doyoulikeschlong

IMDb member since December 2006
    Lifetime Total
    10+
    Lifetime Filmo
    1+
    IMDb Member
    17 years

Reviews

Verano rojo
(2017)

Pig mask maniac
If you don't like films that are dubbed in English, then give this one a pass. The build up is a little bit longer then in most demented killer movies, but it is well worth the wait. The only thing this film is lacking is nudity, there are ample opportunities. This one has similar elements to other films where the college kids are on a spring break, only to find that there are evil forces out there looking to do them harm. The guy that runs the Bodega is very very funny. The twisted people are good at acting, the spring breakers are not. I don't see them appearing in anything else but horror films.

Preacherman
(1971)

Spectacular Masterpiece
The preacherman is a genius. He has a way with women that is undeniably perfect. The dialog is on the level of Lum and Abner, yet very Shakespearean in sound. There are also some nice breasts in this film, that help with the sensual scenes in the film. Albert T. Viola was a comedy master, he made too few films, should have made more.

Avalanche
(1994)

Nice Cinematography at times, and that is all
Short, obviously cheaply made family film, about some snow storm causing harm to a small village in the Swiss Alps. No intense action or drama. Silly comedy scenes that are not funny, and some cheap Godzilla like miniatures that a child can point out as being fake. This had to have been an accompanying feature for a longer film. The music score is bland, and the children's lines seem to be dubbed by adults pretending to be children. I give it a 4/10 for the times when the scenery is nice, and for the animals, other than that do not expect much at all from this film. The plane sequences are OK. It has just been released on DVD in the USA.

Lupo
(1970)

Great Family Comedy
Yehuda Barkan is very funny in this light whimsical family film made in Israel. This was his first film, and he is still working today. The interplay between Lupo and the other characters is downright hilarious.The 70's cinematography is great, and I love the soundtrack. I am surprised that hardly anyone has ever heard of this film. It was directed by Meehan Golan of Cannon films. This film was on VHS in the 1980's from MGM/UA, but I don't think it was ever on DVD. If you see this film on TV or in a library, or a bin at the Salvation Army, do yourself a favor and give it a look over. I think you will enjoy it. ****

Island Trader
(1982)

EL stinko
This movie is soooo bad it made me want to cry. The bad guys are a joke. The good guys are a joke. The children's acting is better than the adults in the film, you can tell by the expression on the children's face, that they too thought they were in a piece of trash. This was a TV movie, and many TV movies are good, but they must have been at a loss for material here. The Cook Islands look attractive here, but that is about it. This is a great film to put on if you want to torture someone, otherwise its is 95 minutes of your life lost. I found the VHS tape in an old video store that was on its way out. I should have kept it there, can't even sell this turd on Ebay.

Guru, the Mad Monk
(1970)

An underrated masterpiece
One of the most spectacular period pieces ever made, lavish costumes, at sets, or shall I say set. Beautiful color and sound, a sight to see. 1485 never looked better. Superb acting, and dialog. Neil Flanagan gives an Oscar worth performance as father Guru. Jacqueline Webb as Olga was super evil, it scared the pants off me, and I don't scare easy. I felt bad for Igor, I knew he really did not want to be a bad guy, but he felt father Guru was his only friend, so he listened to everything he said. This film deserves to play at film festivals all over. The late Andy Milligan was a genius. I hope this gets re released with special features including a featurette and commentary.

The Bloody Ape
(1997)

Sheer brilliance
This film has something for everyone, comedy, gore, and big breasted girls. The director of this film should have been nominated for an Oscar, along with the ape. Shot in a grainy 8 mm format, this film is a prime example that great films can be made on a low budget, or even no budget. The scene where the ape has sex with the big breasted girl is hilarious and beautifully shot. All the actors are extremely talented playing more than one part. The carnival scenes are great. This film was inspired by Edgar Allen Poe's "Murders in the Rue Morgue" Mr Poe would like this film and be very proud how it is interpreted on film. I would like to see this film director at the next Hampton s International Film Festival. This would definitely be a crowd pleaser. ************

Albert Nobbs
(2011)

Mrs. Doubtfire in the 19th century
This is a strange and bizarre film. It is sad and extremely depressing. Brenda Fricker is very good as the hotel concierge, as well as Brenden Gleeson as the doctor. The story was really bad. The servant who fell on the steps should have sued Fricker, if not he should have punched the nasty rich guy in the face. Glenn Closes make up looks like Mrs. Doubtfire. When I saw the first trailer, I thought it was Robin Williams. There are many laughably bad scenes in this film. This film might have been better if the film makers were purposely trying to make a campy film. The scenery however is quite well done, the photography and set design capturing the 1890's of Dubblin is superb. Oscars for photography, set, and costumes, but that is about it.

Jesus Was a Commie
(2011)

Jesus is not a commie!
Saw this film at the Hampton Film Festival. It seems like propaganda for communism. As a Christian, it is my understanding that Jesus kindly asked people to give their treasure to the poor, not force them. The film makers compare Jesus to Stalin and Mao, though they claim that Stalin and Mao's form of communism did not work due to the fact that they were evil and corrupt. The form of communism they claim will work is socialism, which has failed in many countries around the world. This film should not be shown in schools. The narrator/ actor, Matthew Modine conducted a Q/A after the film. It seemed that the tone of the conversation geared toward communism, since the general belief was that capitalism has failed. I highly disagree with that that point, completely. * Bad

Deathrow Gameshow
(1987)

One of the greatest comedies ever on the top ten list
This movie is extremely funny. You can watch it tons of times over and over again and still laugh. It is included in the Mill Creek DVD box set, that has classic campy films from "Crown International Pictures," Don Papalardo is hilarious, the same actor plays Luigi's mother. Inmates from prison are sent to compete on a crazy game show. They are all technically sentenced to death, so it does not matter if they die on the game show. Lots of T and A. The loony guy that wants to get on the game show is a riot. Don't miss this classic 1980's masterpiece. I would love to see it shown on turner Classic Movies. I give this movie ten out of ten stars.

Disco Godfather
(1979)

What, No Oscar Nominations, Unbelievable
"He's the Godfather of the disco," the words of the tune that keep playing in this film. There is funky disco, butt kicking awesome action. Rudy Ray Moore is truly one of the great poets of the 20th century, as well as a great actor. This film should be shown in schools around the world. It is full of laughter, shocks, and intense fine acting. Its strong anti PCP message is truly a winner. The supporting cast is great too. I like this film better than "Dolemite," I have seen this movie at least 10 times over the years, and love the disco dancing scenes, the are wonderfully choreographed, and well acted. A **** feast for the eyes. Don't miss it.

Stigma
(1972)

Brilliant masterpiece of 1970's cinema
Phillip Michael Thomas is superb as a doctor trying to stop the outbreak of a major epidemic. The fight scenes are great, the prostitutes are hilarious, as well as the sheriff. The actor playing the deranged lighthouse keeper is absolutely stunning. His portray was absolutely Oscar worthy (supporting). The death scene on the lighthouse was well played. I would have focused more on the sheriff's slutty daughter, however not every screenplay can be perfect. This is a great film to watch on a Sunday afternoon. The DVD print is a bit scratched, however legible. I give this film ***** this film should be studied in film school. Bravo

Za karate 3: Denkô sekka
(1975)

Bronson Lee is a masterpiece
Bronson Lee is the most superb martial arts film I have ever seen. When Bronson tells the young lady about his grandmother, I was touched, I thought I would just cry. Bronson is determined to carry his mission through. Will he succeed? Find out. The chicken noodle soup part is hilarious. I will definitely not give away the plot, magnificently written. This film should have been nominated for best foreign film. Why it is not on DVD I have no idea. You might still be able to find it on video from Warner Brothers. Great action, great comedy, spectacular special effects, and great acting make this film one not to miss. This film gets ****

The A-Team
(2010)

Absolute garbage
This film is so bad it makes me want to watch paint dry. The cast is terrible. Murdock is not funny, Face is not witty, and BA is not at all bad enough. The interplay between Murdock and BA, that was a great comedy portion of the show is not in this lousy film. Liam Nesson, who is usually an excellent actor makes the worst Captain John Hannibal Smith, he is certainly no George Peppard. The plot of this film is terrible, and boring. It made me wish that George Peppard would come back from the dead and B**** Slap, the director, writer, and film company for making this dog poo. Another great TV show is rapped murdered and buried.

Night Patrol
(1984)

Jackie Kong's masterpiece, absolute Hilarity
This is one of those classic funny comedies from the 1980's. This film has everything comedy, action, and romance. One of my most favorite characters is "Tony Baroni" played by Andrew Dice Clay. Baroni wants to desperately become a comic, but can not. He is believed to be "not funny," so he dons a paper bag, and tries to act like the "unknown comic, " still no cigar. Billy Barty's excessive farting is superb. I did not know that any human being could fart for such a long length of time. Pat Morita as a rape victim with a dubbed voice is priceless. I am surprised that there were no special features on the DVD. Pat Paulsen should also be mentioned, he was funny on "The Smothers Brothers" show, and he is crazy funny here. Cheers for the unknown comic, and his bags of zany jokes. A 10/10

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane
(1990)

Ford is great, Dice Does it again
This is a great early 90's comedy. The "Dice Man" is downright hilarious. This film is funny from start to finish. Ed O' Neil should have really recorded a song called "Booty Time" because his rendition of it is priceless. This would have been a top to radio hit in the 70's. Robert Englund looks like he can be a stunt double for Rob Halford of Juddas Priest Fame. He is great in this film as always. Wayne Newton should have been given an Academy Award for best supporting actor back in 90. His performance is absolutely brilliant, comparable to Steven Bauer in "Wild Side". I give this film the highest rating ****

Wacko
(1982)

My favorite film of all time, Schlongini is the greatest
This has to be one of the truly greatest comedic films ever made. Andrew Dice Clay turns out possibly the greatest performance ever in a comedy film. His portrayal of Tony Schlongini AKA "The Schlong", is priceless. One has to see this film to believe that anyone can act this superbly. Joe Don Baker is funny as the detective looking for the crazed Halloween killer. George Kennedy is marvelous, I love it when he "mows the Lawn". The music is pretty cool, I wonder if there is a soundtrack album. I must also add that the character of "Harry Palms" is also a scream. Where is the region 1 DVD? We have been waiting long enough.

Babes Illustrated 5
(1996)

Awesome film
This is a late 20th century classic art film of epic proportions. It stars the great, superbly figured Felicia in one of her most magnificent roles. The girl on girl action is simply spectacular. The camera angles and photography are examples of sheer brilliance. Mr Enright is a cinematic genius. I must add before concluding that the ladies are quite beautiful, Shyla Foxx and Kaitlyn Ashley turn out stellar performances. The scene with the jelly phallus is phenomenal. The ladies in this film possess some of the best, firm breasts that have ever been on the big screen. I give this film the highest rating ****

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