In Search of Perry Mason Full disclosure: I'm a retired television critic, and a Baby Boomer. I grew up when the popular 1957-66 CBS TV "Perry Mason" series had its original run, but scrupulously avoided the show because I regarded it as starchy, predictable -- and boring. Mason won his case every time (except, I think, once, which caused a minor sensation trumpeted in TV Guide). But years later, as a critic, I had a chance to profile Barbara Hale, who played Mason's loyal secretary Della Street on that series, and she described a lot of behind-the-scenes pranks perpetrated by star Raymond Burr. It occurred to me, why couldn't they have brought some of that playfulness to what we saw on the screen, Bret Maverick or Jim Rockford as Mason, a man who was a crack attorney but had fun with it? It would have stood the genre on its head, much as "Maverick" had done to the staid Western back in the day of the old formulaic Warner Bros. Oaters. So it was with great expectation that I tuned in to this HBO miniseries iteration of "Perry Mason," hoping against hope (this is 2020, after all) that, yes, they get that, this should be fun! Well, it isn't. It's very bad. And what makes the whole thing so exasperating is that it could and should have been terrific. It's a lush, expensive production. And it has Matthew Rhys, a very fine actor, as Mason, and is directed by the talented Tim Van Patten, whose resume includes the likes of "The Sopranos" and "Game of Thrones," among other things. First, some background. The story is set in 1931 Los Angeles. That's good. You get Hollywood during its Golden Age, the upcoming Olympics, the Great Depression, the period between world wars. All sorts of things could happen. Well, it turns out Mason in this go-round isn't a lawyer, but a private investigator. (An aside. The creator of Perry Mason, Erle Stanley Gardner, was a lawyer who loved the law and its finer points. He hated the versions of Perry Mason in the old movies, and on radio, because he felt they strayed too much. He only agreed to do the 1950s and '60s series because the producer had a background in law and promised that it would meet his demands. As mentioned, I found the series boring, but many people loved it.) Back to this "Perry Mason." In this story, Mason is now a private investigator -- yes, not a lawyer -- and not an especially good one. He's a loser. A World War I vet veering toward alcoholism separated from his estranged wife and son. Running around in the obligatory fedora (which looks like it came right off a costume shelf -- "Yeah, take that one, it's brown and matches the jacket"), he continues to put himself in jeopardy and get the crap beat out of him. I confess. I'm no fan of violence, but it would be nice either to have him not do that, or hit back. So there's that. In the story, P. I. Mason is assigned by his friend and mentor, at the behest of a mogul, to the case of a baby boy who is kidnapped and has his eyes stitched open before his death under shady circumstances. If that sounds gross, yes it is. And that's another problem I have with this production. Whenever there's a chance to be gross, it is. In spades. Mason has a stain on his tie, so he goes to the morgue and gets one he likes from a dead guy. And of course there are the obligatory scenes urinating and having all sorts of sex. But the big enchilada is when Mason tries to blackmail Hollywood executives by photographing one or two of its big stars having in flagrante delicto -- yup, you guessed it, in a really gross way. (If your thing is seeing a full frontal of a 400 pound guy running down the street naked, this is the film for you.) Mason follows up by doing some really stupid things when surrounded by some guys right out of Dick Tracy. Who would do that? Well, an actor told to do it in the script. Speaking of the script, it is incredibly hackneyed, and one has the sense that the actors feel hemmed in, and thus have become caricatures. It's corny and off-putting. The cinematography, alas, is so dark it would put the legendary Gordon "Prince of Darkness" Willis to shame. With Willis, whose work included the likes of "The Godfather," the darkness was a metaphor, its shadows and nuances used brilliantly. Here, you'll find the darkness causing confusion because you can't tell one character from another. Not good. You'll also find yourself confronted by what Alfred Hitchcock called "refrigerator moments," moments when you stand around in the kitchen after watching the film realizing it's full of holes. Also not good. I'm really saddened because this production could have been so good. Maybe you like all the negatives I've listed here, maybe that's what you like. We reside in the apogee of grossness, after all, when too much is never enough. But for me, even during a time when we're in stay-at-home mode looking for some interesting and entertaining ways to pass the time, this is a real waste of that time.