rottingcarrot

Believe it or not Bruce Lee vs. Ninja in fact does not only not star Bruce lee it doesn't even star any ninjas! So if it doesn't have Bruce lee or ninjas than what does it have? Well...there is a guy with a kitten on his shoulder and a few guys with white sacs on their heads. I know that doesn't sound too impressive and it isn't (unless your a cat enthusiast like me) but this movie does star the legendary Leigh lo as the villain and features the adequate kung fu of Bruce Le.

I'm not even going to try to explain the plot to you because I don't remember what the hell was happening but I do remember the fighting to be entertaining and plentiful. Bruce Le gets a lot of bad press because people get angry once they realize the movie they rented didn't actually star Bruce lee, but Bruce Le really has pretty good kung fu and was a decent fight choreographer. Of course his acting is dreadful but that's part of his charm.

My main criticism for this movie is: the box art for the DVD has a big picture of Bruce Le angrily firing an M16 assault rifle but he never has an assault rifle in the movie! WTF! Bruce Le shooting ninjas with an M16, now that would be entertainment!

I've seen parts II and III of the ninja death series and as far as I can tell I haven't missed anything essential from the plot. The plot has something to do with a guy named tiger played by the always exciting Alexander lou who is fighting ninjas. I'm not sure why he's fighting them but there are three guys from a different time period who were taught ninja arts in japan since they were kids and then they fight. One gets his eyes gouged out. Another teaches tiger kung fu and then he punches himself in the head and he dies. This was a very dramatic scene which had me in tears.

But I was soon cheered up by some of the best ninja fight scenes i've ever witnessed! The fight choreography in this film is absolutely top notch, fast and accurate fighting! THe head evil ninja with the twin hammers wearing the gold suit should win every award at the academy awards. His kung fu is fabulous and His acting (along with the poorest quality English dubbing i've ever heard) is hilarious! In fact everyones acting in this is hilarious. Alexander lou shows just how bad an actor he can be in nonsensical love scenes that make them very funny to watch! If you like crazy Chinese kung fu movies you'll love this, if not, the fight scenes are still worth the admission.

This cut and splice crap fest features a few brief ninja battles between painfully long scenes from a boring Wang Yu film from the seventies.

Jimmy Wang Yu is normally a pleasure to watch in such films as return of the one armed swordsman, the Chinese boxer series and master of the flying guillotine to name a few but this movie ( a modern day crime "thriller" ) is just a low budget, low concept snooze fest with boring, uninspired fight scenes. Wang yu was far from a kung fu expert in real life but with the right fight choreographers and actors working with him along with his acting and directing skills Wang Yu was a great action hero. Here Wang yu just looks like some guy who gets in brawls with other guys. In other words the kung fu blows.

But who cares about the filler. The footage you want to see is Stuart smith as some CIA guy or maybe just some jogger (they don't explain it too well) who is trying to destroy the camouflage ninja and his gang of black ninjas who are trying to get the documents for the K 19 nuclear missile for Buck, the leader of the Chinese mafia.

Unfortunately most of the footage with stuart smith is just there to move the plot along and there aren't many ninja fight scenes but a few of the scenes are stuart smith classics. There's this scene thats just a close up shot of smith jogging with weights in his hands and this expression on his face that's supposed to show how hard he's training I guess but he looks like he's experiencing excruciating pain. Another great scene with smith is him training in his red ninja costume and this bird flies by so he cuts its head off and then poses with this look of great accomplishment on his face.

The actual ninja fight scenes with smiths red ninja body double are actually really good. Nice sword play. Smith even does a couple action sequences himself that are a breath of fresh air after the boring wang yu fight scenes.

Anyway this is worth watching if you have a high tolerance or a love for totally inept film-making. If you rent this expecting a legitimate action movie I pity you. You'd be better off watching Snake eater 2.

I really liked this movie. This is the only live action Japanese ninja film I've ever seen and I must say that I am quite impressed! I'm used to Chinese ninja movies which generally break new standards in awful film making (see Godfrey Ho ninja movies if you want a taste of that pie) so it was nice to see this Japanese ninja movie that is very competently directed, shot, and choreographed.

Even the story makes sense! It's about the Japanese government hiring martial arts masters from all over the world to try and take out the iga ninja clan. Our hero Ken, played by Tadashi Yamashita, is one of the last remaining ninja from the kaga ninja clan who were betrayed by the iga ninjas 400 years ago when the igas slaughtered the kagas in a horrible slaughter! Ken's father was angry about this event so he sent ken to America to learn additional training so one day he could take revenge!

There's lots of well choreographed fights that are really impressive. I've never heard of Yamashita before but he's definitely got skills. I especially like the scene where he uses nun chucks!! He only uses them for a brief clip but I must say it's some of the best nun chuck work i've ever seen! The plot moves steadily and the movie doesn't take itself too seriously. There's funky music, and it's funny. I like the part where a good guy is attacked by ninjas sliding through the snow on these cheap little red plastic toboggans.

If you like ninja movies at all you can't go wrong with The Shinobe Ninja! Really worth watching.

Sure this movie is terrible and drags a lot during the haunted house scenes but the sheer blatantly awful quality of the film is rather intriguing. The voice dubbing on the family who are living in the house is laughably awful. The film was obviously made with little effort or enthusiasm and the result is pathetic. I love the name of the family's son: Bobo. That's right Bobo. What the hell kind of name is Bobo? Have you ever heard of anyone ever being named Bobo? And when the people that provide the voice-overs deliver lines with the name Bobo as if it were a perfectly valid name I couldn't help but laugh uncontrollably! My favorite line: "Bobo! Don't tell lies!"

Anyway who cares about the worthless sub plot! This Movie has the word ninja in the title and legendary film maker GODfrey Ho at the helm, so you can expect some pure adrenaline pumping ninja action to kick your ass!

This movie has a fantastic opening where we see Ninja Master Gordon and his woman walking along the waterfront. They are confronted by a group of thugs who look like accountants and one of them boldly proclaims: "someone tells me your a ninja!" Woman: What are they talking about Gordon? Gordon: Nothing dear. just an old fairy tale. Some guy: I know how to find out if your a ninjer or not!" Then Gordon kicks their asses

The fighting is just absurdly bad. Some of the ninja movies i've seen have some good fighting in them but this one is bad for the most part because they use these lame overweight accountants in a lot of the action scenes and they don't know any kung fu at all and pose little threat to the invincible ninja master but There are these two Asian actors in this movie who play as stunt doubles and ninjas in a a few of these movies. I don't know there names unfortunately but one is the Leader of the golden ninja clan in ninja terminator i think. They luckily add a bit of excitement but the rest of the fighting is just Gordon effortlessly slaughtering the accountants. with the use of suriken, smoke and other amazement.

Fabulous film! I hope someone is transferring these movies to DVD just so they can be purchased or rented. they're not that easy to find.

Wolven ninja is an amateur poorly made childish lame silly little film about some guy and his mentally impaired sidekick who are on a quest to find a white plant in the mountains so they can defeat some guy who wears a sparkling silver kkk uniform with a bright red skull and crossbones on the hat. The hero and side kick get attacked by wolves aka German Shepard at one point and there's this girl (the hero of the film) who was raised by the German Shepard. Anyway this girl chases a rabbit at one point and she wears this dead German shepard pelt on her pack with the actual head of the German shepard still attached to the rest of the pelt. Are we to believe that she killed one of the German Shepard that raised her and wears it as a warning to the other German Shepard not to mess around with her? This question and countless others must be quickly abandoned if you want to keep on top of this mangled storyline.

German shepard girl bites the male hero's hand and it draws blood but he stays perfectly calm and then he snaps her spine out of place to make her more tame. he then teaches her how to speak English about 5 seconds later she speaks fluent English! It turns out German shepard girl ate the flower hero guy and bumbling mentally impaired sidekick searched so hard for so they return home to the oppression of the LSD taking head of the Asian KKK and a whole bunch of random stuff happens.

The costumes and vomit inducing electronic sound effects are so bad I had a flashback of the time I watched Turkish star wars. Its nearly that cheap! There is some god awful wirework for the sub par but violent fight scenes too.

the editing is all over the place. One scene starts with our female hero being thrown in a well by furious villagers. The mentally impaired sidekick goes to help her and then the scene cuts to a scene with the girl and side kick washed up of the shore of a river in the wilderness where gandolf HK edition revives them, instantly cut to ninjas on horseback fighting our heroes, instantly cut to ninjas fighting our heroes at a castle, instantly cut to desert where our heroes are attacked by sand ninjas, instantly cut to Asian kkk cavernous hideout.

Around this point I fell asleep but by the power of the golden ninja warrior i dared to press play on my VCR the next day to complete the wasting of the full 90 minutes or so of my life.

*spoiler* the conclusion has the Asian kkk defeated. That's all i can remember happening except for how abruptly the film ends. German shepard girl is injured and looks like she might die but we never find out because mid scene the movie abruptly ends.

*end spoiler* I recommend this only to hardcore bad film tolerators/apologists. It did make me laugh but there are many worse/better/more laughably awful and pathetic ninja films around.

Bloodfight It's basically a shameless rip off of bloodsport but with some extras.....Circus music. That's right completely inappropriate circus music is played for long segments of this movie. Why? I would really like to know but it did have me chuckling. terrible acting no doubt in part by the fact that all the actors speak their lines in English when they no doubt couldn't speak a word of English without intensive coaching.

It wasn't looking good until Stuart Steen AKA Stuart Smith enters, playing the part of the cocky street gang leader. You think billy bob thornton gives spellbinding performances? LOL. Think again! Stuart Smith is our new god. Who cares who J Low is dating? I want to know what country Stuart Smith is the president of!!! He is an unstoppable actor who will give his all NO MATER WHAT! Long live Stuart Steen!!! AkA stuart Smith AKA a bunch of other names! He is the man! Anyway I have watched this movie more than once. It definitely has its slow parts but if you like crap you'll like this!

I have seen a few ninja movies in my time. THe fabulous mafia vs. ninja and The Super Ninja instantly come to mind, but I have NEVER....EVER seen a movie like this. I've seen a few cut and splice ninja movies in my time: diamond force ninja (moments of excellence,) ninja: American warrior (moments of pure insanity) and ninja dragon (patheticly ridiculous and virtually un-watchable) but i have NEVER seen a God (godfrey ho) ninja movie like this!!!!! I'll make it plain and simple. The other reviewer had it dead on: Jaguar wong is the coolest man in history!!!! Usually these cut and splice ninja movies have great brief ninja action sequences and terrible (different movie) sub plots that are virtually un-watchable but ninja terminator (or as the title I rented it under: silver fox and ninja terminator) brings the genre to a whole new high!! THis movie makes no sense. I feel like I was just hit by a train. This is pure insanity. Two films mixed into one. Jaguar Wong vs. Some guy with the most lame ass blond wig i have ever seen mixed with footage of indestructible Ninja Master Gordon { actor RIchard Harrison (known is this film as ninja master Harry)} kicking red ninja and other ninja's butts over the possession of the golden ninja idol (the exact same lame ass plastic statue as seen in Ninja Diamond force if i'm not mistaken) The ninja action sequences between the different ninjas are amazingly top notch kung fu and NEVER and I mean NEVER underestimate the power of Jaguar Wong. He IS the coolest man in history and his kung fu does not disappoint. He NEVER gives up and beats the crap out of anyone who dares stand in his way. Even when he is tied up and has no chance of survival he....well just watch the movie.

THis is easily one of the best movies I have ever seen. Somehow while trying to quickly complete a ninja movie for profit in the eighties Godfrey Ho and friends inadvertently bring a truly unique film to the human race. If you can find it WATCH IT!!!!! If you have any interest in kung fu or so bad it's good movie making you'll LOVE this!!!!!! What the hell was that robot or Harrison's Garfield Phone?????!?!?!?! WTF!?! INSANITY!!!

After reading some reviews on Hearts of Darkness I was looking forward to seeing total chaos unfolding behind the scenes of the production of apocalypse now. I was somewhat disappointed to find out that the supposed chaos that went on during the filming of apocalypse now was greatly overstated. Its true that the film faced many setbacks and some really bad luck but it wasn't as gripping a struggle as I was hoping for.

We get to see a lot of scenes with Coppola whining about things like the Filipino army taking the helicopters away from the production to fight a war, how he's disappointed in martin sheen for having a heart attack and being worried about the film going over budget, but overall the problems they faced didn't give me the feeling that the film was all that out of control. Coppola's raving about how he's going insane in the jungle just comes across as pretentious.

Hearing all the hype about this movie you'd think that the crew were living in shacks and eating bugs but in reality they were all living in expensive hotels and being pampered with catered food like any other big budget Hollywood production.

If you want to see a documentary about the making of a film that really has you scared for the sanity of the cast and crew I suggest watching either Empire of Dreams: the making of the star wars trilogy. (only for the making of star wars though, the rest of it is completely self serving) or Apocalypse soon: the making of citizen toxie. These documentaries do a much better job portraying the desperation a filmmaker can go through trying to complete their vision.

Even though i seem to be bashing the movie I would still recommend it. If you're a fan of Apocalypse Now you will definitely enjoy seeing what was going on behind the scenes.

The year is 1987 and Godfrey ho aka God had created another ninja extravaganza! Movie lovers around the world camped out for days in front of theaters hoping to get a glimpse of the latest work of passion from a director who always delivered.

The curtain was pulled back and audiences were greeted with some soccer mom with bad eighties hair fighting ninjas in a field. Her kung fu is absolutely pathetic but she somehow kills them all. She then puts on a cheap rubber mask and we cut to footage from a totally different movie God probably fished out of the dumpster behind the local fish market.

In this movie some lady fighter named amazonia is battling the Shrew; a ruthless lady crime lord. these scenes are rather boring. There's some adequate action but it just lacks the touch of God to give it ninja life.

The Ninja movie God directed on the other hand (which is spliced together with scenes from the dumpster movie) is anything but boring! This movie is about some white criminal guy who is trying to smuggle cocaine across the ocean in a rowboat. The cops try to stop him but he won't have it, he kills them and sets up an open air drug lab on the concrete foundation of a demolished building.

The police become desperate to capture the bad guy So they hire some white police guy who is also a ninja to capture him.

Amazonia is supposed to be white ninja's partner on the case (the only link between the two movies.) They manage this by showing a woman who looks a bit like amazonia in a couple scenes with white ninja. By this point God has confused the viewer so badly that they really have no idea what's going on anyway.

If you're still awake after the dumpster plot line is over then get ready for some classic ninja action God style! White ninja infiltrates the villains "drug lab" and confronts the villain who recognizes white ninja from back when they fought together in Vietnam. They have an action packed flashback where white ninja and villain showcase their extreme overacting.

Villain is outraged at the way his country treated him when he got back from nam and invites white ninja to be his partner in crime. White ninja declines and they eventually have a big fight between white ninja and villain and his army.

Some highlights: white ninja carrying a toy pale as he makes booby traps white ninja uses a slingshot to explode a grenade an enemy is carrying. they literally dressed a department store mannequin, put a couple m 80s in its hand and blow it up. the wig goes flying off and the mannequin awkwardly falls on its side.

inexplicably, villain now has some red and gold ninjas in his gang (i guess they thought they better throw some in for good measure) one of the ninjas uses rubber hoops as weapons!? The hoops turn out to be magic and can hover.

I enjoyed this movie quite a bit. The dumpster movie was pretty boring but the ninja movie parts are everything a fan of trash could ask for! Over acting to the extreme, half baked dialog, and extremely low budget or no budget props and sets! One thing i'm confused about though is why this movie is banned in canada? This movie could have been rated PG.

This movie is probably one of the best WWII movies i've ever seen but i can't tell because i couldn't see what was happening!! The story of a battle hardened german platoon retreating from the russians after their failed wehrmacht is an intreeging concept for a movie and seems to work very well, but half the time I was just watching a black screen with sound effects. It seems like sam peckinpaw forgot how to use the light meter on his camera because especially during the action scenes, i am not exaggerating when i say "i couldn't see S**T!" I feel like i just missed out on pure brilliants during these scenes and without them the movie isn't complete. I'm praying that i just rented a s****y copy of the movie (it was an old VHS tape) and next time i see it, i'll be able to see whats happening. No one else on the page seems to be complaining about the ridiculous darkness so i'm hopeful.

Tetsuo II: The body hammer has a really cool title and after seeing the first one, I was very excited to watch it. Unfortunately I was very disappointed. Tetsuo II like many other reviewers have noted, spends a lot more time developing a plot.

What is the plot? Tetsuo's son and eventually himself and his wife get captured by some guys who are keen on cyber implants. While captured they hook up a helmet to Tetsuo's head that let's them choose what memories he thinks of. They decide to kill tetsuo but tetsuo gets angry and kills them instead. Other stuff happens too.

What does this movie have to do with the original? Absolutely nothing! The original was a stunning visual story about a man transforming into metal. It was so abstract, the plot was up to interpretation, but most importantly it was fast paced and constantly challenging the viewer with fucked up imagery. In the second film Tetsuo apparently didn't go on a killing spree with his friend (as they mutually decided to at the end of the first film) In fact Tetsuo is now a family man with a wife and kid, and his enemy/friend from the first film (like everything else from the first film) doesn't even get mentioned.

The biggest problem with Tetsuo II is that the fast pace of the first film was abbandoned. Now scenes last a long time and there is hardly any cool imagery. Remember all the amazing stop motion from the first film that looked as though it would have taken a lot of effort to accomplish? Apparently the director got sick of all the time and effort of stop motion, because this film, although it obviously has a higher budget than the first, has about a third of the stop motion.

I believe Tetsuo I was such a sucess because even though the director didn't have a clear idea of the plot, the outstanding and inventive visuals carried the loose plot to interesting places. Tetsuo II on the other hand focused on a conventional plot without developing an interesting story first, resulting in a crappy incredable hulk rip off.

If you saw the first Tetsuo you might as well see this, but don't expect much.

two stars out of four

I won't waste your time by describing the plot for this, the other reviewer already did this quite well. I will however give you my opinion of this movie. This movie is basically anti japanese propoganda. The japanese are portrayed as incredably evil b**tards who have respect for nothing, as well as having very poor martial arts skills (groups of japanese men get there asses kicked by single women on more than one occasion.) The fact that the japanese fighters lose almost every (if not every) fight in the movie kind of takes away the suspense. The plot is actually quite solid and perfect for a kung fu movie though. The problem lies in the fact that there's not much fighting. When there are fights some of the fighting is quite good, but other scenes are choreographed badly. One scene angela mao takes on six japanese in a church and kicks all their asses. The problem is they show her fighting them one by one when they're all supposed to be attacking at the same time. I gather this movie was incredably cheap considering how cheap some of the sets are. They use the same village set for when they are in korea and when they are in china without changing it at all. Some scenes are filmed at real locations though, and they look good. Overall the only real problem with the movie is it's slow moving and uninteresting plot. Since there are few fight scenes we have to rely on the plot for entertainment and, well, I wasn't entertained.

one and a half stars out of four

I don't even know why I'm commenting on this I'm probably the first person in north america to have seen it. Anyway just in case someone else was lured into renting this hoping for cheesy hong kong action, here's my review. This sucks. It is the story of some dumb ass family who don't like this other family who deals in crime. I should make it clear this is more of a drama than a kung fu movie. It deals with the good family's father being too critical of his family instead of understanding and loving them. One of the father's sons is addicted to marijuana because the evil family supplies it to him. Another son keeps stealing money from his mother to support his Mahjong gambling habits (this plot point does not develop at all.) anyway, the son who is addicted to marijuana has his girlfriend murdered by his drug dealer and is framed in the process (this plot point although taking up at least a third of the movie is forgotten by the end.) Anyway at the end the evil family challenges the good family. and then something happens that you can probably guess at.

Bolo yung is in this at the start....he was cool. There are about four fight scenes, none are good.

Fist of the north star is easily my favorite anime movie ever. The film is set in a post apocalyptic wasteland where Ken the fist of the north star searches for his kidnapped girlfriend after being brutally beaten and thrown in a chasm. There's lot's more to it than that though, He has some evil brothers that want to kill him because he is the true prophet and they want his title. Ken joins up with a couple of kids and a deadly guy named ray who slices his enemies apart in some of the most brutal violence in film history. The intensity of the action alone in this movie makes it worth seeing. You see characters screaming battle cries and destroying cities with their fists, slicing and dicing they're enemies apart graphically, and causing bad guys' heads to explode with ken's touch of death. The plot although not explained well enough sometimes, is also very good and the voice acting is also good (look for the voice of the guy who played the father in the fresh prince of bell air as the leader of the guys in bear hides.) The animation dosen't flow flawlessly like in something like ninja scroll or akira but as in a lot of anime with limited budgets they make it look excellent with a minimalist style. The drawings are superb and add to the epicness of the story giving the characters huge pumped up bodies and absurd amounts of power. (punching over buildings, breaking tables due to intense mental powers, crushing peoples heads effortlessly) Some people might not like the over the top presentation of characters being fifty feet tall in one scene and then being in proportion to everyone else the next, but you must understand this is just to present the terrifying presence and power of these characters. I think it's brilliant. Rent it at all costs!!

PS The rapper Jeru the damaja samples and quotes the opening voiceover of fist of the north star on his album The sun rises in the east!

Garden of the dead is possibly the cheapest movie I've ever seen. The plot is absolutely pointless and the acting is 5th rate. The plot of the movie is a bunch of prison inmates get shot while trying to excape from prison and then are killed. The following day they come to life again and start killing people. How do they defeat the evil Zombies? SPOILERS AHEAD!!



The exciting finally consists of the zombies being shot at close range with shot guns and for some reason they die for good that time.

Some of the scenes are funny, like the phermeldahide inhaling scenes. The prison itself is just a few shacks and barrels and I think there's a couple cars. The fence around the prison looks like it's made of chicken wire or something and dosen't seem to go all the way around the camp.

If your looking to see a good movie don't ever rent this, but if you just want to laugh at one of the cheapest movies ever made go ahead.