Ithorianjedimaster2

I wonder how many people remember the movie "Jumanji" as a good movie. I wonder how many remember the scores of animals rampaging through the streets. I wonder how many people remember the movie just because Robin Williams was in it. Probably the last one. You see, "Jumanji" introduced the idea of a 'cursed' board game that when you play it, you become an actual part of the game. Unfortunately, that is all the movie had going for it...and Robin Williams.

This generation's "Jumanji" takes the stage as "Zathura", which is basically Jumanji in space, but has much better production value. The movie centers around two brothers, Danny (Jonah Bobo) and Walter (Josh Hutcherson), who are obviously at odds. Danny wants nothing more than to hang out with his father (Tim Robbins) and his big brother while Walter wishes Danny never existed. Well, this brotherly separation is tested when suddenly, Danny finds a board game called Zathura. You can probably guess the rest. He starts to play it and in an instant, their house is in space. "Zathura" can be given plenty of credit because it has much more character and imagination behind it. It is a neat little piece that Danny can't read and so has to rely on Walter to read the cards that foretell doom or salvation.

However, there are a few plot points taken from Jumanji that can easily be pointed out, but it's not like deja vu. In both movies, there is the summoning of a trapped previous player who helps the heroes get to their goal, Jumanji had Alan, the jungle man, and Zathura has Dax Shepard playing the role of a stranded astronaut. Also, in both movies, cheating is heavily punished, but Zathura doesn't go as obscene as making a kid into a monkey. It literally ejects Walter from the house! And then how Zathura sucks all the game's dangers back as a black hole like in Jumanji, though it looks a lot more awesome in Zathura.

The hazards in Zathura are also much more life-threatening. Jumanji had its animal stampedes and harassing monkeys, but during the long haul, they didn't really threaten the lives of the characters after they are summoned. A lion for example attacks the characters, but is locked in the bedroom where it stays for the rest of the movie. Zathura's dangers are very extreme and eye-pleasing. While the idea of evil aliens and robots is nothing new, at least they are continuous threats. The flesh-eating Zorgons, who are attracted to light, return later in the film after Kristen Stewart's character ignites the furnace pilot light after Walter has previously lowered its flame and how the robot is always that silent danger that you know is there but is taking its time to strike.

The movie isn't without its flaws. Kristen Stewart's character, Lisa, feels unneeded. Hell, she spends most of the movie in cyrogenic sleep! And when she isn't, she just stands in the background, wide-eyed and screaming. The character of Danny is just awful. He's the movie's flat tire, which is a shame since he is one of the protagonists. Danny is constantly chickening out during the game, refusing to play on several occasions, despite the fact that completing the game will end the nightmarish events. Jonah Bobo may be young, but he just doesn't make Danny likable. His horrified little face is permanently plastered in every scene.

The script can also be to blame since it doesn't really do Danny any favors. Danny's constant shouting the obvious like "Meteors!" and "Zorgons!", as well as his ridiculous requoting of "Zorgons eat meat! We're meat!" will make your groan. The only actors who can be given props for their performances are Josh Hutcherson and Dax Shepard. Josh, who has appeared in several movies following Zathura, is very believable for his age and even when he is being a jerk, you still like him. Dax Shepard, another developing actor, is easily the best in the film.

Still, it is fun to point out references to other scifi movies. When Lisa, Walter's sister, becomes infatuated with the astronaut, only to realize he is actually an adult Walter is a funny nod to Star Wars, with their whole "Luke and Leia" situation and Star Trek references are abound, especially the reptilian Zorgons, which were clearly inspired by Star Trek's multitude of alien species.

Though Jumanji had its plot issues, Zathura does too. The movie's climax and falling action has some pretty strange writing. Like how Danny is able to sneak into the Zorgon ship, grab the game, sneak out through a herd of four-eyed goats (I'm not kidding), and escape without so much of a scratch. It makes the evil, terrifying Zorgons look like a bunch of chums. Then how the best card in the game, the gold card, allows Walter to make a wish through a shooting star. Of course, this can be let go on account of the movie IS for kids rather than criticizing guys like me.

All in all, Zathura is a very good movie. Few movies are flawless and it's not like Zathura's iffy script will completely ruin the experience. If you want to watch this film, sit down with your kids, pop some popcorn and enjoy an adventure that is literally out of this world.

Cartoon Network seems to be desperate for ratings. Beginning with the cancellation of Samurai Jack, the network seemed hellbent on removing all the shows that made it so popular, such as the Powerpuff Girls, Dexter's Lab, Dragonball Z, etc. When the ratings started to plummet, CN began putting up some pretty mediocre shows. Though Total Drama Island/Action and Chowder stand out because of their clever writing and audience-pleasing gimmicks, there are plenty of other shows that either terrible remakes (George of the Jungle) or rip offs of other shows, such as The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack, where the title character acts just like Spongebob, and then there's Johnny Test, which is something of a replacement for Dexter's Laboratory, though it's much more of a sheer rip off than anything.

The show's characters are clearly derived from Dexter's Lab, only this time the focus is on Johnny, a blonde (or fiery-haired) character who torments his twin sisters, Susan and Mary, who just HAPPEN to look just like Dexter, from the orange hair, to the glasses, the impossible technology. There is even a rival genius named Bling Bling Boy or Eugene, who appears to be sitting in for Mandark. Then there's Dookie, Johnny's best friend and talking dog, one of Dexter's...I mean, Susan and Mary's early experiments.

Dexter's Laboratory was probably one of the best cartoons on television, with its simple, but effective art style, lovable main character, and episodes that don't seem to be a long drag. Johnny Test is a lot different. The art style here isn't nearly as eye-pleasing. In fact, it looks absolutely awful. The characters have motivations that make them really annoying or repulsive. Like how most of the series' episodes consist Johnny and Dookie's quest for havoc on the neighborhood girl Sissy, whom Johnny secretly likes, or the twins' obsession over a boy next door. Seeing these two geniuses swoon at the sight of abs and the fact that Johnny appears to be someone you would NEVER want to associate with, there is no real connection between the viewer and characters.

One thing the series heavily exploits in its name is that Johnny is Susan and Mary's guinea pig for their experiments. These range from turning Johnny fat, ugly, monstrous, and even into a woman. The twins then help Johnny in whatever scheme he's planning in return for his services. Whenever there's an episode involving this kind of "win/win" deal, it usually comes undone at the seems and those that doesn't come completely off the rails never ends satisfyingly.

The writing ranges from mediocre to horrid, however. The 'fat' episode constantly repeats "It's Phat with a PH. There's a difference, you know." which is a line that should never be repeated, especially when the episode seems to PROMOTE child obesity, with Johnny becoming a famous star with money and videogames just by becoming fat.

Let's talk about how the show doesn't completely rip off Dexter's Lab. The show tosses in a lot of characters, from two Men-in-Black named Mr. Black and Mr. White, a military general who seems to need all his problems solved through Johnny and his sisters, and LOTS of super villains, though even here, the show again steals ideas for other sources, like a Mr. Freeze teenage clone, an evil cat with a butler who wants cats to rule over man (like the evil talking cat from Powerpuff Girls), a bumbling maniac mastermind, a trio of evil skater 'dudes' and even a Mole Man, which is probably the most cliché villain in the media.

To top it all off, alongside its ugly animation and unlikeable characters, the voice acting is either passable (like the voices for Mr. Black and Mr. White) to just plain ear-splitting (Johnny, Dookie, and just about every villain in the show). The theme song seems to be the only catchy thing to this show, but then it was redone just a few episodes with a band that just ruined it.

So in the end, Johnny Test is not a good cartoon. Its horrible references and jokes about teen culture will dismantle little children's interest in the show, while its bright coloring, ripped-off characters, and dragging episodes will ruin the experience for teens. It's just another one of those crappy shows that Cartoon Network is over-promoting to trick people to watching it (like MTV toward rap). If you need a show that will satisfy your children for a half hour, you'd better stick to Spongebob, because Johnny Test is more of a "test" of patience than anything else.

I swear that if a movie comes out that doesn't have a comic-book, novel, video game background or isn't a sequel or prequel to another movie, the public just hates for some reason. Apparently, it's not Hollywood that has lost its sense of originality, it's the fact that original movies end up getting put down by the audience. "Death Race" is one of those movies. Though it's loosely based on the bloody, gritty "Death Race 2000" released back in the day, it has nearly no connection what-so-ever. D.R.2000 dealt with maniacs in cars killing pedestrians and earning points, Death Race deals with maniacs in cars killing each other, and boy, I haven't seen car chases and combat this intense since the severely-underrated "Speed Racer" movie.

The movie begins with a very epic battle between two Death Race rivals: Frankenstein and Machine Gun Joe. Well, Frank doesn't last long. The movie then cuts away to the main character Jensen, a working man who has a troubled car-racing past. He's trying to live his life $300 a month to support his wife and baby daughter, until a masked man kills his wife and leaves Jensen with the knife. The police assume it's Jensen who killed her and drags him away to Terminal Prison. It is here that Jensen is forced to take up the role of Frankenstein to appease the fans of the Death Race, a "$99-per-stage or $250-for-whole-season" show in which racers kill each other with a very well scripted "Swords, shields, and death heads" segments that allows the drivers to use their offensive or defensive weapons or activate traps.

Honestly, people seem to hate Jason Statham movies just because he starred in "In the Name of the King" by Uwe Boll, and look over his Transporter movies and Crank, in which the movies were very action-filled and were excellent popcorn movies. Jason Statham now perfects his gritty role-playing and is very believable. The toils between Jason and Tyrese Gibson's character Machine Gun Joe really reveal the rivalry Joe feels towards Frankenstein (not knowing Jensen has taken up the role in the old Frank's place) and help motivate the story forward. You also have Ian McShane's character, Coach, who spurts out clever lines and pulls off one of the movie's most audience-satisfying surprises.

But it's all about the car battles, the Death Race. There's 3 stages and whoever comes out on top in 5 races earns their freedom, but the cruel prison warden Joan Allen's character Hennessey sees only one thing in the drivers: Money, and she'll stop at nothing to make sure that's exactly what she gets. Joan does an amazing job. I mean, you forget early in the movie that she's just an actress, just like Jason Statham and Tyrese Gibson. The first lap is weapon-less, where drivers have to worry about shortcuts and ramming dents into their enemies' armor.

Lap 2 is where hell is let loose, where the sword, shield, and death head buttons are activated and the plot uses these buttons to win the movie some of its best moments. Remember the scene in The Dark Knight where Batman caused a whole pick-up truck to flip over? Well, you'll definitely remember the scene in Death Race where a missile-launching machine-gun-heavy 50-caliber-pumping truck gets slammed into a series of spikes and flips through the air to end in a very satisfying explosion. The audience in my theater were cheering.

A well-written script, beautiful acting, heart-pounding races, and no-holds-barred combat really make Death Race stand out. It's one of those movies that the public doesn't like for some stupid reason and is under-appreciated in nearly every aspect. For me, I don't care that I missed the matinée price. This movie was well worth $7.50 and is definitely worth a purchase in the future. For all the naysayers out there, stop putting this movie alongside "Name of the King" and "Transporter" because it is very well Jason Statham's best movie ever.

"Transformers" by Michael Bay was a box office hit. With the mix of action movie and special effects expertise of Michael Bay with the superior CG mastery of Steven Spielberg, the movie was a real treat to anyone who can look past the robots' new looks. Transformers: Animated is Cartoon Network's answer to try and get quick ratings, by introducing a new storyline with timeless characters like Optimus Prime and Megatron, but in the end, Transformers: Animated becomes only a cheap movie cash-in, reminiscent to the Transformers video game.

The plot is different than what fans are use to. You remember the whole Autobots VS. Decepticons war for control of the Allspark that the movie revolutionized? In the show, it's over and the Autobots won. Now, Optimus Prime and his pals are all miners of some kind, digging through asteroids looking for artifacts or something. Suddenly, they just happen to come across the great, supposedly-lost Allspark, and where there's Autobots with the Allspark, Decepticons survivors of the war aren't far behind. Soon, the Autobots end up on Earth and like every other Transformer story, they become determined to protect the shards of the Allspark and humanity from the forces of Megatron.

The story seems like it's always trying to shake off the presence of the "Transformers" movie, and yet the characters the producers place into said story are in the movie. The opening credits make sure you know that fearless Optimus Prime, youthful Bumblebee, elderly Ratchet are in the show as well as non-movie characters like stealthy Prowl and lame Lugnut. On the side of evil, and just as annoying as their Autobots foes, the Decepticons are very disappointing with a round-up of bots that consist of fan favorites Megatron, Starscream, and Black Arachnia, and two new bots in which one is a Megatron fanatic and a Transformer version of He-Man's Many Faces who has an aristocratic voice, a mischievous voice, and a really pathetic Arnold Schwarzeneggar impersonation thrown in for some cheap humor.

Speaking of cheap humor, I know they're robots and have mechanical parts, but after a hundredth pun like "Over my cold, offline servo", "I'm going to rip out your piston through your tail pipe", and "You're frying my circuits!", it becomes grating and you're wondering if the robots are actually unsure of their own roles in the cartoon.

Transformer fans may have been forgiving when they saw the remodeled robots in Michael Bay's film, but Transformers Animated is just unforgivable. For one, the characters are all terrible. Hell, even the robots' Autobot/Decepticon symbols don't look right on several occasions. And two, some may be fooled by the idea that making an all-new Transformer that has never been in a cartoon is very difficult, but it's inexcusable when three of the Autobots plus one of the Decepticons have ridiculously long chins and sound terrible.

Then the producers decided to throw in a girl named Sarry whose father creates robots (and ends up housing the head of the 'late' Megatron after Starscream's signature for treachery). Sarry has an Allspark key of sorts that lets Sarry do about anything to machines. You'd think with the key, Sarry would be useful to the Autobots, but she ends up just tagging along for the fun.

The first few episodes are just plain wrong. You have the hour-long pilot episode and then a universe of fillers until the actual plot continues with Megatron's resurrection. These filler episodes turn the Autobots, guardians of Earth and Cybertron, into freakin' superheroes! You have Marvel villain rejects like the Angry Archer and Princess. Sooooo threatening. It would be nice if the show threw in more bots, which doesn't happen for a long time, and the robots introduced are usually around for an episode like two construction worker robots who has a deep love for oil and a retarded garbage bot. It's pretty bad.

Transformers: Animated may have sounded like a good show on paper, but when you try so hard to not be like the movie and yet want people to think it's the movie at the same time, what you got is just a jumble of terrible ideas from people who read a few robot names, looked at the basic plot through a Transformer fan fiction, and decided "this would make an awesome cartoon!" I can't understand why there are people who actually like this show when it's only a cheap cash-in that fails on nearly every level. The two stars I gave this trash was because Megatron and Starscream are the only decent characters in the whole show and personally, I'd rather be ruled by a tyrannical war machine than be protected by the most disappointed Optimus Prime character this side of Beast Machines.

Beowulf is a strange movie, not in a delightful "Guillermo del Toro" strange, but a "what is its purpose?" kind of strange. Norse mythology talks about one of man's first true heroes, a brave man named Beowulf who fought the devilish Grendel and finally a dragon and saved the Danes from complete destruction, so it's very clear that someone would pick up on the story of Beowulf and turn it into a movie, and a CG one at that is just great. And yet, CG animation is all the movie really has going for it, because everything else seems to fall short.

The movie never seems to take itself seriously, which is odd because there are a lot of gory, dark atmospheric scenes throughout. This might be the director trying different approaches to the story like the unknown writer of the original Beowulf text did, but unlike this ancient author, the director's approach between comedic and horrific scenes will just throw you off and make the movie feel very awkward. For instance, before the battle with Grendel, Beowulf strips himself of his armor and clothes, saying that since Grendel wears no armor, then neither would he since he likes a 'fair' fight. The battle afterward with a screaming Grendel and a nude Beowulf isn't very epic, mostly due to Beowulf's nudity, because it just becomes a distraction.

Beowulf also seems to have popped into theaters in the wrong century, because though it portrays how Norse men enjoy sex and beer and their superstitious ways, a lot of people in the audience won't understand a lot of it and will think negatively of it. Such is the scene when Beowulf is talking to his teenage bed maid, who is oh too happy to sleep with him. Many people think Beowulf is a pedophile for this, even though it was custom for kings of old to have one or two bed maids for them to sleep with when their queen wasn't in the mood.

It also doesn't help that some of the dialogue is just plain BAD. The script writers must have spent little time trying to make sophisticated lines for the characters. One line that was hilariously terrible was when the Danish queen is talking to Beowulf "Many heroes have come to taste my lord's golden mead...". The audience was LAUGHING at this and my friends and I had a good chuckle as well. There are times too, where you're wondering where Beowulf's sense of pride and valor is like when he, again, takes off his armor and reveals his chest to an enemy warrior, taunting him by shouting "Go on! Kill me! Kill me!" and the fact that he so easily succumbs to Grendel's mother's seduction. But then again, it's Angelina Jolie. How could he refuse?

Animation-wise, the movie is beautiful. I mean, the individual strands of hair on the characters, the lighting, shadows, and color of their environments, and terrific orchestral music really give you the feel of being back in ancient times. I just wish the acting was as good. Don't get me wrong, Ray Winstone does a good job in acting out the great Norse hero, though some scenes, he kind of over-acts like Beowulf's amazement at the beauty of the Danish queen in the Mead Hall.

However, Robin Wreight Penn doesn't do a very good job and you don't grow any kind of liking for her. Robin's acting is so robotic and emotionless that when she is attacked by the dragon at the end of the movie, you don't really have the kind of "Hurry, Beowulf! Save her!" tension going. Anthony Hopkins and Angelina Jolie, on the other hand, seem like they were born for their roles, but what can you expect from Anthony Hopkins?

I would like to say more, but IMDb's limit isn't going to let me. In the end, I'd say the movie, visually, is full of atmosphere and beauty, but like a Victoria's Secret model, there's not much substance underneath. Sure, the final battle with the golden dragon was awesome, but with a ridiculous build-up and a "what the heck were they thinking" cliff-hanger, yes a CLIFF-HANGER, ending, Beowulf just ends up being like a small pond during the spring, beautiful but shallow.

Miranda Cosgrove is known for her debut in "School of Rock" with Jack Black and her role as Megan in the show "Drake and Josh" and she has become a fan favorite amongst the Nickelodeon public, so it isn't a surprise that Dan Schneider would create a show just for her. Unfortunately, it ends up being as bad as, if not worse than, "The Amanda Show".

"iCarly" is about three friends, Carly, Sam, and Freddie, who have become idols in the junior high community through a webcam show called "iCarly". Carly and Sam are the hosts and Freddie shoots and puts it up on the internet. Carly also has an older brother named Spencer, acted by the hilarious Jerry Trainor who is known for his work in "Drake and Josh" as Crazy Steve.

Well, let me tell you this. Don't believe the 8.3 out of 10 this show received because it is pathetic in nearly every aspect. Dan Schneider probably went through about 5 minutes of studying teenage interests because all I see is him saying "iPod? iPhone? iHome? Aha! Teenagers love anything beginning with 'i'!" and a majority of gigs that were used in "Drake and Josh", if not, then they are just really dry and forced jokes that don't even count on a generousity chuckle, such as "You want me to turn up the AC to 60 degrees?" "No. We want you to turn it up to 60 pickles!" Not only that, but if you look closely, nearly all the sets in the shows were used in "Drake and Josh" and "Ned's Declassified" that were simply spit-and-polished with random stuff to try and make it look different.

The scenes where the show is showing a broadcast of the iCarly network is just as terrible as the entire series itself. The dialogue in them is atrociously bad, which may be accepted by some since it IS just two friends playing around in front of a camera, but what's the deal with the really odd, humorless antics they do like "Random Dancing!"? And it just gets worse from there.

In terms of acting, Miranda and Jennette aren't at their best, by far. Nathan Kress, who played Freddie, isn't believable at times, but he does an okay job. The person who really steals the show is the humorous prowess of Jerry Trainor, who fits in his "protective older brother" role very well and his wide-eyed loud-mouthed acting can make for some pretty funny segments. Too bad they aren't frequent, because that might have given the show an extra star in my opinion.

Dan Schneider must have made this show for the sole purpose of giving Miranda Cosgrove her own cable-born playground to hop around and spew unfunny jokes and pathetic cue-card lines in every direction, because everyone else has exceptional talent buried underneath the poorly-done script and weightless acting. Dan Schneider did a great job with "Drake and Josh" so it's a real disappointment that "iCarly" is such a failure. Jerry Trainor's acting saved this show from a 1 out of 10 rating, but he alone can't save "iCarly" from being as horrible as it is.

Just the name "Dawn of the Dead" sends shivers down my spine. As a zombie fanatic, I absolutely love George Romero's movies, especially "Dawn of the Dead". Then, a few years ago, I saw a trailer for this movie and when the title appears on screen, I was immediately excited. After a long wait, I have to say that despite the fact that I've seen it numerous times now, it is still a frighteningly realistic look at a world that may surpass that of George Romero himself.

The story revolves around Ana, an employee at a local hospital, who comes home, spends some 'quality time' with her husband, and as they drift off the sleep, that's when it all begins *chuckles*. When Ana wakes up, she finds herself in a whole different world. A neighbor girl walks into her room, bites and tears a few veins from her husband's neck, and if that wasn't bad enough, after Ana closes the door, locking the little girl out, her own husband gets up and attacks her. Following is the first look at the horrifying image of a zombie SPRINTING after Ana's car. Soon, Ana crashes her car, wakes up with a shotgun aimed at her head by my favorite character, big bad no-holds-barred Kenneth, then they meet up with more survivors and the plot from the classic "Dawn of the Dead" kicks in.

First off, I don't care how many people whine and b**** about the sprinting zombies. Zack Snyder's idea of "If they see you, you're f***ed" when it comes to encounters with zombies makes a lot of tension in the movie. In the classic George Romero film, the survivors harmlessly ran around the shuffling, moaning zombies, which kind of eliminated some of the fear that revolved around them. In the remake, with the sprinting undead, it becomes clear that the threat is extreme and makes for a more tense film.

The acting is superb, with delightful performances by Sarah Polley and Ving Rhames. The zombie make-up? Watching the dead slowly decay over the movie's timespand makes for a realistic feel. There's plenty of jump-out-of-nowhere moments and lots of suspense that will make a zombie fan turn off the DVD feeling extremely satisfied. The clichés that have plagued many horror movies are ABSENT here. The characters are all original, like the redeeming gangster, the TV salesman, the trucker, etc.

Of course, this movie is only getting 9 out of 10 because there isn't a sequel in sight, but then again, maybe I should change that since masterpieces like "300" and soon-to-be "The Watchmen" is bound to be all that is on Zack Snyder's mind. Why this movie isn't on the Top 250, I don't know. Maybe there are just too many uptight zombie fans who can't accept the fact that Zack Snyder did what no other director could do, take George Romero's golden film and perfect it in nearly every aspect. Bravo, Mr. Snyder, bravo!

I've been waiting 2 months for this movie and I remember how excited I was when I discovered that there was a live action Ben 10 movie in production. However, on the day before Thanksgiving, I do NOT thank Cartoon Network for giving us this...horrible excuse of a Ben 10 adventure.

The story is simple. The movie takes place after Ben's summer vacation, when Ben returns to his hometown, Bellwood, and goes back to school and is forced out of being a hero to being just an ordinary kid. Unfortunately, his homecoming won't be peaceful. The evil Eon, some kind of warrior that can manipulate time, rises from his slumber to find Ben and use the Omnitrix to unleash his evil alien race against the world. It's the basic storyline in most Ben 10 episodes, but here, it is so disjointed and confusing that you are wondering what the hell is going on throughout most of the movie. Eon talks about how his legions are trapped by time and time this and time that, but really, the concept never takes off.

I was mostly excited because like all Ben 10 fans, it's a real treat to see Ben's aliens in real life. However, the movie only gives us Heatblast, Grey Matter, Diamondhead, and finally, Wildmutt, but each look so fake and aren't voiced by the original voice actors so they sound really crappy, especially Grey Matter. The movie tries to get out of revealing Fourarms, Cannonbalt, Stinkfly, XLR8, etc., by giving Eon the power to make the Omnitrix not work, which is never explained anywhere.

Grandpa Max, Gwen, especially Ben, are nothing like their show counterparts. Ben forgets who the Plumbers are, despite the fact that there are numerous adventures in the cartoon series involving them. Gwen is now nothing but a b****, teasing Ben, but more like a bully than a cousin. You never grow to like her. Also, may I add that she doesn't even use her spells? Yes. Grandpa Max? Well acted, BUT looks nothing like the cartoon version. He's not fat, not big, he has a beard, and wearing a hat all the time. He looks more like a trucker rather than a wise, experienced Plumber. Ben is the worst. He is not at all like Ben from the show.

The director introduces Ben's parents and other Plumbers, but they are TERRIBLE!!! They are so cliché and dumb that they don't even make you blink an eye.

In the end, I would say this is one of the most major disappointments of the year for me. The characters don't fit the cartoon versions. The lack of alien heroes is also a downer. The dialogue and plot line are so horribly done that Ben 10: Race Against Time is nothing more than a cheap throw to try and get Ben 10 audiences into the real world. There is no morale to the story, no reasons, except for the reason to see Ben and friends in real life. Alex Winter, next time, wait about 5 to 6 years, when you have a major movie studio and a much higher budget, give the story an actual villain (Vilgax, Kevin Eleven, hell, even the Forever Knights will do) and try again.

I never played the game, especially when I heard Nickelodeon interactive was funding it, but when I heard about the cartoon series of "Tak and the Power of Juju", I would be lying if I didn't say I was interested. Ever since the old Sonic the Hedgehog cartoons (save the dreadful English-dubbed Sonic X), there hasn't been many video game cartoons being made, so "Tak" was a bit of a highlight for me. I was let down though.

From what I know, in the game, Tak is trying to save his village from an evil shaman. The villain from the games has only a minor role in the actual cartoon series. The characters from the game act like they did with Lok's false heroism and Tak's wise-cracking nuttiness, but then Nick threw in some new characters for some reason that REALLY don't help the series much.

I was expecting a show that followed the games and their story lines, since the game and the show share the same title, but instead, I got a series made up of Tak's misadventures, like a Saturday morning cartoon. Also, though the title says "And the Power of Juju", the Jujus in the show appear rarely in the episodes, like 1 out of every 6 episodes.

If you liked the games, then you'd might get a kick out of this show, but for a person who never played the game, yet knew the basic storyline, I was really let down. You might say "But the Sonic the Hedgehog cartoons didn't follow any game story lines neither." But at least they had a long-branching storyline to them, with Sonic trying to beat Robotnik, but in "Tak"s case, Nick obviously thought making Tak a Ed-Edd-N-Eddy-esqe TV series would be more pleasing to audiences. It sure wasn't for me. Like the game's ratings, this show sucked. Nickelodeon, stick to "Avatar: The Last Airbender", because that is the only true great show you have.

Once again, I find myself typing a review about a movie directed by the world's worst director, Uwe Boll. This man seems to have a sick pleasure in killing the reputations of great videogames. His past victims: Sega's House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark. Each of them cut down in their prime by this sociopath-of-a-director. But hey, Bloodrayne can't be all that bad. Uwe Boll can't POSSIBLY fail at life three times in a row. But wait, what's this? Bloodrayne is based in medieval times? Where's the Nazis? Where's the zombified evil . . .things? Where's the hot heavy-cleavaged half-vampire gamers know and love? Well, that settles it.

Don't let the movie discourage you. "Bloodrayne" the video game was based, not in a crappy medieval setting, but during WWII. Rayne is the half human/vampire child created from a powerful vampire lord and an innocent woman, whom the vampire lord raped. The video game follows Rayne as she fights through the hordes of Nazi vampires and other abominations in order to face her father in a climactic showdown. Uwe Boll, apparently, thought that it wouldn't look good for a German director to direct a movie that based in Germany when Nazis were running around, so he took his reputation over that of the game and butchered whatever goodness the video game's plot had. However, I can't believe I'm saying this, this IS the only movie he's made that follows the plot structure of the game pretty well.

Few people like Kristanna Loken anymore. She is in of some, no wait I mean, of A LOT of acting skills that doesn't consist of being a mindless talking mannequin with breasts. She's been in such flops as the remake to Shakespeare's famous "Romero & Juliet" and "Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines", and now, she's back as Rayne to make everyone laugh at how desperate she is for a good role. Hey, looks like Kate Beckinsale has a little friend :-). Anyway, there are also plenty of very famous actors in this film like Ben Kingsley and Michelle Rodriguez. I haven't seen much of Ben Kingsley, but I know that he makes for the WORST villain EVER! The vampire lord in the Bloodrayne video game was brutal, harsh, and loved to kill. The vampire lord, played by Ben, in the movie, however, is more like an aristocratic jerk who doesn't want to get his hands too dirty so he doesn't stain his sippy cup of blood. Michelle Rodriguez is actually a great actress, like in "Million Dollar Baby" and "Resident Evil", but Uwe Boll practically wipes his ass with her talent and makes her read off extremely bad dialogue, such as how do medieval Romanian nobodies know present day quotes like "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" and "If it's a fight they want, it's a fight they'll get".

The vampire special effects and make-up is HORRIBLE, and I say that in CAPS for a reason. Uwe Boll must have watched the early episodes "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" because ALL of the vampires look just like the vampires in the show. There is even one vampire that Rayne fights that has a completely dark green face for no reason whatsoever, but Uwe Boll must have said "B-B-But he looks vicious and scary! I did it with my finger painting kit, so it has to be good. That's what my mom tells me!" Soooooooo . . . yeah. Here's the positives about "Bloodrayne" the movie: . . . Michelle Rodriguez is in it. There's boobs. But even these can be achieved by watching "Resident Evil" instead. Now, for the negatives: Hmmm. Where do I start? Abysmal script, dialogue, acting from most actors, abysmal make up, props, fight scenes, the fact that Kristanna Loken is in, the fact that Uwe Boll directed it, and I would go on and on and on if I could, but IMDb's limit doesn't allow me to. It turns out that this . . . I don't want to call it a movie because I would insult every movie in film history . . . this pile of crap (there we go) is getting a sequel, directed by the same guy, but just like the first one, the sequel will probably only be in theaters for 2 weeks before getting itself sent back to Uwe's mother's house so she could put it on her wall as one of her son's 'masterpieces'. Strike 3, Boll. Get the hell out!

Aww yes. My favorite topic: Uwe Boll movies. I love writing bad reviews for bad movies, so Uwe Boll is useful in some ways, though video game industries need to realize that he ISN'T useful for making good movies out of their good games. Let's take a look at another one of Uwe Boll's 'masterpieces'.

If you haven't been thrown off by such actors as Jimmy Neutron's Christian Slater and American Pies' Tara Reid, then hopefully, this review will. Uwe Boll is known by most gamers and movie lovers as the destroyer of good things. He is the Antichrist given flesh. He's the breathing Hell-on-Earth, and is on the same scale as George Bush in "America's Biggest Mistakes". He even was such a cry baby that he challenged his worst critics to BOXING matches so they would "put up or shut up". Well, someone needs to say that with such awful movies out there plaguing movie stores, the American public can't just 'put up' and Mr. Boll is the one that needs to 'shut up' and go back to making little movies on Super 8 and leave our beloved theaters alone. "Alone in the Dark" is NO excuse, and here's why.

The story is . . . something about a centipede thing that takes over people's minds and makes them into superhuman zombies . . . things called xenos . . . some sayings about an organization . . . THERE IS NO PLOT TO SPEAK OF!!! You need proof. When asked of what he learned from this movie, he said "a script matters". Wow, it took you thousands of negative feedback from "House of the Dead" and this movie to make you realize that? You're making some good effort, Boll. Let's hope you realize, in the future, that theaters aren't where you belong. The acting in the movie? It's obvious that the roles are either BADLY, and I say that in Caps for a reason, acted, melodramatized WAY TOO MUCH, or are just not convincing. Imagine this: Tara Reid playing the role of a scientist and you'll get an idea of how awful the role will be.

Christian Slater will need some SERIOUS good acting, I mean like playing a role in a movie that is as good as Return of the King, to redeem him for this horrible mess-of-a-movie. He tries to act serious, tries to seem horrified, but somehow, he just can't pull it off.

Whatever script there is, it was really really horrible. Uwe Boll tried to make things interesting and pleasing to the audience with mediocre soldiers being slaughtered by xenos, weird reptile-like monsters that don't . . . like . . . light, how predictable and cliché, and with lots of special effects and gore, but what's in the movie isn't even laughable like "House of the Dead", it's just BORING and LOUSY on so many levels that you just want to go up to Uwe Boll while he's at home (in his cardboard, writing the script to "Postal, a movie that I have a feeling NO ONE will see), and slug him hard into the face with brass knuckles, spit on his trembling face and say "Put up with that!" But I suppose that Uwe Boll is good for something. Directors for generations will be inspired by him to tell themselves "Don't be as bad as that guy!" Sometimes, I picture Uwe Boll as one of those kids that thinks he's popular so he hangs out with popular kids, and Peter Jackson and Steven Spielberg tell him to get into a trash can and then, push him off a steep hill and say "God, he's SO annoying!" Normally, I would say "Try again, Boll", but in this case, go back to your cardboard box and live your life off rats in the sewers, where you and your movies belong. I would also like to thank those many reviewers who said horrible things about him and this movie because without you guys, Uwe won't realize what a joke he is. Is there any use for "Alone in the Dark"? Well, keep a copy in your bathroom in case you run out of a toilet paper and don't worry if it doesn't go down the drain, because then, you can (wearing rubber gloves, not for the crap on it, but because it is what it is) take it to your backyard and beat ALL your stress into it with a hammer. :-D

First, it started with a brief moment within "Predator 2" when the skulls of Aliens could be seen aboard the Predator ship. Then, it led to a very long chain of comic books that brought Sci-Fi Horror legends, "Predator" and "Aliens" against one another. Finally, you have . . . this movie, which isn't at all a good thing.

When "AVP: Aliens VS. Predator" was announced for the first time, fans all over the globe went NUTS! Seeing two of Sci-fi horror's titans collide in one movie that was constantly being told to be a future blockbuster hit. However, those fans were really cheering for the Second Coming of the Anti-Christ in the form of a movie.

The movie starts out simple. Weyland Industries discovers what appears to be an underground pyramid in the most unlikely of places: Antartica. In hope of gaining the discovery of the century, Mr. Weyland takes numerous explorers with him to the icy wasteland. When they arrive, they find a large hole that leads right to the pyramid, though it couldn't have been made by human hands and had to have been done overnight. Of course, the cliché "Excitement over Caution" kicks in and the explorers quickly drop the mystery of the hole and use to it their advantage.

While the humans explore the pyramid several miles under the ice, three teenage Predators, facing their "Becoming-a-Man" task, kill the humans up on the surface with relative ease, though later, their intelligence PLUMMETS! What do I mean by this? Well, you have the three Predators who are charged with facing and killing the Alien queen in order to return home a man, buuuuut the idiotic humans take their plasma weapons and leave them to fend off the Aliens with their blades. Of course, if it was the Predator for "Predator 1", it wouldn't need plasma weapons and use its blades to kick some Alien butt. It's the opposite here. Two of the Predators are quickly killed off, except for the last one, who seems to be something-of-an-expert since he is slicing and dicing Aliens back-and-forth with ease.

While these Predators are fighting for their lives in a battle that the very poorly-acted humans interfered in, the humans also get killed off fast, but it isn't done by the Predators. Though two people ARE killed by the ticked-off Predator, the humans, despite their 'high-tech' weaponry, are no match for normal drone Aliens and Face-Huggers, those little crab-like things that inject a human with Alien eggs. Finally, only one human is left, the protagonist, a woman named Alexa Woods.

Then, that's when the worst thing in the world happens. After Alexa surrenders the plasma cannon to the surviving Predator, he takes the weapon, clearly satisfied AND soon, they become FRIENDS and go off to kill the queen together. Every Predator fan, me included, knows that a REAL Predator would have said "Oh thanks. I was a little mad that you guys took my plasma cannon in the first place, but thanks for giving it." BAM! She gets blown away by the plasma cannon. Another thing that affects Predator standards is the fact that Predators wear the masks because they can't breathe our air very well and need the mask to provide the kind of oxygen (or whatever) that they need. Well, the director crumbled that up and threw it in the garbage and made it so that the surviving Predator REMOVES his mask personally TWICE. Once, was when he did it for no apparent reason and was ambushed by a Face-Hugger, and second, was when he wanted to go eye-to-eye with his human buddy. He roars in her face and the woman who was once horrified of this thing, just stares back with that kind of "I'm not afraid of you" look.

Same thing for the Aliens. It seems like whenever the Predator kills one, he cuts it in a certain way that makes it so that acid blood doesn't come out. Another thing the director screwed up on was when the queen, who is suppose to be the smartest of the Aliens and responsible to solely lay the Face-Hugger eggs, 'commands' her drones to destroy her restraints and then, breaks the egg sack on her and practically ditches the other Aliens to kill the Predator and human, which she somehow knows about, despite the fact that she was stuck in a icy metal chamber throughout most of the movie.

The movie tries to lead you off with slow-motion effects, lots of explosive debris during Alien Vs. Predator fights, and lots of screaming. But with horrible acting, a few very lousy special effects, and finally, a script that should be burned by Aliens and Predator fans, director Paul W.S. Anderson has found the formula of how to turn an easy-to-make blockbuster hit into an abomination that will go down in Sci-Fi history as the largest disappointment. Hey, at least Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace now has a roomie.

When the first trailer of "Van Helsing" was released, a lot of people got excited. Seeing Frankenstein, Dracula, and the Wolfman on the big screen once again as well as Hugh Jackman playing the fabled monster hunter Van Helsing, it looked as if the movie would have launched Stephen Summers' career. Well. . . maybe not so much.

"The Mummy" was another tribute to the classic monster movie and though it did very well in theaters and DVD, it still wasn't the best movie out there. "The Mummy Returns" received less praise than its predeccor, and finally, "The Scorpion King" was just a shot-in-the-dirt, an odd prequel that only confused viewers, instead of giving them an insight on the past of the villain from "The Mummy Returns". Finally, it boils down to "Van Helsing", a tribute to three of horror's greatest creatures.

Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman) is in a predicament. All of Europe wants him dead, thinking he's a murderer. That's due to when all the monsters he kills turn back to their human forms and leaves him 'red-handed' in the point-of-views of the authorities. Well, after a job involving the capture of Mr. Hyde, Van Helsing comes back empty-handed, having killed Mr. Hyde (even though he changed back to Jekyll at the last minute and made Van Helsing's reputation as a murderer stronger), and within minutes, he is shoved into another mission to Transylvania to aid in the destruction of the notorious Count Dracula, who has been terrorizing the people there for centuries and Van Helsing must help Princess Ana in the hunt for Dracula, but it won't be easy. Dracula is on the search for Frankenstein's Monster, having killed the doctor (a mistake he regrets). After the monster disappeared, he and his 3 brides, along with Igor (who betrayed Dr. Frankenstein), are searching from the monster's whereabouts. Dracula also has a leash on the Wolf Man, which he uses to try and kill Princess Ana.

It's an interesting concept. All the monsters mix into the story well, as do Van Helsing who is practically in his environment. Yet the story lacks character development, and most of the little character development goes towards Van Helsing and his forgotten past (even though he never finds out about his past and the ending just leaves you hanging). Princess Ana is basically the female love interest for Van Helsing and she doesn't do that much fighting, despite her attempts to. Carl (David Wenham) is the comic relief, using the "Actually, I'm not a monk. I'm a friar" excuse to get away with swearing and to get a girl into bed. Princess Ana and Carl, along with the other characters in the movie, save Van Helsing, are all suffering from little development, so you don't become connected to the characters and the movie becomes . . . just a movie, not the action-packed careers-improving film that Stephen Summers hoped for.

In terms of music and CGI, fantastic. The technology in "Van Helsing" however is kind of out-of-date. It's the 1800s and Van Helsing is sporting an automatic crossbow that shoots metal bolts, as well as two hand-held buzz saws that also seem a little out-of-place in the world "Van Helsing" takes place in. There are also times where things are just awkward, such as when Van Helsing is protecting Ana from the three brides of Dracula, he can't seem to hit them with his crossbow on "automatic", but he hits his target when he switches to "single fire" and he seems to do it with relative ease. Then, there is the matter of the werewolf transformation to and from a human form. The Wolf Man literally rips off his own skin, exposing the alter ego underneath, but in a showdown against werewolf Van Helsing and Dracula, Van Helsing doesn't go through his phase one time and instead, just makes a quick transformation that is a bit out of the concept.

The acting is well done, but it is clear that Kate Beckinsale is struggling to get her career back on the right foot. After "Pearl Harbor", she went into whatever movies looked like they would please the audience, therefore get big bucks in the process. That hasn't been doing so well. She either starred in pure flobs, "Underworld" and "Underworld: Evolution", or movies that just didn't make it to the top 5 in Box Office, "Click" and "Vacancy". Her role in this movie stands out because she is the only actress that looks as though she isn't fully into character and is just going by whatever script in going through her head. She also has the fakest crying I have ever seen. Plus, Kate just can't seem to have her expression change much, a problem faced in the two "Underworld" movies, and even when a werewolf is stalking her, she acts calm and emotionless, because everyone knows there is nothing frightening about being hunted by a 7-foot-tall Wolf Man. Hugh Jackman, as well as the other actors and actresses, are all perfect in their roles, even though those roles still fall a bit short in spots.

"Van Helsing" was tailed by "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen", then "Hellboy" and after the downpour of other box office movies that came after it, it was quickly left in the dirt and just couldn't seem to get Stephen Summers' career out of the werewolf poop. Try again, Stephen.

"The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" came out around the time of "Van Helsing", which seemed like they were also wanting to bring back all the classic horror movie characters to the big screen, buuuut . . . in LEG's case, it doesn't work as well as it should.

You are introduced to Alan Quartermain, a man who was once some kind of great agent in the UK, until he turned his back on them after the dead of his son, but his 'retirement' doesn't last as long as he wanted, because an agent, sent by the Queen, goes to Alan, who is lounging in Africa, and tells him about "Fantom", a masked terrorist who wants to take over the world with 'futuristic' weapons, like tanks, for example. Well, Alan joins the hunt for Fantom after an unplanned invitation from Fantom's minions.

Alan is summoned to "M", who announces that he is now part of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, who consists of Mina Harker (who has been changed into a vampire by Dracula, therefore going against the original ending in Bram Stoker's novel), Captain Nemo (from "Moby Dick), Rodney Skinner (a thief who accidentally stumbled upon the stuff that made the Invisible Man invisible), and shortly after, Tom Sawyer himself (but how a fence-painting, river-boating boy from Missouri end up with a gun and the U.S. government, I don't know.) After introductions, we are then introduced to two more "gentlemen" who are recommended to join the League: Dr. Jekyll and Dorian Grey. After another uninvited visit from Fantom and his crew, the LEG set off to stop him from taking over the world, though there is a point of betrayal and even a son/father relationship that builds between Alan and Tom Sawyer.

But the LEG is made up of people who resemble horror movie characters, or the low runners from the classic horror movies. When they thought about Mina Harker, I think they thought originally of Dracula, but when Van Helsing took that idea, they decided to alter the ending to Bram Stoker's book to make a character that didn't appease to most Dracula fans, me included. You have Captain Nemo, who is the builder of the first submarine/cruise-liner and the automobile, defiling the history text books. Skinner is an okay character, but he doesn't have much of a role and it's sort of disappointing, especially when the director thought his finishing line for killing someone should be "Night night!" Tom Sawyer is another decent character, but when you notice he fancies Mina, you just roll your eyes because of how stupid the idea is. I also am confused as to how he went from a Missouri troublemaker to some 'secret' agent of the government, oh well.

Dr. Jekyll, who lets Hyde do all the hard work, is actually another disappointment, because they, first off, make a big and bulky Mr. Hyde like in Van Helsing, but they gave him some characteristics of an ape, like his shriek and just his general movements. Also, Hyde is supposed to be the pure EVIL side of Jekyll, so why is he agreeing to save the world? Dr. Jekyll is, of course, the weak and nearly-worthless addition to the League and he won't shut up about being afraid of Mr. Hyde going on a rampage, when it is clear that Hyde is on the good side and doesn't seem that dangerous. Finally, you have Dorian Grey, the immortal with the aging self portrait that, when gazed upon, will reverse the affect, thus killing him, joins the League because he wants to overcome some personal 'demons'.

The acting in the movie is okay, though Dorian doesn't seem like the sly-as-a-wolf guy, more like a Aristocratic jerk, and I also noticed that Mina seems too calm at times and when she tries to act tough, like when she shouts "Save your bullets! These men are mine!", I actually laughed at how desperate the actress was when trying to pull off a scary voice. Skinner is fun and Sean Connery, being the expert actor and all, is probably the best performance, though it appears that the experienced actor is surrounded by newbies at times.

The plot? Okay, but will they stop with whole "love interest" thing that is going on with Tom Sawyer and Dr. Jekyll, who want to get in Mina's pants, because it just a little too out-of-place when it comes to characterizations. I think the reason Sean Connery wanted to be in this movie, because it looks a lot like a 007 movie meeting horror movie classics. You have the masked, fur-coat-with-cane villain who is a genius and wants to take over the world, and you have the experienced agent who wants to stop him. I think he should have stuck to memories of "From Russia with Love".

In terms of special effects, acting, and the script, I'd give the movie a C-, because there is very little special effects (and the effects that are there are pretty lousy), the acting seems a little low-graded when you see how much more-of-an-actor Sean Connery is when compared with the 'newbies', and with the "Mina being the love interest of three gentlemen" and the clique plot twist that I don't want to give away. Van Helsing wasn't that good of a movie, but it looks a little like "Return of the King" to "Alone in the Dark", when compared with "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen".

"Underworld" was made for the soul purpose of turning two icons of the horror genre, werewolves and vampires, and throw them into the action genre, along with some lousy special effects (which there are VERY few) and even worse script. Here's my take on the "Swing-and-a-miss" attempt to turn horror-movie creatures into action-movie stars.

Underworld's main character is the very 'robotic' vampire woman, Selene, played by Kate Beckinsale. Selene has been hunting werewolves (or Lycans, which is the director's 'clever' name for them, taken from a deformity in the mind that makes the person think they turn into a wolf, but anyway) and she is also on a lot of stress from her commander, Kraven, and some blonde vampire that wants to be her. One night, during an assignment, Selene discovers the Lycans (*cringe*) are looking for the "direct descendant" of their elder, Alexander Corvinus. But (uh oh!) Selene, seeking help, awakens one of the vampire elders, Viktor, to aid her and her kin in the stopping of this plot (which for some reason, she seem to know exactly where the Lycans (*cringe*) are going and what they're planning). Viktor gets angry. Apparently, the other elder, Marcus, is supposed to be awake to rule and not him, but he quickly forgives Selene for waking him up many centuries early when he hears how the Lycan (*cringe*) leader, Lucian (who was thought to be dead), is still alive and well and is leading the Lycans (*cringe*) to their plan.

In the meantime, we are introduced to Michael, the unfortunate human who happens to be the Lycans' target and while he is trying to escape from Selene, who isn't good at introductions, and the werewolves chasing him, he runs into Lucian, who bites him, and everyone knows that werewolf theory, if you're bitten by a werewolf, you become one, and that is exactly what starts to happen. Then, the action takes a long break until the ending conflict. In this time, it's all talk talk! DISCOVERY!!! Talk talk talk talk talk. Plot twist!!! Talk talk talk talk! Then, big showdown, and the movie ends as a cliffhanger to the much (MUCH) better, Underworld: Evolution.

During all the boring 'explaining the obvious' scenes, you are just sitting there, waiting for the action to start up, but it doesn't. By then, you'll probably turn off the movie, since the characters just becomes so lousy, especially the emotionless Selene, that you don't even care if the vampires win or not.

The movie is also plagued by bad planning. This is revealed in the Special Features. Apparently, the director and producer got this bonehead idea to make the werewolves look more and feel more like CATS. Do they even know what a werewolf is? What's worse, is that the director spent more money on the really cheap-looking werewolf suits then on the special effects. Maybe the director didn't get the idea that CGI gets more attention from the audience, so don't make so many horrible costumes and put some dough into the special effects so the werewolves feel realistic.

The vampires aren't any better. Kraven, their leader, seems to have more of a temper than brains. The whole time, it appears that he lets Selene do all the planning, research, and grunt work, while he kicks back and drinks blood from a juice box. The vampires look and feel more like aristocrats than werewolf hunters. The movie tries to explain this off, by making Selene say that most of their "deathdealers" (hunters, basically) have died, and Kraven doesn't worry at all about the fact that a legion of werewolves are out there and he has only one Deathdealer, and numerous soldiers who are so dumb that most of their deaths are from sneak attacks from werewolves.

A movie about a centuries-old war between vampires and werewolves sounds like a very good movie that deserves to be at the top list of best planned movie, but the director can't pull it off and spent more time, probably, ordering Krispy Kremes for the studio than on the quality of script, the actors, and special effects. Ugh! I think my lunch almost came out from remembering this trash. Don't go buy it (HURK!), don't rent it (HURK!!), get the second one. (BLAAAGH!!!)

Someone told me a long time ago that "Van Helsing" and "Hellboy" were in the same level of quality, saying they "both sucked". Well, that's a filthy lie. What you have here is a movie (based on a popular comic book of the same name) that does EVERYTHING that it seems "Van Helsing" slipped on. Don't get me wrong; I liked "Van Helsing", but let's face it, it wasn't the best movie ever and it lacked a lot of character development and an ending that was a bit of a cliffhanger (because you never find out what Van Helsing's past is), but "Hellboy" is another story.

The movie starts off during the end of WWII. It appears that Nazis have been meddling in something that Paranormal Specialist Dr. Broom doesn't like too much, dark magic. With the help of the notorious Resputin, along with some unnamed woman with a sledgehammer and, despite him being a Nazi, my favorite assassin, Alex Kronen, the blade-wielding gas-masked bad boy that you meet in the early part of the movie. In an attempt to awaken the seven gods of chaos, Resputin's plan is foiled by American soldiers, who are aided by Dr. Broom. After a cool looking gun fight, the portal that was built to reach the seven gods is destroyed, along with Resputin. However, the portal was open for too long and Dr. Broom warns the American general "something may have gotten out." Which leads to the discovery of a certain red 'ape' with the world's largest whammer (for you sick-minds out there, I mean he has a large fist made of stone) and is quickly adopted by the Americans, after given the name Hellboy.

Then the movie sets off, and that is when more of the fun begins. Hellboy, now about 60, (but looks just out of his 20's since he doesn't age as fast as we do) is the monster-hunting character that Stephen Summers wanted Van Helsing to be. Hellboy is a lord of wisecracking and doesn't really take things seriously, and he also has the coolest gun in the world, the Simaritan, a revolver that shoots "big bullets".

The acting in the movie is very well done. Hellboy's character is realistic and believable, since you can't help but love his sarcasm, such as discovering a egg-like parasite on his arm and when Agent Myers asks "What is that thing?", Hellboy puts the parasite in his lap and replies "I'll go ask." Then there's the smart guy that makes up for whatever Hellboy lacks in intelligence and knowledge, the "fish guy" Abe Sapien, who, by touching any object, can see its past and future. Finally, you have Hellboy's ex-girlfriend and still-love-interest, Liz, who is a pyrokinesis who is trying hard to control her fiery powers, and is scarred from a childhood memory of when she killed many people in one of her "outbursts", which means her fire lets off a big explosion, killing everyone and everything around her at quite a distance, without harming her.

The villains are also very convincing and though there is some acting quality lacking in Sledgehammer Girl (I didn't catch her name), she has little lines and doesn't have much screen time, unlike the very creepy and just-as-deadly Alex Kronen who has been made into something of an immortal, due to his surgical addiction (he's like a killing, cool version of Michael Jackson, except Jackson's blood isn't dust and can't increase his adrenaline by cranking a dial on his chest).

The action scenes are also very fun to watch, and never go out of quality like "Van Helsing" sometimes did. This is done by not a lot of shooting or explosions or people running in circles screaming like in "Van Helsing", but is done by clever dialogue, Hellboy's constant wisecracking, and some awesome special effects . . . along with a lot of shooting.

"Hellboy" is a highly over-looked (and sometimes, under-rated) movie that makes us remember how "Van Helsing" lacked in character development and high-quality action scenes. While "Van Helsing" has its big mean monsters, which outnumber the amount of monsters in "Hellboy","Hellboy" gives us the experience Stephen Summers wanted "Van Helsing" to provide, along with some extra wisecracking and a little more attitude. "Hellboy" is a must-buy for fans of the comic or just about anyone who likes special effects and clever script-writing.

I never saw the original, but I watched about an hour's worth of Lake Placid 2 and I have to say, it SUCKED! The story is basically the same as every other giant water monster movie: numerous deaths that happen around the lake, town panics, the sheriff goes in with a bunch of guys to take out whatever is causing them. Let's not forgot the 5 idiotic teenagers that have a run-in with the movie's giant crocodile.

Let me get this off my back. Sci Fi Original movies are known for their suckiness, but in this case, it's more painful to hear the script, then was in "Minotaur". The sheriff is a complete idiot who is supposed to be the protagonist who seems to be so stupid that he acts casual even when he sees a giant crocodile eat a live man. The acting is so horrible and the script is just barely at the level of "Uwe Boll" quality. After the first death, you are introduced to a team of hunters who are hoping to get a little moolah for the creature that killed some fat guy in the beginning of the movie. The leader of this team has the WORST Scotish accent I have ever heard and hearing him and the Sheriff chat about guns and whether or not the lead female, Emma, likes him the most is so painful to hear that you just scream "SHUT UP!!!" at your TV. It is just surprising for me to see how unaffected a bunch of morons are when facing a giant reptile and how casual they act even when someone was just eaten.

Then, there are the most annoying actors and actresses in the whole movie, even worse than the sheriff's acting. The sheriff's son who is there to visit his dad and is pretty bummed out of the fact that there isn't any cable, high-speed Internet, or cell phone reception located in the middle of hick country. Then, somehow, he gets involved with some girl, who he fancies, a guy in a tight white t-shirt who, I guess, is her boyfriend or something, a Paris-Hilton copy, and the drooling slob who wants to get in the Paris-Hilton copy's pants.

These teenagers are not only bad acting, but they are DEAF! There are two examples of this: One is when Paris Hilton dies. While Slob, or Larry, is swimming around in the lake, somehow, a 20-foot-long croc is able to sneak past him and up to Paris' feet and she says "Larry, you pervert, get away from my feet." And gets eaten and you are happy that she is dead because that means that 10% of the bad script has been cut off from your ears (if they aren't bleeding already). The second example is when the sheriff's son, the girl he likes, and the girl's 'boyfriend' find a crocodile's nest and (of course) the retarded boyfriend starts crushing eggs, making a bad joke like "I know what kind of egg this is. Scrambled." Then, the mom croc comes back and gives that "Oh no you didn't" impression and comes up behind the boyfriend, snarling and breathing loudly and even when the girl says "There's a giant crocodile behind you!", he thinks it's a joke and still doesn't appear to hear the croc that is about 3 feet from him! He dies, thank God, and then, (even though when she said "There's a giant crocodile behind you!", the girl runs into the forest with the son and asks him "What was that thing?" and the son replies "I don't know, but I bet it is what laid those eggs!" That's when I turned off my TV and got onto my computer to warn you all about this horrible movie.

I am usually VERY generous toward so-good-they're-bad movies, but in this case, if someone who has seen "House of the Dead" and "Bloodrayne" from start-to-finish actually turns off the TV after watching an hour of "Lake Placid 2", you know you have a problem. Though it is clear that very few people will buy this movie, I don't recommend renting it and if you see it re-running on Sci Fi, turn the channel QUICKLY! Unlike "House of the Dead", it isn't a bad movie that is funny to watch because of how much effort was put into it, it's just an all-out bad movie that Sci Fi can add to their quite long "Flops" list.

I didn't really know who Ghost Rider was. I knew he was from Marvel, but I just didn't recognize him, so after researching him on Wikipedia, I grew to like the story and I wanted my dad and me to go and see it.

After the awesome opening movie with the story of the Ghost Rider, you are introduced to Johnny Blaze, who starts out as a teenager who signs away his soul to save his father from cancer. Unfortunately, the Devil decides to play dirty and makes his father die in a 'freak' motorcycle accident. After breaking the heart of his girlfriend and leaving his dreams behind, we find Johnny several years later, all grown up and is a professional motorcycle stunts man. After spending more than 20 minutes of the movie showing Johnny going after his old girlfriend, Roxanne, you are finally given the point to the movie.

Mephisto's (the Devil) son has broken free from Hell and now wants his own kingdom. Unfortunately, it's on Earth. The Devil then calls upon his bounty hunter, Ghost Rider (aka. Johnny) and in one of my favorite introductions, you are given Mr. Flamey Skull! Yay! Fight fight fight! Awesome special effects! Annnnnd . . . Johnny turns back to normal.

This is the biggest flaw in the movie: the fact that the scenes when Johnny is human become SO boring! I was sitting there, ready to shout "Shut the heck up and get back to Ghost Rider!" It's like mixing a soap opera with a Spawn movie. The reason why the human scenes are so lousy is because there is hardly anything going on during these times that add to the plot. Only the fight scenes and parts with Ghost Rider actually drive (no pun intended) the story forward.

There is no possible way, in Hell or Earth, that "Ghost Rider" will live up to becoming as famous as "Spider Man", "Spider Man 2", and the obvious block buster hit "Spider Man 3". It is a tad better than "Daredevil" in forms of special effects and action scenes, but is also down near "Hulk" territory because of the boring human script. Only when Ghost Rider is out on the field that you will begin to eat your popcorn in excitement and then, you get to take a nice nap afterwards and wake back up to see more cool special effects. People would just eat up CG effects will go nuts for this movie, but are probably looking forward to having that gourmet meal that is "Spider Man 3". Anyone who just wants to see another Marvel movie, give it a try and give it your own opinion.

House of the Dead, directed by the world's worst director Uwe Boll, was constantly being told to have been made based on Sega's hit game. Well . . . that is a dirty lie! This movie is a disgrace to nearly everything that calls itself a motion picture.

Let me get this off my back. The plot has nothing to do with the game in any way, except for the fact that there's zombies in it. Here is the story: A group of friends are dying to go to a rave that is on an island whose name is Spanish for "death". Why people are having a party on a island named "death" is beyond me. With the help of the movie's ONLY good character, a smuggler named Captain Kirk (the stupid Star Trek joke is in the movie), the teens are able to get to this great rave, but realize that something is terribly wrong. Everyone is gone and the whole rave site is abandoned. Instead of searching for their missing friends, the teens hang out and start to have the time of their lives. Then, suddenly, after leaving one of the teenage girls (the stupid, horny blond girl) alone in a tent, she comes back, but snaps the neck of one of some survivors they discovered. That is where the plot tries to bring in the horror part of the movie. Soon, the teens, along with a cop who is missing her partner and good old' Kirk, are fighting for their lives against a horde of flesh-hungry zombies.

The movie has the worst acting I have ever seen, save Kirk. An example of this is right after an action-filled scene where the team ends up dragging Kirk into a house with a zombie chewing on his leg. Of course, they put a bullet in its head and kill it. After that part, you can clearly see the actor for the zombie actually SHIFTING into a more comfortable laying position by placing his arm on his stomach, all of this is done while the camera is rolling and while Boll didn't cut this scene out is probably because he is the biggest idiot on the face of the Earth. It's really that bad.

You have the clique teenagers. You have the dumb blond, the dumber pimp, the smart guy, the girl who has a crush on the smart guy, the crazy Asian girl who pulls off martial art moves on zombies in a certain part of the movie, and the hero and heroine. The cop is only there because the team needs some extra gunpowder and Kirk is there, because Uwe was expecting him to be just another casualty, but ends up being the only reason you watch the movie.

You may be saying "But there has to be some kind of way that the movie is attached to the game." This is only answered by 2-second long, graphically rendered clips from the first game that are put into some of the more action-filled portions of the movie. Other than those, the movie has nothing to do with the game.

The only reason I continue to watch this piece of trash is because it is fun to sit with my friends and laugh at how bad it is. The only time we were actually really interested was during a scene where the team must shoot their way through a horde of zombies to reach a small house, which was a poor attempt to tie the movie with the title "House of the Dead", when everyone knows that the 'house' is suppose to be a HUGE mansion where the first game takes place. This shooting scene is fun, because you see the unrealism of seeing teenagers turning into gun-wielding soldiers. The smart guy? He's duel wielding automatic pistols. The black girl with the crush? Sporting a shotgun. The Asian girl has her fun with stereotypes by kicking zombie butt with martial art moves.

In the end, House of the Dead is a complete waste. Keep it in your collection for size purposes, or for those days where you want to watch a really crappy horror movie with your friends so you can all have a cheerful laugh about how poorly directed and how poorly the movie did overall. House of the Dead tried to be the game, but only ended up becoming an abomination of the famous shooting-zombie-face franchise.

Class of 3000 was made for the soul reason of 'redefining' the way kids look at music. It tries so hard to do this, but the music produced by the show is either boring or annoying or both. The show is about Sunny Bridges, a world-famous singer that suddenly gives up his musical career since he is getting annoyed by fame's 'pleasures'. This alerts a music class that is made up of the most over-used, predictable and mostly just seem like rip-offs of Rugrat's All Grown Up. You have the 'leader' who sometimes makes bad decisions and that is what drives most of the episodes. You have the hyperactive Alabama girl who just won't shut up, especially with her high-pitched voice and annoying lines. There's the twins that don't get along at all *cough* Phil and Lil *cough cough*. You have the geek who has the predictable glasses, red curly hair, and talks a lot about technology. Then finally, there is the big, bully-like girl who has an admirer who takes the form of a rich boy, a rip-off of Richie Rich.

The music class isn't the only clichés found with Class of 3000. On the first episode, the show tries to make fun of musical groups, like the back-up singers always saying whatever Sunny says (which was used plenty of times in other, better, shows) and the Yes-man, the guy that says yes to everything (again, over-used, but used better in most shows).

If clichés don't throw you off, the crappy jokes and gags will. The first episode was ripe with jokes that couldn't even produce a chuckle. Sure, the show tries, but you may just let out a generosity chuckle, just to make you and the show feel better. These bad jokes are taken in the form of chickens singing, a dog with a ship and large plasma TV, and two government generals that don't know a thing about the military. We've seen a better version of these generals, which was produced by "Courage the Cowardly Dog" where the generals would decide what to do in a situation, while blasting, burning, shooting, breaking, and overall, wrecking havoc on each other in the process. Class of 3000 seemed to try and mimic this, but they forgot the fighting and even if they fought, they would have sucked as bad as the show.

I heard that many people thought this would be about the future, since it is called Class of 3000. When someone says, "Class of ..." after the "of" is usually the year so everyone thought it was 3000 AD in the show, but the show was named about the creator's nickname, which is 3000. This is done by poor planning, stupid thinking, and probably laziness.

As I mentioned before, the music in the show is pathetic. There are songs called "Throwing Down", "Go Away, Blob", and "Kim Kam Jam". There are numerous other songs, but I really don't care about them. In every 'music video' of these songs, they mess up the artwork to fit the song, such as Throwing Down is more bright and more energetic, Go Away Blob has more of a military/monster movie feel, and Kim Kam Jam revolves around the twin characters and what music they play. This would have been an OK idea, if the songs were good.

It seems impossible to place any of the songs into the music genres. They sure as hell ain't rock-and-roll, no rap (Thank god), and the genre that fits the songs, but still fails to identify is Techno. If Class of 3000 was trying to make a new genre or something, why don't they call it "Pathetic".

'Redefine the way we look at music', I agree with that, because after you hear the tunes of Class of 3000, all the music you have with you seem like an holy escape from this crappy, cliché-filled, and overall, just plain annoying cartoon.

After a generation of countless Disney movies, anyone would expect some lower company to try and beat Disney at his own game. So far, nothing's worked and this movie is a good example of this. The story is the beautiful princess, Odette, is kidnapped by a powerful sorcerer (a plot we have seen dozens of other times), but here is the twist. The bad guy puts a spell on her, making it so that she will always be a swan, unless she is on the lake when the moon's light is shining on it. Now, let me introduce the 'prince charming' of the story. Derek is the prince of another kingdom who blows the two kingdoms chances of being allies when he says the wrong words to their princess, but he is still in deep love for her and is looking for the creature known as the "Great Animal", who kills Odette's father. While Derek is searching for the identity of the Great Animal, Odette, as a swan, meets three characters definitely meant for small children. You have Jean Bob, the frog who thinks he is a prince, Speed, a turtle that sounds and feels way too close to Winnie the Pooh's Eeyore, and General Puffin, a puffin bird.

After the opening song "This is my Idea" which was the closest the movie got to being anywhere as good as Disney's orchestra, the movie seems to fall apart. Jean Bob has the fakest French accent I have ever heard and he is just annoying, rather than funny. Speed? Probably the only decent character in the story. General Puffin? It seems like he is just showing off for Odette, knowing she is a princess, and the methods of helping her just become too childish and too immature for any audience to really care for the story.

The Swan Princess is stuffed with songs, all of which sounds either horrible, or just plain idiotic, like the sorcerer's song "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and "Princesses on Parade". Every song makes you wonder why they put in the song, and after hearing 3 of these pathetic tunes, you just want to go and spend your day elsewhere.

The story is also packed full of clichés. It would have been easy to simply avoid these, but for some reason, the director couldn't. The whole "princess being kidnapped, and prince rushing to save her" sounds like a dozen of Disney's movies, and the characters in the Swan Princess aren't any different. You have innocent, little Odette who has a terrible curse on her (*cough* Sleeping Beauty *cough**cough*), the fair, defeats-all prince, and the three child-friendly characters. Also, here's a surprise! Well, not really. The bad guy is actually the Great Animal!? What other movies have villains that change into awesome creatures? "Aladdin", "Sleeping Beauty", and probably many more other movies that I am too tired to think of right now. And what a surprise also. The 'Great' powerful Animal is killed in ONE HIT! Again, WAAAY over-used.

If you are looking for a decent family movie for kids to leave you alone until half way through, this could be that movie. But if you have a chair that has a leg that is smaller than the others, The Swan Princess is definitely more efficient than some cardboard. Honestly, The Swan Princess is a movie that feels far too much like a would-be Disney clone and has too many clichés for me to actually recommend it.

I loved the X-Men movies, especially the second one, but then, the switch-of-directors WAS THE WORST MISTAKE! Here is the story: The humans have discovered an 'antidote' that eliminates the mutant gene and makes a mutant into a normal person. After hearing this, Magneto gathers his troops in order to destroy the source of the cure and the X-Men are there to stop him.

The movie shows off numerous special effects that are only there as a cheap way to drive your senses from how plot less and how fan-disappointing this movie is. Mystique? Hardly makes an appearance. Angel? Appears only 3 short scenes in the movie. Juggernaut? Horribly done and really disappointed the fact that he has a DOME head and is about 7 feet tall, maybe more! Something that I know that fans everywhere have been waiting for is that Pyro-VS.-Iceman battle. Too bad it leaves everyone extremely unsatisfied and angry. The plot? None to speak of. There was a noticeable struggle when the director couldn't decide to make up his mind whether Magneto or Pheonix was the villain and as a result, made a really crappy movie.

The only reasons to see this movie is because Wolverine is still as bad ass as he was and . . . what's this? That's the only reason I can think of? There's a problem! The movie promised appearances by the Juggernaut, Beast, and Angel, as well as a enhanced role for Colossus. The director, though, seems to be overwhelmed by the pressure and the promises and delivers the horrifying bad conclusion to the X-Men movies.

On a more positive side, many of the actors are back to make their roles a little more popular, even though Cyclops only made a brief appearance since he didn't even want to do the movie in the first place in order to go for the "Superman Returns" movie, but he had a contract saying that he had to be in 3 X-Men movies. Clearly, you can tell by the actor's greatly depleted amount of good acting that he just wants his paycheck and then, get the hell out of the studio. Personally, I wouldn't blame him. I would give the same advice to the rest of the cast.

Also, the special effects are well done, as well as some of the dialogue, which is somewhat believable, but on the other hand, you can probably tell the actors are clearly bored of the movie and are just going for the money. In the end, I think this movie is highly over-rated and in my opinion, X-Men: The Last Stand thankfully is the last stand.