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Bounty Tracker

He's a totally cool bounty hun...tracker, tracker he is a bounty tracker!
Just stumbled upon this film and decided to give it a watch. I would say it is one of those films that is almost good, but just falls short. That being said it was a fun watch and not boring, but just a bit to unrealistic in areas and inconsistent. Lorenzo Lamas is the star of this film, never really saw him in anything else as I never watched the show renegade where he is a bounty hunter I believe. Here he is a bounty tracker and despite what you may think, they are like completely different!

The story has our hero beat up some people in a bar wearing glasses for reasons I am unsure of. He displays his butt kicking ability before taking a trip to Los Angeles where he is going to stay with his brother who, unfortunately, is a target for an elite group of mercenaries or something. Soon, the brother is killed as is his wife so bounty tracker is going after the men who were hired by some dude in prison to like, kill everyone. Of course, bounty tracker can kill too and outfight a class of warriors with swords, but has trouble with dudes in bars with beer bottles, but that is okay, some kids bounty tracker will put in constant danger are going to lend a hand!

The film had its moments of action and strange inconsistencies as one minute Lorenzo has no problem fighting off martial artists with weapons, but then gets nearly done in by random bar dudes. You will watch as the mercenaries do their job and then turn on the guy who hired them. Seriously, not a good business model if you are thugs for hire. Gee, I need someone to do a job for me, whoa, not those guys, they kill ya!

So one of those films you watch and just enjoy the action and make fun of the total randomness of it all. I for the life of me cannot see someone able to go around killing cops in L.A. being able to stay hidden and not be totally taken out quickly, but hey, it's a movie. Just not a very good one in terms of plot and stuff, but it is good where roundhouse kicks are concerned!

High School U.S.A.

Not sure what the heck high school the makers of this film went to.
This film totally bites! Not sure what high school the makers went to, but it was not your typical one. I hated high school myself, I was totally ostracized; however, there was no rich kid running the show and I found the Michael J. Fox types aplenty and found them insufferable. I also thought Nancy McKeon was completely unattractive and was on team Blair all the way! Seriously, this film is about unlikable people being unlikable and just plain stupid at times as everyone tries to one up everyone!

The story, well it's high school high and there are lots of 'stars' so we get a movie with lots of subplots. Of course, it boils down to Michael J. Fox being in love with Nancy and she dating the complete a-hole who is somehow class president despite alienating most of the school. We have teacher subplots too, but they come and go with the exception of the suck up teacher and the girl he is ashamed of for reasons I cannot quite fathom and with whom everyone already knows he is with. Everything comes to a head though as the annoying hero challenges the annoying villain to a race where unfortunately, they don't both die in a fiery crash!

The film features the rich kid who runs the school, but it is insane to the degree he does run it as he literally charges 100 dollars a pop for the school dance to keep out the lesser fortunate. Um, pretty sure you cannot do that no matter how wealthy you are. Also, why isn't this guy in a private school? Then there is the part where they put meat in Michael's backpack and a dog chases Michael and then everyone blames Michael. Why would someone want a German Shepard attacking them? And Crystal Bernard was great in the show Wings, but she was super annoying in this thing! I also wonder why Dana Plato and a few others made the opening credits but not Crispin Glover who was in this way more than most of the people in the opening credits?

So this film was not something I liked as I kept becoming enraged by the antics on display. The idea that someone could run a school so completely and quite frankly, I would rather see a fight than a race to settle things. Of course, this film did have dancing robot!


We have sharks in aisle 8! Need a blood cleanup in 7...
Well, they've done shark movies about nearly everything so a shark movie set in a supermarket? Why not? The surprise is not the setting, but rather that it was not the SyFy who came up with this one, but rather it is an Australian film and it is rated R so it was definitely a step up from most shark movies you see these days mainly from that channel. That being said there is so much illogical things going on that you just cannot ignore them and it takes the film down a notch.

The story, a lifeguard loses his best friend to a shark and he subsequently loses his fiance due to his severe depression that he blames himself and he feels it should have been him. Well he is now working at a supermarket, good move, no worries about sharks there. Meanwhile, a girl is caught stealing and her boyfriend who works at the supermarket is fired due to this. Her dad comes to pick her up as he is an officer and two people are making out in the parking deck while two men plan to rob the place and the fiance shows up with her new boyfriend! What else can go wrong? Well a tsunami hits and now there is a great white roaming the store aisles and another in the parking deck as both places are flooded. Uh oh!

The film has some good points, but there are things that just do not work. I know it is a movie and you have to suspend your belief, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot ignore that the couple in the car remain perfectly dry as their car doesn't let a drop of water in. The only way a car could do this is if it is airtight and cars are not airtight. Then, of course, sharks are not going to be flung into a store and just start eating away at everyone. They would be hurt and confused and would attack, but eating everything that moves, no. Also, when did they have time to design a shark suit?

So this film has a big mess of strange things that take the film down a peg or two. It still has some good kills in it and an interesting premise. I kept seeing this thing on Amazon Prime and wondered how sharks would get into a supermarket and now I know it was because the place was built down into the ground. So while nothing all that great, it does pass the time in a more enjoyable manner than most SyFy shark movies.


A space llama attacks a party apparently hosted by Busch beer...
What we have here is what I like to call a home brew movie. It had me fooled thinking there may be something somewhat good about to come on with a fairly decent animated precredit sequence, but then it switched to the movie and it was not on film and that just screams cheap and homemade. So, unless it is an adult movie, no budget, no stars and shoddy special effects are a coming. We also get attempts of humor and I will say there are some good jokes, but when the actors are your friends you are not getting good actors. The old saying is dying is easy, comedy is hard and if you are stammering through your lines and flubbing them you are lessening the impact of the joke.

The story in this one has a llama sent to earth where it goes on a kill spree. I would say it is very similar to an 80's film called Nightbeast where an alien lands and just starts killing everyone and even blasts everyone with a laser during the first portion of the film. We get a brother and sister watching a house where the llama killed their grandparents and the sister immediately throws a party that lasts way too long before the llama crashes and begins killing.

Once again, the film is not on film, I would not be surprised if this was shot with a smartphone. Film is so much better as it hides things, it is even better for adult films because you don't have to have actual teens for a movie, you can play off 20 and 30 year olds because the film hides scars and such and in this film it could have hid things as well such as the cast of this thing being not very attractive at all. This is one film when sex scenes seemed to be starting where I did not really want the girl to go topless!

So this film is rather bad, my guess is that the high score of it comes from the entire cast and crew rating it a ten and those people who for reasons that baffle me think it is funny to rank horrible movies a ten and then gush about how wonderful they are in their review. My guess, ten year olds. I did give it a two as I was impressed by some of the gore and by the laser effect which looked pretty good as the makers of this have potential, they just need a bit more money, but hey, we all do.

Santa Jaws

Better than you'd think it would be.
I was expecting this to be totally terrible film brought to us by the SyFy channel, home to the terrible shark film. However, it turned out to be a bit better than I was expecting...I reiterate a bit. As you can see, I rated the film a four out of ten so while it is better than most of the shark fare on the channel, it still in the end rates as a bad film. It did have a different premise and it did poke fun at the other shark films at times, but it also got tedious to watch in areas as like most films on the channel the shark looks quite bad and they show it as minimally as possible.

The story is the high point as it gets praise from me for trying to do something a little different. Most of these shark films on SyFy and everywhere else will usually use global warming as the reason behind the crazed sharks and the father in this one jumps to this conclusion. This time, though, the shark is a comic written and drawn by two kids. One of the kids gets a mysterious pen for Xmas and uses it to enhance a pic of the shark and this in turn brings the shark to life. It begins its killing by taking out the boy's grandfather and soon more will fall to this vicious killer unless the kid and his friends find a way to defeat it.

What is wrong with this one? Well, it is very obvious how to kill the beast, with the pen, but for some reason they deduce the thing was brought to life by the pen, but it takes them several dead people later to figure out the pen is the key to victory. Stupid chase seen ensues with the comic shop owner who is willing to help the kids by giving them weapons, but just has to steal the pen a bit later. Then at the end, the boy wakes up with the it was all a dream or was it thing and shows no concern for the one boy who helped him create the title character.

So, while it is better than a lot of the films seen on the SyFy channel, it still suffers from a lot of the same faults as it tries to be funny but has actors in the kids who mumble most of their lines. The shark looks bad, sure, but I would still like to see it kill a bit more often as I am not watching this for the pointless subplots like the one where the writer of the comic and the older brother of the one who drew it talk about how each sees the other as a stereotype or something and this literally had no build up. Just boom! Here it is! Boom! There is goes. Still, it had a few good moments and a few funny moments just not enough to make this a good shark film which I believe something that will forever elude the SyFy channel.

Santa's Christmas Circus

Pretty crazy Christmas feature.
People who rate this thing super low must be rather young, living in a time where clowns are feared because kids are complete and utter pansies. Shows like this used to be on all the time back when there were local channels as this was a way to fill some airtime cheaply. Create a host and then have him entertain children, showing them movies and such...or in the case of this Christmas feature, show the kids those animatronics that used to be everywhere at Christmas time, but now are a rarity. I used to see them at the mall and they would usually consist of elves in Santa's workshop.

The story to this, a clown is hosting a Christmas party for several children. He does some tricks for them and they do some tricks for him. Then he shows them some shop window displays before they embark on a magical journey to Santa's place where Santa tells them the meaning of the season, but neglects to give them any toys so the only thing they have to remember this magical journey are some streamers.

Whizzo acts insane and is incoherent, but the kids in this thing seem to be enjoying it so, no, they are not terrified by this clown as most people were not terrified of clowns back during this period in time. Not sure when this irrational fear came about, perhaps Stephen King's It or the real life killer John Wayne Gacey caused this trend of someone dressed all goofy being now somehow scary?

So, it is nothing I really enjoyed, but I could tell the kids enjoyed their time on the show and that Whizzo was actually very good with kids as he greeted each one and said farewell to each one. This thing was just a local special which was never supposed to see the light of day again after it aired, but somehow made it to the public's eye where now it gets low marks for doing what nearly every hosted kid's show back in the day did.

Shin seiki Evangelion Gekijô-ban: Air/Magokoro wo, kimi ni

Great end to a very interesting anime series.
I would not have been happy had the ending to this series been the final two episodes as they were a non ending in my book as there were so many questions unanswered and so many things left unresolved. That being said, I do believe that those two episodes did happen and that there are not two endings as many other believe and the creator said it is open for interpretation so I elect to think of those two episodes occurring, but this time we are being given the broader picture. Within the human instrumentality is a battle with one's own mind to find peace and acceptance and without it is a horrific visage and seemingly apocalyptic event.

The story sees Shinji deeply troubled as Rei is not who or what he thought she was, he killed the final angel whom he forged a bond with and Misato has shown a side to herself that scares Shinji. Though not specifically stated, I do believe that she is the one that killed Ryoji and she herself is battling demons. He turns to Asuka, but this leads to further depression as his attraction to her finally becomes clear and his revulsion for himself becomes complete. His depression that follows is so bad it renders him almost catatonic. Bad timing as Seele is launching an all out attack on NERV headquarters, the soldiers doing what the Angels could not, penetrating the base and killing everyone in sight. Asuka, still in a state of mental breakdown, is put in her EVA for her protection and they want to do this for Shinji too so Misato has to find him and get him to his Eva. Asuka learns something and snaps out of her breakdown and becomes a killing machine, but Shinji has to be led by Misato who gets shot and left in the same state you glimpse briefly in the narrower view of what is going on in the final two episodes of the show. Seele seeing the military has no chance against Asuka and her Eva deploy their own Eva's and soon Asuka is brutally taken down leaving Shinji to save the day! Well, he gets taken nearly right away while his father and Rei in act the human instrumentality which is different from the one Seele wants. Soon Rei fuses with Lilith and Adam and becomes huge which totally breaks Shinji's mind and soon the people become one as they see their loved ones before turning into the same liquid the pilots are immersed in when piloting their Eva's. Thanks to Shinji's father and Rei, this state is not permanent and he chooses to leave this state and apparently so does Asuka. How many will follow if any is undetermined, but that so many interpret this as a sad or depressing ending is baffling as this is Shinji learning to deal with his depression.

Having dealt with a crushing depression such as this, I understand Shinji as he literally wishes to wipe out everyone. I, too, felt this way at one point as things looked bad for me and with severe depression so too comes rage and irrational anger. It is clear that he has feelings for Asuka, but being Shinji he is unable to cope with how he feels as he is an adolescent boy. He does not understand that she feels something for him too and tries to show him this, most noticeably when she kisses him, but he is to scared to react. She feels rejected and it shows during the last few episodes of the show. Shinji too, feels rejected, but this rejection is more a product of his mind as he is rejected by Asuka in his mind so he strangles her in his mind and when he sees her on the beach fearing more hurt he strangles her again, most likely on instinct; however, she caresses him leading him to breakdown realizing that she has accepted him though she still is a bit taken aback by his actions earlier says what one would expect her to say.

So, the series is at an end and we really have no idea what will happen. I do believe Shiji and Asuka will learn to love each other, but as I said, it is open to interpretation. I do not know how many others will wish to leave the strange melding, but I highly doubt the two pilots will be the only two to reform as so many people do not wish to be one with everyone and prefer to live on the outside with only a select few to hold onto which is what Shinji and Asuka wanted from my perspective. So a totally graphic and totally insane ending, but one that is not hopeless, but rather hope as one begins to learn to cope with their depression.

Shin Seiki Evangelion

Entertaining anime marred by its non ending.
I have always heard that this series was really good and different so I wanted to give it a try and finally found a place to watch it. Well, it was definitely good and a bit different, but there are plenty of weird anime series and movies out there so this one was not too different. The only aspect that was a bit disappointing were the final three episodes as the series seems to be racing to some sort of mind numbing and insane conclusion, but instead we get what I will refer to as a non ending. So much build up literally goes nowhere; however, I do know there is a movie which I intend to watch and that it is what they say is an alternative ending, but I would have to think that it is the true ending because the last two episodes of this one really do nothing more than look into the main protagonist's mind leaving a huge hole full of questions about certain events that have transpired.

The story has a young boy who has been living with his teacher as his father basically has abandoned him. That seems to be changing as the boy is invited to the installation his father is in control of; however, he is not there to be reunited with his father, but rather to pilot a huge mech/organic being known as an Eva to fight creatures called Angels who are responsible for the world being totally thrown out of whack. Through the adventures Shinji (the main protagonist) will make friends at school and fight angels along with Rei and Auska two other Eva pilots. Though there is something off and not entirely right about what is going on as strange details emerge with each Angel encounter.

As I said, really good show with a lot of humor and such at the beginning. It starts out a bit like your more typical anime, but gets darker as it goes, but then totally goes blank for the finale. I do believe that the movie is supposed to be the ending as I read that the final two episodes of this are happening between this and the movie in Shinji's mind which is good because if you take what they present here there are so many questions left unanswered.

So, a good series with some good twists and turns, I would rank it a ten, but they did seem to keep one hanging in terms to what happened during the second impact and the whole spear thing too. I am hoping the movie clarifies some of that. I enjoyed the battles with the angels, but a lot of time they were not at the forefront which did make this show a bit different. The first battle is literally told in a recap rather than in real time. I am hoping the movie clarifies more stuff, but as it is, it is an enjoyable anime series and one that does not go on for an eternity so you can watch it in a fairly short period of time.

Sunset Strip

80's movie with a horribly generic soundtrack!
This film screams the 80's in nearly every way! The downside is that from the looks of this movie there was very little budget. Well, from the sound of this movie there was very little budget as we generic 80's songs aplenty that sound downright awful! At times the horrid soundtrack drowns out the movie making this thing ear bleed inducing bad! The main girl sings in a club and someone should really get her to reconsider because she definitely does not have what it takes to make it in L.A.!

The story, a dude photographs break dancers for a living or something while having sex with his landlords because he cannot pay the bills. A woman is murdered and the owner of the club needs this photographer to take pictures of a seedy transaction in an alley and it all becomes a frame job! Soon the photographer is walking in L.A., no wait, only a nobody walks in L.A., he is running through L.A. and the L.A. Gear store to get away from thugs who chase him in front of plenty of witnesses, but the cops still suspect him! He soon finds help in Turquoise, the friendly call girl and gets help from his buddy Jake, but the villain of this piece will stop at nothing to get the club...well, except offer to buy it or simply open another club.

The film is quite fun at times, in a bad way as we get such long chases and stupid moves by the movies 'hero'. The chases also get tedious as do the multitude of phone calls placed within the running time of this thing! The best parts of the film are when the villain gets a call in his club and a random topless girl can be seen in the background shaking her boobies!

It is not a horrible film and it has its moments, but most of the moments are the unintentionally funny stuff being presented. You will know what the bad guys are after even when the hero and his girl don't. Long stretches of driving and such will make you wish for the strange break dancing duo at the beginning of the film whose radio is stolen though.

Body of the Prey

This thing would have been way more entertaining had the monster grown super big and it fought Godzilla.
I watched this film not knowing what to expect, as I watched this thing and its title was The Revenge of Dr. X which is a title that literally has no meaning to the film being presented. No, this film has no Dr. X and there is no revenge to be taken. Instead, we are presented with a film that looks like it is about a person working around rockets making me think that the film is about some sort of doomed space mission that yields a monster, but no, Instead, we get a film about a NASA guy with severe anger management issues who takes a vacation to Japan and whose hobby is botany who also wants to prove humans evolved from plants making a strange abomination from a Venus flytrap which the film incorrectly states has more powerful digestives than a human.

So the story, scientist or whatever is throwing one fit after another as he propels a rocket into space. In the middle of this expedition, his assistant says the guy should vacation in Japan. On the way, the man stops at a gas station with snakes, but becomes fascinated by a Venus flytrap so he offers to buy it, but the local says no, but he can go get one out back! Man goes to Japan where he stays at a resort that was opened and then closed due to it being a bit too far off, but has a fully functional greenhouse where the scientist or whatever he is will begin to create a terrifying monster that he will die with at the climax of the film...

The film is different and I give it points for that; however, it is so silly too. Perhaps, had the monster looked better, if the scientist were not so unlikable or if the kills were done a bit more graphically this film could have been more entertaining. As it is, it's just so silly and completely does not work. The assistant knows how unpleasant his boss is, but foists him unto his cousin? She must have done something to make him very angry!

So, this film had potential, but maybe it was a bit too far ahead of its time plot wise. I can see this thing working more with bloodier and more disturbing effects and a better monster costume. I also do not understand why they made the main guy have such unrealistic outbursts of anger, because at times they almost seem comical. In the end, the film is a bit of a Frankenstein movie with plant parts instead of human and no Dr. X within the confines of the film anywhere...

The Little Unicorn

That little unicorn was actually quite big...
I am guessing they put little in the title because, "The Unicorn" did not have a nice ring to it? I am not sure what the deal was as the unicorn is not very small for very long in this one. The movie was also full of characters with little to no backstory, strange boarding school plot points and George Hamilton. Total insanity ensues as this film is a chuck it in a blender and see what happens type of film and if I had to take a guess, I would say it is made by the same company that did The Fairy King of Ar as it features the same type of strange and misshapen house that film did.

The story, a girl is at her granddad's house, well she leaves there, I think. Her mom picks her up at school, no wait, her aunt, who wants to send her to boarding school which is apparently very far away. Well, actually it is just on the other side of the county. Well a horse dies, but it gave birth to a sparkling blue unicorn, who the girl screams at, blaming it for the death of the horse, before she is apologizing to it for her reaction. Word gets out and soon people are trying to get the unicorn, and rather than try to offer money for it, they all resort to trying to steal it while little girl continues having strange reactions to things throughout the movie!

This film is just nuts as it makes no sense. You just cannot steal something, yet this film makes it out like they are leaving in some Mad Max dystopian future where if you gain something it is yours! Then there are poor reactions that make no sense, they see the unicorn take off and fly with little girl on its back, and yet act surprised when it starts to fly again at the end. They also seem to think that when the unicorn explodes it is free. Lots of actors in this to get a paycheck as we have David Warner and George Hamilton and a few more of note.

So, not a very good film as the effects are terrible given when this one is made and the unicorn is not little which is like false advertising! You have poor reactions by the actors which falls on the director and then you have things set up and nothing happens as I was sure that Hamilton or his assistant would have some sort of change of heart at the end, but nothing occurs and then you have a police officer that is apparently in love with the aunt and it was a strange relationship that seemed to come out of nowhere. This film most likely went nowhere as it is quite bad, but at least it gave us all such a visual feast of a unicorn exploding!

J'ai rencontré le Père Noël

Because all good Xmas stories should have a parents kidnapped by an African warlord plot...
This film was just totally insane suffice to say as the plot was not on point and the only thing that could have made this movie make any sense was not used. The film does get points for being different, but it is so way out there that you cannot even see it! Along with being different it also features a very attractive lady as the Xmas fairy/schoolteacher; however, aside from that there is little to enjoy about this film other than the fact it is sheer madness that this film exists in the first place!

The story, a kid is a bit of a sad child and the other kids tease him and blame him for breaking a window, so the custodian tosses him into a shed. Turns out this boy's parents have been kidnapped by an African warlord so the boy asks Santa to bring them back. At this point, you are probably wondering if I am making this up, but nope. The boy along with a girl somehow board a plane and head to a place where there is snow and they find Santa! Also, just outside the borders of the town lurks an ogre that eats children and Santa has apparently not bothered to do anything about this. Santa and Xmas fairy go to rescue the boy's parents and the kids get caught by the ogre because the girl wants to see it, because all girls like to look at bloodthirsty ogres...

The only road this film had to make its plot make sense is the tired "it was all a dream" cliche. I mean, why else would the ogre and the custodian be the same person? Why else would the teacher and fairy be the same person, it had to be a dream! Nope, they play it off like it all happened so puppies were eaten, Santa was almost killed by an African warlord and then Santa left the parents to their fate. Seriously, they could have easily been recaptured after Santa teleported back home.

So this film was complete madness! Which is a bit of why I give this one a three rather than a one or two. That and the very attractive fairy when she switched to her red riding hood costume! The story though also makes no sense and the fact that they played it off as really happening and not a dream seems crazy. Still, while it was a bit insane, it was also quite different so it had that going for it.

Wonder Women

It's bad, but a fun bad!
I was not sure what to expect when I watched this film. I was thinking it would be something like Charlie's Angels, but it is more like a James Bond film in that the females are the bad guys and they have a leader and it is up to a suave agent to stop them! Well, it is actually an insurance investigator, but it is set in an exotic location! Well, it is set in the Phillipines, not exactly grandiose and beautiful, but it is interesting.

The story, a group of women are going around and shooting tranquilizers at people and kidnapping them! Their goal? To harvest the athletes organs to sell to old people! At least that is what I think was going on, as we also have strange monstrosities, brain sex and the most loyal taxi driver ever! On the trail of the sexy lady organ cult? Ross Hagen of Five the Hard Way fame and so many other B movies! Heck yeah, we are in for a good time as we get car chases and shootouts and a strangely long ending scene involving chess...

The film is quite bad, but it was also entertaining. Ross Hagen was not a great actor, but he held his own in front of the camera and he had lots of sexy costars for us to look at. I would have liked to have seen more shoot outs or something to fill in the areas that did not seem necessary like the overlong cockfight or the scenes where they were just kind of standing around doing nothing. Or maybe some more skin as the film had lots of scantily clad ladies, but not much in the way of nudity.

So, it was bad, I would be lying if I tried to say this was really good or something. However, as I also said it is a fun bad movie, the type you can watch and enjoy for the sheer silliness of it all. I find it strange they named this Wonder Women seeing as how they are the bad guys in this one, but I guess Insurance Investigator would not have been as cool of a title. They could of done Super Insurance Investigator I guess...no, I think Wonder Women is the best option.


A bad sign when most of the action takes place while being read.
Was not sure what to expect when I watched this, but I was not expecting the greatest of films and it certainly lived up to those lofty expectations! A film where all the stuff that would have made a reasonably cool film are merely hinted at while we get to see the very mundane stuff. Yes, welcome to the world of extremely low budget family friendly fantasy!

The story, well grandma reads kids a story that is packed full of action from the sounds of it, but has no impact as we witness nothing and hear it all. The grandchildren look ready to pass out from boredom. Then a car speeds down the road as the kids and their parents are going to live in a village that looks like a movie set. Seriously, a faker looking town you could not find. They are unwanted guests as Malcolm McDowell assaults the two kids and warns of impending doom, while dad comes down with some sort of ailment that is going to kill them and there are faeries that the girl sees, but has little to no interaction with, but she trusts them implicitly.

It is always cool seeing Malcolm McDowell in a film, but not sure he is the right guy for this job. I mean, he acts his usual self scaring children and nearly knocking a fairy's head off with a shovel, but this is a family film, so those things seem out of place. Then there is Corbin who plays the role with no subtleness coughing to let us know something is wrong and then going ballistic when there may be gold on the property. The kids and mom do alright for a film of this type, sometimes getting a named actor just to get people to view your movie is not the right move.

So we get father and his kids working side by side in a dangerous mine where there is a hole that looks several hundred feet deep. A crazy lunatic that warns of death and bully children that were apparently chasing the son of the family...I seriously had no idea what the deal was with them until they yelled, "Get him!" It is just a very poor story with very strange shifts in plot and direction. Not the worst movie ever, but needed a lot of work to be considered okay.

The Bride and the Beast

Talk about a rough start for a marriage.
The film is very absurd at the beginning and holds one's interest a bit, but beyond that it is just a whole lot of stuff that has nothing to do with the premise set at the beginning of the film. The film starts one way and then goes into a direction that really harbors nothing of the opening scenes and tosses into the 1950's world of stock footage Africa. Well, it is Ed Wood after all, the guy made a career out of making bad films and then he turned to making adult films and from what I've heard about them, they are not very good either.

The story, a newlywed couple is coming home after their marriage. The groom, played by Lance Fuller casually tells his wife that he has a gorilla named Spanky. Well he introduces the two and the wife seems to have a connection. Later, Spanky escapes and looks ready to get it on with the wife when he is shot by the husband. A hypnotist gets to the bottom of things when he hypnotizes the wife and she learns she used to be a gorilla in a previous life. Forget all that though as the newlyweds go to Africa where we see the husband hunt and then have to go after killer tigers and we get maybe five minutes of gorillas or anything having to do with the original plot before the movie ends!

The female lead is quite attractive, and all the cast members think so including the gorillas! Seriously, at one point the gorilla tears off the woman's nightie and I am cringing! Lance Fuller is his usual self, a guy with two expressions that managed to be in a lot of movies.

So, not very good at all, it may have been better had they gone with a more supernatural tale which is what I was expecting. Something along the lines of someone turning into a ape monster or something. No, instead we mainly get stock footage of nearly every animal in Africa and nothing that goes along with the plot at the beginning until nearly the very end.

Blue Reflection

It was pretty good, needed a bit more to it though.
If you have played the game Persona 5, imagine it stripped down a bit, and then you would have Tokyo Xanadu. Now strip that game down and you would have Blue Reflection. Not to say it is not a good game, but I think it needed a bit more in terms of game play. It also could have used more challenging combat as often I would spam the same one or two moves and kill the regular enemies within the game. The setting is different as it is an all girl school, thus leaving the game devoid of any romantic side quests, but it had a nice story to it and that is the main reason you play a game such as this anyways. Well, at least I do.

The story has a girl who was very good at ballet, but she got an injury that prevents her from performing. She has been out of school a bit, and she returns a bit of a hollow version of herself. That is, until she is transported to a strange realm where she gains magical abilities. Then, strangely, two young girls appear in her class to guide her and help her combat strange monsters in this other world and help her make friends in the real world. Hina, the protagonist, must also stop people's emotions from going rampant and repel huge beasts intent on destroying the world!

The game play is a lot like the games I've mentioned in that you play in the real world and a world where you must battle creatures. The battles are turn based and really easy, I never had any difficulty winning a regular battle. The fights with the huge boss monsters were tougher, but still not that bad. The game could of added more to do in the real world and added more variety to the quests that you must complete throughout the game. You level up usually by hanging out with people and completing tasks and you craft items from stuff you collect in other world. There is no currency and so you do not get to buy anything.

So, it was fun and the story was good; however, I just think they could have had a lot more to do in terms of the regular world. The quests always boiled down to have this item or defeat so many of the same enemy, it would have been nice if they could of changed it up more. The characters are all cutesy and likable and really propel the game forward, though most people are going to know the secret of the sisters way before they finally reveal it.


Not sure if a real horror film or a kid's horror film...
I watched this film and was puzzled, was this supposed to be some family Halloween movie or was this supposed to be full on horror? With the extremely light body count I would say kid's, but with the slightly gruesome beheading, I would say horror. With Linnea Quigley, definitely horror, but it is so weak. No wonder no one remembers Jack-O as he was a joke in his first outing as he meanders around a lot and misses the opportunity to kill again and again! The film also likes coherency as we are treated to random scenes again and again and lots of shots of John Carradine who had been dead for over five years, apparently even death did not stop him from appearing in bad horror films!

The story, well a guy tells a boy this story about Jack-O and we kind of do a flashback a flash forward and like a flash sideways. It finally shows a kid waking up twice as he and his friends walk and discuss witches and then one of the friends starts pummeling the kid who woke up because that kid stopped the other kid from throwing rocks at a witches car! What horror! Then this woman inexplicably makes friends with the son and begins just hanging out at the house where the parents are going to do a haunted garage and inexplicably charge a dollar and not let their son help. The titular title character finally shows up and finally goes on a very slow killing spree as Linnea babysits the son whose parents are right outside trying to make money off their haunted house until Jack-O comes several minutes later to kill!

This film features John Carridine's picture and a few edited in movie clips, but I do believe he was in the film more than Linnea was. I would have preferred to see more of Linnea because she always adds spice to a film like this. There are a few others that make cameo appearances, but other than Cameron Mitchell and the ones I have already mentioned there is no one that noteworthy.

The movie moves along at a snail's pace and seems at times to be a film about a wacky parents desire to make money off their awful haunted house than it does about a supernatural killer from beyond the grave. The killer does get some kills in, but one of the victims dies by being stupid, Jack-O didn't touch them! The design is not all that bad though; however, they are more interested in showing us the feet of the killer than the pumpkin head. Like I said, it seemed like this film was going to be a children's movie, but they decided to go all in at the last minute and give us a tepid little murderous pumpkin man movie.

Carnival of Souls

Great atmosphere, but little else.
This film is considered a cult classic horror film and I can see a bit what people like about it. It has a very good atmosphere that permeates throughout the entire film and makes one feel uneasy as first time watchers do not know what to expect. That being said, it is also painfully slow, the characters in the film are not likable and most modern movie goers will easily guess what is going to happen at the end. The film also just does not hold up when watched multiple times as each time you watch the film gets slower and slower and the characters even more unlikable!

The story starts out with a car of three girls and a car with two guys getting into a race and the car with the girls tumbles off a bridge. They try to find the car, but are unable, three hours after the accident, one of the girls steps onto a sandbar having survived the accident. She seemingly had no love for her friends as she mourns not at all and is heading to Utah to be a church's organist. As she enters Utah, a strange pavilion catches her eye and she sees a disturbing man upon the road. As she tries to get her life together this man seems to make sure it stays fragmented and she believes that the pavilion which was a carnival is the key to the strange situation she finds herself in.

The film's characters are the weak spot as is the story which must of read "and she stumbled along" a lot in the script. The main character is very strange, but we get to know absolutely nothing about her before the crash. Basically, they thrust you into the action, but in this case I think it works against the film as seeing her behave before and after could have added layers to the character. Then you have creepy pervert across the hall, strange wild eyed landlady, unforgiving priest and doctor who will just pull you in off the street if you run into him. None of the characters are likable and a couple completely unbelievable.

So the star of this film is the atmosphere and some of the shots. The director did rather good at both of these things. Dealing with people seems to be his weak point and I am guessing why most of the characters act so unnaturally. Most of the action takes place at the tail end when the souls give chase to the very wary protagonist, but honestly, the story really goes nowhere and is all just a clunky way to lead up to the 'surprise' ending. Not a bad horror film and definitely worth one viewing, but it deteriorates the more you watch it.

Lethal Weapon

Prepare to be the ultimate lethal weapon!
Yes, this video games lets you be both Riggs and Murtaugh and you get to fight through several stages only to get a rather disappointing ending. What do you expect? It is an NES game. Most games based on movies are pretty bad, but this one is not bad, it isn't great either though. It is one of those games where they try to increase the duration of the game by having only four lives to win the game with. Of course, being this is an NES game you will battle the same bad guys over and over and over again!

The story, well, kind of hard to say seeing as how there is no dialog boxes or anything. The best I can come up with is Riggs and Murtaugh are trying to clean up the streets of crime! Not sure why they didn't just use the poster art from the first Lethal Weapon instead of three because it is not exactly like Joe Pesci's character is in the game or anything, this game has less story than the original Double Dragon!

The game play is very similar to a beat em up game; however, you do get to use guns! Guns that are weaker than punches and kicks and that you can never power up. It is okay in the first level because the bad guys go down so easily, but this is deception as they get harder each and every stage! There are bosses at the end of each level, but none of them are as tough as navigating the entire level and knowing when to switch between the two characters. If you lose either one, forget it. You can still maybe clear out the level you are in, but doing an entire stage without one of them means a game over and you only get one continue!

So the game is very high on video game logic in that punches and kicks decimate opponents, while the enemy can take a hail of bullets. You can also kick a helicopter and take it down. You also kick bombs to defuse them! The kick is all powerful suffice to say. Crates are more effective than grenades in taking out low lying enemies and energy is so much more plentiful in the first levels when you don't need it! So, not a bad game by any means, but it is not great. Kind of an okay game where you will have increasing difficulty getting through the stages.

Death Bed: The Bed That Eats

Kind of a strange surreal film about a bed that consumes...
Watching this film, the one thing that I felt as I watched it, is that this had the feel of one of those adult films of the 70's that tries to be all artistic. Unfortunately, while we do get nudity in this thing, we do not get any sex scenes, which is too bad as that is the only thing that could have helped this very plodding film. I will give it points for its strange feel and surreal vibes, but once again, nearly every time someone ends up in bed it feels like it is leading up to a sex scene, but we get a very poorly edited kill instead.

The story has a bed that eats people while a ghostly figure (one of its many victims) talks about it and tells us, the viewer, its ghastly tale. He has to endure watching the bed consume many victims as its appetite is nearly endless to the point it suggests it ate thousands of people. Though, honestly, that was a bit much and detracted from the film. Seems a demon was in love with a woman and accidentally killed her while making love and the bed she died on become an evil entity itself. Now we get to see people lie upon the bed, one girl stripped nude, before they are devoured! Sounds cool, but it is totally lame most of the time.

The cast has some pretty girls and it was nice seeing them naked and it would have been cooler if the film was a bit more sexual in nature. As it is, we have to watch a film with a short film concept stretched out to feature length. So we get to watch one victim crawl upon the floor and nearly out the door, before she is slowly dragged back.

So, not a good film; however, that being said, amateur films from back in the day looked better than more recent ones where they shoot a movie on a video recorder and not film. If they could have done a bit more with the effects it may have been better or maybe if it was Sex Bed instead of Death Bed it would have been a bit more enjoyable too. I mean, that scene where it removes that one girl's clothes was totally erotic until it started doing its eating routine.

Hubie Halloween

A harmless silly distraction.
I see by its score here that many people did not care for this film, and my question to them is why did you bother watching it? Adam Sandler has been around for a while now and has made numerous movies, so by now you should really know whether or not you are going to enjoy a movie by him or not. I am not his biggest fan, but then, I usually find my comedy from stuff like MST3K and Rifftrax rather than a movie. I watched this one, only because my wife started watching it and it caught my attention when I saw Ben Stiller at the beginning with that horrible mustache! So I watched and while it was silly and goofy and immature, it also provided a nice distraction from a very bad work week for me.

The story starts out with a person escaping a mental institution and then switches to Hubie, a person who is a super nice guy who likes looking out for others, but who gets picked on constantly by the town bullies even at his advanced age. Well, a guy trying to play a prank on Hubie in a corn maze gets taken by something and soon so do others. Hubie suspects it is his new neighbor who may be a werewolf, the town officer thinks it is the escaped mental patient from the beginning and soon they will find out the truth!

The cast is rather good as it was fun to see a lot of the old Saturday Night Live alum in roles as well as Sandler perennials Steve Buschemi and Kevin James. One person who I kept expecting to show up was David Spade, but he was curiously absent from this one, unless I just missed him some how.

So, it is not a super great comedy at all, but I enjoyed it for what it was. I thought the story was harmless enough and I liked the ending as the mother had a really funny line about her destination. It plays out like one of the those films in the 90's featuring a popular Saturday Night Live character in a full movie and like those, it does get a bit too long in the tooth; however, Sandler's Hubie has a bit more depth than girl who folds her arms and the two clubbing brothers. Though, that is not really saying much now is it? In the end, pretty much your typical Sandler character movie, by that I mean he does a voice and tries to be someone totally different rather than when he plays just a regular guy like in Grown Ups or Big Daddy.

Arekkusu Kiddo tenkû majô

Alex's only journey on the Genesis.
Before the Sega Genesis, there was the Sega Master System and before there was Sonic the Hedgehog, there was Alex Kidd! Suffice to say, I can see why they ditched Alex in lieu of Sonic if this adventure is any indication. I have only played this Alex Kidd game, and all I can say is that I hope the one's on the Master System were a bit longer and less random than this one was! Seriously, it was on the short side with any length artificially enhanced by the cheapest way to die possible, playing a game of rock, paper and scissors! Yes, you have to win random games to proceed. If you fail at a game, you forfeit a life!

So, the story has Alex going to this planet where they are obsessed with the game paper, rock and scissors. He is there to find his father, whom he believes is being held on this planet against his will. Alex must traverse towns, oceans and mountains to get to the castle in the sky and rescue his father!

The game play is a lot like Mario; however, instead of power ups, you get a few items you can use. The most important a necklace that allows Alex to fling projectiles at his enemies. If you do not have this and have to rely on his punch and jump kick, you're in for a bad time! He can also get a motorcycle and little copter which is incorporated most in a level where you use it to traverse the skies! This level provided more cheap deaths than the paper, rock and scissor game. There are only about 12 stages though, very short compared to a Mario game; though, this game seems to be inspiration for Kid Chameleon as I saw several similarities and that one has a whole heck of a lot of levels! This one is short on boss fights too, with there being only one at the end.

So, Alex pretty much ended after this game, though I think there has been enhanced versions of Miracle World released. I played this on a emulator that happens to have the other Alex adventures on it, so I will try them also. This game was an okay game; however, when I played it as a kid I could not win due to dying cheaply constantly. I was able to use save states this time and saved before those rock paper scissor duels and was able to complete it this time.

Shark Night 3D

Incredibly outlandish plot makes this film just plain silly.
I went in watching this film expecting sharks in a lake terrorizing college teens. I got that a bit, but I was not expecting the turn it took. So while it was completely laughable and incredibly stupid, it did make this one a bit more original. I mean, if they just had sharks attacking spring breakers or something it would have been just like that Piranha 3D film that was made a year prior. However, that film was incredibly gory and while silly in its own way, still more enjoyable than this. Why they went for a PG-13 rating is beyond me and why they thought they had to add so many unnecessary plot twists is also baffling.

A group of college friends are getting together to have some fun at a lake house because one of the college kid's parents are loaded! Though, we later learn that she spends most of her time hanging with her dog and keeping to herself so why she feels the need to bring what amounts to strangers is anyone's guess. Well they have their fun and then one of their friends gets their arm bitten off by a shark and there are lots of sharks apparently put in by three super redneck types who have highly sophisticated cameras on the sharks so they can record the sharks killing and make money off it! Um, what? They actually think they can get away with something so absurd? This movie also enforces the stereotype that someone with a facial scar is evil.

So yes, the whole scheme pretty much made this film unbelievable as did the whole relationship thing. He was going to let her drown and then she tore his face up with a propeller so of course he wanted revenge. He also now has a scar so he is totally evil. So he grabs the two dumbest dudes he can find and they think they can make money by filming people being ate by sharks. Yeah, such a brilliantly plausible scheme...not! They may as well had an evil mad scientist making super sharks that roam the land, which would have at least explained why everyone is freaking out and scared out of their minds while they were at a lake house on an island where no real shark could get to them.

So, the film was silly though watchable, plus it was highly absurd. It was all these things and more. It also featured sharks that at times looked okay, but at others looked like they belonged in a SyFy channel exclusive. Some mild gore here and there, but most of it was computer blood. A guy lost his arm, but then wasn't really spurting blood. I don't know, it is worth a watch for the sheer stupidity of it all, but it is nothing beyond that. I also believe someone will be losing their scholarship...


A ripoff of Alien that basically replaces the terrifying Xenomorph with a mediocre short blond woman...
I had not watched this film in years, not since I was a kid. About the only thing I remember is the very end with the two things in peeking out of a hiding spot. Watched it again as an adult and I am just like, "What the heck?" Totally a ripoff of Alien, I do not think anyone will argue that, but it does do it in a strange way. I mean, you do get brief scenes of the alien daddy and its offspring, but for the most part the team of scientist and whatnot are being terrorized by a small blond woman that is impregnated. Not to sound callous, but they all deserved to die for being incredibly stupid.

The story, a team is exploring a planet that previously had some sort of civilization on it. Two of the guys exploring outside some area have a mishap resulting in an injury to one and death or close to death for another. Well the one with the injury goes crazy, something about the crystals in his hand perhaps making him go nuts. Well a woman and another man run afoul of a an alien monster who kills the man and then impregnates the woman who soon becomes crazy herself and starts methodically killing the crew, who apparently never think to simply attack her all at once. Seriously, the guy at the end beats her, by himself using a cord to strangle her, if he could do it, I am pretty sure they all could have done it easily! Well, the blond is eating people to feed her babies and then she gives birth to twins, then Mark, the main guy has the brilliant idea to use the babies as bait. Too bad he leaves them with a woman, unattended who treats them like human infants and she is eaten by them and they kill him too. Who would have thought, alien babies from a super powered pregnant woman are killers? I would have!

The plot is simply all over the place and there are things presented that just are not fully developed and other things present that should not be in the film at all. There is a doctor among the crew, which is expected, but for reasons I am not sure of they show him with the woman who is impregnated as she is being inseminated. Why? This is has to be in her mind, but it is presented in a way that makes it look like it possibly could of happened that way. If it was supposed to be a dream sequence it should have been made more clear and if he was there, it most definitely needed more attention. I will lean towards dream though as he did not seem to ever go out of the station. The crystals having something to do with everything is another thing they do not develop fully. It is as if we have to fill in our own blanks.

So, the film is an entertaining enough to watch, but not a good film. Not even a really good ripoff of Alien as Roger Corman put out a couple of films that ripped off Alien that were better. I will say, they did a good job of making the place look like some other world, but once again, to have the woman who has killed so many, dispatched so easily was insulting. It makes the whole premise and what we saw beforehand laughable. A whole crew against one woman and she kills nearly everybody? She even had a very obvious weakness for crying out loud! Then again, she is supposedly super strong, adapts to breath the atmosphere but is taken out by a random bunch of wires. Suffice to say, Mark and Sandy had one heck of a break up!


A nice adventure game for the NES.
Willow was a movie that kind of under performed at the box office, but was still a modest hit. It spawned a few games, this being the one I played. There was also an arcade game and probably a Commodore 64 game too. I say probably, because that system had a game for everything back in the day! This one basically takes a lot from the original Zelda game, right down to the way the screen scrolls and adds a few touches to the mix such as towns and the chatting with characters and such. I would rank it higher, but it gets a bit repetitive at points too as they seem to add some stuff that was not in the movies, but leave out stuff that is.

The story centers around Willow as he is the fabled hero of legend that must take down Bavmorda. The baby is in the game, but she is not as important in this retelling the story, nor is any other character other than Willow. So you see just about all the main characters from the films, but they mostly just make what would be essentially a cameo appearance in the game. Though, that is a good thing as far as those two little dudes from the movie goes.

The game play has you going through the forest, mountains, caves and castles on your quest to get to the evil queen's castle and defeat her. You enter a couple of towns along the way and get some clues and pick up a quest or two. It would have added a bit to the game if they had given you the ability to purchase items, but you pretty much get everything in the game for free. You can use magic, but other than the final fight, this magic is pretty much worthless against all the boss battles; however, most bosses can be defeated fairly easily with the exception of the first phase of the final fight.

So, the game is fun and quite a good adventure game for the NES as it is one of those titles that prove a movie adaptation can be fun. That being said, this one is not made by LJN or Acclaim (I believe those two are actually the same company) but rather it is done by Capcom who knows how to design a game. I would have liked more scenery though as this one turns into a mountain slog late in the game, and I am baffled by the fact they had no area with snow as there was one in the movie. Still, worth a play through, but some of those levels get awfully tough to traverse as you near the end!

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