'm only 5'8" and my butt was killing me!

Chris Tucker was just about the only thing good about the film, and that's deffinetly a good thing. But if he was going to keep on with the racist jokes, I would have screamed. That girl from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (I can't spell her name) was the bad guy. All I have to say is that I liked her more in CT, HD. She was just plain unbelievable. Jackie, even though I am not a fan, is getting really annoying. Can't he just star in a drama or comedy without action? Or maybe it's just because he is a great actor but he keeps doing this to our audiences, kicking people in the faces.

Brett Raner, the director from the first, still gives us a likeable "Rush Hour" feel. The first half of the movie was retarded. They go to a building and Jackie kicks some people's butts because, that's what Jackie does best. It's funny that so many people were up to fight him, so bizzare. Even more retarded: Jackie and Chris are at a massage parlor, and everyone who is getting a massage get up and try their best to fight Jackie. Yes, everyone. How stupid is that? If I was at that massage parlor getting massaged by a beautiful Asian woman, I would have just said "Be quiet!" instead of getting up, and fighting. Brett Raner missed the realistic "action movie" feel that everyone craves for.

(My butt started to ache even worst by now)

The second half of the film is where the actors show their talent....if they had any. The second half is where, actually, the plot becomes so predictable, going up to an even more predictable ending. I (and maybe you) could have guessed what was going to happen from the beginning. Only mindless beings eat up this mindless action. With everything going on: The butt ache, the 6'2" person in front of me, the ditsy girls in the back of me, and the freakazoid Chan fans cheering and clapping, I managed not to laugh once.

(butt ache even worst)

All that director Brett Raner leaves us with in the end is awesome bloopers that made even me laugh, regardless of my experience. I wasn't very light-hearted, I know, but you know why now. Maybe it would have been better if I went there on an afternoon. Don't do like me, please, and just rent the movie for God sakes.

6/10 (Surprisingly! It would have been great without my experience)

Full Metal Jacket

One of Kubrick's Best.
There are a lot of war movies these days, and they are all very powerful, but some of them (like Thin Red Line) don't live up to a truly powerful war movie. Let's go back 14 years, shall we? What were war movies back then? See Full Metal Jacket to find out. Full Metal Jacket was seriously one of Stanley Kubrick's best films, but not his best, though. It shows the people that fought and the people that trained to fight.

Full Metal Jacket was about the people who fought for a Vietnamese war, the war that was never completed. Thus, the film makes you want more. The first half of the movie takes us to people that were trained for the Vietnamese war in 1968, then the second our hero (Mathew Modine) goes to Vietnam to fight and take pictures. All of this sounds ridiculous but Stanley Kubrick gives us a realistic feel that we only see in the newer war movies.

The acting was awesome, but what I loved the most was Kubrick's direction. It seemed....different. As if this movie was made to be an action movie, but not a Kubrick movie. Full Metal Jacket was Kubrick's second final film before he died, and it will leave a mark, too.

There are some scenes I would delete, though, like when a Vietnamese whore comes and charges a man 5 bucks to have sex with him. There is no sex scenes thank God, but that part in the movie proved that Stanley Kubrick wrote it. Or another where the soldiers compare their "rifle" to their "guns", if you know what I mean. Please don't worry! There is also no nudity, but these scenes where really stupid and didn't quite maintain the "war movie" feel.

Mathew Modine is a great actor, but I'm even more surprised that Vincent D'Onofrio is in the movie. He plays a slow-minded overweight man who gets picked on by everyone in the first half of the movie. Vincent is also a terrific answer, and what he does to himself is not "war movie"-like, but it is so powerful and disturbing that I have to say that Full Metal Jacket is one of the most intense movies I have seen in a long time.

With all the intensity and the war scenes, Full Metal Jacket goes on my top 5 of "best war movies". See it for yourself, is you are a hardcore Stanley Kubrick fan (like me), or even if you aren't! My dad hates him, but loves the movie. I give my full recomendations on Full Metal Jacket.

8/10 (-2 for the sex references)

Jurassic Park

One of the greatest films ever made.
I don't know why I loved this movie so much. Maybe it was the utter amazement when I first saw the Brachiosaurus eat from a tree. Or maybe it was my adrenaline rushing when two 12 year old were attacked by velociraptors. It might possibly be the chills that went down my spine when the T-Rex first made his terrifying roar. Whatever it was, it made me write this review.

Allan Grant (Sam Neil) and Ellie (Laura Dern) are two successful paleontologists who are asked by a rich man John Hammond to come at his park for a major tour. They agree and are taken to an island where "Jurassic Park" logos are everywhere. The two paleontologists have no idea what they are getting themselves into. The first dinosaur to make an apearance is the Brachiosaurus, which both of them are extrememly amazed by its giant apearance, and so is the audience. What the two of them don't know is that there are much more terrifying and carnivorous dinosaurs who are about to escape and run loose....

Directed by the mighty Steven Speilberg, Jurassic Park relied on more character development than any other creature-feature. Usually you get second-rate actors who can't act, getting terrified by monsters that don't really exist. Jurassic Park was the opposite. It changed the way we looked at the world, and it will forever. Based on the novel by Micheal Crichton, Jurassic Park was an amazing movie.

From beginning to end, Jurassic Park bedazzled us with dinosaurs. Dinosaurs that are EXTINCT. There are a lot of cool cameos and the stars give great performances. The whole family should watch this movie. Not for the glossy title, but because of the dinosaurs. I remember being a kid when I first watched it, and I remember loving this movie so bad. The climax was excellent, and I am not saying what happens, unlike the sequel to this film (Jurassic Park 3). A climax-less bad film, that was. But this....this was magic. And yes, it was a masterpiece.

The magic of this film is what brought me into dinosaurs, too. I had a "Jurassic Park" marathon today and I watched this movie, and I can still feel the magic. You will feel the magic too once you see it. I just have absolutely nothing to say except that Steven Speilberg will put a spell on you. Even if you don't like creature-features, this movie will entertain you. Steven Speilberg will take you to places that no one else ever will. And the "life will find a way" speech is here, ready to make someone feel that creating dinosaurs that have been extinct for millions of years is a good thing.

Absolutely needless to say, Jurassic Park was a golden diamond.

10/10 (One of the greatest films ever made)

Saving Silverman

One of those great comedies.
A lot of people have been saying it, and it's true: Comedies are hard to make. You have to have all the leftover humor but not forgetting a good screenplay. Saving Silverman, starring Jason Biggs and Amanda Peet, was a physical comedy about first impression, and the people who aren't good at them.

Wayne (Steve Zahn) tells the story about Darren Silverman (Biggs), a guy who has always been very gullable with the ladies. When Judith (Amanda Peet) comes along, Darren falls for her and ends up moving in with her. Now, Wayne and J.D. (Jack Black) have always been Darren's best friends, and they have always tried to follow Neil Diamond's footsteps. When it comes the time for Judith to meet "the boys", the day is ruined because they spill almost every liquid on her. After a while, Judith asks Darren to marry her, so the marriage is on. But Wayne and J.D. kidnap Judith and fake her death. So what will happen? Watch it to find out.

The whole idea, like every "great" comedy, is awesome. The film itself is awesome. Not only is Judith's response to the kidnap funny, but so is Darren's. Jason Biggs is not as funny as his other movies, but that's probably because his character is not meant to be such a goof-off. Jack Black and Steve Zahn, on the other hand, lead the movie with much elegance, delivering laugh after laugh from the deeps of your belly. Amanda Peet, rumored to be a "fearless" actress (even though I think Sandra Bullock could have done a better job), is more than perfect as a strict and nasty Judith.

Physical humor plays a major part here. That's probably the kind of humor that makes the most of the people laugh, unlike crude and sexual humor like in Scary Movie. Yes, before you ask, there are some crude and sexual jokes, but physical humor is the "major" kind of humor. These very funny physical gags are made more by the two leading men: Zahn and Black. They are perfect as the two leading men also. Need people tripping, being attacked by nasty racoons or shooting themselves in the leg by tranquilizer guns, see Saving Silverman.

This comedy, like Sugar & Spice, was very underrated by major critics. This is also a diamond, like other achievement comedies: Meet the Parents, Miss Congeniality, Sugar & Spice, Dumb and Dumber...I can't think of any more, but the point is that Saving Silverman belongs in this list of diamond comedies. Like I said before, comedies are hard to make.

Some people laugh at drug jokes, even though they are clearly unfunny (but delivered greatly in my all-time favorite movie Go), and others laugh at sexual jokes. Err....scratch that. No one laughs at sexual jokes, every since seeing Scary Movie. But I prefer laughing at physical jokes like in Saving Silverman, the first real "great" comedy of the year 2001.

Without further adieu, I say that Saving Silverman was a major cool, awesome physical-flick, deserving every inch of critic respect it probably got (or didn't). But I am one of those who says it's still an excellent comedy, so you'd better listen to me.

8.5/10 (Extremely funny and underrated)

Sugar & Spice

Underrated Comedy. SPOILER ALERT
When I first saw the trailers for Sugar & Spice, I deffinetly did not want to see it. I thought it was just going to be a bunch of ditzy cheerleaders robbing a bank, similar to the comedy Airheads, starring Brendan Fraiser. So I didn't go see it. So one night at blockbuster by dance-fanatic sister decided that she was going to pick the movies. She took Cast Away, Remember the Titans (two of which were excellent movies).......and Sugar and Spice. So I ended up watching it. I was wrong to judge the trailers.

Ok, so yeah, I was thinking of the funny and cheesy film Bring it On when I first saw the previews of Sugar and Spice. What I got was a cool, original, and funny comedy about cheerleaders robbing a bank. On the back of the videocassette cover, I saw the plot summary and I thought it was going to be terrible. Supposedly, the cheerleaders where going to rob a bank and they have to make it on time for the big game. That does sound cheesy, right?

The plot summary is actually this: Lisa (Marla Sokoloft), a cheerleader from the B squad of Lincoln High, narrates to a bunch of police the whole story of the A squad, which she is totally jealous of. The A squad have always been like sisters. The captain is Diane (Marla Shelton), then there are the other ones, Kansas (Mena Suvari), Cleo, Hannah and Lucy. Diane falls for Jack (James Marsden), and they are both in deep love. On the homecoming dance, Jack asks Diane to marry him in front of their parents, and Diane says that they will, after they have their baby. This causes major shock for their parents, so they are kicked out of their homes and forced to have a home of their own. Now, things aren't going very well. Diane's pregnancy is getting hectic, and her friends are really trying to help out. So one day they decide to rob a bank to get money. After all, money is all they need to make their dreams come true.

Mena Suvari is hilarious as the "rebel cheerleader". Cleo is obssessed with Conan O'Brian. Lucy is the smart cheerleader and she is afraid that she will lose her scholarship if she robs the bank. Hannah is very christian and does her best to help out. While preparing for the heist, the girls need guns, so they go to a bug exterminator that happens to sell guns. They can't afford them though, so they promise to bring the exterminator's daughter Fern on the A squad. Fern is very skinny and she is sweet. Marla Shelton does a great job at portraying Dianne, in a funny pregnant cheerleader kind of way. James Marsden is good as the always-optimistic dad.

The whole experience of Sugar & Spice is actually very surprising and unpredictable. The screenplay is very good, and so is the choreography, even though there aren't too many cheerleading cheers here, just a bunch of cool characters who are very unique, trying to help a friend. There aren't to many beautiful people, because this isn't a usual teenage comedy. Actually, there aren't any stereotypes, and this is a relief for everyone.

This film was deffinetly underrated because this is a unique comedy. No ariheads, no stereotypes, and no dumb humor. It might be called "brainless comedy", though. After all, this is cheerleaders robbing a bank. But it's not "brainless comedy" like in Dude, Where's my Car. Dude, Where's my Car was just plain stupidity. Sugar & Spice was actually very effective as a brainless comedy, and it deffinetly made my top 5 of "best comedies of 2001". Actually, there aren't a lot of comedies made for 2001. Saving Silverman was excellent, and so was this. Ok, so it's one of 2 best comedies of this year.

Needless to say, rent or buy Sugar and Spice right now. It's worth your money and the 1 h 24 minutes in your VCR. Trust Me. You'll love the characters, but you'll love the idea even more.

8.5/10 (Excellent Comedy)

Jurassic Park III

A major letdown.
********MAJOR SPOILERS**************** MAJOR SPOILERS*****************

Attention! Everyone listen to the real Jurassic Park fan. I have been a fan ever since the first second of the first Jurassic Park. Why? Because I loved dinosaurs. And to make a true dinosaur film (feast your eyes on the other two Jurassic Parks), you have to rely on the facts. First off pterodactyls can't eat people, and they don't crawl on the floor, ok? Second, the Spinosaur is not that huge. Thank you for listening me on that minor dinosaur analysis. Now for the movie.

Ah, yes. The movie Jurassic Park 3 is finally in theaters, and it looks very interesting. Hence Mickey's speech in Scream 3: The last part of the trilogy, it's break all the rules. Jurassic Park 3 did not break any rules, except for the fact that the dinosaurs are poorly analysed. But it still delivered the same rules, and that is not necessarily a good thing.

The movie Jurassic Park 3 is about Dr. Allan Grant (Sam Neil, who is coming back from the first one), a paleontologist that is payed by a divorced couple Mr. Kirbey (William H. Macey, who should stick with dark comedies), and Mrs. Kirbey (Tea Leoni, who was good), to bring them to Isla Sorna to help them find their son, who got into an accident and is landed on the dinosaur-infested island. When they get there, they are attacked by a spinosaur, and some of them die. The spinosaur (as I have mentioned before that he is not the big) is now our "big predator". No! Not the T-Rex or the Velociraptor, but the Spinosaur. This is a letdown. Now they have to get off the island. This is followed by an attack by the Pterodactyls. This movie's biggest letdown was that it wasn't a "survival" movie, but a "pick up the kid and leave" movie. At the end, the velociraptor picks up his egg and leaves, then the helicopter arrives. The idea of a smarter breed of Velociraptors wasn't developped! There was no climax! There wasn't even a big "showdown" with a T-Rex! All of this happened in an exasperating amount of time of 1 h 25 minutes.

You might think "Oh yeah, like he lost interest at the end", but actually, I lost the interest at the part with the Spinosaur in the river. That wasn't a good enough of a showdown for me. What I wanted was the T-Rex to come and kick that big thugs butt. But he didn't. Even when they were in the Pterodactyl bird cage, I heard a sound and I was hoping that it would be T-Rex. It wasn't. Some dinosaurs that I could have recognized from the 5th grade made cameos, but the characters didn't exactly "confront" them. For example, a Megalausaurus (a T-Rex with a horn) comes to eat them, and then he takes one whiff of Spinosaur crap and leaves, that's it. A Compsognathus (the smallest dinosaur there ever was, who had a major part in killing a character in Jurassic Park 2), made a cameo, but theirs was smaller. The compys looked at the building, and then they left.

Another thing that bothered me is that the kid had been living in a dinosaur-infested island for 8 weeks, and he never god eaten. He should have been dino dinner.

Now, for the good things.

Same Neil! He was one good thing. I'm glad he came back. The other thing was that when there WAS a velociraptor attack, it was worth it. That's all for the good things. William H. Macy should not have been put on the cast. He is a sissy in this film.

A warning: T-Rex dies at the beginning. WHAT?! MAJOR LETDOWN FOR JURASSIC FANS. The movie should sound really bad coming from a hardcore Jurassic fan, but hear me on this. I pity anyone who paid a lot of money to see this film, and I pity the people who have anticipated to see this film for such a long time. Sam Neil and the Vlociraptor attacks were the only thing that saved this film from pure fail-ness.


3/10 (which is the lowest I would ever give to a Jurassic Park)

I hope another one comes, and I sure as hell hope it's better than this. And please, this time it WASN'T directed by Steven Speilberg, but Joe Huston. That was yet another letdown. Steven Speilberg would have known what he was doing.

Charlie's Angels

Should not have gained blockbuster status.
During an interview with Charlie's Angel's director, the announcer asked him just what inspired him to make this film. He told the people at home that The Matrix inspired him. Hmmm.....The Matrix. Funny. If there is one movie that will make you sick and tired of The Matrix, it's Charlie's Angels. After seeing a couple of scenes from The Matrix used as clichés in the unfunny film Scary Movie, we are left without love for The Matrix, but after seeing Charlie's Angels, all we are left with is HATRED for the Matrix.

At some points in the movie, we are shown one of the angels flying in the air to kick their opponent straight in the face. This scene is a reminder. The action was poorly choreographed. Great, if not excellent, action scene choreography is shown in the masterpiece Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Charlie's Angels tried (desperately) to put three of Hollywood's rising stars (Diaz, Barrymore and Liu) in the action movie of the year that proves that you can be really cheesy and still be known as a blockbuster.

The three angels are out to stop a madman from murdering Charlie. That's the story. The plotline is mixed with anything that gives us a reason to look at Lucy Liu's fine butt, or a Drew Barrymore's body. If you ask me, I'd say that Cameron Diaz was only put on the set as a star because she is "such a big star". Yes, I know, she is a great actress, but please. Cameron Diaz is terrible as an Angel.

The movie itself is based on the old hit TV show, and Farrah Fawcett (one of the angels from the show) could not save this film. I never saw the show, maybe because I wasn't even born when it was on television, but I know that it was written way better than this. Charlie's Angels script was filled with ditsy jokes, body humor, and sexual jokes. Also, Charlie's Angels script was the only thing good about the film, seeing as how funny it was. Lines like "Feel free to stick things in my slot" were very clever. But, why all the unoriginality?

The actors were less than good. Drew Barrymore forced herself in the fighting scenes, and really looked like she was trained well, but her character should have had more depth, instead of a one-dimensional tough woman. Cameron Diaz was ditsy. Lucy Liu was another thing that was good about the film, she was tough, yet not in an army cadet sort of way, and she was sexy. Also, unlike her two co-stars, she knew how to fight. The bad guy (I will not tell you who), was absolutely unbelievable as an evil figure. He tried a whole "I'm a mean guy mixed with a hitman" sort of thing, and missed the point. If you want to see a really, really bad enemy, feast your eyes on "The Patriot". The cast should not have been handpicked like this...

Some parts were funny, and some parts were ditsy. Some parts were impressive, and some, like when -(mild spoiler)- Drew Barrymore is in a scene where she dodges a bullet, were just so Cliché'd-Matrix style. The script was funny, if not hilarious. But that's really not the kind of script we are looking for here in a big blockbuster action flick. When the film finally tried to take itself seriously, the actors would make fools out of themselves.

The cheese! Oh god the cheese! Ask anyone, this movie was cheesy. If it wasn't for the script (branding this supposed action flick into a comedy), and Lucy Liu, this film would be a fail. But the cheesiness was the major reason why this film was such a letdown.

All these good and horrible ingredients made Charlie's Angels a completely mediocre film. To make it easier for you, I don't know why people hated this film, and I don't know why they would love it. I didn't hate it, and I certainly did NOT love it. I just......didn't like it, but there were two major redeeming qualities, Lucy Liu and the funny script.

4/10 (Mediocre)

A Clockwork Orange

The most beautiful work of art ever made.
(Some minor spoilers)

Alex(Malcom McDowel) is the leader of a brutal gang. This gang goes around the city, killing and raping people. One night, Alex and his team sneak into a crippled man's home and rape the man's wife. These scenes are hard to watch, but still are effective. Also that night they beat an old homeless man nearly to death. This sort of violence is called "ultra-violence". Alex is living in his parents' house with a pet snake named Basil, and he is a great fan of Beethoven. Until one night Alex kills a woman, and goes to prison. In prison, he is forced to have a special treatment to escape. This treatment involves opening Alex's eyes and forcing him to watch movies of rape and violence, thus brainwashing him. After he is out of prison, he returns home only to find out what his friends and family have been doing for the two years he was convicted....

Stanley Kubrick is a genius. This movie was made in 1971, but it looks like it was made less than 5 years ago. It's amazing. Kubrick's vision of the future 30 years ago is more than perfect. If you watch A Clockwork Orange, think of it as a work of art. Everything in this film is artistic. Malcom McDowell is very good in acting, and so are his friends.

I didn't know what section of blockbuster this movie was in, but I found it in Sci-fi. Could you believe this movie was actually funny at some points? Kubrick's adaption to the novel was a perfect film, and deffinetly his best. If you ask me, I'd say it should have been in the "Fantasy" section, because everything in this film came out of a genius's mind, and the technique of brainwashing isn't something that you'd usually find in a Sci-fi movie.

This movie deffinetly made my top-five of best movies ever made. Halloween looked older than this!! Perfect, perfect, prefect. Not over-long, and not idiotic, this film turned out even better than I thought. Don't forget, this isn't a usual film, but like a painting, it has "classic" written all over it. A beautiful painting, that is. What a great film.

So rent it right now, go to blockbuster, and look for it. From the first to last scene, you'll be bedazzled.

Fainaru fantajî IX

Yet another videogame masterpeice!
This, like Final Fantasy 7 and 8, was a masterpeice, it was a game like no other. The characters, each one of them, were worth the effort.

Zidane and his crew of theives attempt to save the princess Garnet, leading to a great adventure. This game, unlike any Final Fantasy, was so fun to play that you must restart it everytime. It wasn't just the game or the fantastic graphics, but the characters and their traits. For example, Zidane's constant womanizing, Vivi wants to fit in with the crowd, Princess Garnet wants to act like normal people, Steiner's stuberness, Freya's go-getting attitude, Quina's unstopable hunger, Amarant's arrogance, and Eiko's little crush on Zidane. Final Fantasy 9 was similar to every other Final Fantasy because every character had their own personalities.

The storyline was amazing, and so was the graphics. The Final Fantasies are my favorite games, and I am waiting for 10. Final Fantasy 9 was a fantastic was of Squaresoft saying: "The game MUST GO ON!"

This is a fantastic game, rent or buy today.

Fainaru fantajî VIII

Everyone get up and clap, it's a videogame masterpeice!
Final Fantasy, definetly, had the thickest and most precious storyline in the history of videogames. There is actually a plot! That's why this was yet another Final Fantasy masterpeice.

All the characters, from there actions to their personalities, were unique. But that is no surprise, because every Final Fantasy has those kinds of characters. The biggest surprise is the graphics. This IS the game that changed the way we look at videogames. Let me look at the characters: Squall (a lone wolf, in love with Rinoa), Rinoa (a bubbly bombshell, in love with Squall), Zell (a brash but funny character), Selphie (a loud hilarious character), Irvine(a ladies' man), Quistis (a workaholic) and Seifer(a real jerk, rival with Cloud). There is a lot of Romance in the air for Final Fantasy 8, which probably led to the fact that Final Fantasy 9 also has romance.

I won't explain the story, because you should find it out for yourself.

This was a unforgettable experience, and a Final Fantasy game that should not and will not be forgotten.

Fainaru fantajî VII

A classical game followed by two other memorable sequels.
This game was THE GAME that made EVERYTHING possible. This game was THE GAME that made me a fanatic of every Final Fantasies. With controversial characters, Final Fantasy hits big time.

Sephiroth goes mad because he finds out that he was created by Shinra, so it's up to Sephiroth's old SOLDIER buddy Cloud and his friends to stop him from taking over the world. The plot contains enough twists to make taffy.

The controversial characters are: Cloud, a strong brave that is involved in a love triangle with Tifa and Aeris. Tifa, a powerful, cheerful woman who grew up with Cloud. Aeris, a funny and go-getting mysterious girl. Barret, a tough-talking man who has to protect his only daughter. Cid, a warm-hearted pilot with a dirty mouth. Yuffie, a greedy little girl (who is the #1 person you need in battle). Red 13, a tiger/wolf/warrior with a brave history. Vicent, a mysterious and powerful man who used to work for Shinra. Cait Sith, a loud-talking little cheaty gat riding on a mog. And Sephiroth.......the bad guy. Each and every character has a unforgettable story to tell.

Final Fantasy 7 was not only the game that spawked two more masterpeice sequels, but it was also the game that introduced us to FMV sequences......or movie scenes.

With great battles, graphics, sound, twisting plot, and controversial characters, Final Fantasy 7 was an unforgettable masterpeice. Thanks to Final Fantasy 7, I will ALWAYS be a fan.


One word: Excellent
Let me tell you about Steven Sodenberg.

What does Stanley Kubrick use for effective images? See the Shining to find out. What does Steven Speilberg use for effective images? See Jurassic Park to find out. What does Tim Burton use for effective images? See Batman to find out. Now.....what does Steven Sodenberg use for effective images? You have GOT to see Traffic. Traffic's director Steven Sodenberg uses hand-held camera + change of hue. Many of you will be asking just what this "change of hue" is....well...for example....Traffic has three stories. One is about a desperate Mexican cop played by Benicio Del Toro. In this story, the screen or "hue" is yellow-ish. In the second story, a powerful man in a war against drugs. This man is portrayed by Micheal Douglas. The screen or "hue" is blue-ish. In the third story, Catherine Zeta-Jones plays a woman who freaks out after her husband is arrested for drug trafficing. The screen or "hue" is normal. The colors of the screens make us identify the stories as the movie goes along. Steven Sodenberg puts fantastic performances, different screens and a terrific screenplay. Mixing this, Sodenberg "Intensifies" Traffic, making this a powerful movie.

There aren't just these stories, but sub-stories too. Like two cops keeping Edwardo Reese from trouble and at the same time keeping an eye on Zeta-Jones. Or Douglas' daughter who gets in one heck of trouble with drugs. All this is captured by brilliant Steven Sodenberg, leaving him an Academy award for Best Director.

Steven Sodenberg captures the characters, from their expressions to their speeches. Could you beleive that there is absolutely NO BAD ACTING? Traffic's acting makes Cruel Intentions' acting look like a cast full of wannabe two year olds. No other director could capture what this man has done to turn Traffic into a powerhouse.

In short, Steven Sodeneberg turned Traffic into an intense drama, while still unforgetting the message that drugs are SERIOUSLY bad. Even though a lot of movies tried to deliver this message, Traffic gives it with more clarity. It's a whole war of drugs in the world, and Traffic was the one to complete it.

Bravo Traffic!


Meet the Parents

Quite Possibly the funniest movie ever made.
Ok, so we have our hero, Greg Focker(Ben Stiller), who is taking his girlfriend Pam to her parents' home over the weekend. Her father (Robert De Niro) and Mother (Blythe Danner), are a happily-married couple who are the most peculiar people in the world because they've actually "lost" their sense of humor. Greg, walking in his girlfriend's parents' home, gets disaproval immediatly, which starts his brilliant and hilarious adventure to honesty. Ben Stiller couldn't be funnier and Robert De Niro(in his "you talking to me" role again), couldn't either. Together, they make the worst enemies between father-in-law and son-in-law that I have ever seen. It's 90 minutes of non-stop laughs, and makes my top-ten. Thank you Meet the Parents. Meet the Parents has a brilliant script, so brilliant that is worth watching over 100 time. It is also worth watching with the family, I can't count how many times MY parents broke into laughs, probably reminded of their "first encounter" with their parents-in-law. All the characters are brilliant and hilarious, exactly like the movie. That's why I say it's the funniest movie ever.

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

My 2nd favorite movie, thanks to fact that I love the game+the actress.
I cannot beleive how many people tell me that it's cheesy. That's impossible because they just haven't tried the game. CHEESY would be Charlie's Angels. Tomb Raider was a brilliant, fun, awesome movie for fans ONLY. Other people will bomb this movie like the war site in Saving Private Ryan. Lara Croft, our smart sassy heroine, has to find the two peices of a magical triangle. This triangle gives it's possessor the power of Time. Lara Croft(my favorite game hero) is portrayed by my favorite actress, so what, in God's name, can go wrong? MAN, I cannot beleive how many people say it's brainless. Maybe THEY should get a brain because this movie is awesome and lovable, and YES, it HAS A BRAIN, OK? Some people compare it to Indiana Jones, but unlike Indy, Tomb Raider has heart and the heroine is a great icon. Angelina Jolie is just perfect. Jon Voigt(her real father), comes along as her father(Lord Richard Croft) in the movie. The movie, also, was a perfect action movie. It's not an adrenaline rush like Gone in 60 Seconds, but it's good ol' tomb raiding fun.

Oh, and did I mention the soundtrack kicks a**?


Event Horizon

My All-Time Favorite Sci-Fi Movie.
I've seen other reviews on this movie and I was really disapointed on how many people hated it. They're all saying that the gore ruins the film. That is just no true. I've seen movies about 300-times more gory than this. The gore is not really bad.....at all. Event Horizon, in short, is a one-of-a-kind science fiction movie that you cannot find anywhere else. There are no aliens, so that's a releif for some people. Event Horizon is actually about a spaceship called Event Horizon that has been sent 7 years ago to explore the reaches of our solar system. By travelling, the Event Horizon "bends" the universe to get to one point of the universe to another. After trying to "bend" the universe the first time, that's when it disapears. Seven years later, A rescue ship is sent to find it after it apeared on Neptune. The only message they had received was filled with demonic screaming and a message "Liberaté Mé", which means "save me". When the rescue ship arrives, they find much more than an empty ship.

Sam Neil and Laurence Fisburne star in this gem. The thought that it puts in your mind is scary, and the movie itself lives up to be a terrifying Sci-fi/Horror. To prove this, I will say that there are enough scary, eerie, stinging, permanent and horrifying images in this movie to satisfy even people who haven't even heard of it yet. It's brilliant script is perfect. You just cannot find another Sci-fi movie with a theme like this. Unlike other popular ships, Event Horizon is haunted. Sam Neil is brilliant. Laurence Fisburne is ok, but not as great as in The Matrix. I'd recommend this movie to everyone who either wants a good scare or to everyone who likes sci-fi movie diamonds.


Dude, Where's My Car?

Dude, I think I'm gonna be sick from all the times I rolled my eyes!
Dude, where's my car could easily be known as one of the worst movies of 2000. But don't worry, it's not as bad as Supernova. But after about 100 times of seeing the trailers of Dude, Where's my car on televison, I'd think you'll be tired as me too. I mean, I liked Sean William Scott in American ie AND in Road Trip, but now his role is a total insult to intelligence.

Ashton Tucker and Sean William Scott play two idiotic stoners who wake up all hung over and banged up, and they can't find their car.......that's the plot. There isn't even anything funny about it except the part that even I wasn't sick of: the chinese food order. That was just about it.

For those of you who paid immense amount of money to see Dude, Where's my Car, I pity you. If you want funny, hilarious movies, see Miss Congeniality and Meet the Parents.

Miss Congeniality

EXCELLENT! A must-see for those who like Sandra Bullock!
Sandra Bullock plays Gracie Hart, a woman who's always been a part of the men. One day she discovers that someone is trying to destroy the American Miss beauty pageant, so she is sent undercover to win it.

Sandra Bullock is in top form, as usual, making the laughter every bit worth it. Her role is one of the best and most funniest in years. Miss Congeniality is great because it's not cheap, idiotic laughter like you've seen in Dude, Where's my car. Sandra Bullock was nominated for best comedy actress in the golden globes, and she earnt her nomination. (although she didn't win) Trust me when I say that: probably it didn't look funny in the trailers, but it was hilarious!

I went to see What Women Want the next day, but I still liked Miss Congeniality better. It was that good! Miss Congeniality was a real treat for everyone of all ages!

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