Illinoisguy1

IMDb member since July 2006
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Reviews

The Flying Nun
(1967)

I call it "The Flying Nut"!
This show is downright nutty.

To actually believe and accept that anyone can fly is absurd. There is no logic that any headgear could support the weight of a person, even a 90lb. person. It's obvious that the coronet is not rigid or strong enough to support her weight. When she walks it flops up and down and when it gets wet it's like any wet cloth. Even if it could support her weight how does she hold the rest of her body up in the air behind her? At best she would be just flying around with her body dangling in the air.

There are times when it's windy as can be and she doesn't fly off and other times when hardly any wind is shown and she flies right off. Then there is that one episode when she not only catches up to a jet airliner (to do that she'd have to go 2 to 3 times faster than the plane), but she knows the seat the passenger is in and knows what window to look into, all the while maintaining that speed of the jet airliner. Unbelievable!!

Now let's get to her character. She comes across as arrogant, smug, know-it-all and rude. She takes advantage of people, especially Carlos. (Who I can't figure out why he enables her, even though from time to time he says out loud to stay out of his life.)

The singing is annoying, to say the least. The child actors are terrible. (Never could understand why Sister Bertrille will say something in Spanish and then in the next breath utter "English translation.....) Um they already understand what you said, they speak Spanish.

Another dumb episode is the Christmas one where she makes it snow. Now remember it's a hot day and yet it somehow snows and not only snows, but the snow sticks to the ground. But this snow is magical because it floats on top of water. (Anyone that lives where it snows, knows that this is impossible.)

The only reason I rated it 2 is because it's in color and because my brother likes Sally Field.

Saving Christmas
(2014)

Surpasses Santa Clause Conquers the Martians as the worst Christmas movie ever.
Just watched this and I tried to give it a chance, but yeah it's as bad as most have said it is. First of all is it's just boring. There is really just two locations, interior of a house and of a car. The thing is that the car goes nowhere, just sits in a driveway. I mean come on, you're in a car- go somewhere. It would be like watching a space film and the spaceship just sits in space dock. Second is the acting. This Darren Doane director can't act at all. Even Kirk is bad, there is a scene right at the beginning where he is supposed to be drinking hot Cocoa and I can tell the cup is empty. And then there is another scene where Kirk in a Santa outfit looks directly into the camera with a serial killer grin on his face. The direction is bad too, for example there is a scene where a white guy and the token black guy is talking and they hold cups up to their faces and cover their mouths. Huh? In that scene you can tell that most if not all of their dialogue was recorded way after the fact via ADR. Then we get to the direction and editing. This film would probably run less than one hour if it weren't for the needless padding and pauses. Scenes are padded with dialogue that adds nothing to the story and then there are long pauses where it looks like they are just pausing for no good reason. And in addition to that the running time is further padded with the extreme overuse of slow motion.People will walk around in a scene in slow motion for no good reason. One could literally have a drinking game just using the slow motion scenes. I was watching this and right around the 58 minute mark I thought it was over when a photo of everyone with Santa says Merry Christmas. But nope, it's further extended by more scenes of slow motion and needless padding. We watch a poorly choreographed dance segment. You can tell they tried, but these dancers are just so not synced with the others. If you're going to take the time to learn a dance, practice it over and over so the entire group looks polished instead of looking like a buffed hunk of coal. There is even slow motion during the dance segment. Then the end credits is further padded with some very unfunny bloopers. This is also the first time I saw end credits where none of the cast are given roles. And what's up with the cast? Looks like most of the cast is somehow related to someone on the crew. Just when I thought the movie was over the final 2 1/2 minutes is another scene of the white guy and the token black guy and the white guy doing an awful "Kirk Kirk Kirk Cameron" rap. Single word review: Atrocious.

Audacity
(2015)

Ray sure does have the audacity to ask $20 for a short film.
First are the characters.

Our two main characters are Peter and Diana. Peter is a Christian who is also a bike messenger and a wanna be stand up comic. Diana is, well I'm not too sure what she does. But she is a young woman who appears to be anti-Christian. Diana is pro gay rights. We learn from Diana that she and Peter knew each other from school but that Peter used to be a partyer but has changed.

While Peter is a Christian there are two scenes where he has a look of disgust about gays. First when he watches a news report on gay marriage. The other is when he meets two lesbians in an elevator. The elevator scene ends with the two women dying in a malfunctioning elevator. This is a rather strange scene as it includes an old man who seems to also show disgust at the lesbians and has a sinister look as he crumbles up the paper that Peter left. Well, he can't be a true Christian because no true Christian would knowingly cause the death of anyone. He can't be a demon or demonic as they would support gays, right? So who is this guy? During the movie is shown 3 segments showing Rays interviews with random people. The first segment he tries to link homosexuality with other tendencies that we're born with. Seems that everyone interviewed agree with him be saying "That makes sense." Well it doesn't to me.

We next get the deli holdup which concludes with Peter hitting the robber with a can of spinach. Price, the comedian had texted Diana telling her that Peter is okay. While reading this same text she opens up some photos which shows Peter taking selfies with the cops, the can of spinach and giving cops donuts. The thing is that these photos were attached to the text. When were these photos taken? Did he time travel and take photos from the future and then go back to the present to send Diana these future photos. That makes no sense.

We next get Diana looking at another Ray interview segment. These are all "Are you a good person?" test questions. If you've seen any of these before you can just skip this segment as it offers nothing new.

We then see Peter talking to the gay couple from the deli. During this, Peter gives out several tracts. Guess whose? Ray Comforts, of course. One of them gets mad and walks out. The other listens and takes some of the tracts. But the other guy warned him not to, so Peter may have caused a break-up.

We get to the final comedy show. Again some dated impersonations, such as Schwarzenegger and Stallone from earlier. Like Homer Simpson. The jokes fall flat. Diana meets Peter there. But leaves after getting an emergency call. Her SUV runs out of gas and stops. A man breaks a window to get her out because she somehow never noticed that she stopped right on the tracks. The train is never seen, just portrayed by a bright light and a train horn.

When we next see Diana she's laying in a hospital bed. We see her vacant apartment where we discover that she's in a lesbian relationship. But we also learn that she's feeling guilty after listening to Peter and watching Rays interviews.

The final segment tries to be subtle, but really isn't. We learn from the heroes cousin that "she kept screaming and looking at him as if he was evil or something. That she didn't understand what he was trying to do. That she thought he was trying to hurt her, but that she didn't realize that he was trying to save her." The reporter concludes with "an apparent enemy, who turned out to be a friend". Wink, wink. Get it.

The real running time of the scripted movie is 36:52 minutes, that's removing the warning notice, all of the interviews and the end credits.

I think asking $20 for a 36 minutes long movie is absurd. I can buy 3 hour high quality movies for far less than that.

But the movie is correctly named. Ray sure does have the audacity to ask $20 for a short film.

Ghost Hunters
(2004)

Good for a laugh
I mean come on, the show is fake and their so called evidence would prove nothing in court, The only thing this show is good for is a few laughs as you see their reactions of supposed ghosts. And the other thing it's good for is seeing locations that you likely never would visit. The only reason to film at night and have all the lights off is to make it more spooky. Plus the add some spooky music to make it seem more exciting than it really is. Most of the show is just them walking around in the dark filming with night vision cameras looking for some paranormal activity. And most of this evidence is composed of some easily faked audio evidence. Most of this audio is just static but they say they hear voices. The video evidence is also nothing spectacular. Again easily faked or subjective.

But if you're looking for anything serious or profound regarding paranormal then I would look elsewhere.

Fanboys
(2009)

Complete bore, Robot Chicken & Family guy does it better.
Oh my, what a complete bore of a movie.

Oh my where to start? Well first off is Dan Fogler who is this filthy looking long haired dude who looks way to old to be hanging with these guys. Then we have Chris Marquette who is this Star Wars nerd who takes it way too seriously and to throw in some unneeded drama we learn that he has cancer. Jay Baruchel plays the stereotypical nerd with glasses. Sam Huntington plays the only character who seems to have grown up at all. In fact I would have liked to see a movie about his character at the car dealership and his dad.

The road trip is composed of typical hijinks such as a fight between them and Trekkies, the gay biker bar, the getting high camp fire scene, getting thrown in jail and a side trip to Vegas. None of it laugh out loud funny. Most of it is just embarrassing.

The highlight is the cameos by Billie Dee Williams, William Shatner, .Carrie Fisher, Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes. And when the cameos are the highlight you know that the film is a bore. You would think that they at least would throw in a George Lucas cameo. If you're going to make a movie about Star Wars you need to include the man who created it.

The entire cancer subplot wasn't needed at all. It simply doesn't work for me and actually seems forced into the story.

I swear I laugh more at the Robot Chicken or Family Guy spoofs than this movie.

Ghost Hunters International
(2008)

Good for a laugh or two
This show is only good for a few laughs and that's about it. Otherwise it's mostly composed of watching them roam around in some locale while being filmed in a weird night-vision that gives them evil looking eyes.

In an average episode they will proclaim such things as "Did you hear that?" or "I think I saw something." or "I saw a shadow over there." No real evidence is really shown that really shows a ghost, it's mostly some so called audio evidence of a knock or some voice that is just about impossible to make out. The photographic evidence too is nothing of note as it's composed mostly of some shadow or mist.

Somehow it reminds me of the opening of Ghostbusters, where they are investigating the ghost at the library and when they encounter her they don't know what really to do and run out. Somehow I can imagine the same thing would happen to these guys if they actually saw a real ghost, they would run away in a heartbeat.

About the only good thing about the show is seeing locales that one will likely never be able to visit, and for that I give it 2 stars.

Nobody's Perfect
(1990)

College cross-dressing film that drags.
A film that tries to be a college version of Tootsie but ultimately fails to make the grade. While the film attempts to tack on some serious moments, it feels forced and ruins the film's flow. For a cross-bending comedy it sorely lacks in that regard. I really only laughed at the physical exam scene, other than a few other moments that made me chuckle. The film just sits there, it's dull and not really funny.

Also the entire plot fails in that nobody can tell that Stephanie looks like Stephen. Stephanie just looks like a boy with a bad wig on and dime store makeup applied.

Ultimately the film fails to hit the ball out of the court.

King Kong
(1976)

If you like King Kong as a sexual pervert, you'll love this version
Instead of the innocent, almost child-like beast in the 1933 classic or the last of his kind and platonic love in the 2005 version here Kong is turned into nothing more than a pervert who lusts after an air-headed actress named Dwan. And instead of bashing Dwan to the ground and stomping her to death, Kong and us are forced to hear Dwan spew some of the must gut wrenching dialog ever written. And Dwan sets back the liberation movement by 50 years with her dim witted and damsel in distress shtick. Dwan even enjoys it when Kong fondles her with his large finger and blows on her. Disgusting!!

And get this the villain is big oil. Boo!! Hiss!! The big oil exec, Fred Wilson, is our wimpy villain. This guy is so wimpy he hides behind the gate and barks orders to his men on the other side in their attempt to rescue the kidnapped Dwan. And he's almost as dim witted as Dwan when the oil find he's been hoping for turns out to be a bust he gets the bright idea of capturing Kong and bring him back to the U.S. in some stupid traveling attraction as the oil company's new mascot. Really? Smart move.

Then our human hero is Jack Prescott who has to be the most unlikable hero I've ever seen on screen. I really don't know how anyone can like a hero who sneaks aboard the ship via bribery, becomes a stowaway and lies and steals his way throughout the film. Plus he's the most arrogant, smug know it all ever.

And that's just the characters. Then you have the laughable effects that are hardly any better than your average Japanese Godzilla film. How this film ever won an Oscar for Visual Effects I'll never know.

I used to be able to find this film somewhat enjoyable, but as I grow older I find more and more wrong with it.

This is a King Kong sized turkey.

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